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Our Marriage--10

Saturday, October 06, 2012

Accepting Cancer came easy to me because I honestly had lived a good life---and I believed in going while everything was good.Unfortunately I did not go---but seeing Sudhir's face gave me the strength to face the rigours of a highly toxic Chemo---and today I am what I am because going through Cancer gave me a new insight into Life.It was at Tata's I came across people who cared---the Lift (Elevator) Operator would give me his chair to sit on on the way back,the Nurses would accompany me to the Loo in the middle of the Transfusion in case I needed help---people I didn't even know giving their seats to me just because I looked sick---so many incidents completely impossible to add up here.All through this was my husband---who accompanied me to every Chemo Cycle as well as each Radiation cycle---it was his hand that I held and it was his face that reflected the physical pain he knew I was going through.
I'm not going to trivialise anything but the honest truth is that I always treated each one of my illnesses as a Game between God and me.It was a test of my endurance and I wanted to come out of this with flying Colours------and this only strengthened my faith in God.The period ranging from 5th. December 2006 to 31st. July 2007 was tough but because it was a Game I played it to the best of my ability and won.This period cured me of my Vanity,made me a better Human Being and above all reassured my beloved husband about my strength---both mental and physical. My body however was not the same and as I began resuming my normal life I began realising the difference.My determination to beat this was very strong and the fact that they managed to get the Cancer out--once more just before it could have penetrated the bones---told me that according to The Almighty how special I was. Sudhir too was gradually beginning to feel that I lived a charmed life--till suddenly one day I felt dizzy and my left arm became heavy.Luckily for me both Chaya Bai and Vanita had arrived--Sudhir having left for the Court 25-30 minutes earlier.I sent Chhaya Bai to get Anuradha--my next door neighbour and Vanita to fetch Ashish--our local GP both arriving in split seconds.I then called Sudhir and since he was barely mid way--he turned back immediately.Our neice-in-law Maithili whom Sudhir contacted immediately set up an appointment for me with her Cardiologist and everything was waiting for me when we reached.Surprisingly my Cardio Enzymes,my Ecg and mt 2d Cardio were all normal and since we'd not carried my Insulin I was asked to come back after Lunch because my Sugar had touched the 400 mark!!!So I came back home,ate Lunch and was getting ready toleave when Sudhir asked me whether he should ask Anuradha to accompany us.On my affirmative reply he went across the Landing to ask her--and as I was crossing our Bedroom towards the door, a sudden Tidal Wave of pain tore through my right arm---and I collapsed on the Wicker Sofa just there---and went out like a Light!!!
All bodily pain and discomfort ceased as I began rising,floating towards a Glow.I felt light as a feather and there was no pain------it was a beautiful feeling--indescribably beautiful!!! Suddenly two faces appeared before me--Daddy and Atya--and they pushed me back towards the edge of the precipice I wanted to climb.Their faces were determined--"go back--it's not your time just yet--go back" and then I was falling back through a dark tunnel--as some things began impinging on my consciousness---someone was screaming wildly,something was shaking desperately and finally I could smell Fear!!!
It was Sudhir who was screaming and pounding my chest with all his might---while Anuradha was rubbing my hands and feet with all her might--and her brother-in-law was trying to get the Lift (Elevator) door to open.Finally the 3 of them managed to get me down---and with our chauffeur Pradeep's help into the car!!Once more Maithili had made the arrangements and I was rushed into the I.C.C.U. immediately---where while they were settling me in I launched into another Attack as bad as the earlier one!!this time I could hear the doctor and the nurses running around as they injected me with two Injections to begin with---before proceeding with the Treatment.As I lay there barely conscious--i could still hear Sudhir's sobs !!!It was Anuradha who filled in all the details in my Admission form and she was very useful to Sudhir who was so very glad of her presence--even after his sisters and mine arrived!!I was to remain in Hospital and an Angiography was to be conducted to determine the extent of the damage my heart had suffered---but only after I was strong enough to face the procedure.Once more it was a Game that my Creator and I were playing---and so far He/She was letting me win!!!Luckily I came off lightly---I had one major blockage which they repaired with Angioplasty and two smaller ones--maybe they're still there--I dunno!!!Two days later I was home---and Sudhir just clutched me tightly and wept--the entire night!!!That was when I decided--I had botched all 3 chances God gave me to die---so if I had to live then so be it!!I owed it to Sudhir to get back on my feet once more---and more reassure him that I'd live with a flourish and be with him as long as he needed me!!

  
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EACHDAYAGIFT 10/8/2012 6:43PM

    Wow. While i knew that you had been through heart attacks, diabetes, and dengue fever, reading more details in these blogs helps me imagine what it was like for you. I never knew anyone who had experienced that going toward the light phenomenon, though I have heard of it so often. Poor Sudhir, he would have battled dragons and demons and anything else to save you. I am so glad his attempts brought you back and they got you to the hospital in time once again. So many chances that I would never have gotten to meet you here and read your thoughts and memories...
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CHERIRIDDELL 10/7/2012 2:12AM

    I tend to believe we are here for a reason .You have fought indescribable odds and you are still here.I have been hit by a truck twice and lived to tell the tale.God isn't finished with us yet. emoticon Cheri

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RAIN454 10/7/2012 12:13AM

    The whole blog was heart-wrenching but I couldnt resist getting teary with Sudhirs tight hug the night you returned. Love you lots.
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Comment edited on: 10/7/2012 12:15:08 AM

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JUDYAMK 10/6/2012 10:19PM

    Praise the Lord you came through this. Our Lord & Savior wanted you here for a reason
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Judy

Comment edited on: 10/6/2012 10:19:44 PM

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MIRFA71 10/6/2012 1:18PM

    May God give Health and strength. emoticon

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SAASHA17 10/6/2012 12:55PM

    emoticon emoticon

Manasa

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Our Marriage---9

Friday, October 05, 2012

After Dengue, the first 6 months I was on a strict Diet--surviving mainly on Boiled/steamed food---for too many Salads too could cause a problem of Stomach Infections.My Liver Enzymes and the rest settled back into their original rhythm and once more the two of us began bowling around together pretty well--slowly resetting a new Pattern.By now our Trips to USA had increased ---and we'd be there almost every 8-9 months--travelling from Sayali on the East Coast to Lotta on the West Coast and back--thus spanning the entire Continent twice each time we visited.Both the Girls would begin to calculate the exact number of days we stayed with each one of them--but Sudhir was a whizz at Maths. and would effectively shut them up----so perfectly did he plan our stays!!
By now Sudhir had begun coming home early--the scare that Dengue gave him prompted him to call me 3-4 times each day---but he'd get extremely flustered if I called him instead--so I didn't!!Besides my Sugar levels thanks to the Insulin had begun fluctuating---and he could never imagine that I could be busy else where--the Picture in his mind was always one of me lying crumpled on the floor in a Diabetic Coma!!His stress was pretty obvious but mine was not.Our common Grandpa had died at age 60 years and as that figure began creeping up I silently suffered---but not wanting to upset him did not show my worries and stress to him---and as a result clung to the physical symbols of my married status even more determinedly.On one visit Sayali and I had a very heated argument over my Toe Rings.A friend of hers named Ajit had just recieved some shocking news from home.His mother--a heavy Diabetic like me had suffered from Gangrene in her toes of the left foot.This had been caused because of her heavy Silver Toe rings--similar to mine.This made Sayali insist on my removing them and when I wouldn't agree to do so--went to Sudhir and put that Bee in his Bonnet!!I promised him that I'd remove these once he turned 65--and would get my feet checked regularly by Dr. Pai each time I went on my regular follow-ups.He agreed but it became a habit---a highly embarassing one----for him to play with my feet--just to check for any sore spots!!!
By the time November 2006 rolled around we were in good health--and great spirits planning a surprise to L.A. to wish our older son-in-law Mehul on his 40th. Birthday on January 1--for he's a New Year's baby.Around that time a new Health Insurance Policy was floated by ICICI Prudential---and since it was specifically for Diabetics Sudhir called them in to do my Insurance with them.The salient features were that they would cover even my existing Illnesses as well as any other ones I may incur.Besides this Health Policy was applicable in more than 20 Countries at the time--which would be a welcome relief from issuing a new Health Policy each time we travelled!!As a part of the procedure I had to go see their Doctor on call to get all my Examinations,Tests etc. routed through him/her.Everything went of fine but it was during the Cardiogram that she noticed a difference in the structure of my right breast---when she pressed a little harder she felt a lump.She left me to get dressed and immediately informed Sudhir that I had a pretty large lump in my breast--and 85%-90% it could be malignant.That did it--Sudhir panicked and badly!!The day was a Saturday--and he spent the entire night just looking down at me and weeping--his hands smoothing my hair all through the night.I didn't know how to console him------for to be honest I was myself stumped!!My daughters were the first people he called--"Don't panic Mummy has a lump in her breast--and chances of it being Cancer are very strong.As usual she isn't bothered--she slept peacefully last night---but don't worry about me--I'm alright!"
Luckily belonging to a large extended Family always helps.A first cousin of both Mummy's and Sudhir's named Sushil Bhai is a Surgeon--a very well known one.His wife who happens to be my second cousin--Mummy's older cousin's daughter is also a Doctor.Their son,Mandar at the time was attached to Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital and coincidentally to the Breast department.Within 4 days after the initial Diagnosis my Mammograms and CT Scans showed positive results of there being a malignant lump in my right breast.The Surgery was fixed for early morning 5th. December 2006---and because Mandar loves to cook we both went into the OT discussing Thai Food!!!Sudhir had asked Mandar to take whatever decision he felt was right when the lump was exposed--and Mandar did.He removed 17 lymph nodes from my armpit and a 4" piece of flesh from my breast----.I was not worried about living or dying because I'd had a really good life so far,my daughters were settled and except Sudhir I had no other responsibilities.Mummy and I shared a good bond but not a very open or emotional one---so as Mikki and Ritu remained i guessed she'd be okay!!Having settled matters to my mental satisfaction I gave myself up to The Almighty--to do with me as he wished!!

  
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CHERIRIDDELL 10/6/2012 2:54AM

    You were so brave.Somehow it does not surprise me that you faced that surgery discussing Thai food ! I am indeed glad you were spared,hugs,Cheri

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BOVEY63 10/5/2012 1:44PM

    So nice that you had such a loving and caring husband and family as you went through these trials of life.
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MIRFA71 10/5/2012 1:27PM

    thanks for sharing! and you remember so many details. emoticon

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GILUBIPLAB 10/5/2012 10:03AM

    emoticon Thank you so much for sharing...

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SAASHA17 10/5/2012 7:40AM

    Poor Sudhir...u were definitely the jerry to his poor Tom....Discussing Thai food... emoticon

Manasa

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Our Marriage--8

Friday, October 05, 2012

By early 1989 I had begun suffering from tremendous Water Retention and severe Cramps before my periods---making it impossible for me to reach for anything on the floor without suffering a spasm instantly.A visit to my Gynaec. Usha Tai revealed there was some complication in the Uterine lining--and this was the reason for both all the Menstrual pain that I went through each month--the heavy bleeding too. She suggested Cauterising of the Uterine lining and next month I landed up on her table---and the Cauterisation began.What was supposed to be a 5 minute Procedure got prolonged into a 35-40 minute one----and Mummy who was waiting in the outer Room became very worried.Inside Usha Tai was concentrating on hurting me as little as she could--for she had not given me a local Anasthesia for I had asked her not to since I'm allergic to it.Halfway through the Procedure she asked whether I'd prefer doing the rest of it the following month.By now I had decided to finish it for once and for all--and that done--she just sat and stared at me--in awe!!Mummy and Usha Tai were old friends and when she told Mummy how proud she should be of me because of the way I went through the entire process without a murmur for the first time in my life Mummy was overwhelmed--because of me!!
After this I began putting on weight--and went on to reach 105 kgs. in weight by May that year!!Finally I began Ayurveda as an alternative Treatment and brought down my weight from 105 kgs. to 75 kgs. within 3 months--thanks to Sunanda Tai's Treatment. After that a Golden period began--for Ayurveda had cured me of my Water Retention,excessive monthly bleeding and reversed my weight gain--my weight staying between 75-78 kgs.It also rejuvenated my Uterus to the extent of Usha Tai jokingly asking me whether we wanted to try having another Baby---for according to her my Uterus had become like a young woman's!!Life was good---but then in July 1996 I began losing weight excessively--almost on a daily basis and coupled with reduction in my 20-20 vision, Pilloo Aunty insisted on my getting a full Blood Test done.The Blood test revealed Diabetes--and a pretty severe one--and Sudhir took it way harder than me!!He began monitoring my Diet--and also asked Pilloo Aunty to give me a Chart of the dos and the don'ts---and a new phase in our lives began.
By August 2000 both Diabetes and me were beginning to get along fine and after Sayali left Sudhir and I too were getting to know each other once more--this time a deeper bond was building--that of Friendship and Mutual Understanding and our fights too reduced to bickerings!!Maybe it was because wer were older,our responsibilities were almost behind us and our two children had flown the coop--whatever the reasons may be we became even closer--till we almost became each other's identical twins!!The first tragedy to strike us badly after Atya passed away in 1994 was Milind's sudden unexpected death in February,2001---and Sudhir took it very badly.Both brothers were in the habit of staying in constant touch with each other--both physically and on telephone and Milind suddenly dying on him created a deep vacuum in Sudhir's life.For the first time I've seen Sudhir bottling up his feelings so much--because he was certain if he began letting go he might not be able to stop!!Once more the Tempo of our lives changed and this time definitely not for the better.Sudhir became irritable and short tempered and it took him almost 2 years to overcome this--could have taken longer if I had not fallen sick!!
Mumbai has always been home to a lot of Mosquitoes--basically having been a Swamp--but the strain of the Dengue Mosquito was a new developement. It was known to be fatal and when I came down with it it was still relatively new and only one Laboratory in Mumbai had the equipment to diagnose it!!The time I caught it was in many ways awkward--Sayali was coming home after 2 years and I was excited because this was the first time she was doing so after her marriage to Kartik.Unfortunately I came down with this 5 days before she landed and 2 days after she did an Ambulance took me to the Hospital and the ICU or ER--badly dehydrated and bleeding heavily--my periods were on then.All the Medical machinery swung into action and I was in ICU for almost 6 full days--it was my arguing with my Dr. Pai that got me transferred to a Private Room--on a solemn promise that I wouldn't talk at all!!Not very happy with the situation but had to agree--under duress!!!This time Sudhir was shaken pretty badly--for he'd had to face my mortality for the first 2 days I was in Hospital---and that really hit him very hard!!I again argued my way back home within 15 days--once more on the solemn promise of not deviating from the Prescribed Diet and Medications--and by 2nd. December 2002,Insulin and I had made an aquaintance--soon to develope into a very strong Bond!!

  
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BOVEY63 10/5/2012 1:42PM

    I am amzed at how well you have accepeted and dealt with all the illness you have faced.

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GILUBIPLAB 10/5/2012 10:08AM

    I just can't stop reading...Thank you for sharing. emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 10/5/2012 2:13AM

    OH Komal you really have had some dreadful health scares. You are tough though and have fought your way back to health.I am so glad you are so very determined for you are a treasure ! hugs,Cheri

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Our Marriage--7

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Our Life before I fell sick was really going great.Our daughters had grown up---Sudhir was a Grandpa at 50 and I a Grandma at 41---the birth of our grand daughter Meha adding a new dimension to our lives.We were still young young enough to enjoy our Lunch Dates and our Weekend Long Drives together and the highlight would always be when we'd drive out on Weekends with the entire Family in tow.It was a very perfect period in my life--perfect relationship and very happy with ourselves over the way things were going----giving the two of us a self satisfaction we felt we had earned.By now Sudhir was extremely busy with his work---so there would be constant pressure from Work---but he thrived on that.Lotta was married and Sayali in College so I'd babysit Meha whenever Lotta needed to go out---and it was perhaps the most enjoyable period for me!!My evenings were spent listening to Music---and because Sudhir felt guilty about leaving me alone---he bought the latest Equipment for me to enjoy my Music as I wished.I'm an impulsive person--and during that period I bought so many Cassettes that I'd record 2-3 Song Compilations of Sudhir's favourite Songs and play a different one each night for his easy listening pleasure!!!Since we got married and due to insomnia we were in the habit of playing Music every night on a low Volume--because I felt that the melodies washing over his mind would help him to relax and eventually to sleep.It was perhaps for the year after Lotta's birth when we stopped this practice for a while and again after Sayali was born---because Lotta cried incessantly and Music was the last thing on our poor tired desperate minds---and Sayali because she'd start babbling on various levels--just to keep pace!!!So it was safer to just try to sleep the best we could those few years!!
Gradually I built up a huge Collection of old LPs---three of these were ones that featured beautiful old Instrumentals----from "Gone with the Wind","Dr. Zhivago","Romeo and Juliet" ---played at a low volume these were our favourite night time friends!!As the number of cassettes grew and with the advent of Cds we needed more Equipment--so a new Boom Box was added in the Bedroom along with the Video player.As VCDS/DVDs became the rage a new one with a DVD Player included made it's appearance in our Bedroom --so the earlier Boom Box was shunted off into the Girls' Bedroom.Lotta arbbitrarily dumped our old Music System and Video Recorder by just asking our Janitor Krishna to clear it away-----"Ma are you going to use it????That Record Player is wobbling---and these days nobody repairs old things--besides Record Players are obsolete!!!" and out went my old world Music System to replaced by a spanking new Music System--and then began a period of exchanging the old System for new almost each year---for there would be problems with the Moisture during the Monsoons--and of course newer Features!!She also gave away my prized LPs----just handed them over to Krishna once more---he'd got the old player repaired and his son loved the Collection---so that at least was not a waste!!
The last System Sudhir bought me has a 5 CD Player and can ensure a constant flow of Music for me.It also has two Cassette Players and a Recorder side by side---but it was jammed by the time I got back.I'm going to get it repaired and if possible at least use the Cassette Players if not the Cd Player---depending on what the person repairing it says!!I have since added a another Boom Box this year which also has a USB attachment-----Thanks to this I have now Music wherever I am in the house---and it surrounds all the time!!

  
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EACHDAYAGIFT 10/8/2012 6:29PM

    Doesn't music have such a great power to change our mood? I am not musical myself, but I find some music so emotionally moving, in a way that other things aren't. I think this is why the musical background in a movie can make it or break it... it gets us to feel what the filmmaker intended us to feel.

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BOVEY63 10/5/2012 1:39PM

    Music does stir the soul and brings back many wonderful memories.
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CHERIRIDDELL 10/5/2012 2:16AM

    I adore music too.DO you play any instruments? hugs,Cheri

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MAHGRET 10/5/2012 1:26AM

    Enjoy your music!

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ALICIA214 10/5/2012 12:38AM

 

Music !! Food for the soul Where would we be without it and aren't we lucky to have so many electronics to record our favourite pieces. I wish you peace.

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Our Marriage--6!!!

Thursday, October 04, 2012

Three things about Sudhir still made my heart go "Bump" till the very day he died--and memories of these still continue to do so even today!!The first was his beautiful Brown eyes---till today I've never come across such expressive eyes--they could change from a liquid Sherry Gold into a smouldering Coffee in a flash!!!That man had me wound around his little finger---and he was very aware of this!!My memories about his eyes are many but would like to share just these two here.Once after our marriage we both had gone out for a Drive on one of Bombay's Highlights--the Marine drive.It was the Christmas vacation and we had gone to fetch the famous "Plum Cake" or Christmas Cake from the Taj--for Sudhir could eat tons of that throughout the year!!And a little digression here----even after eating Christmas Pudding--typical,authentic and traditional British Christmas Pudding in London he still swore by La Patesserie at the Taj!!!Coming back to the topic at hand--as we drove back the Sun was setting over the sea and I happened to ask him a question when we stopped at a traffic light---the rays of the setting Sun caught his face and hair and I caught my breath---his beautiful face had acquired a halo from the rays of the Sun--his thick dark hair too was gilded and those eyes---they turned into pools of shimmering Gold--I just stared at him transfixed as my heart stopped and guided by an unconscious impulse--- just leaned over and kissed him on his lips--it was an involuntary,reflex action for me to do so--and the moment he snapped at me the Moment shattered--for it embarrassed him terribly to have me display "that" kind of Emotion in the midst of a busy arterial Road!!!The second was a song by Asha Bhosle that I loved---it was from an old Black and White Film based on a fast paced Country Music beat with melodious Whistling in the Musical pieces.Sudhir used to whistle very well and this was one Song that I used to sing often--yes sing---for those were the pre-daughters days----before my vocal chords were badly battered and abused by shouting and screaming at them---to reach today's croaking status!!The Song went thus "Hai Unki woh Nigaahen----Dil dekhey jin kee Raahein--Koi unsey jaakey poochhey Hum kyon naa Unhein Chaahein" from a 1961 film called "Aakhri Daao".Translated loosely it means that the lady is singing praises about the Hero's eyes and expressing her emotions to her friend who joins by in whistling in some notes!!We used to head out for after dinner drives on the weekends and the roads by the Sea,the beauty of the starlit nights would prompt me to sing this and Sudhir would whistle---and later we'd end up singing this together---those days we were young and carefree and very much in Love---Life was beautiful and spread out in shimmering Glory at our feet---full of Adventure and promising Prospects---The World was our Oyster!!
The second thing I loved about him was his smile---not the formal one that he gave Sayali mostly when she irritated him by clicking away all the time--we had this private joke between us which Sayali didn't much like but pretended not to notice--we used to say that Sayali's Cameras developed Diarrhoea the moment they reached her hands--for they just couldn't stop clicking!!There was another smile that woul;d burst out like the Sun from behind the Clouds on a rainy day--and spread light all around!!This smile was amused,infectious--so infectious that often I used to get an uncontrollable desire to see it---I have even resorted to tickling him for it---till he literally begged for mercy!!!As the years went by I also came to know which tactics to use and these stood me in good stead for I'd push the right buttons whenever the urge to see it hit me!!That smile suffused his whole being--it would begin from his eyes,travel to his lips and slowly spread over his face--a very Puckish smile---it would be very obvious how amused and tickled he was and while there are many such Pictures of him smiling only one has captured the real essence of his actual expression!!


Besides he had this very indulgent and amused smile too---one that was different from the earlier version and one that was reserved only for me,Meha and our daughters.This smile would give him away whenever he had any kind of surprise planned for us--collectively or singularly---for there'd be an aura of satisfaction around him and try hard as he might he just could not act!!He'd try to pretend that he'd forgotten to get something we'd asked for or some small thing which was not readily available but he managed to get it---but he didn't realise how well we all knew him.If he made a promise he never reneged on it---he'd ensure that he fulfilled it---for it was a matter of Honour to him!!I could read him like a Book---and today despite all my Pain at his going I still know that if it was in his hands he would have clungon desperately even to the slenderest thread of Life--just for me!!We had made a Pact--God willing we'd die together--but Man proposes and God disposes!!
The third thing was his scent---for me it was the thing that gave me the strength to stand upright through all my illnesses and his---that magical essence is what I miss the most.Since the first day of our marriage I made it a habit to cuddle him every morning after he woke up---it was just a warm feeling--a rightness to my day and till the very end I did that.That is what I miss the most.Since August 2000 for the most part it was just him and me---and after he'd finished his Bed Tea, I'd literally push him towards my side of the Bed and scoot in at his--my arms around him,my head buried in his neck--just drinking in his scent!!We'd just lie there holding each other for a period of time---- sometimes more sometimes less---depending on how soon the Doorbell rang--but this would reassure me of a brand new day where we were both still alive and more specifically together!!I lost my father at his age of 53 years--Baba died when he was 58 years old and Milind aged 60 years.Sudhir lived a much healthier and longer life than these three---but I lived under continued stress of Uncertainty---not knowing when and where Death would strike at him.I clung to many symbols of "Soubhagyaa" like my Mangal sutras---I never removed my Mangalsutra before wearing a different one first,I wore my very thick and heavy Toe rings as long as I could--it was Sudhir who removed these in Hospital just prior to my Angioplasty--and would not let me wear these again after my Doctor informed him that these could restrict the blood flow to my feet thanks to my heavy Diabetes and cause Gangrene resulting in amputation----he just picked these up,held them out to me and very simply said--"If you ever wear these again I'll walk out of the house--and never come back!!Decide what is more important--these or me!!"I chose him.The day they kept him in the Morgue I could not hold him close for the last time before they took him----I was in deep shock and completely numb---- and the only thought going on over and over in my head was about how he would survive there---for he just could never sleep alone!!!

  
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GILUBIPLAB 10/5/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUDYAMK 10/4/2012 11:29PM

    I love how you loved & still love your most beloved. Thank you for sharing your love story throughout your blogs.You make me appreciate my life so much more. Thank you for being the person you are.
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Judy

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BOVEY63 10/4/2012 1:14PM

    What a beautiful blog Komal. Absolutely beautiful!

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EACHDAYAGIFT 10/4/2012 11:32AM

    What a love story you two lived. I remember that giddy love at 17 that would make you just have to kiss your beloved or explode! I remember once Lloyd and I said we would kiss until a stop sign said "Go". Luckily a car came along behind us eventually and we had to come down to earth. That you still wanted a time to hold him every morning and renew your bond for another day is such s wonderful thing after all the years of life together. The pictures you shared are wonderful, especially the second one of him looking at you. I know you miss him terribly and i am so sorry. It is wonderful that you are able to write about him and keep your love alive and active that way, even as you move on in a different way on your own. You are not totally on your own, he is a part of your days in what seems like a very healthy and well earned way. It is sad to know of your loss, but a joy to consider the wonderful thing that your love story has been.

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SAASHA17 10/4/2012 7:40AM

    Komal..I dont know what to say...he's amazing....I love his smile when he looked at u in that pic,,,
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*MADHU* 10/4/2012 5:19AM

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XXMILAXX 10/4/2012 4:31AM

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CHERIRIDDELL 10/4/2012 2:35AM

    One can see Sudhir's love for you in his gaze. I love the pictures ,how wonderful you have these memories. There is no doubt in my mind that Sudhir is watching out for you and when the time comes you will join him because your love is a wondrous love that nothing will break asunder. hugs,Cheri

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MIRFA71 10/4/2012 1:31AM

    You have expressed the moments so beautifully. while reading I felt as if i was a witness to all these magical moments. May god give you strength and peace. emoticon

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ALICIA214 10/4/2012 12:41AM

 

Thank you for sharing some of the beautiful memories of your life with your husband
it is hard to have to go on without your life partner isn't it? but we manage to find the
strength and the faith to go on believing that we will be together eventually.
I hope you will find some peace soon...it is good that you have family.
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