Friday, September 17, 2010
Last night I headed to the gym, a little tired but focused on the task ahead of me. The last four step classes I ditched to do some other type of workout so I was focused on step. I was going to nail that routine!
I was surprised to find when I arrived the instructor was setting up the room a bit differently so I stood back and watched for a moment. Then she announced it ... "No step class tonight, we're going to do boot camp." All I could do was smile!
Before last night I had never attended a boot camp so I was excited, my body was full of energy. This boot camp incorporated the steps we use in step class, an open floor area, mats and weights. We cycled through it all for an hour and I was loving every minute. Okay, maybe I wasn't loving 25 push ups or ALL the drills on the steps but I was pumped up.
At the end the instructor asked how it was for everyone. I smiled and responded, "When do we get to do it again?"
I was hot, sticky, sweaty mess at the end of that hour and I was on a high when I walked home. Today some of my muscles are cranky but I still ask, "When do I get to do it again!?"
Thursday, September 16, 2010
My Baby Steps in recovery.
First step, stop with the scale already!
I refused to get on my scale this morning, REFUSED! I realized earlier this week that I've been getting on her everyday for the last few weeks ... that's a no no in my world, it's a mental thing. My mood is severely altered by the number she flashes - I know this and I know better. To stop the madness today I went straight to the kitchen to take my supplements with two glasses of water. The first round of supplements require I take them 20 minutes before I eat. I won't get on the scale after drinking two glasses of water - again, it's a mental thing.
Second step, believe the people!
In the past two weeks I've had this question asked by two different men: "Are you SURE you aren't losing weight? It looks like you are." My step gets a pep when I take in this feed back. If my male friends are noticing and voicing it something has to be happening.
Plus, as I stood in all my glory last night the Mr couldn't help but blurt out, "You are getting skinny!"
In general, the men in my life say it how it is without the candy coating. I appreciate their honesty and their ability to just put it out there.
Third step, give credit!
I work my tail off, either in or out of the gym. I walk. I run. I use the elliptical. I go to step class. I ride my bike. I eat healthy. I stay away from my no no foods. I smile. I giggle. I work two jobs. I don't pretend to be who I am not. I allow myself mistakes and missteps. I am me.
I need to give myself credit for all I do and for all I am.
Fourth step, believe!
I need to believe in the process. I need to believe in my body and that it will change. I need to believe that all my hard work is worth every tear drop, every sweat drop, every minute, every dollar.
I need to believe that all the baby steps I'm taking now will land me at the finish line, MY finish line.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Ever write a long blog and then just sigh and hit delete? Yup, did that today!
My short version is below:
I heard back from Doc and he let me know that I'm basically still in the fix and repair stage. My metabolism has yet to recover. Apparently, it was that damaged. Once my metabolism is "reset" my hard work will be further rewarded on the scale and tape measure. I look forward to it!
I have another test to take which will tell Doc if we need to tweak the program or not. I hope to have the money for the test soon, insurance won't pay for it. Doc also suggested another supplement - liquid iodine to help jump start the weight loss.
It's hard to be patient about this process because I'm doing all the right things now and I still have to wait. I don't know when I'll be finished with the fix and repair stage so Doc will have to put up with my mini breakdowns.
I'll consult again with Doc after the test results are in. So it continues!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I love food and I love good food made well. I love to cook food. I love to experience new foods. I love fresh ingredients.
While out exploring the Mr and I stumbled upon this place, I was immediately excited!
I had a guilt free, gluten/wheat free sandwich made with tostones.
When I received my food I immediately wanted to go strap on an apron and go "help" the chef. I wanted to know all the tricks! Before we finished I was already plotting our return. The food was fabulous and didn't bog us down, rather it fueled us.
Research and learning how to make the Tostones has already begun!
Yup, I love food!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Today was beyond frustrating and it started out with the scale. Yup, the scale scoffed at me and then coughed up a number this morning that was eye popping. I was immediately frustrated and went to the dark place in the recesses of my mind. I stayed there - remembering the familiar feel of the darkness.
Am I feeling sorry for myself? YUP
Am I frustrated? YUP
Before today, did I feel like the mind games and landmines were over? YUP
Was I wrong - about it all? YUP
As I allowed my mind to sit in the darkness I mentally wrote an email to Doc telling him how I was feeling at that moment. Did I want to scream and shout - you predicted something different and I listened - YUP!
Before I could log into my email account my boss engaged me in conversation and then asked, "Are you losing weight, again?" I smiled an evil smile and bit back, "Does it look like it, because the scale and tape measure sure are telling me a different story?" He looked me up and down and said, "yeah, it does look like it." I thanked him.
Humph! I ended up writing that email (and sending it) to Doc later today. It was a kinder, gentler version of what I wanted to say this morning but all points were made.
I am tired of doing the "right" thing, eating the "right" food, working my tail off for little if any result. I'm tired of promises made by professionals and the results fall short. I'm doing my part so when do I see the results.
The scale tips in one direction and then the other, the tape measure shows no love and my clothes fit the same. It doesn't seem to matter if I eat a spinach salad or fast food Chinese - the results are the same. So why did I give up the Chinese food and other beloved foods?
I'm so over this! Can I just get off the hamster wheel, I'm tired of going in circles!
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