The last month or so has been very educational--I've gone from being a Financial Dunce to becoming literate about certain aspects of handling my Finances.There is still a very long way for me to go yet before I can claim to be knowledgeable but the fact that I'm learning to cope is for me the most encouraging aspect of Life right now!!Luckily for me Sudhir left things in a very smooth working order---and 90% of the changes were seamless and smooth.Besides he had built up a very good rapport with all the youngsters working at our regular Banks--resulting in me getting sympathetically helpful advice about how to reinvest and so forth.
Now it's the day to day routine that is undergoing a subtle change--gradually the old order is changing.Sudhir never liked me to cook just enough--he needed to see a healthy amount of Food on the table at meal times--and so did I --both of us suffering from a hangover of our respective childhood as well as the earlier years of our marriage!!Both of us were brought up to believe in four square Meals everyday made one strong and healthy---and as a result my daughters too were reared on the same principles.While the children were growing up both needed a lot of Food--not because they had huge appetites but because of the manner in which they consumed it.Lotta would literally peck at the Food during Mealtimes--it was the in between periods that she'd consume bowlfuls of the prepared Vegetables and Curry-Rice combinations at regular intervals during the day.My most favourite memory of her is sitting with knees drawn up on her bed--with pillows behind her back as props ---a book placed against her knees and a plate balanced on her stomach--munching away as she read through the book!!The situation would worsen on the Weekends--and on each Sunday and Monday my old help --Krishna Bai would sweep out more than a dozen bowls from under the Bed---a visual reminder of the eating spree of the earlier day!!!Sayali on the other hand would be unabashed about eating only the Meat--Goat Meat,Chicken or Fish---the choicest bits would all be fished out and demolished----the Salads and Vegetables getting a cold shoulder--as did the Rice and Breads!! While Lotta never discriminated between Vegetarian or Non Vegetarian Fare--Sayali was unabashedly Non Vegetarian and made no bones about it.However after they both left--- in Lotta's case because she married and Sayali for higher education at RIT---it was a struggle downsizing the portions because both Sudhir and I were not Food Addicts!!
That was not all that difficult but the real test is now.Both Chhaya Bai and Vanita are small eaters--as a result we are left with plenty of left overs--in small Tupperware Containers which slip into the back and get forgotten till someone remembers these.Since all three of us hate to waste food,emptying out the 'Fridge every single day has now become the norm---Menus are decided according to the left overs and sometimes we end up not cooking at all!!Also the quantities too are now reduced to half the earlier ones--and may still be reduced further--leading me to question our earlier appetites!!!These are however the minor things---the worst is the Loneliness i feel---even when I'm surrounded by people!!
A new routine is now gradually getting set--Ritu has gone back home and stays over at the Weekends now.I've relieved Chhaya Bai of keeping me company at night--and sleep on my own now.The Food needing to be cooked in the evenings can very easily be done at Lunchtime--and Vanita too will now be able to spend more time with her family as I've relieved her of the evening chores from the 15th.September.Poor thing--- she comes,makes just 3 rotis,warms up the rest of the food,serves me and then hangs around till I ask her to go!!A waste of her time and energy for things that I can well do for myself!!Of course these changes are initially on a Trial basis--but I think I will be able to cope by myself.Sudhir has gone and factually now Ii'm by myself--the sooner I stopped depending on others the better it is.Just because they do certain things out of their love for me--it is not fair to impose on them for an indefinite period!!!I have to learn to stand alone--and the sooner the better!!!