Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Today, thankfully, was better than yesterday. I kept to my plan to work out this morning at the gym and thought about what I needed to do to resolve work problems (see yesterday).
And then I went into work and had a talk with my boss, asked for definitive feedback on why I was not able to achieve the top ratings that I had worked so hard for, and got no definitive answer. I know I made my boss somewhat nervous and uncomfortable, which was not my intent, but I think it was a reasonable question. And now I've done what I can. Going to put off further decisions for now. Fact is, I have good bennies, I mean how many organizations still offer pensions? Not many. So, we shall see how it goes.
On that count, I felt like I dealt with that stress as well as I possibly could.
Also emailed my ex-SO today. We didn't have a nasty breakup... we were together for a year and I don't hate him. We just can't be together. He has been sick for a week and a half, sounded awful and I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up some groceries, which he did. So I did, and made him a little dinner. Felt so bad for him...he is a cancer survivor with a compromised immune system and he is really sick. I am saying prayers.
Tomorrow evening I am going to a hot yoga class, which is something new for me. And I am sure it will be challenging. I am looking forward to it.
Hug your loved ones tight and enjoy every moment to the fullest...we all do the best we can.
Monday, January 07, 2013
So, today sucked. I was really angry at work when I got my annual review and it was not what I expected and hoped for. I had a major project last year for which I was promised top reviews and bonus if I performed well. Which I did, by all objective measures. And today I was told that I did not get the top reviews or the bonus I had hoped for.
I have this really crappy thing I do when I get really angry: tears come to my eyes. I managed to state that I was disappointed and leave the room before the tears came to my eyes, but it pretty much sucked. I left a few minutes early and frankly wanted nothing more than to go home and have a drink or 3 and eat who knows what. But the fact is, no one died and it is not a catastrophe. I may need to think about what I need to do over the long term but my life is good.
So, I went home, I had a light dinner and I did the strength training I had planned to do. Then I had a couple glasses of wine and I am feeling calmer. I know why it bothered me: I don't feel like I'm valued for the work I do. I am also upset because it was something I had talked about with my SO last year when we were still together and it brought that back. It doesn't mean I wish I was still with him, I just miss being able to tell him.
I weathered that storm. I still need to say a bit more to my boss about it. And get my head straight about my value to the organization, whether or not it is noted. On the record, as they say. But that's tomorrow.
For now, t I am happy that I was able to avoid going over the edge. Eating and drinking my feelings. And in a half hour I am going to go upstairs, get ready for bed so I can get up early and get to the gym. And when I'm on the treadmill tomorrow morning watching Morning Joe (yes I am a political news junkie) I will think about how to deal with this. And then I will go to work and I will move forward. I am lucky, this is not a catastrophe, just a blip. And I dealt well with stress today!
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Today was tough, emotionally. Recent breakup with SO, and a day we would have spent together doing fun and familiar things. I knew it would be difficult so I prepared. Monitoring stress and trying to be proactive, as I promised myself…
So, I planned for it, emotionally and physically. I believe that it was right for both of us and I reminded myself about the reasons why... and I still thought it was right for both of us. I prepared and tracked my food and drink ahead of time, and although the day isn’t over, I think I will be successful and I know that was the right thing to do. I feel confident that I will stay within my calorie range. I think I should have reached out to friends for help…it would have been better to ask for support but I didn’t. Next time I will be sure to do that.
Saturday, January 05, 2013
I really need a kick start so I decided to set some basic goals for this first month of the year. They are pretty minimal, since I think that's what I need right now, what with slower than expected recovery from knee surgery, a lousy cold and lingering emotional "stuff."
Stay within my calorie range 29 out of 31 days in January (all except New Years Day and my birthday -- 2 streaks of 14 and 15 days each)
Track my weight and measurements every Saturday. (I thought about doing Wednesday instead but if I'm staying in range anyway, it shouldn't matter).
Do Cardio 4 days a week (elliptical, walking and running) and ST 3 days a week (resistance bands and weights). Other exercise and yoga would be great, but I am committing to doing at least that.
Monitoring my stress level daily in a short blog and using alternative methods for reducing stress (meditation, deep breathing, visualization, music). I am really committed to losing the weight and maintaining this time. Like a fair number of folks on Spark, I've lost substantial pounds (25, for me), only to put them back on again. There were external excuses (illness, injury) and laziness and complacency, but I think that there was an emotional component, too. I'm not really sure what it was about, but this time, I plan to pay more attention to it. I am pretty sure it has to do with stress and conflict and I want to make sure that it doesn't happen again. So, monitoring my stress and finding ways of dealing with it that do not involve food and alcohol will be an ongoing goal for me, starting now.
Reporting how I did at the end of the month.
Looking forward to this challenge!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Well, I can't say I've been very successful in consuming fewer calories over the past months, or losing weight either. Actually gained 3 lbs but I hate, hate, HATE to move the tracker. Isn't that silly? It is what it is, so I may as well admit it, right?
Ok, if it still is what it is on Sunday, I'll move it. Who knows, maybe it's water weight...
And I'm back on track now, eating right and logging it all in without too much damage done, so I'm not going to regret a little excess during the festivities...
On the bright side, I can run again! (see earlier blog on arthroscopic knee surgery - bleh). Just a little bit, doing 1 mile of running to 3 miles of walking once or twice a week, and doing elliptical and yoga the other days. And doing my PT exercises 3-4 times a week (Hooahhhh! and no, I'm not Army, just picked it up doing their awesome 10 mile race a few times over the past 10 years!). I plan to be VERY careful and not run too much, switching it out with other cardio, but just being able to do cardio again should do a world of good.
So, the holidays were fun this year, but a major distraction on the food front. I had both my boys home and I am literally embarrassed to say how much I spent on food and drink...but I do love to feed them. And they do appreciate it! And we did go to a few parties and take a bottle of wine or a casserole of mac and cheese or, well, no, I didn't take the darn chocolates...they stayed home. Laying in wait for me. And they got me. Note to self: do not purchase large quantities of chocolate thinking you're going to give them away. Because you won't! So, yes the holidays were a bit tough and challenging, but so much fun.
And even through the holidays, I managed to keep on top of my other goals, restoring order to my home...and alright, maybe not doing quite so well with the budget, but I have a plan for restoring order there: I am thinking about getting a roommate when my younger son's job comes through and he gets his own place. That would make a big difference.
Other things not so much fun right now, but I am working them out. I am determined to be as happy as I can. I think that's a reasonable goal, don't you?
So here is to rededication (again!), with much determination and hope that I am able to overcome any obstacles I find in my path!
Cheers! And here's to a happy New Year!
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