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Cycling Through

Monday, May 13, 2013

Today I am working on getting my brain back to healthy. I was so close to my 5% weight loss goal that the last two weeks have been spent diligently following the Weight Watchers plan. But now that I have reached the 5% and moved on to a 10% goal, I have another 13 pounds to lose before reaching it.

My diet is going just fine and there is nothing I need to do to make it better. I am eating the right amounts without much effort. I do not feel hungry or snacky anymore. If I am hungry then I add two eggs to my afternoon snack and end up eating dinner about an hour later than I would've otherwise because those to eggs are so satisfying. I am losing the perfect amount: 1.5-2 pounds per week on average. I only need to maintain what I am doing for now.

But because of the last two weeks of uber-focus, I have started to become uptight about the diet. I didn't feel good about reaching my 5% goal. I lost 15 pounds and all I could think was how much farther I had to go and how it took me a few months just to get to this point. I was actually quite forlorn and mopey yesterday.

I saw the failure of my diet in sight because it was starting to stress me out. The stakes had become too high and the ultimate goal to unreachable.

But today I made a mental change. I cannot actively work on my diet because it needs no current tweaking. I need to focus on my exercise again, which I have been doing, but the last two weeks wasn't where my head was focused. I CAN adjust my exercise. I can get that feeling of pushing my limits and expanding my abilities in exercise that I can't get right now in my already good diet. Basically, while I'm waiting for next week's weigh-in, and the week after, and the week after that, I can see results elsewhere: in how many push-ups I can do or in how much better my intermediate Pilates are getting.

I can also focus on non-diet related life things. I am ready to start looking for a job in Virginia now that baby is almost 8-months old. Our apartment is still not completely decorated and although we cannot afford the picture frames and such for what I have planned until we have acquired a bed and a table, I can start looking up ideas on exactly what I want to do and how to do it. I have plenty of things to do that I have been holding out on until I could get my diet under control and on track.

So today I have made a mental change to be less stressed about my successful diet. When I get within 2 pounds of that 10% goal then I will focus on it again like I did the last two weeks. Then I will go back to being chill.

I realize that if I am to succeed at losing all my weight and doing it permanently then I have to cycle through my diet. I have to create cycles of chill and focused.

I will succeed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMCGRUN 7/29/2013 11:09PM

    I enjoyed reading this post. Sounds like you know what's best for you. Good luck on your continuing progress!

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KAB7801 5/14/2013 3:25PM

    It sounds like a good idea. Keep up your diet and maybe try to intensify your workouts
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Kim

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...otherwise, what am I doing here?

Thursday, May 09, 2013

I am being impatient this week. I knew I would be with my goal of 5% so close. Not just close, but here! Sunday I was 1.2 pounds away. But Monday and Tuesday saw me beating it. Today I was back up to 0.2 pounds away. I have been obsessing with the scale each morning and I have decided that I am driving myself crazy this week. Stupid goals! I am going to stop doing that RIGHT NOW. It doesn't make next Sunday come any faster and I already know that I'm going to meet my goal eventually anyways.

What I've been struggling with this week is patience, but above and beyond being so close to my first 5% goal and ready to start on my 10% (second 5%) goal. This week saw a drastic change in my diet. 11 weeks in and the shift suddenly occurred.

I went from feeling peckish and snacky because I had cut out food, to not snacky at all. It took 11 weeks of Weight Watchers (including a lowering allotted points values per day to accompany my success) to finally be better with food. I've adjusted to appropriate portion sizes. My energy is better, although a lot of that has to do with actually getting sleep the last three days (which could also be why this change occurred).

I have went from struggling to stay in my point range to, overnight it seems, struggling to meet it. I get to the end of the day and realize that I have a lot of points left over. I think that this has to be a fluke, but it isn't.

It turns out that most of my points occurred because of snacky between mealtimes, mostly around 2 in the afternoon. I still snack at two, but I think of it as a "little meal" instead of that time of day I want to eat uncontrollably. I think this has REALLY helped. I was going to want food then, anyways, so instead of trying to stop eating then, I made it a habit to eat and do it all at once. Cheese sticks, carrots, non-fat ranch, or an occasional apple fills that time. Then I am good until dinner. It is amazing what a mind-set change can do.

But all of this progress has led to an argument in my brain that goes something like this (taken directly from my personal journal):

Part of me is saying, "This is great! You will lose weight faster!" But the other part is whispering, "Hold on. Slow down. BE PATIENT." The second voice is right, of course. But I want so badly to hit my 5% goal. I want so badly to move past it.

The first voice screams, "Just this week! Reach your goal! You can be reasonable next week." This is the voice I want to listen to. My fear, though, is next week. Next week she will say, "It's okay. Keep going. You know at some point you will stagnate and it will even out."

The second voice, the voice of reason, shakes it's metaphorical head. "If you go to fast you will fail. You are learning to be healthy, not just dropping pounds. Focus on sustainability and be patient. These things take time."

I want to listen to that voice next week.

But I will be good. I will eat more points and do it during the daytime. I will be healthy. Otherwise, what am I doing here?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEXE63 5/13/2013 5:37AM

    I have weeks were I step on the scale like every five minutes it seems and I am just to impatient to wait for the successes that will eventually come. Some weeks are tougher than others girl but you know what the right way is just keep reminding yourself that not the weight is the important thing getting healthy for your little man is the goal of this journey you have been doing so well you will get back in the right mindset just give yourself some time. Be patient with yourself emoticon emoticon

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KRISTAJOBROOKS 5/10/2013 3:29PM

    Thanks, but I usually don't weigh that often. Once a week for weight watchers. I do measure once a month, though. I am really just struggling with the scale this week because I'm so close to my goal and being impatient. =)

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KAB7801 5/10/2013 3:16PM

    Krista
I am in a challenge this month to not weigh or tape, no weigh may, it takes the stress off and keeps me focused on my health. Try it with me, can't hurt!

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KRISTAJOBROOKS 5/9/2013 4:03PM

    Thanks guys! I usually only weigh bi-weekly. Once on Sundays which are my official weigh-in days and once on Wednesday or Thursday to make sure I'm on track or so I at least know what to expect. It is just this week because I am SO close to that goal and I want to hit it this week. Also, I do sometimes overthink things. Haha!

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JOHGLO2011 5/9/2013 1:13PM

    My first thought was "She is thinking too much!" LOL Really though, just take each day as it comes for better or worse. The main thing is to keep those healthy habits going and you will see results. :)

Some people like to weigh every day, but I try to stay off the scales as much as possible, because it effects my moods too much. Now needing to take my jeans in AGAIN, that's progress! Best wishes to you!

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AKATHLEEN54 5/9/2013 1:02PM

    Try not to stress about the scale. I was a scale fanatic and still am unfortunately but it does keep me accountable. But the fact is the scales fluctuates daily I gain and lose the same pounds for several weeks in a row and then all of a sudden will drop 2-3 pounds and then they stay off. Yes, it is slow, but once it comes off if you are diligent with tracking and exercising and stay honest with yourself the weight will come off and stay off. If nothing else I have learned that I have to be patient and not get freaked out when the scale goes up a little because the next day it's usually gone, but like I said I still prefer to weight every day because then if it keeps going up that is my signal that I am doing something wrong and have to adjust. Good luck on your journey!! emoticon emoticon

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So close. So far away.

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Today is weigh-in day for me and I am 3.5 pounds down this week! Before you all remind me that 3.5 is too much to be a healthy weight loss, I gained .5 pounds last week because of period bloating. I average a four week period together to make sure I'm okay and this last four weeks saw a loss of about 1.75 pounds per week which is perfect. It is a very good idea to look over your weight loss for a month because weight loss is inconsistent and there are variables like bloating/water retention, too much cheese (maybe only in my world), etc. So as long as it averages 1.5-2.0 pounds per week over one month then you are doing just fine.

It is actually quite liberating because then I'm not always worried about losing too much or not enough based on one week.

Now, this week I weight in at 271 pounds. That is down from last week's 274.5 and the week before's 274. Overall, I have lost 13 pounds in 10 weeks. Patience isn't my strong suit generally, but I see a downward pattern and I am enjoying to stressing about weight loss too much, while seeing it go down.

The title of this post is "So close. So far away." because I am making 5% goals. (10 pounds-at-a-time goals work, too). My first 5% goal puts me at 269.8 (I'm thinking of it as 269.5 because my scale does .5 lb increments). I am SO close to that goal. 1.5 pounds close! And yet it has been 10 weeks already. I really want to see that goal met so that I can celebrate and then make a plane for the next 5% and add some new habits for the next round.

But it is still 1.5 pounds and here is where my patience issue comes in: if I stay diligent and on track, then I can easily hit that weight next Sunday (seems how my period was last week), but I could always miss it by .5 pounds and have to wait another week to see that 269.5. I want it SO bad, but it feels like a lifetime away!

The second part of the title "So far away." has part to do with the anticipation of next weeks weigh-in, but more to do with a realization that within the next month (hopefully), I will see 265 pounds. 265 pounds is exactly 100 pounds over my ideal weight and 90 pounds over my goal weight. But just thinking "100 pounds" is really discouraging. I feel a little ill at the thought of having SO far to go.

But I keep reminding myself that I could be there by this time next year. And even though that is my goal weight, I feel really good about myself, pretty and confident, at about 220 pounds.

When I think of it that way, from right where I am today I have 51 pounds before I feel really good and everything after that is bonus feel good pounds to get me to feel good AND healthy.

51 pounds also seems like a lot, but let's think about this. I lost 13 pounds in about 2.5 months and one of those was a really stagnant month of travelling to my parents' house. So let's say 10 pounds per month, BEST case scenario. It is May. I could be at my "feel good" weight by the beginning of October and honestly I won't care as long as I am there by Thanksgiving. That gives me an extra two months even!

So 7 months to lose 50 pounds is 7-8 pounds per month... 1 pounds per week. There is NO pressure at 1 pound per week!

Sorry about all the math, I just needed to reassure myself that there is no reason to stress and that 106 pounds left to go is still doable.

I can do this.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAB7801 5/5/2013 2:42PM

    We are listening patiently sounds like you got it figured out. Lots of luck emoticon emoticon

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ONELILPEANUT1 5/5/2013 2:41PM

    emoticon

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Confessions: Why I am Obese.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

There are many excuses as to why people are fat, but none apply to me. I can't even pretend that they do. I do not have a thyroid problem, or a general hormone problem. I am not immobile in that I cannot move or exercise. I am actually quite good at exercise although I have been in better shape then I am now. My heart doesn't beat loudly in my chest and my lungs don't burn. It is my muscles that make it hard for me right now, but even those I am quickly retraining and restretching to be better. In a matter of a few short weeks I am nearly back to normal on that. I don't have a job where I sit at a desk all day long, but I do sit too much of my own accord.

I am obese. I am obese because I have a problem with food. I like it. I like eating it even when I'm not hungry. Maybe I started as a bored eater. I'm not really an emotional eater. But I am definitely a bored eater. I have triggers, mainly when I am watching television or I have to go out and suddenly I start craving fast food. My triggers are very powerful and even now as I sit here writing this my stomach is full of afternoon tv-watching food. Granted, it is mostly baby carrots, raspberries, and dry Multigrain Cheerios, but it is full none-the-less.

I am also a coffee drinker and I do prefer vanilla creamer in my coffee, though it isn't necessary. I have always liked the non-fat version of it, though. Even though I only usually drink two or three cups through the entire day, and usually just in the morning, days like today trigger a coffee binge. Slightly chilly and overcast, lazy Sundays trigger it.

The bottom line is that I am obese because I eat too much and all the time. I do not move enough, but I do move and when I move, I do it well. Movement is maybe 20% my problem. I eat. That is the other 80%. I love food.

I love flavors and textures and I cannot get enough of them. When I watch tv I need something in my hands or in my mouth and food is ever so convenient. I do not knit or sew or scrapbook. I do not draw, though I much prefer it to the other things mentioned. I sit and watch a show, then I get up and do other things. I cannot multitask in that way, but I can put delicious food in my mouth.

Then, on the bad days, come afternoon-time when I feel like I shouldn't be filling my stomach past it's rightly proportions, it is too late and my stomach is too full to exercise without feeling like vomiting.

I have a problem with food.

Weight Watchers is helping me manage my food intake and some weeks it goes very well! Some weeks it doesn't. What I am hoping is that over time I will adjust to a healthier diet. It is a slow process. But so far, I don't think I am doing very well. I still have uncontrollable cravings for something in my mouth. I still have guilt when I do eat.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food and I don't know if it is possible to overcome it. I am at a loss. But if I stay this way, losing 114 pounds is going to be ridiculously hard and what happens if I succeed. Then do I spend the rest of my life logging in points or calories so that I don't get fat again because I never was able to overcome my unhealthy obsession with food.

It scares me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNYLYNN73 4/28/2013 6:57PM

    So for me, I had to admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with food also. The only time in my life I was ever thin was when I was bulimic; so I was thin but not healthy, now I'm obese and not healthy. It all comes down to my relationship with food. That was a huge thing for me to understand and recognize. I am an emotional eater but, more than that, I am a compulsive eater: I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat just to eat because something smells good or I get a craving. I eat for many reasons other than being hungry. For me, the phrase or the realization I had to come to was that I am a food addict. I'm a junkie. And just like any other addict, yes, those trigger foods will probably always be trigger foods and yes, for the rest of my life I will have to understand and monitor my relationship with food.
My father is an alcoholic and brought all the ugliness and toxicity that addiction brings into a house. For me addiction is a very ugly thing. I didn't want to be that. I was better than that. But I would never say to my father, who is sober now, sure, you can have a drink. I'm sure you would be able to stop with just one or two. Because he can't stop. He won't be able to. he won't ever be able to.
I may not, and you may not, always have to count calories or points. you may not always have to track your food. But you will always have to be mindful of the relationship you have with food and the effect it has on you.
Now this is what worked for me. It was extremely hard for me to admit this to myself, like I said. And it may not be what works for you but I think you are on the right track. Don't give up. emoticon

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SLIMTHICK2 4/28/2013 6:54PM

    I have read through the responses that you've received and I know I can't add anything to what they've written only to say that so much of what you've wrote is also my experience. I wish to have and ah ha moment but it eludes me, all I can say is that I've have committed to this journey and even if I have to weigh and count calories for the rest of my life I prefer to do that than re-gain the 60 lbs that I have already lost. At present I am struggling and trying everything that I know of to re-vamp my enthusiasm to try to reach my goal weight so far I'm not successful but still holding on. Hopefully one day you will come upon something or someone or some scenario that will lead you into the place that you want to be all the best to you and thank you for being so honest. All the best. emoticon


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CAJUNBUCKEYE59 4/28/2013 4:40PM

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BLESSEDWYOMOM 4/28/2013 4:35PM

    emoticon I just want to let you know that I used to resembe nearly everything you wrote about. I recently read something that says you can't outrun a bad diet or overeating. I won't give you any magical tips or pointers, as I'm sure you'd heard them all from Weight Watchers. I don't know what happened to me, but it all finally came together for me toward the end of last year. I "just knew" that it was time. Now, I have had Multiple Sclerosis (MS) for 15 years and the recently accumulating disability had me more determined than ever to do what I can to halt this MonSter in any way I can.

I know those kind of "a-ha" moments don't happen for everyone and it certainly does not mean that I never indulge or overeat or make poor choices. It does mean that, rather than let those "slip-ups" defeat me and let them turn into day-long, week-long, month-long, or year(s)-long "slip-ups," I now ackowledge where I went wrong and re-committ myself to moving foward in a healthy way.

This will sound cliche, but it is true that admitting the issue is a great foundation for making real, lasting changing. Thank you for sharing so openly and honestly.

Lisa

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DMEYER4 4/28/2013 3:59PM

  emoticon emoticon when you want to eat and are not hungry try walking or reading .Any activity to keep you from eating. I had the same problem and now that I have taught myself to eat healthy I do not over eat anymore.

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Back on track...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The scale was finally nice to me this last Sunday. I have lost a total of 10 pounds!!! Not bad, but that three week lull (and gain) was a killer.

I'm up to 15 reps in Pilates... I know that isn't generally how they are done, but I'm pretty intense about them and I am trying to build my ab muscles back up after having baby last fall.

Jogging is a bust. I am too heavy and too tired and too out-of-shape to jog the only path available to me in this area (or until my husband and I have two cars). So instead of hurting myself more than I have and dealing with a recovery from that, I am going to get my butt out of bed and go to our little gym in our apartment complex. They have two elliptical, a treadmill, and a cycling machine. I'm going to bike and do the elliptical.

Does anybody know the difference between the spin machines that are set up like actual bikes versus the ones where your legs are out in front of you?

My problem so far is that I have missed two mornings already this week because my husband has a deadline at work and had to leave early, while the baby decided he was going to wake up between 3 and 5 am the last 5 days in a row, but not go to bed until 11pm. I'm tired and I can't go to the little gym with the baby.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DONANDMARY77 4/23/2013 10:56AM

    10 pounds! Way to go!
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MJ7DM33 4/23/2013 10:52AM

  emoticon on your weight loss!

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JOHGLO2011 4/23/2013 10:49AM

    Congratulations on your weight loss - 10 lbs. is awesome! Hang in there, it will get better! :) emoticon

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WORDWOMAN7 4/23/2013 9:18AM

    Congratulations on your progress! And hang in there.... Life with a newborn isn't easy, but it will get better. Hopefully your husband will meet his deadline and be able to take his turn with the baby so that you can get in the time you need at the gym. But again, great work! Ten pounds is nothing to sneeze at!!! emoticon

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