Monday, May 17, 2010
The weatherman got it right - it's cold and rainy today.
Funny, not so much ha ha funny but funny in a sad kinda way, how ones mental state can match the weather outside. I wish it were warm and sunny out or maybe I just wish I could turn my frown upside down and blink away the tears that fall down my face.
I don't often cry anymore but when it happens the flood gates open and it's hard to control. I breath deep, I blink a lot and I try avoidance. Sometimes none of it helps and the tears just fall.
That's okay, it's like washing my soul clean.
So what does this have to do with my journey, nothing but everything. So often in the past I've been an emotional eater, you know, stuff it in and down and feel little or any of the emotion. Now I seem to do the opposite - I often just stop eating and drinking. Neither situation is healthy - mentally or physically.
Interesting how I punish my body and use food as a weapon against myself. It's cruel and unusual punishment for something I care and love so very much. I'd never treat another living soul this way so I wonder why do I do it to myself. The answer lies within but I haven't found the key that unlocks that door, yet.
Feel what I feel, even if it's sad and hurtful.
Sit with myself and listen
Be my own cheerleader, even on days when I can't find my pom-pom's
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Today I walked 3.84 miles in 68 minutes! I am getting ready for my 5K walk/run on June 5th.
I meant only to walk the 3.1 miles but got sidetracked as I normally do when walking the neighborhood. I am extremely happy with the 68 minutes. My body and mind feel good!
Friday, May 14, 2010
Staying focused on days like this is hard for me to do. I mean the big picture is right there - I keep telling myself to look up, it's right in front of you. Keep your head up and you will see it!
As far as weight loss, well the scale didn't move - in either direction. Okay, this happens from time to time. TOM is about to show up, if on schedule - midweek, so the scale not moving is actually impressive. I've been known to rocket up the scale by 10 lbs. in a blink of an eye when my TOM comes about. So yeah, no movement is good today.
Fatigue, today is a down day. (insert yawn here) I felt if coming on last night in step class, at the beginning of class I felt like I was knee deep in wet sand. I finished the class strong though and took my time walking home.
Realization. I have to pull the trigger and complete the GI test. It's really, really expensive so I've put it off. Enough of that! As my husband says, "shut your eye and just do it." I hate spending money but I hate the state I'm in even more so I guess it's time. Next week I shut my eye and make it happen, HA!
Health Insurance. I won't make weight for the new health insurance. It's just not physically possible in a week to from 238.5 to 231. I've come to terms with it. The new insurance company is paying someone to come out to draw blood, take away a urine sample, blood pressure and my height and weight. I can obtain the results from the test and plan to do so. It can only help me keep my eye on that big picture. I currently have health insurance so I won't be without, just need the change. We have options, which is more than some in this country.
I took a look in full length mirror today and stopped to admire myself. Lookin' good is what I heard a voice whisper. Yeah, I am - strike a pose!
5K race. I am going to ask a friend if she can be there when I finish. My husband can't and my family lives out of state. No one has offered to come from the area so it's time to extend an invitation.
The rest of life's going's on is a source of temporary frustration. The key word there is, "Temporary!"
Workout daily - you have a 5K coming up - work it out lady
Stay hydrated with lots of water
Enjoy the little things in life that pop up
Stay focused on the End Game
Thursday, May 13, 2010
June 5, 2010 = Race Day.
When I registered for the 5K race yesterday I felt like I had been injected with energy & excitement. I did have one freak out moment ... what size shirt to order. Yup, apparently registering for my first 5K doesn't get the butterflies going but ask me what size shirt I'd like to order causes all kinds of head drama. Hilarious!
Last night I headed to the gym, this is typical behavior for me after work, BUT due to the new boost of energy and excitement I stayed a bit longer and workout out a bit harder. WHAT?! Yeah, that's right - I was on FIRER. Tonight is step class - YES!
I chuckled a few times yesterday because I kept having this crazy compulsion to tell everyone who crossed my path, "Hi, I registered for a 5K Race today, isn't that fabulous?!" I did tell my mom. When I told her there was an OMG that's great reaction and then a pause. She then, with great enthusiasm, asked if I was running now. It was sooo very cute.
So will I run/jog the 5K, likely not. I am the type of person who can trip, stumble and then fall over a penny on the ground. I don't need to go splat at my first race. Plus, my knees, my knees! HA. I will attempt to jog a little bit of the course though.
Anyway! I've been planning in my head all my different workouts up to race day. I even had dreams about being in the race last night.
Ooh, ooh, with this deadline I also put down the chips last night and turned my back on them. I can't fuel a race body with chips - AGAIN, HILARIOUS!!! It worked though and I'll take it.
I also need to call my girl and go shopping - I must look amazingly cute going across that finish line - so we have to look at a new outfit for race day.
Now, if I could just get someone out there to take my picture crossing the finish line and chanting my name!
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