KRISKECK   58,214
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints
KRISKECK's Recent Blog Entries

Lots of Stress

Monday, January 07, 2013

So, today sucked. I was really angry at work when I got my annual review and it was not what I expected and hoped for. I had a major project last year for which I was promised top reviews and bonus if I performed well. Which I did, by all objective measures. And today I was told that I did not get the top reviews or the bonus I had hoped for.

I have this really crappy thing I do when I get really angry: tears come to my eyes. I managed to state that I was disappointed and leave the room before the tears came to my eyes, but it pretty much sucked. I left a few minutes early and frankly wanted nothing more than to go home and have a drink or 3 and eat who knows what. But the fact is, no one died and it is not a catastrophe. I may need to think about what I need to do over the long term but my life is good.

So, I went home, I had a light dinner and I did the strength training I had planned to do. Then I had a couple glasses of wine and I am feeling calmer. I know why it bothered me: I don't feel like I'm valued for the work I do. I am also upset because it was something I had talked about with my SO last year when we were still together and it brought that back. It doesn't mean I wish I was still with him, I just miss being able to tell him.

I weathered that storm. I still need to say a bit more to my boss about it. And get my head straight about my value to the organization, whether or not it is noted. On the record, as they say. But that's tomorrow.

For now, t I am happy that I was able to avoid going over the edge. Eating and drinking my feelings. And in a half hour I am going to go upstairs, get ready for bed so I can get up early and get to the gym. And when I'm on the treadmill tomorrow morning watching Morning Joe (yes I am a political news junkie) I will think about how to deal with this. And then I will go to work and I will move forward. I am lucky, this is not a catastrophe, just a blip. And I dealt well with stress today!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 1/8/2013 1:19PM

    How could they PROMISE something and then un-promise it?? That is completely ridiculous! I happy to hear that you are going to take it up with your boss once you have had some time to think it over, but I understand how you can get so angry you cry or get teared up.
I was in a really bad relationship a long time ago. I was abused. Instead of my feelings coming out as anger it came out as sadness. I cried a lot at that time because somehow it was more acceptable for a woman to cry than it was for her to get angry.
Here's to avoiding food and drink as a band-aid and using strength training as a stress reliever!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SBHPATRICK 1/7/2013 10:15PM

    How crummy, I'm sorry. But I'm very impressed with how you coped with everything thrown at you today and your plan for dealing with tomorrow.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KERRIELYNN719 1/7/2013 9:29PM

    Sorry you had a crappy day...But you did great dealing with it!

I have the same issue with the tears. When I get frustrated, hurt, anything like that, it simply a matter of getting to a place by myself so I can let it all out. It does often make me feel slightly better, so I guess whatever works, right?

I've found that I am love to think when I'm running, its just my thoughts (usually about not dying on the run, but I get lost in how to deal with things, lists of things I need to do, how and why I feel the way I do, etc) Who knew exercise would actually be good for you? :)

Have a great run on your treadmill and think through your problems....good luck!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Sunday, January 06, 2013

Today was tough, emotionally. Recent breakup with SO, and a day we would have spent together doing fun and familiar things. I knew it would be difficult so I prepared. Monitoring stress and trying to be proactive, as I promised myselfÖ

So, I planned for it, emotionally and physically. I believe that it was right for both of us and I reminded myself about the reasons why... and I still thought it was right for both of us. I prepared and tracked my food and drink ahead of time, and although the day isnít over, I think I will be successful and I know that was the right thing to do. I feel confident that I will stay within my calorie range. I think I should have reached out to friends for helpÖit would have been better to ask for support but I didnít. Next time I will be sure to do that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 1/7/2013 12:44PM

    Friends are super important! Yes you need that support. Ask for it now. Don't wait until "next time."
Sending you oodles of emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTINASP 1/7/2013 10:58AM

    That's very wise that you prepared like that.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISKECK 1/7/2013 6:56AM

    Thanks for the good words, friends! I am feeling much better today.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SBHPATRICK 1/6/2013 8:31PM

    Thinking of you.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KERRIELYNN719 1/6/2013 8:15PM

    Preparing is key, but always make sure you ask for help! It will always make you feel better, and the people around you will love you even more for the fact that you asked!

Great job sticking to your plan, and hope things get better...

Report Inappropriate Comment
MNJONES2 1/6/2013 7:50PM

    I think you are doing wonderfully handling a difficult situation - you did wonderfully planning ahead. I admire your courage and dedication!

Report Inappropriate Comment

January Goals

Saturday, January 05, 2013

I really need a kick start so I decided to set some basic goals for this first month of the year. They are pretty minimal, since I think that's what I need right now, what with slower than expected recovery from knee surgery, a lousy cold and lingering emotional "stuff."

I will:

Stay within my calorie range 29 out of 31 days in January (all except New Years Day and my birthday -- 2 streaks of 14 and 15 days each)

Track my weight and measurements every Saturday. (I thought about doing Wednesday instead but if I'm staying in range anyway, it shouldn't matter).

Do Cardio 4 days a week (elliptical, walking and running) and ST 3 days a week (resistance bands and weights). Other exercise and yoga would be great, but I am committing to doing at least that.

Monitoring my stress level daily in a short blog and using alternative methods for reducing stress (meditation, deep breathing, visualization, music). I am really committed to losing the weight and maintaining this time. Like a fair number of folks on Spark, I've lost substantial pounds (25, for me), only to put them back on again. There were external excuses (illness, injury) and laziness and complacency, but I think that there was an emotional component, too. I'm not really sure what it was about, but this time, I plan to pay more attention to it. I am pretty sure it has to do with stress and conflict and I want to make sure that it doesn't happen again. So, monitoring my stress and finding ways of dealing with it that do not involve food and alcohol will be an ongoing goal for me, starting now.

Reporting how I did at the end of the month.

Looking forward to this challenge!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 1/7/2013 12:43PM

    Knee surgery and recovering from it takes time, so give yourself some time. Whatever you do don't say that you are backsliding because it's just another way of beating yourself up. Love yourself wholeheartedly every day and it will make a big difference.
So you're a Capricorn too, eh? My birthday is on Sunday, the 13th. When is yours? I love birthdays!! The Universe showers you with love on your birthday! However I have experienced one birthday that wasn't so nice. 4 days after I turned 40 my boyfriend dumped me. What a bummer! But it was all for the best in hindsight. I'm with a really great guy now and we've been together for more than 10 years.
I too will be celebrating with cake and indulging. I love my own cooking and plan to bake my own cake so I know how many calories I will be eating. I think this year it will be a chocolate cake with butter cream frosting! Oh, I can taste it now! YUM!!
As for your other goals I highly recommend using yoga as a form of stress relieving so since monitoring stress daily is one of your goals as well as yoga (at some point) you can "kill two birds" by adding yoga now. I recommend finding a teacher though as trying yoga by looking at photos or a DVD is okay, nothing beats the in-person help from a good teacher who can correct your form.
Good Luck and a very Happy New Year to you!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISKECK 1/6/2013 12:12PM

    Thanks ladies! And're right, maybe I shouldn't use the word "minimal"...instead, I'll say "not complicated.". That's probably more accurate!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEXGAL1 1/6/2013 10:01AM

    great get er done!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTINASP 1/5/2013 6:06PM

    emoticon Good luck! You say 'minimal'?

Comment edited on: 1/5/2013 6:07:32 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment

Holiday Update: Back On Track Again!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Well, I can't say I've been very successful in consuming fewer calories over the past months, or losing weight either. Actually gained 3 lbs but I hate, hate, HATE to move the tracker. Isn't that silly? It is what it is, so I may as well admit it, right?

Ok, if it still is what it is on Sunday, I'll move it. Who knows, maybe it's water weight...

And I'm back on track now, eating right and logging it all in without too much damage done, so I'm not going to regret a little excess during the festivities...

On the bright side, I can run again! (see earlier blog on arthroscopic knee surgery - bleh). Just a little bit, doing 1 mile of running to 3 miles of walking once or twice a week, and doing elliptical and yoga the other days. And doing my PT exercises 3-4 times a week (Hooahhhh! and no, I'm not Army, just picked it up doing their awesome 10 mile race a few times over the past 10 years!). I plan to be VERY careful and not run too much, switching it out with other cardio, but just being able to do cardio again should do a world of good.

So, the holidays were fun this year, but a major distraction on the food front. I had both my boys home and I am literally embarrassed to say how much I spent on food and drink...but I do love to feed them. And they do appreciate it! And we did go to a few parties and take a bottle of wine or a casserole of mac and cheese or, well, no, I didn't take the darn chocolates...they stayed home. Laying in wait for me. And they got me. Note to self: do not purchase large quantities of chocolate thinking you're going to give them away. Because you won't! So, yes the holidays were a bit tough and challenging, but so much fun.

And even through the holidays, I managed to keep on top of my other goals, restoring order to my home...and alright, maybe not doing quite so well with the budget, but I have a plan for restoring order there: I am thinking about getting a roommate when my younger son's job comes through and he gets his own place. That would make a big difference.

Other things not so much fun right now, but I am working them out. I am determined to be as happy as I can. I think that's a reasonable goal, don't you?

So here is to rededication (again!), with much determination and hope that I am able to overcome any obstacles I find in my path!

Cheers! And here's to a happy New Year!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 12/28/2012 12:58PM

    You've got to leave some room for living. You can't be on a diet or counting calories all of the time, right? Some day those training wheels have to come off...unless you want to be here for the rest of your life tracking everything. I know I don't. I've been using Spark for 4+ years and am slowly learning that I have to cut myself some slack on holidays, vacations, and other celebrations. Weight naturally fluctuates, right? So I think it's perfectly natural to gain a little over Xmas and then get back to it after New Year's.
Remember that every day you are improving your health simply by eating well and moving that body.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTINASP 12/28/2012 10:25AM

    I like that it's your goal to be as happy as you can. More people should adopt it! :)

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEXGAL1 12/28/2012 10:09AM

    Good for you getting back on track. Feels so good to do so.
Make it a great 2013! You can do it!
Have a terrific day.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KERRIELYNN719 12/28/2012 10:03AM

    Good luck! A new year for a better start!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KRISKECK 12/28/2012 9:39AM

    Nell, thanks, that makes total sense. I'll do it.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NELLJONES 12/28/2012 9:31AM

    Do move your tracker. Your weight is what it is, and you'll want to see the success of losing those pounds you gained.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Just the Basics

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

For a long time, I was in the business of setting myself a lot of goals which were wonderful and idealistic, but I was never able to fully achieve. I had a whole lot of things on my list like creating art and getting a masters degree that I thought I had to do to be a successful and happy person. For a number of reasons, I thought this was the way a person was supposed to live. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to achieve all of them...and that made me feel less than successful.

So I decided I needed to simplify. To do that, I needed to define my priorities, focus on what was most important to me, and arrange my goals around those priorities. It turns out that maintaining my physical, mental and spiritual health is most important to me. So, while those other things are laudable goals, they really arenít part of the foundation I need to feel strong and healthy the way I want to. Maybe one day Iíll get to those things, but right now, they just arenít what I need.

Once I decided what my highest priorities were, I started paring down my list of goals so I could build around those. Working out and eating right are obvious Ė Iím definitely keeping those! But as it turns out, mental and physical order are also right up there for me.

Clearing my mind with some kind of meditation is really helpful to my emotional and spiritual health - and while Iím not even near hitting my goal of meditating every day, I am still working on it because I think itís worth it. The goal serves as a reminder that I am happier when I am able to take the time to clear the emotional cobwebs and distracting thoughts and focus on maintaining a calm sense of balance in my life. And I am always happier when I do that.

It turns out physical order is important to me too. I like to keep my space in order, and I like to keep my money in order. I am slowly getting my house in order: cleaning closets, getting rid of clothes and knick-knacks and paper I no longer need.

And I finally made a budget and am working on sticking to it. Iím proud of this because Iíve been overspending lately. I made a lot of excuses Ė kidsí college expenses, I deserve this, blah blah blah. The fact is, I have been lacking in discipline and Iím going to get myself in trouble unless I get my finances under control.

I found out that by simplifying my goals, I've been better able to achieve them. Instead of trying to do everything, Iím trying to work methodically on the ones that matter. Maybe Iíll get to the other stuff one day, maybe I wonít. Itís my life, I get to choose.

So, that's it. Just the basics. Itís giving me a feeling of freedom.

I like that.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPICHICK1 11/8/2012 10:20AM

    Good for you!! This is a wonderful blog. I Love the idea of just being happy with what is most important and health is #1 for me too.
Good Luck with your meditation practice and if you are free on SUnday this may be a way for you to kick off your Sunday meditation. I found it on Facebook!

Please join us for Eckhart Tolleís world-wide live meditation broadcast event for our Facebook friends on November 11 at 1 PM PT / 4 PM ET

This free event is our way in helping to raise the consciousness on the planet and bring Eckhartís message of peace, stillness and awakening to as many people as possible.

We have been working hard to improve our server capacity to accommodate very large numbers so that everyone can now participate. You will need to pre-register here:

Click here to view what time this event will be broadcasted in your area:

If you wish to view this information as a 'facebook event' please click here:

Report Inappropriate Comment
_COSMOPAULATAN_ 11/7/2012 7:38PM

    Love this. It's always the path of least resistance that leads us home... why we complicate things, I'm not sure. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEXGAL1 11/7/2012 1:01PM

    Great blog and sounds wonderful that you are working on things that matter most to you. I need to remind myself when the scale yells at me for eating crap the day before that I still feel healthy and good overall.
Thanks for the reminder of what truely matters.
Have a great day.

Report Inappropriate Comment

First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Last Page