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JUST FOR LAUGHS

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Twas the month after Christmas,
And all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
The chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
Had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
There arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
"You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!"

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.














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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LORIENABANANA 1/14/2011 4:28PM

    I LOVE that poem! We have to laugh to keep ourselves from crying, right??! Thanks for sharing.

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DIANE2110 1/12/2011 11:40AM

    A lot of thought went into that! Nicely done!

Diane : ) ** Make it Happen in 2011 **

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WE WAS BRUNG UP PROPER!

Monday, January 10, 2011



"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gob stoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes [patty cakes], white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY ,
no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears!
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,
>
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!
FOOTBALL and CRICKET had try outs and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on
MERIT
Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL !

And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSHINEGB 1/10/2011 2:30PM

    Having been born in the 30's, do I EVER remember those times you wrote about in your blog here!
Weren't they wonderful?
Aren't children of today missing a lot?
Being physical and always playing outdoors was the best thing for us and an overweight child was a rare thing back then. Come to think of it ... so was an overweight adult a rarity!
Hooray for the "good old days!"
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TWOTIMESS 1/10/2011 2:06PM

    It really is sad that today's children don't have the freedom we had growing up. I look at my body and see various scars - this one from scaling a high wall, ripping my knee on an embedded nail, that one on my toe from getting it caught in the bicycle spokes, broken ankle, so many memories... LOL!

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NWHURLEYGIRL 1/10/2011 1:43PM

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KAITLYNN51 1/10/2011 1:36PM

    AMEN!
What memories these were too.
We didn't gain weight because we were always outside "physically" playing, not on some electronic device all day!

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THINGS THAT DRIVE A SANE PERSON MAD!

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Starting the year with a wee bit of humour .. lol Can you relate to these? I sure can!




You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.

The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling (or braces).

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.

The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.

You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSHINEGB 1/4/2011 6:26PM

    Oh, ah, um ... I think that dog in the neighborhood is mine, sorry! emoticon

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LISAWILLBEFIT 1/4/2011 5:46PM

    I have done alot of these...thanks this was funny and true.Lisa

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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MY FEMALE FRIENDS!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas To My Female Friends

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells,
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes,
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny,
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take.
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid,
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle,
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me,
The matronest of matrons you ever did see.

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got,
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older, this wish is sincere,
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.







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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MINIMOE1 12/23/2010 11:30AM

    Joan - you are TOO funny - what a great poem and so true, darn it!
Have a great Christmas!
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SUNSHINEGB 12/23/2010 7:24AM

    Oh Joan, how I wish you were Santa.... emoticon
"Merry Christmas" my friend, enjoy!
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LISAWILLBEFIT 12/23/2010 6:49AM

    This is funny and true...tthanks for sharing.Merry christmas

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ONE FLAW IN WOMEN

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.....

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy

and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer

when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel

and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about

a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,

yet they are strong when they

think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss

can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you

to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what

makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their

family and friends.

Women have vital things to say

and everything to give..

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH !!























  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIVIAV 11/30/2010 6:34PM

    Very true in my experience. Women are fantastic and most often don't seem to know how much so. emoticon

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LISAWILLBEFIT 11/30/2010 6:29PM

    That is so true and wonderful.Thanks for posting it.Lisa

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WALIDGAZALA 11/30/2010 2:01PM

    It is beautiful but are you serious?

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