Saturday, November 23, 2013
So my brother choked me in July and I called the police and we both spent the night in jail since I somehow scratched his arm while fighting for my life.... Yes, we are pressing charges against each other.... and my family is playing "blame the victim" since they all believe I should not have called authorities. What should I have done? Die? Allow myself to continue to be further intimidated anytime I try to see my family and he's around? It doesn't matter what I do. The moment my brother decided to strangle me, he took away my family. I believed that immediately after the fact, and I confirmed that (for the most part) on this first attempt to see any relative of mine. They blame me and so I do not feel "safe" around them either. So if it doesn't matter and they are lost to me no matter whether or not I press charges -- why do I press charges? --Because I still love and care about them and it is only a matter of time before he threatens their lives IF I do nothing. If I do something (press charges and win), it might give my brother pause before he acts, and it might give my family the "permission" they need not to abuse or be abused. Who knows? My line in the sand might save a life -- even though it possibly ruins my brother's. This is the only way I know to stop the transmission of violence through the generations of my family.
Really? What did *I* do? I hope we aren't still playing blame the victim! I had the temerity to utter the word "no" to him. Nope, I wasn't screaming: I wasn't sticking my face in his; in fact, I wasn't even angry. But I said "no."
So... the ones I saw tried to restrain themselves. They said nothing. The tension of saying nothing was thick and heavy and repressive. I tried to speak to my sister (who hadn't been there to witness the event) and she... declared her unhappiness with me. And wasn't interested in listening to me.
On the upside... I got to see my dental-student son and let him work on my teeth. Scary (I can't help it, he's my baby!) but he did a fine job! And I learned that no one had talked to him about what had happened and for that I am grateful. With my own kids, I have tried not to pass on the violence or the "blame the victim" attitude that gets adopted in violent and oppressed families... and I'm glad to report that my son did not express condemnation of my actions.
Further on the upside, I got to visit with friends, who allowed me to vent and who were supportive, and that really helped. I attended my 35th college reunion and had lots of fun. I needed that! For awhile, I was 20 again and in a safe place. I relaxed and enjoyed myself and renewed myself and restored my strength. An awesome 4 days! I had thought reunions must be tiresome, boring things -- but I was SO wrong! I attended interesting lectures, re-joined the Marching Owl Band on the field, re-connected with old friends and laughed and laughed, danced, made a few new friends, and ate until I popped. (okay, that last part wasn't THAT good!) If YOU haven't been back, I highly recommend that you give it a whirl!