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Memories Again!!!!

Sunday, January 01, 2012








The last Picture of us together--August 2011!!!


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAIN454 1/6/2012 10:37AM

    It must have been hard putting all these together but thank you so much for sharing. Y'alls love is truly inspirational. I will never forget it.
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LAURAKS555 1/5/2012 5:35PM

    From the look in his eyes, I'm betting you took the first and fourth pictures, Komal. emoticon

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RAJASHREE108 1/3/2012 6:02PM

    Beautiful pictures...

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SONPARI1 1/3/2012 12:29AM

    emoticon

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BOVEY63 1/2/2012 12:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
You sure made a lovely couple.

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OVERWORKEDJANET 1/2/2012 6:46AM

    A happy picture.

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*MADHU* 1/2/2012 1:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Sauce!!!--2

Saturday, December 31, 2011


Sudhir and Me

Sudhir and Me

Sudhir,Meha(Grand daughter) and Me
Our marriage was tumultous one--both of us being headstrong and self willed ensured arguments galore!!Besides him being raised in a typically Indian household his authority as a male and the head of the household meant that he wanted greater privileges---something I could never accept.I look like a typically Indian frump but mentally that is one thing that i'm not---and never was!!So my asking the question "Why?" in the early years was like waving a Red Flag to a Bull---and had very heated repercussions---till we worked out an armed truce.Certain ground rules were laid out and as these turned into a set routine we still managed to find new topics to disagree on---and it was really initially exhiliarating trying to best him in an argument---which rapidly would turn frustrating for me---for logically inclined I'm not---where him being a Lawyer helped him to tie me up in knots---fretting and fuming in impotent rage!!
As we matured and grew older, the trials and tribulations of bringing up two daughters brought us closer----and broadened his way of looking at life.Both our daughters went to a co-ed. School--which meant that their friends included boys as well as girls---and gradually he came to accept the fact that both sexes could be friends and really good friends---without any other connotations!!Our daughters therefore grew up in a more relaxed atmosphere---and today I can boast of two sons-in-law belonging to two different regions of India---the older one from Gujarat and the younger one a mix of Punjab and Uttar Pradesh to our Maharashtrian background.A culmination of four different States---National Integration in the best way possible!!!In the meanwhile Sudhir and I had melded so well together mentally that I guess we took on each other's personalities---and definitely each other's flaws!!
The last 11 years that we spent together brought us even closer---our daughters had flown the Coop----and we began living in each other's pockets growing old together!!In our entire married life of 41 years we may have lived apart for barely 6 months----we never liked being apart!!While he was a truly fantastic father I was a very strict mother---for his schedule while the girls were growing up was very hectic---and I wanted the 3 of them to share quality time together.The outcome of this was the both the girls wished him first on Mother's Day and me second---for he truly was the buffer between the 3 of us whenever I became too harsh with them---and that was pretty regularly!!Surprisingly though he adjusted far better than me to our daughters getting married and moving away than I did.Of course till today both of us have reserved our rights to interfere mercilessly in their lives----the girls would both call him and give reports--daily--telling him all the details completely--never excluding even a comma or a full stop!!
My illnesses brought all his insecurities to the fore----learning to cope after my Breast Cancer and later my extremely severe Heart Attack literally turned him paranoid about my dying on him---and he tried to cover all bases by ensuring that I would never be alone at any time in all 24 hours!!!He ensured I survived and lived on february 16,2009---my deepest,painful regret is that I couldn't do the same for him when he passed away on 19th October 2011--in my arms.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAIN454 1/6/2012 10:38AM

    There is nothing to regret, Komal. You took care of him more than you'll ever realize.
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JYOTI68 1/6/2012 1:18AM

    I am enjoying reading about your life as a couple. Despite all the differences you had quite some love for each other. You write very well

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RAJASHREE108 1/3/2012 5:59PM

    It is so wonderful to read about your life together. Definitely made for each other.



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OVERWORKEDJANET 1/2/2012 6:44AM

    Perhaps he knew you would be the better survivor. You are very strong and independent. You had a relationship like I have with my spouse. Ater a while you can finish each others' sentences, anticipate needs. Yet I know I could carry on alone and still live a life. He admits he does not know if he could do the same. It is a compliment and a small burden.

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MILLISMA 12/31/2011 8:26PM

    emoticonwords can't express what's in my heart

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BOVEY63 12/31/2011 3:24PM

    I am so sorry for your pain.
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I enjoy reading about your and Sudhir's love story. May all the beautiful memories carry you through.

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*MADHU* 12/31/2011 3:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Vanilla Ice Cream with Chocolate Sauce!!!---1

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Indians are mad about being fair---no where in the World will one find so many different brands of Whitening or Fairness Cream-----Melanin is a word that even tiny tots are aware of!!!In this fairness oriented society I'm lucky enough to fall in the coveted Category---I'm fair and that's my main claim to fame!!!Sudhir on the other hand was dark----with wonderfully chiselled features---those that really aged well!!He was very conscious of of the differences in our shades-----he never did understand just how I fell head over heels in love with him-----while I never understood exactly what he saw in me either!!In his own words we were like Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Sauce----the best combination ever!!!
When we got engaged way back in 1969 both of us were thin as rakes and while he was extremely handsome and with a ramrod straight bearing, I had a face marked by Acne and a large nose but of course my skin colour was what mattered.Those days he had thick,wavy Black hair flopping over his forehead,twinkling deep Brown eyes and a beautiful smile that used to turn my legs to jelly.He always dressed in pristine White,stiffly starched "Kurta-Pyjamas" at home and formal 3 piece suits in Court-----besides dressing trendily according to the Fashion of the period on casual occasions.His love for clothes was such that no one was spared a tongue lashing if one by mistake messsed up with the crisp crease on his pants---or dared to sit on the canvas of his precious Coats---there would really be Hell to pay!!!When we got married I could never understand how one could sleep in stiff,starched Night Wear----- on starched Bedsheets----they scratched mercilessly----and that was one thing I got rid of when we shifted here in 1975.
He had a quirky sense of humour----but his public persona was very distant and dour.Once we'd done up our Drawing Room in typical,traditional Indian style and my friends from my Kitty Party wanted to see how it looked.We had thick Cotton mattresses on the floor with bolsters and throw pillows covered with traditional Indian Textiles as well as Brass Trays on wooden stands for Centre Tables----an old antique Gramophone with a Brass horn stood in one corner---with plenty of House Plants in Brass Pots strategically placed around the room----it was perhaps one of the best styles we've had to date!!!The day of the Kitty Party my friends decided after the Party to troop in and take a look at what I'd done.Those days Sudhir would come late----around 8.30 p.m. and so since it was just 5.30 p.m. I opened the door with my key expecting to enter an empty house.The first to step in was a friend of mine----who broke into shrill shrieks the moment she did so----while on the other hand Sudhir shrieked too---- in horror and dismay!!!It so happened that he'd come home early that day and had stood in the doorway----waiting to spook me as I entered---only it was poor Kanta who entered and spoiled his well laid plan!!The next day my friends who privately thought that Sudhir didn't even know how to smile----were zapped that he could be so juvenile!!
Sudhir and I talked a lot---specially in the early years of our marriage---he knew about even the tiniest detail about my day----I would literally relate every smallest thing to him at night.My Kitty Party friends would be taking their regular late night strolls in the Condominium Garden under our window----and tease me about my just droning on in poor Sudhir's ears each night!!They never realised how therapeutic it was for me----for telling Sudhir all the details ensured a great night's sleep for me!!On the other hand he talked to me about his various Cases and Clients and so we both knew exactly how we'd spent our day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAIN454 1/6/2012 11:00AM

    Aww, man...i read the 2 blogs backwards...but its all good.
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Lol...so true about the "fair" madness. I'm South Indian so its even worse because we're darker in general. You don't know how many bottles of "fair and lovely" and "Vicco" that people (most family members) have given me to cure my "issue". I could probably open shop in my closet ;)
You are so right abt being in that coveted category -- you have the skin that my family goes crazy for.
So cute though...vanilla and chocolate sauce. I love how you guys talked each others' ears out. I truly think that was the magic of your relationship. I see so many couples who just dont talk enough...and end up with all these questions/doubts. Anyways, lovely story as usual. :)
Have a lovely weekend!

Comment edited on: 1/6/2012 11:01:31 AM

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OVERWORKEDJANET 1/2/2012 6:37AM

    Nice story, I'm going on to part 2.

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MILLISMA 12/29/2011 7:39PM

    Memories are so important. This is such a great story. Think of you often.

emoticonMary Anne

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BOVEY63 12/29/2011 1:24PM

    Vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup are such a perfect match as were you and Sudhir. So many beautiful memories you have.
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LILRED75 12/29/2011 11:14AM

  So, what do the children look like?

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Memories

Thursday, December 29, 2011


Meha,Sudhir and Me,2005

Lotta and Sudhir 2005

Sudhir,Lotta,Meha and me, 2005

Sudhir 2007

Sayali and Sudhir 2007

Sayali, Sudhir and me---2007.Chemotherapy time!!!

Sudhir in Court,2011

Meha and Sudhir ,January 2011

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MILLISMA 12/29/2011 7:56PM

    You are in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. Thank you for sharing these wonderful photos.

emoticonMary Anne

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BOVEY63 12/29/2011 1:20PM

    Such a beautiful family!

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OVERWORKEDJANET 12/29/2011 10:07AM

    What a handsome man. You have beautiful children and grandchildren to carry on those looks. I am sure they will always remind you of him. emoticon

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*MADHU* 12/29/2011 4:57AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonKeeping you in my thoughts & prayers emoticon

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Surviving after Sudhir

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Life has a way of serving up surprises---sometimes extremely painful and unpleasant ones!!One has to survive through these the best one can----for one has no option but to grit one's teeth and bear it.For me my World turned Black exactly two months back---Sudhir died on me suddenly---leaving me shell shocked and numb--completely frozen in disbelief at what had occured!!!Today when I look back on our life together with the clarity of hindsight I touch upon even the smallest of nuances greedily---for God truly blessed me with such a wonderful person to share my Life's Journey with!!
I have accepted the fact that he's not there anymore------I miss him in such small insignificant things---like pointing out the Sunset over the Sea on our drives into Town----or sharing the beauty of a new species of a Bird swinging on a Tree branch outside our window-----his pithy comments on my relating my conversations with my friends to him-----but most of all I miss being told how to live my Life!!!Being 9 years my senior he took the responsibility of looking after me with great seriousness---and my naivete and trusting nature made things worse as the years passed---he was convinced that I had to be under his eagle eye at all times!!After our daughters married and moved away we turned into an even tighter unit together-----getting to know each other even more intimately---a beautiful bond built on Love and Understanding.We were too individualistic to accept each other's views without arguments---but our sparring had become as entertaining to us as it was to the kids who booked ringside seats to watch us at it!!It was stimulating to to outsmart him---and sometimes even non-plus him--for talking or acting logically is not something that I'm born with---I acquired it by observation and as a survival technique after being mercilessly annihilated by his scathing remarks!!Sayali has even taken a few videos---which today are the easiest way of connecting to him---and his whacky sense of Humour!!
I never thought I'd outlive him and to be honest nor did he----but then Man proposes and God disposes---as He just showed me!!!He was as healthy as could be---in fact the Hospital called to aask me whether I'd be willing to donate his Organs,Skin,Tissues and Bones to help Cancer Patients and others benefit but because he'd never taken any Malarial Vaccinations they had to regretfully passit up.The cause of death was listed as Arteriosclerosis---and the only thing about his dying is the minimally painful way he went---for he couldn't have coped with being an invalid.Today I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my life---coping with looking after all those things he looked after--dealing with Insurance Claims for my Cataract operations and such practical details.I am now determined to stand on my own two feet and only lean on my daughters and sons-in-law only under extreme circumstances.Today I'm learning to survive a little by little---hopefully he'll be there to guide me in the right direction!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAJASHREE108 1/3/2012 5:52PM

    Komal, You are amazing... you are showing amazing strength.

Take care of yourself.

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MILLISMA 12/22/2011 9:29PM

    Komal,

You will do this. You are strong. There will be good and bad days but you are right, Sudhir is watching over you. When I get really frustrated, I talk to Jay and many times have been pointed in the right direction.

hugs, my friend

Mary Anne

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EACHDAYAGIFT 12/20/2011 8:29AM

    You have been in my thoughts often, and in my prayers and conversations as well. Even in your grief, your description of the little things and the lively quality of your relationship is eloquent. Sudhir would be honored. emoticon emoticon

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OVERWORKEDJANET 12/20/2011 8:17AM

    I have learned to enjoy each day as I have it. I never know what tomorrow will bring. Use your independence skills wisely, you have had them a long time but may not have needed to use them. How could you have had so much fun "besting" your man if you didn't?
One day I may appreciate your sorrow in and intimate way. Enjoy those who are around you and be sure to keep your health good. Living is for living well.
Take care and enjoy your new vision.

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XXMILAXX 12/20/2011 2:11AM

    Glad to see you're back and Sparking! I missed you. Only a strong woman can function as well as you have in the last 2 months. You're doing great, I'm tempted to think that your eye surgery was needed at the right time so you can clearly see your way to move on and continue living life. Hang in there. You have your memories which is the next best thing to having him. emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 12/19/2011 1:12PM

    You have been in my thoughts and prayers so often in the past two months. You and Sudhir were truly blessed to have each other and I am happy that you have so many wonderful memories to help you get through this difficult time.
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I know you will stand strongly on your own two feet because you have a wonderful, loving angel by your side.

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SAASHA17 12/19/2011 12:11PM

    Komal,

You are a strong amazing woman...Please take care of urself... emoticon

Manasa

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RAIN454 12/19/2011 11:27AM

    "Man proposes and God disposes"...i love that line. Komal, you never fail to amaze me. Every blog and ever comment you make is just further confirmation of how amazing you are and how just a good human being you are. I know you are going through so much heartache but even with all of the stress and struggles, you always manage to stay positive. I hope I can grow up to be you, one day. You are truly my hero. luv you millions!
- R

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NICE125 12/19/2011 9:45AM

  I was remembering you last night Komalji, wondering how you were coping, my prayers and best wishes are with you.... Please keep in touch...


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SONPARI1 12/19/2011 12:19AM

    This post reminds me not to take loved ones for granted, which I usually do. My prayers are with you and I am sure you will emerge stronger. emoticon

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