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Yes, I'd like that and a HALF a bag of chips

Friday, June 11, 2010

Today I decided to eat out for lunch and I decided to go to my favorite Mexican place.
Before my health journey I would order a super burrito ... it's large enough for three meals and oh so yummy. These days I order a simple taco, skip the rice and ask for a small amount of black beans and tomato on top of the protein choice of the day - I equally skip cheese and sour cream. I spice it up with their hot sauce that will singe your nose hairs.

My guilty pleasure are their chips - I'm not to the place were I can skip them but today I decided I would ask for a half an order. My special order taco isn't too much of stretch for them but that request for half order of chips kinda sent them over the edge. He had already rang up my order and when I ask that he hold back half the chips I got the blank look emoticon. He looked at me, then the chips and then the cash register. I smiled and reassured him that a half an order would be just fine and I was willing to pay the $1 for the half order. Still the stare but he dumped the chips and came back with half.

In the past I would always order the chips and promise myself that I would eat just half and have the other half "later." Later always came in 5 minutes.

Today I got what I wanted, enjoyed it and felt fantastic. Lunch was fabulous!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TSEWARD 6/14/2010 3:19PM

    Awesome! Such a fantastic feeling to take control and make one's own choices, even when you get the blank stare. I say fooey on him. Great work! I haven't had any woo hoo moments lately, so I will enjoy yours...
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DESERTFLOWER8 6/12/2010 9:54AM

    sounds like you may be going to my favorite mexican place..the one that starts with a c and ends with an e!! and delivers a mighty delicious monster burrito at 900 or so calories! congrats on your success...it feels so good to finally be in charge, doesn't it??

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KITHKINCAID 6/11/2010 10:50PM

    Haha - this is GREAT! It's like my battle yesterday with the cookie. I say so what if people look at you funny. We should be looking at them funny for bringing us such INSANE portion sizes in the first place. You should never feel bad for asking for what you want and getting it! Good for you!

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PEGGO45 6/11/2010 8:46PM

    that's great.... progress..... 1/2 of the chips is a great emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/11/2010 8:46:15 PM

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LALMEIDA 6/11/2010 8:29PM


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Internal vs. External Approval

Monday, June 07, 2010

It has become more clear to me that there is an internal and external component to this weight loss journey.

The internal, for me, is finding a place of peace within my heart, mind and soul. To except who it is that I was, am and will grow to be. Find the strength and courage to continue down a path that will lead to health and well being even when it feels I'm on the path alone. Finding the will to go it alone and to celebrate my own victories no matter how big or small. Internally I must know and recognize that I am fabulous and capable of doing great and wonderful things ... for myself AND the world.

I felt utterly alone this weekend even in a sea of people and a party of friends. I took notice of that and I was saddened but resolved at the realization. I was raised to be a strong, independent, loving, and giving woman and I believe I've succeeded on every level. I don't ask much of those around me and maybe that's my down fall - if you ask for little you'll receive just that - little in return.

This brings me to the External. The external is when we, or rather I, go searching for the external approval or that small "way to go kid." Again this weekend I looked around for that, the approval or the reassurance from the outside that I am fabulous and have accomplished fabulous things. When it didn't come I felt my heart harden just a little bit.

I question over and over, why keep giving if what you receive in the end is another hand stretching out for a little more please? How can it be that the very gift of love and support go without return? How is it the very thing you crave from others is what you give them but not always to yourself? Better yet, why search for the external approval at all? Why look to others when what you have within?

A lot of people in my world let me down this weekend and I'm not sure how to deal with those emotions quit yet. I do know that much love and support was given by my SP friends and for that I am eternally grateful.

Internal vs. External Approval - I think we all need both but I struggle with it today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANLEYSANDY 6/10/2010 7:35PM

    It is funny how alone someone can feel even when they are surrounded by people. Being alone and lonely are two different animals aren't they? This is a very familiar feeling for me...

I am sorry you were let down, I left a comment on someone elses blog early today about how often I am amazed at how often people, even the ones closest to me, disappoint me. But since we are all human, then I guess from time to time we have to forgive are being just that...

Thank you for sharing, and I hope by doing so it provided you clarity and comfort...we are all here for you!!!

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BAYBELIEVER 6/9/2010 10:10AM

    Way to put it out there. I always treat others the way I would like to be treated. Maybe that is selfish, but it seems right to me on one level. And when it is not returned it can be sad. As for the "way to go"s, I am still waiting for those too. It is early in my journey and I shouldn't even expect it yet. But I hope for the day it will happen and someone will say what a great job I am doing. But it won't happen this week, so it still has to be about me and about what I know I am doing. I just looked at all your pics and see the differences in them. I think you look amazing and are doing a great job! Maybe it would help to post a picture of yourself at your heaviest so you can see, side by side, what a fantastic journey you are on!

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DESERTFLOWER8 6/8/2010 12:58AM

    OMG KT..You have me in tears...both for your struggle and for mine..cos they are one and the same..this really hits home..and hits deep... :(

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ABBEYCHARLIE 6/7/2010 7:15PM

    Great blog. I bet a lot of folks can relate.

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5K Race - an amazing experience!

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Today was the day . . . I was up at 5:33 a.m. getting ready. We left the house at 7:15 a.m. so I could get my timing chip and get the feel for the race. I was completely out of my comfort zone but I just went with the flow.

I had decided before leaving the house I would take my jacket - the route is known for a cold breeze due to being right on the bay but to be honest, I wasn't worried about the cold. I was worried that my tummy would just be out there for all to see - my outfit is form fitting. HOWEVER, once we pulled up and I got out the car and witnessed the sea of women I tossed my jacket back into the car and didn't look back!

It was so amazing to see that many women in all different shapes, sizes and fitness levels all in one place with a common goal and no judgments about one another. I walked around, somewhat in a daze to take it all in. A woman from my gym stopped me and we giggled for a minute and I learned she was running the half marathon and she learned I was competing in the 5K. I'm sure we'll have stories to share next we see each other at the gym.

The half marathon runners took off at 8:00 a.m. and we 5K ladies took off at 8:30 a.m. My nerves were off the charts. When it was time my body just took off. I jogged and I felt fabulous! I had envisioned only walking the race but with all the energy of the crowd my body wouldn't be stopped. I found my pace and ended up jogging much of the course.

I was thankful for not having my jacket too - it was HOT! I was sticky and sweaty about a half mile in. Oh, and I didn't give a hoot about my tummy, I was too proud of myself!

Did I mention the amazing feeling I was experiencing. I was taking in so much that I forgot to turn my MP3 player on until mile one was complete. I just kept thinking, "these women are amazing and I'm here, I'm actually here jogging and walking with them!"

Here are a few pictures that captured my moments:
7:15 a.m., leaving the house for the race

The runners at the starting point

Me at the starting line

Me at the finish

My medal

To be frank that last bit of the race I was ready to collapse but I finished with a sprint - I had to finish big. Once I crossed the finish line I started to cry. I couldn't help it - my emotions just bubbled over. I cried out of joy and pride. I had done it!

My official time: 49 minutes 34 seconds
A personal best by 4 minutes!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DIVALOUNGER 6/7/2010 6:59PM

    Congrats!!!! Goooooooooood for you! Pat yourself on the back for that one! emoticon

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MANLEYSANDY 6/7/2010 1:07PM

    Congrats! You should be very proud! emoticon

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DESERTFLOWER8 6/5/2010 4:17PM

    OMG, you almost have ME in tears!! I am so happy, excited, proud, and thrilled for you!!! I can really put myself in your shoes and just imagine how it felt..what a VICTORY!!!! Be proud , my dear..be VERY proud!!! P.S. I think you look smokin' in your form fitting running clothes..I'm just sayin' emoticon

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Sore, Stiff and Bloated ...

Friday, June 04, 2010

Stiff, Sore and Bloated - I'm not off to a good start today. How can I make it better?

My last two workouts have been over the top so I'm sore. I feel muscles that have been dormant way to long. Solution, keep gently stretching and tonight take an epsom salt hot soke. Those two things together should help with the soreness and some of the stiffness.
Tomorrow, after the 5K, I am going to have a massage too - a special treat!

I need to keep moving today, being at rest won't help with the stiffness. The key is to take it slow and easy.

Bloated, hate this feeling. The weather here is muggy and I did the math - my TOM is coming next week. So starts the bloating and temporary weight gain, yup I'm already up in numbers. I plan on staying hydrated, taking in more than my usual 64 oz. in a day.

I recognize this as all normal and with my plan of action there is no drama a brewing in my head. Today, I won't be sidetracked mentally because my body is reacting to uncomfortable changes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAYHON 6/5/2010 2:00PM

  Hope today is better for you - what a nice way to treat yourself after a 5K.

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"Who IS that?"

Thursday, June 03, 2010

I decided to treat myself to a lunch out today, which really means I got to have my all time favorite salad. When I pulled into the parking lot my eyes were drawn to a full figured woman and all I could ask was "who IS that?" She had amazing curves and she dressed them right with a form fitting shirt and pair of jeans. WOW!

We all ended up at the same place - they were dinning in and I was taking my to go. I found that I couldn't take my eyes off of her, her body, to me, was perfect. Her body type is what I want to be!!!

When she walked by me I caught her attention and announced to her that I thought she had the perfect figure and that she was absolutely stunning. I also told her she looked amazing in the outfit she had on and that she knew how to dress the curves in a way that would stop traffic. She paused, looked me dead in the eye and that's when it happened - tears. She got a little teary eyed and told me thank you. I had made her day because she doubts everyday and works at it so hard.

She continued on with her family and found a table as I waited for my order to come up. I noticed before I walked out that she was still smiling and that her young teenage daughter couldn't help put peak over the top of the booth to see who had made her mom's day.

I still don't know who she is but I know she inspires me to flaunt my curves and dress so my curves make someone ask, "Who IS that?"

Give someone you don't know a compliment today . . . you'll both benefit from it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAYHON 6/5/2010 2:05PM

  That's awesome!

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TRACYZABELLE 6/4/2010 12:54AM

    You really made her day!! What a great thing you did!

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SINCEKINDER 6/3/2010 11:07PM

    Oh...what a touching blog! You are amazing. emoticon emoticon emoticon You will be that "Who IS that?

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LISALIVING1980 6/3/2010 5:59PM

    aww that's the sweetest thing you could have done for her!! It's one thing for a family member or friend to comment you but when a perfect stranger does it, that really really means something!!! your awesome!! :)

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DESERTFLOWER8 6/3/2010 5:51PM

    KT..this made me so happy to read, and imagine how she felt! Kudos to you!!

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