Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I got the call from my dad this morning, Mom's surgery went well - this was her second surgery in a week, she had both knee's replaced. The only information Dad received from the doctor was that surgery went well and that this knee was not like the other. Hmmm? Dad is a man of few words and asks little if he knows all went well, so I didn't fret over the lack of feedback.
After work yesterday I was not in the mood to go to the gym, feeling antisocial is the truth. And, as long as I'm telling the truth here, I should add, I didn't really want to do anything. That was not an option so I changed into workout gear and decided to walk the streets.
On my 70 minute walk I saw and thought about a lot. I thought about my mom who is recovering from knee surgery and had to use a wheelchair, walker and aid of a friend to get outside so she could feel the sun on her face and breath fresh air. I thought about myself and how I don't like myself sometimes and other times I think I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I saw dogs being walked, runners running, toddlers being pushed about by their adult people and I saw a family out for an even stroll - mom carrying baby and dad keeping pace in his wheelchair.
I walked a bit further than I thought I would. I didn't want to stop because my legs were tired and my hips burned a bit. I didn't want to stop because I was in a funk. Suck it up, you have your big girl pants on - keep it moving. I did stop and smell a few roses along my journey and every now and then when the light turned red. Other than that I walked for those who couldn't walk or didn't feel like walking but most of all I walked for myself. I was a sweaty mess when I got home!
Tonight is step class - 45 minutes - I WILL be hot & sticky when it's all over and then I'll walk home.
It's a tough day for me today but I must remember, I can make a difference in my own life and I can make this day whatever I want it to be.
Monday, April 19, 2010
I can feel it happening already, this months Alien Invasion. The signs are all there.
I'm a little extra tired. My body temp is on the rise. I'm grouchier than I should be for no apparent reason. I don't want to be bothered by anyone and I certainly don't want to have the same conversation over and over again because "you" just couldn't get it the first three times.
What I fear is this:
I'll pick a fight like a bully and try to make you feel like it's your fault all the while hating myself for it.
I'll neglect things on my ToDo list and act like you're crazy for thinking they'd be done immediately.
I'll be angry at the world and take it out on those around me and then I'll walk away whispering, "I'm Sorry."
I'll hate going to the gym.
I'll hate myself.
I'll pull away from everyone I know and put up a very large wall.
What can I do? The Alien Invasion is happening, it will happen regardless of my like or dislike of it.
What will I do:
Warn my hubby, immediately! (Yes, it usually catches him off guard & flat footed)
Stay in the moment and understand it's temporary.
Prepare for damage control and to apologize out loud.
Prepare to go to the gym and then go - It will actually feel good!
Talk with Doc about the extreme mood change and the anger that comes with it.
I can't hide from the world until the invasion is over so I must find some tools to better deal with it because I'll be the first to admit ... I'm not so great to be around when The Alien Invasion is happening. I mean, I hate being around myself so you know it's bad!
It's a battle but I don't have to fight those on my team!
Friday, April 16, 2010
At age30 I tipped the home scale at 325 pounds. I was one of those people who really didn't realize that I had gained so much weight until I saw pictures of me from my 30th birthday & college graduation party. I asked myself, WTF happened! Who is that chick in the photo's and why has there not been an intervention.
That was the turning point and I made it my mission to stop the madness. My theme song became, "My Next 30 Years" by Tim McGraw and off I started on my journey.
After I dropped a few pounds, okay about 53 (that's a lot more than a few!) I started going to a gym again and seeing my doctor again. Yeah that's right, seeing my doctor again! I had actually stopped going . . . wonder if that 325 pounds had anything to do with it? Probably. It had been so long since I'd seen my doctor that they had to pull my records out of storage - sad but true.
So, at 272 pounds I was getting healthier, feeling fine.
Today's lesson is entitled: Remember where it is you come from!
I have no measurements from when I weighed 325 pounds but I do have them from when I started working out at a gym at 272 pounds.
August 1, 2002 - Original Measurements:
Upper Arms: 17.5
April 16, 2010 - Measurements:
Upper Arms: 15.5
Total Inches Lost over the course of 8 years:
Upper Arms: -2
Total inches lost: -32.75 AAAAH, HELLO - I HAVE come a long way.
Other positive's in my life:
I dropped out of college in Midwest, I moved to California at age 21, not knowing a soul and having a few pennies in the bank.
I was a nanny but over the course of the last 8 years I've become the manager a law firm with two offices.
I returned to college and now have an AA, a certificate in Business/Legal Secretarial Studies, a certificate Child Development/Violence Intervention & Counseling, a certificate in Child Development, and I'm a commissioned Notary.
I have a great and supportive group of friends. I went to counseling to find a better me and resolve some past issues which allowed me to find my husband.
I still fall down sometimes but I get up and brush my big girl pants off and try again. I'm still a work in progress but I am fabulous. Tim McGraw's song, "My Next 30 Years" is still my theme song and my mantra is: "Failure is not an option."
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Today was the first knee replacement for my mom. Her surgery was first on the list so Dad had her there by 6:00 a.m. She was prepared for surgery which began at 8:00 a.m. They completed the surgery in 90 minutes and had her resting in ICU when my Dad called.
The surgery went well. Mom knew one of the people in the operating room due to haven been a surgery nurse for 40 years in the area - it's a small world.
Dad was holding up well, even with his intense dislike of hospitals. He had made friends with some of the staff while pacing around, which helped the time pass. Of course, this is a man who can make a friend no matter where he goes in the world - a quality I so admire in him.
Anyway, instead of my regular "sit on my butt" lunch today I decided to get out in the sun. I ended up chatting away on my cell phone while I walked for 45 minutes. At times my pace increased so much that I had to apologize to my friend for breathing heavy in her ear while we spoke. She just laughed and said to keep it up!
When I returned to the office I phoned my brother to see if there was any additional news - none. Now understand, we are a family that goes by the rule of "no news, is good news," so it's all good. I'm sure we'll all get an update later today.
It felt good to get out in the sun and stretch my legs, feel the sun on my face, sweat a tiny bit, catch up on girl talk and breath hard.
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