Saturday, November 06, 2010
well, I went on vacation. We were gone almost 2 weeks; and as I "anticipated", DH picked a fight before we even arrived. Another stupid fight. First, he wanted to hassle me because I hadn't packed the rugged outdoors kind of jacket he had packed -- I packed a dress jacket. We were vacationing in Scottsdale AZ for heaven's sake! He bitched that it had taken me an hour to pack (it normally takes me 3 days to plan exactly what to take for 2 weeks that will fit in ONE piece of carry-on luggage...) oh, and he had to add that I had had 8 MONTHS in which to pack.... Is he f****ing CRAZY? After testily explaining that he HAD scheduled the movers to come 4 days before leaving on vacation without consulting me, and that he had insisted on my involvement with this project the day before, the day of, and 1 day after -- WHEN I had completed MY part of the move 2 YEARS AGO (as we had agreed!), aNd I was gracious about it, AND *I* wasn't complaining or inconveniencing him over my choice of jacket, then he mulled it over and said, well, it wasn't important, and it was no big deal, and he apologized.
And I graciously accepted his apology.
Of course, it is only "no big deal' and "not important" when he realizes HE is at fault.
But I knew; I knew; it wasn't going to take long for him to invent SOMEthing to pick a fight about. The last time we had a nice vacation where he didn't pick a fight was 10 years ago. I'm very tired of it. This time, it was my driving when I offered to spell him so he could relax. As if. He sat up alertly and clenched his jaw, and I could just SEE him mentally ticking off supposed "infractions"... (much later, he told me what they were -- things like "you took too long to pass the semi; you drifted a bit inside your lane... I do mean SUPPOSED infractions!). After an hour and a half, I asked him if he would like to resume driving (as he certainly wasn't relaxing!). I got blasted with insult and criticism. But I kept my temper and told him I wasn't giving him and opening to criticize me or insult me; it was strictly a yes/no question and that was all I wanted by way of reply and I asked nicely again if he wanted to drive, yes or no? Again with the insults! So I signaled first, yanked the wheel over, braked hard and stopped and got out to trade places. Yes, I was angry by then.
I got the cold shoulder from then on. Which is actually pretty good for him when he's angry... He did try to "solve" the problem by sitting down and telling me he wanted to talk about it, and promised me if I let him talk without interruption, he's then let me respond without interruption. So he talked, and insulted me, and even blamed me for getting rear-ended twice last winter (he wasn't there for these events, but if I got rear-ended, then I had to be doing something wrong!). When it was my turn to talk, he got up and left for 9 hours, rather than listen. Ask me if I am even angrier!
So I resolved to just ignore the incident and any misbehavior on his part during the rest of the vacation. I was "pleasant" as much as I could be. At the end of the vacation, after MUCH swallowing of my anger, I offered an olive branch -- which he rejected.
Now we're home and he's still showing his true colors. I'm avoiding him now. I am still pleasant, though I don't wish to be. I'm angry and getting angrier. I don't want to be the passive-aggressive type, but I do not seem to know how to express anger, except destructively. And I don't want to do that either. So what DO I do? I am open to advice.
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
breakfast... if I miss it, I'm hungry all day!
