KRISTEN282   14,032
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Running and Crying

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The last few years I've been a "runner". I say it with quotes because I'm an occasional runner. The last 3 years, I usually run a couple times over the summer and fall. I've also entered the New Haven Road Race, a 5k, on Labor day for the the past 3 years. Every year I do worse than the previous year.

This year I decided to start being a little more serious with the running. And my boyfriend decided that he wanted to start running too. He almost immediately was a faster runner than I which was sort of frustrating, but I'm glad for him too. This summer I ran at least 3 times a week, about 2.5 to 4 miles depending on where I went. When the New Haven road race came around this year, I thought "Surely I'll beat my previous times" and I thought I would be running just under a 12 minute pace. That was my goal, but unfortunately I ran slower than previous years, despite all of the training that I had put in over the summer. I think my pace was just over 13 minutes. It sucks when you work so hard towards something and fall flat on your face.

I ran maybe 2 or 3 times in the week after the race and then took a break for almost a month. I was frustrated with running and I thought "Well, maybe I'm not cut out to be a runner". I had already committed to do 2 more races this year, one being today and another in a week. So, about 2 weeks ago I started running again and I couldn't believe it. The first run in over a month, I beat my personal best time by more than a minute! It felt good, but I figured it was just a fluke. I continued running, taking a break on Saturday to prepare for the race today.

I wasn't expecting much at the race today, I just figured that I would do my best and that was it. The race started at a park with a great ocean view and lighthouse, but man was it cold and windy this morning! It was a nice small race, a little over 50 people. While I was running, I felt pretty good, only stopping once to attempt to drink some water. I did have some wardrobe malfunctions - constant wedgie, shirt coming up and pant falling down. Not very pretty :P But I kept running. In the last mile, I passed 3 people. In the last 0.5 mile, I encountered a moderate uphill and really strong winds coming straight in my face. I fought through it, slowed my pace slightly, but kept running. Once I crested the hill, the winds died down a bit and I could see the finish line. The time on the clock was just under 35 minutes. I couldn't believe it! I knew that if I came in under 36 minutes, I would be under a 12 minute pace. I was so ecstatic, I sprinted past 2 more people through the finish line, people cheering my on. I walk just past everyone, sank to my knees and cried. I cried because I accomplished something that I thought would never be possible for me. Not only did I meet my goal, but I exceeded it. When the official times were posted, I found that I ran a 10:14 pace. Today is awesome!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WOLFKITTY 2/13/2012 10:55PM

    WOW!! It sounds like your body was preparing, recovering, preparing, and then just tightened up muscles and did it. That's encouraging!

I run over 13 minute miles, but I'm carrying 250 pounds and still struggling with teh voice in my head that tells me that I shouldn't be running.

This is awesome! When you have time you should give us all an update! (And let me know)

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PICKIE98 10/16/2011 12:59PM

    I am so proud of you!! It si sometimes self-defeating when we compare ourselves with others paces.. So many factors in our body dictate what we are capable of each day. You did well, you felt the rush and joy of the race! In-between that you just stay healthy. YOU DID GOOD!!!!!

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KJMAZ2011 10/16/2011 12:55PM

    Way to go meeting and EXCEEDING your goal! Keep it up!

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The Price to Pay for Eating Junk Food

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I have learned a lesson today. It is a lesson that I have learned many times in the past, but apparently my I must be pretty thick-headed since I keep on having to learn this one. I spent years feeling sick most of the time because of what I put into my body. When I was at my heaviest I would constantly overeat and I would eat junk. It made me feel sick to my stomach, sluggish, etc. When I started this journey, the first thing I noticed was how much better I felt when I wasn't overeating and I was eating wholesome, nutritious food. It was amazing! I had no idea just how terrible I felt until I saw how much better I could feel.

Since those days I have changed the way I eat, but every once in a while I regress for a day, a week, sometimes longer. Yesterday was one of those days and I felt the effect immediately. I started out the day with the best of intentions. I made a nice healthy breakfast, lunch and snack to bring to work. But then my coworkers wanted to go out for lunch. Who am I to turn them down? lol So I went out for lunch and had a few slices of pizza. I didn't stuff myself, I was just satisfied, but that's still a lot of calories. I thought "Ok, now I'll just eat healthy for the rest of the day." Ha! that didn't happen. I proceeded to eat candy, cookies, my healthy snack, and topped the night off with an ice cream sandwich (Skinny Cow, but still no good). That's right, I skipped dinner completely and filled up on junk.

So what's the price to pay? Within a few hours I started to get gassy. That lasted most of the night. Today I'm still paying for it with heartburn, diahhrea, and general sluggishness/tiredness. I feel like total crap. When will I learn this lesson for good? If I stopped at the pizza I would have been just fine. If I strayed with a single cookie I would have felt ok today. But I keep falling in this trap.

I often have stomach issues even when I'm eating well, but it just adds insult to injury when I do this to myself. I'm sick of feeling sick. This last month or two has been particularly difficult. I had poison ivy over a large portion of my body. That is mostly healed now, but I still get random itches. I've had the flu (or something similar) that kept me home on the 4th of July and the 2 next days, random migraines, heartburn, stomach issues, and a recurring feminine issue which we aren't even going to get into right now. Top that cake with insane hours and stress from work and I feel terrible. I'm sick of feeling sick. I need to do everything I can to keep myself healthy and sane when times are tough. Enough self-sabotage with the food binges! I'm done learning this lesson!


Feeding my inner nerd

Friday, June 24, 2011

The other day I discovered something on this site that I hadn't seen before. I found the calorie deficit reports! Being an engineer/mathematician, I love numbers. I can finally figure out my own personal BMR. Sparkpeople do a great job of crunching the numbers for us, but the BMR is just an estimate. They don't know my particular metabolism or how many calories I actually burn during the average day. Now I'm excited that I could use the calories I've eaten along with my exercise and the amount of weight that I lose to come up with a slightly more accurate estimate. And it will be interesting to see if the 3,000 calorie deficit actually adds up to 1 lb of weight loss.

The problem with this? I actually need some honest data over time. I need to track absolutely every calorie that I eat, good or bad. On days that I go off track, I don't usually track. So, it's time to be honest with myself so that I can feed those numbers to my inner dork and make her happy. **pushes taped glasses up the bridge of her nose**

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSMINDY6 6/25/2011 1:36PM

    I know EXACTLY what you mean! As a former computer programmer, I like being able to crunch my own numbers. So I found this webite:
mart/a/blcalintake.htm and got the BMR formula myself. Then I made a spreadsheet where I can fiddle with the numbers. If you'd like me to send you the Excel spreadsheet I can. It's fun to play "what if" with!

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Emotional eating

Thursday, June 09, 2011

I haven't blogged in a long time, but I'm feeling yucky so I thought I'd put what I'm feeling down and hopefully move on with my day. A little backstory - the last 3 or so weeks I've been AWESOME with the diet. I've lost 7.5 lbs! I was exercising most days and feeling great physically and awesome about myself. The last week the exercise has been dwindling down a bit due to my increased hours at work, but I was still keeping up with the diet.

Two nights ago I decided I wanted a treat for myself so I had a small piece of a chocolate bar. It was soooo delicious! And I was able to fit it into my calories count for the day so I didn't feel guilty. But then, I had the compulsive urge to eat more chocolate. I ended up eating the whole bar. It was a bit of a hit, but I tracked it and moved on. Or so I thought.

Last night after working late yet again, I was relaxing watching some TV with the boyfriend before it was time for bed. Even though I had reached my calorie limit for the day, I was still a little hungry so I decided to have some cheese (Cabot 75% reduced fat cheddar, not so bad) and whole wheat crackers. This would have been fine in moderation, but I just can't seem to control myself. Before I knew it I had eaten 2-3 servings of the cheese and even more crackers! So I went from going over just a little to totally blowing my calorie count for the day.

Today when I woke up, I just feel blah. I feel guilty. I feel fatter. I feel like saying "what's the point?" because I've just blown it. But, my brain knows I shouldn't do that. I should keep my head up high and keep going as if the last 2 days never happened. So often my emotions are what drive me to over eat. I need to get out of this funk and learn to control this!

Today I WILL control my emotional eating, I WILL eat well and I WILL exercise, no matter how late it is. I know that if I continue eating poorly, it will just spiral downward, but if I turn it around it may be hard the first few days, but in the end I will be on Cloud 9.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PROMISE2DESIGN 6/9/2011 12:05PM

    You are exactly right, live today like the past 2 days didn't matter. Today matters! You can pull through. Don't give something minor the upper hand! Hope blogging made you feel better and set things into motion in your mind. Thank for your support too!
emoticon emoticon

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ELLEN0407 6/9/2011 8:14AM

  great job

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Time to get back on the horse

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

I had challenged myself to complete one task from the article "25 Ways to Get Back on Track Today" each day for 25 days. I was doing well for about the first 2 weeks, but as I look back on my blog entries, I can see that I was starting to lose motivation towards the end. And then on December 17th, the 18th day of my challenge and my last day of work for the year, I stopped. I stopped completing tasks from the list, tracking my calories, exercising and even keeping up with tasks around the house. Part of it was the stress of the holidays, but that should be no excuse. This is a chronic problem with me. I get all excited about something and I keep up with it for about 2 weeks and then I just give up. When things get hard or I start to feel like I'm not making progress I give up. I need to break this cycle and I thought that this was going to be the time.

So, where do I go from here? I guess admitting that I messed up is one part of it, but I also need to forgive myself and move on. I'm going to complete my challenge. Even though I will not be completing it in the 25 days, I WILL complete it. It's a new year full of new possibilities. I know that I will fall again, but I might as well get back on the horse in the meantime.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

THEBAR1957 1/5/2011 5:50PM

Don't waste time blaming yourself, but instead, try again.

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SPORTSMAN1973 1/5/2011 12:47PM

    we all fall from time to time. The question is what do we do when we get back up? Stick with it. You will get it.

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