Thursday, February 23, 2012
This happens every morning--I wake up and stretch out my arm and encounter nothing--because he's not there anymore!!!That jolts me awake and so many Memories come flooding back that I lie still for a few minutes to get hold of myself--for he is dead but I'm not---a fact that eats at my heart and my soul--what wouldn't I do to change places with him!!!
Our mornings used to be very dull.Actually it was the same everyday--but for me even being dull with him was special.Today I feel like I'm completely expendable now---no one really needs me any more!!The rush to make his demi-tasse cup of Tea-his fussiness about the amount of Food he'd eat for Breakfast---for he couldn't eat much in the mornings.I love a big Breakfast--he'd like a modest one--cribbing about the size of his Omelettes--the slices of Bread--everything would be too big!!Attending to his needs--- finding his Socks,Handkercheives,his Pen and his Cell Phone---I'd be rushed off my feet answering the 'Phone and the Doorbell till he left for Court-----I miss all of that terribly.Most of all I miss not seeing his beautiful smile and his mischievously sparkling Brown eyes--for he loved to tease me--beginning as soon as he got up each morning!!According to him I had no sense of Humour and according to me his was juvenile---and so we'd start our sparring early every morning!!
He and I would talk a lot---the fact that I knew nothing about Law never fazed him---he'd discuss his Cases with me--pointing out the finer points of each and bounce off his Arguments--actually not really talking about it to me but thinking aloud about how he would approach the problem in how many different ways!!His capacity to think clearly about the minus points of each and how to counter act those was what made him a great Lawyer--his desire to get Justice was what really mattered to him.I've heard him tell his Clients about the flaws in their Petitions---and there were many he advised to settle their differences with their Opponents---for he firmly believed that a lot could be achieved by sitting across the table and talking it out.I still get calls from some of his Clients who'd been with him since the early days of his Practice asking me how someone who was as healthy as he was just die so suddenly??My answer to them is "Only God knows!!"
Despite his reputation as a Lawyer (Advocate in India) he was a simple man and preferred to live a simple life--centered completely around his family.Before I fell sick we'd often meet for Lunch--dates he made with me on the spur of the moment when he'd unexpectedly get free earlier on certain days---and we'd fix Lunch at various places--The Taj, The Oberoi (now The Trident) and sometimes one of those tiny local places where the Food was fabulous but the ambience was not!!After a leisurely Lunch we'd drive back home---both of us talking about our respective mornings and everything else under the Sun---except History!!!I love the Topic and he couldn't stand it--for he thought that my answers were too long winded instead of short and to the point!!!We were always together---and I never left even to visit my mother--instead she and my sisters would come over to spend a few days with us.Every time he had to travel to the Supreme Court at New Delhi I'd go with him---our major separation from each other happened when our older daughter Lotta was born and according to Tradition I had to stay with my parents for 2 months before and 2 months after her birth.The other 1 month was in 1972 when I visited my parents with Lotta for a month long Vacation but Sudhir couldn't come because the Courts were working.Apart from these two periods we were like a pair of Siamese Twins--completely inseparable--out of Choice--not Necessity!!!
The past 11 yearsbrought with them a new pattern of Life--our younger daughter Sayali moved out to study further in USA and married her fiance Kartik there on 21 December, 2000.Lotta already was married--14th. February1993 and so we began a new chapter in our lives then.We'd always been close--Sudhir was my closest friend and confidant--but a new,deeper relationship built up during those last years---that of companionship.I think that is what I miss the most.It is the closeness that builds up when two people concentrate mainly on each other and their needs---the new understanding of each other's natures makes for a stronger,deeper bond that transcends the physical to reach a deeper more satisfying Spiritual one and that's when the Souls bond--like ours did!!Besides my illnesses brought us even closer--and was perhaps what ultimately killed him--for the thought of losing me to Death was what frightened him--and created the Stress that ultimately killed him---unfortunately it wasn't visible during his Doctor's Visits!!1