Wednesday, February 03, 2010
I've never loved myself unconditionally before. I am my own worst enemy. As hard as I try to accept me for all I am, my mind, body, etc, I always find something to pick on. Deep in my heart I know I am beautiful but I always believed it was my personality that made that beauty more than my physical self. Others have told me otherwise, and why it will make me blush and feel good that someone says such a wonderful thing to me, I still struggle with believing that my physical self falls into that category. I'm working on this....
I'm learning to accept myself, for all I am...Stretch mark scared belly, saggy from my first born...the cellulite on my legs and thighs no matter how tone I make them, it's still there. The ability to wave good bye with my hanging arm fat even though they are so much smaller than they used to be. Even the Freckles all over my face that annoy me when I look at them. I am me, through and through....those physical features that I dislike should not define me yet for some reason, we as women tend to let them rule. I've come so far. I've learned a lot bout myself and I'm changing everyday. And I will continue to change as I move forward through this tough journey I am on. I may not be perfect in many ways, but I AM beautiful and I'm not gonna let my body issues tell me I'm not ANYMORE!!!
I've never purchased sexy nice things before. I always felt that those pretty sexy lil pieces are made for someone who can seriously pull it off. I was embarrassed to try and wear such a thing. I have never purchased sexy unmentionables in a cute store. I've always bought my panties in a pack of 6 at Walmart. WHY?? Cause for me it was about comfort, besides who wants to see that on someone who might not be able to pull it off?? I've never shopped at Victoria Secret...I would stare into the store as i would walk by but never to walk in. Well, One time I walked in and clearly they didn't have a size for me.
I'm changing this outlook...I've done a lot of thinking about it lately...I want to surprise my man for Valentine's Day. I want to surprise myself with taking that leap and trying on things and even purchasing my first set of Lingerie. I can shop at Victoria Secret now! They have a size for me...so there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to find something tasteful and sexy! It will be a nice surprise for him and I know he will love it. Cause at the end of the day, this man fell in love with me when I was physically at my worst...of course he's gonna love me regardless....he doesn't look at the saggy belly and judge me for it. He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy either way. God Bless him!
I'm taking the plunge and diving in to a new sexy, beautiful me! Cause as a woman, we all deserve a little bit of sexy in our lives! Especially when that sexy is us!
Monday, February 01, 2010
Boy oh Boy!! Sometimes things just don't go the way you plan them. But that's okay, this past weekend was a pretty good one!
Friday ~ I had no intentions of working out this day, Friday's are errand days and we go go go on those days. Plus I was still so sore from my Wed run that I could barely walk up the stairs to my apt. When I checked our bank account to figure out our bills, we had a nice surprise of our tax return sitting there! It's so refreshing to finally receive a return again. We haven't had one since I stopped working a few years ago, and DL has owed for awhile now that we had to get that balance paid off. Glory Glory, it's finally paid off!! So we paid off some debts, and went out to pick up the necessities we have needed a while. Namely Shoes for all of us!! I got myself a new pair of running shoes finally!! We also splurged and got new cell phones. Now I can spark from my phone and track my food wherever I am! I find this fantastic!!
Okay....So I was so busy Friday morning that all I had was a banana for breakfast. We stopped at Panda Express for an early lunch, I had the a panda bowl with half the steamed rice and firecracker chicken. And around 2pm I had a protein Soy Smoothie from Keva as a meal substitute. I was hungry and very low in calories for this point in the day. That night we had a kids bday party at Peter Piper Pizza...oh yay! (not) I ordered a salad and convinced DL to only order a med pizza. I told him that it's just the two of us so we didn't need a large one...I only had two pieces. After logging everything in I was still under in cals for the day. Not to bad. Unfortunately I did not get my water in for the day...bad bad bad.....
Saturday ~ DL had to work 12 hrs, so it was just me and Alyssa. I had it all planned out, I was gonna do some yoga and a dvd I got from the lib on toning. I also had to clean around the house and help Alyssa with reading homework. I ended up slacking on breakfast again and didn't eat until 1230!! Shame on me! We ordered Sandwiches from Jason's Deli for dinner, cereal for later at night. Still stayed in my cal range again for the day but it was not well balanced and again I didn't drink my Water Like I am supposed too! The day flew by so fast I just don't know where it went!!
Sunday ~ DL had another 12 hr shift and My plan was to try the Hip Hop video that I checked out from the Lib. I never got to it again! Darn it!! I did laundry all day and focused on eating right for the day. Again I stayed in my calorie range, so that is a pat on the back. But no workout! POOH!! Cause I won't have the car again until probably this coming Friday I ended up grocery shopping at 10pm! It was nice to roam around an empty store but I was the lady that comes to the check out with a full cart before closing! Oops!! I Focused more on my water and got in my 8 for the day...I really try to go for 12, but that didn't happen. 8 is good...better than 2!
Monday ~ I was all pumped to make it happen today. I had a plan, I was gonna attempt 30 day shred and 30 min on the elliptical....ummmm....yeah, that didn't happen again! My friend had the day off today and came over, after talking for a bit we decided to go shopping together! These are rare occasions for me to go shopping with a friend with no child in tow...so I jumped at the chance. Sometimes socializing can feed my soul and I'm glad I went.
So no workout again today! Gee whiz...I'm slacking! Good points for this weekend, I stayed in range all 4 days. I had a great time running around. I rarely sat and watched tv, I may not of worked out but I was active the whole time. Bad points for this weekend, I didn't eat on a good schedule, I didn't workout, I didn't get my water in....
So I'm not letting any of this get me down, I just need to put myself first a little bit more and stay focused!! Tomorrow it's on!! I'm gonna work it hard!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
It sucks to me to work so hard, push harder, do better and than what? Nothing??? Everything stayed the same as last week. I Find this frustrating cause I feel tighter, thinner....better...but the numbers didn't change at all...I even burned way more calories this week than last week...sigh....But what Can I do? Just keep doing it everyday and hope that it will get better...patience is a huge key...I know from experience that this journey doesnt' happen overnight, but man it sure stinks to not see anything....Oh well, can't dwell on it, just have to move on and keep doing it everyday!!
I'm gonna try really hard to not let this get to me. I'm already in a sour mood today. I am a person that thrives on my alone time, and when that time gets interrupted, well, I tend to get pretty annoyed pretty quick. Especially if I had it all planned out in my head what my day was gonna be. Sounds stupid I'm sure but when it's your only time for personal peace, well you tend to cherish it. Now I get to sit here for the next three days and listen to video game crap and than while he works all weekend parent our daughter alone all weekend. Not that that is a horrible thing, but it's nice to have some help....So I'm kinda bummed that I don't get the house to myself today. And I won't til possibly Monday, i just wasn't mentally prepared for that. Silly I know! Anyway....
Here's to another day of not giving up....
Monday, January 25, 2010
I'm alittle Frustrated right now. Since it started Raining last week, my allergies kicked in, or so I thought, Maybe it was the start of a cold and I just thought it was my allergies. Anyway, it has gone into my chest and I have a terrible cough and slight difficulty with my breathing. I've pushed through workouts on the Elliptical feeling like this, and it hasn't been all that difficult but my body is so exhausted. I just want to sleep and do nothing. I keep taking rest days to recover but it's such a slow process. This week I've been working on one day, rest the next. But It doesn't seem to be helping much. I know I need to be patient and it will all come together but I want to keep working, keep pluging away, Wed is my weigh in day and I just dont' feel like its gonna be a good one. Sigh.....It's annoying to be on such a roll and than be so exhausted that I just don't even want to stand up!
I will not give up though and I will not let it get to me. Maybe I shouldn't push myself on the elliptical for 45 min(even though according to sp I burn 490 cals) and do something different, like Yoga or something light. But than I don't burn as much as i would like! LOL..Oh well....blah....
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