Tuesday, January 08, 2013
Today, thankfully, was better than yesterday. I kept to my plan to work out this morning at the gym and thought about what I needed to do to resolve work problems (see yesterday).
And then I went into work and had a talk with my boss, asked for definitive feedback on why I was not able to achieve the top ratings that I had worked so hard for, and got no definitive answer. I know I made my boss somewhat nervous and uncomfortable, which was not my intent, but I think it was a reasonable question. And now I've done what I can. Going to put off further decisions for now. Fact is, I have good bennies, I mean how many organizations still offer pensions? Not many. So, we shall see how it goes.
On that count, I felt like I dealt with that stress as well as I possibly could.
Also emailed my ex-SO today. We didn't have a nasty breakup... we were together for a year and I don't hate him. We just can't be together. He has been sick for a week and a half, sounded awful and I asked him if he wanted me to pick him up some groceries, which he did. So I did, and made him a little dinner. Felt so bad for him...he is a cancer survivor with a compromised immune system and he is really sick. I am saying prayers.
Tomorrow evening I am going to a hot yoga class, which is something new for me. And I am sure it will be challenging. I am looking forward to it.
Hug your loved ones tight and enjoy every moment to the fullest...we all do the best we can.
Monday, January 07, 2013
So, today sucked. I was really angry at work when I got my annual review and it was not what I expected and hoped for. I had a major project last year for which I was promised top reviews and bonus if I performed well. Which I did, by all objective measures. And today I was told that I did not get the top reviews or the bonus I had hoped for.
I have this really crappy thing I do when I get really angry: tears come to my eyes. I managed to state that I was disappointed and leave the room before the tears came to my eyes, but it pretty much sucked. I left a few minutes early and frankly wanted nothing more than to go home and have a drink or 3 and eat who knows what. But the fact is, no one died and it is not a catastrophe. I may need to think about what I need to do over the long term but my life is good.
So, I went home, I had a light dinner and I did the strength training I had planned to do. Then I had a couple glasses of wine and I am feeling calmer. I know why it bothered me: I don't feel like I'm valued for the work I do. I am also upset because it was something I had talked about with my SO last year when we were still together and it brought that back. It doesn't mean I wish I was still with him, I just miss being able to tell him.
I weathered that storm. I still need to say a bit more to my boss about it. And get my head straight about my value to the organization, whether or not it is noted. On the record, as they say. But that's tomorrow.
For now, t I am happy that I was able to avoid going over the edge. Eating and drinking my feelings. And in a half hour I am going to go upstairs, get ready for bed so I can get up early and get to the gym. And when I'm on the treadmill tomorrow morning watching Morning Joe (yes I am a political news junkie) I will think about how to deal with this. And then I will go to work and I will move forward. I am lucky, this is not a catastrophe, just a blip. And I dealt well with stress today!
Sunday, January 06, 2013
Today was tough, emotionally. Recent breakup with SO, and a day we would have spent together doing fun and familiar things. I knew it would be difficult so I prepared. Monitoring stress and trying to be proactive, as I promised myself…
So, I planned for it, emotionally and physically. I believe that it was right for both of us and I reminded myself about the reasons why... and I still thought it was right for both of us. I prepared and tracked my food and drink ahead of time, and although the day isn’t over, I think I will be successful and I know that was the right thing to do. I feel confident that I will stay within my calorie range. I think I should have reached out to friends for help…it would have been better to ask for support but I didn’t. Next time I will be sure to do that.
Get An Email Alert Each Time KRISKECK Posts