Wednesday, January 04, 2012
The New Year has dawned and Life continues----with loads of major changes!!!My older son-in-law Mehul asked me in L.A. after all the Funeral Rites were over to try and relax----and learn to take things a little easier now that I was by myself.My biggest problem is letting go of my daily routine.My day used to begin by 7 a.m. with 1 warm glass of Water and 15 minutes on my Morning Walker.By 7.30 a.m.m fresh Milk would arrive and Sudhir too would wake up to his cup of Bed Tea---made with the freshly delivered Milk.After this the actual Day would begin.The Doorbell would ring constantly---the Newspaper,the Bread Wallah,then Hirabai to collect the previous day's Garbage,then the Vegetable Seller with bunches of Fresh Greens and finally the Dhobi with freshly ironed batch of Clothes delivering the earlier day's load and collecting the fresh one---all that still continues but with one major difference.Sudhir is missing----and with him the rightness of my day!!!
I never realised how much the tiny things that made up my routine meant to me-----cooking his Breakfast,doing the small mundane chores for him like running his Bath,keeping his Closet clean,ensuring that his Handkerchieves and Socks were where he could find them easily and most of all cooking his Meals.It used to be a constant battle---- gauging his moods and cooking accordingly---rotating Menus he liked!!However what I miss most is our daily bickering---over small,mundane issues---so insignificant that even when these occurred they could not be recalled with clarity!! We were like an old pair of Bedroom Slippers for each other---well worn,comfortable and indispensible to the wearer.Now my pair is gone---and his pair lives on wondering where Life is going to lead--- and in which direction!!
Taking baby steps on my part has begun--it is getting into a comfortable stride that will perhaps take some time.I'm very lucky that he left everything in perfect order-----ensuring a smooth transition for me.He looked after everything so well that I never needed to bother with the Banking and such other aspects of Life---the Home was my Domain--outside the Home was his!!I'm learning now---with Sayali and Kartik both being Bankers they're explaining stuff to me as it comes along----and I'm learning to look after things--very reluctantly---but I guess I'll get there eventually!!!My practical side has already begun waking up and slowly things are falling into place-----it's the ache inside my heart that refuses to go away---and makes me cook more quantities than required and other sundry stuff of a similar nature which is now in the "trial and error" stage of getting set that bothers me.So many things I needed for him is what I don't need anymore---for I'm not fond of these things at all.Conditioning my mind into thinking about "Me" and not "Us" after a living together for 41 years is going to be tough and challenging----but ours not to question why!!!