Growing Up--3

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The next Stage in my growing up was meeting and falling in love with Sudhir---a more comical tale is impossible to find!!!Akka our common Grandma--his maternal and my paternal---was all the time worried that living in the "back of beyond" place as she called Chandigarh I'd meet and marry somebody who'd be disreputable---and so she began working on Atya---trying to convince her to marry within the family---Milind was already married to Neena---and she reasoned that marrying Sudhir to one of her grand daughters and Atya's neices would bind the family even tighter together!!Hence she picked me---and Telephonic talks with my Parents concerning this began in earnest!!
As the Talks progressed it was decided that Sudhir would chaperone Akka and my younger aunt Kusum Atya to Chandigarh---because Kusum Atya lived in Chandigarh then---and had been taken to Bombay for treatment after a bad bout of Encephalitis.Hence though Sudhir was aware why he was coming to Chandigarh I was kept in the dark----they thought it would be better to keep me in the Dark--so that he could see me in my element!!Mummy however warned me to behave like a "Lady' and be on my best behaviour--which I found to be very odd---because it was just Sudhir who was visiting!!Those days I used to call him "Dadoba" as that was a synonym for "Older Brother" in Marathi.The day they arrived I came home from College to find him ensconced along with Akka at home---Kusum Atya having been taken home by her husband Sharad Kaka.My first reaction on seeing him was pulling his ears affectionately first---and then tugging at his hair(a very thick patch then) all the while talking nineteen to the dozen as usual--having totally forgotten all poor Mummy's instructions regarding my code of conduct---ignoring both Akka's and Mummy's ferocious glares---totally confused about what had I done to earn these---much to Daddy's amusement!!
In the days that followed I showed him around Chandigarh--with Mikki and Ritu acting as chaperones---and the four of us had a lot of Fun.The 10 days of his visit literally flew past---and just 2 days before he was to leave Mummy went to her Kitty Party--leaving the four of us at home.That day Sudhir proposed----and I turned him down saying"but you're my brother---how can I marry you??"I must say that he took that pretty well---and told me to think it over--explaining how this marriage was permissible by Custom.I began thinking about the Proposal---the more I mulled over it--the greater it appealed to me--till I really felt that it was meant to be.There was however one snag---the man who'd proposed to me didn't bring up the Topic again---and this was very frustrating----because I'd by now decided that it was better to marry the Devil I knew than a total stranger---but was at my wit's end about how to open the conversation!!!
Finally like an Idiot I just couldn't wait any longer and blurted out--"I don't mind marrying you---if you really were serious about it!!" the evening before he flew back to Bombay.Till today he teases me about my answer while I tell him that ultimately it was me who actually proposed to him---however that will be 42 years ago this October---years that we've spent literally living in each other's pockets since then!!!
29th.December 1969

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EACHDAYAGIFT 4/29/2011 10:06AM

What a sweet picture, and I love your answer to him! Doesn't 1969 feel like just yesterday? Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/28/2011 11:56AM

What a lovely story! Here's to many, many more years of wedded bliss. Report Inappropriate Comment

PARM01 4/28/2011 2:35AM

On revient toujours a ses premieres amours Charming!!! Lost my heart 40 years ago in Mumbai---to my first and last love!!!! She was studying at Sophia and I was at St.Xavier's Comment edited on: 4/28/2011 2:42:04 AM Report Inappropriate Comment

ANITAS66 4/27/2011 7:23PM

Great looking couple. Nice memories. Report Inappropriate Comment

ZANNACHAN 4/27/2011 2:06PM

Aww, so cute! I love that picture. What a great story. I would find it very .... weird to marry someone my parents picked for me. It's just not in my cultural make up, I guess. That and, much as I love my parents, I don't know that I would have trusted their choice--though it did matter to me that my parents *like* and approve of my choice in spouse--and thankfully they did! But in your case it certainly seems to have worked out well. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAASHA17 4/27/2011 2:05PM

hehehehe as always a fun read... Report Inappropriate Comment

*MADHU* 4/27/2011 12:30PM

Loved reading this romantic comedy Report Inappropriate Comment

Old Photos

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Old Photographs of our Wedding---can't believe I was so thin---literally once upon a time!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RATHIMANI 4/26/2011 11:50AM

Such wonderful pictures, and you look sooo damn GOOD!!!! Gorgeous couple!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SRITHI97 4/26/2011 11:47AM

So BEAUTIFUl!!!!!!!!!!!!!AWWW very cute! both of you look very nice. Report Inappropriate Comment

ZANNACHAN 4/26/2011 11:32AM

Oh, what wonderful photos! Thanks for sharing. Report Inappropriate Comment

EACHDAYAGIFT 4/26/2011 10:11AM

Love, love, love seeing these!!! You are so very young, yet there is a confidence apparent as well. I'm thinking all those special times with your Dad had something to do with that, as well as just being you! You certainly do sparkle with life in these. More, I want more! Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/25/2011 11:55AM

Beautiful pictures - I'll bet the colors were amazing! Report Inappropriate Comment

ANITAS66 4/25/2011 10:15AM

Beautiful pictures. Report Inappropriate Comment

*MADHU* 4/25/2011 8:50AM

Gorgeous lady, those are Beautiful Report Inappropriate Comment

RATIONAL_EATER 4/24/2011 9:25PM

You are so beautiful...perfect couple!! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAASHA17 4/24/2011 6:38PM

wow amazing pictures...u look so good together:) Report Inappropriate Comment

NICE125 4/24/2011 2:04PM

Beautiful Komalji! Lovely pics, like those old indian movies! Report Inappropriate Comment

JUSTJUSTY 4/24/2011 1:13PM

Awww these are beautiful! Comment edited on: 4/24/2011 1:14:08 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

PARM01 4/24/2011 1:09PM

You two are made for each other!!!Memorable pictures of two lovely people--- Both of you look pensive, naive, glamorous, radiant and adorable!!!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

Growing Up--2

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My biggest grouse growing up was being a Girl and belonging to the wrong Sex---being a Boy was so much more fun!!Mummy'd make my life Hell---trying to teach me to be a "Lady"---good posture and walking the straight was just the tip of the Iceberg!!At the age of 10 I learnt to grind Spice Mixes or "Masalas" on the Grinding Stone---those days there were none of those "Mixer/Grinder" Appliances---we ground our Masalas on Grinding Stones---a flat pock marked heavy piece of Basalt topped with an elongated or triangular similarly pock marked piece of Basalt on top----called "Paataa Varvantaa" in Marathi and "Sill Battaa" in Hindi---how I hated that!!Every Sunday morning was torture---if cooking Meat there would be 3 different Pastes to be ground---and so finely that if a little was dropped into the Water it would dissolve completely--leaving no Residue at all!!The same applied to grinding raw Fresh Coconut for Fish--grated and kept ready.In both cases use of Water was to be kept to the minimum---it all had to be mainly pure Muscle Power---giving me one more reason for having a Wrestler's arms today!!By now the Coal Fires were being phased out---with Kerosene powered Wick Stoves replacing them and the Pressure Cooker replacing the old fashioned Brass Steamers that Aaji had given Mummy in her Trousseau.I also learnt to chop and cut--mincing Onions so finely so as to resemble grains of small grained Rice ---and ended up almost slicing off my fingertips at times---thanks to the razor sharp knives!!
There was also the added brunt of learning to Embroider,Knit and Sew----unpicking the uneven Stitches umpteen number of times to get tiny,perfectly even stitches while Embroidering and Sewing---as for Crochet---I just never quite got the hang of it---but Knitting I took to---in the beginning grumpily knitting Pull Overs for our Cooks and Bearers under Mummy's hawkish eyes!!I also learnt the Art of Flower Arrangement---and this was a delight for I loved Flowers---besides we had loads of Varieties of these in our Garden--specially in Winter.I was a good Painter and loved using Water Colours and Oils----though Daddy encouraged me to use Charcoal and Oil Pastels too.The Nuns at School insisted on us stitching Cushion Covers,Table Cloths and Curtains---and then embelishing these with intricate Embroidery---using a plethora of tiny,even sized Stitches---leaving my fingertips smarting with Needle pricks!!
Sewing though I loved---and loved stitching tiny garments for my Dolls--gathering snippets of Cloth from the cuttings left over from Mummy's bouts of sewing our clothes.I basically loved making Patterns belonging to bygone Eras---lots of Frills,Flounces and Ribbons as well as Laces and Motifs----I also learnt Smocking from my Aunts---including Chinese Smocking!!Though I did not know it then all these Arts helped me become an efficient Housewife later in Life!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZANNACHAN 4/19/2011 12:15PM

Hey, yeah, boys did have more fun growing up, didn't they? I was such a tomboy, too! Though my brother enjoys cooking; I hate it. When we were growing up, once I was old enough to we were responsible for our own Saturday morning breakfasts. Well, I taught him to cook and then more often then not was able to talk him into making French toast etc. for breakfast Mom once was teasing me about it and I pointed out that he didn't *have* to cook, and she asked me what I would have done if he'd said no. "Probably get cereal," I said. I really don't like cooking. Thankfully, my husband likes cooking well enough and he's a pretty good cook--and with his food allergies it's easier for him to cook anyway. I have always liked embroidery (though now my hands can't handle it) and I like fiber arts and beading as an adult (I knit, spin a little, bead, and do complex braiding--almost more like weaving than braiding) but I hate sewing. My mom sewed her thumb when she was a girl, and when I was really little she told me that story so that I wouldn't play with the sewing machine.... only I became afraid of the machine! So when I turned 10 and she tried to teach me, I refused. I did learn to sew as an adult, but I still don't much enjoy it. I also liked running around outside, riding bikes, climbing trees, roller blading, reading, etc.... Not your mother's idea of an ideal daughter, I'm afraid! Report Inappropriate Comment

SAASHA17 4/19/2011 11:39AM

Uh-Oh...that did not sound like fun..all the cooking...I mean i love cooking but actually being trained at home..can be boring...hehehe...I always had issues being a girl!!! very recently i started accepting it... Another lovely read Komal... MAnasa Report Inappropriate Comment

PARM01 4/19/2011 3:14AM

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Growing Up---1

Monday, April 18, 2011

In the 50s and 60s---even into the 70s--Women were supposed to be the Rock that Homes were built on.They were the mainstay of the Homes they ran like Clockwork---but very much subservient to Men---more so in India.In India the Dress Code decided the "Good" and the "Bad" girls---extravagant use of Make-Up and extreme Fashion in dressing made a girl looked upon as fast!!
As a child I wore only the best---both my parents were very extravagant where Clothes were concerned---besides Mummy was an expert Seamsress---all our clothes would be modelled on the Patterns published in the Imported Magazines---the Indian touch added by touches of beautiful Embroidery that Mummy did---copied from the Indian Magazines!!As I crossed the age of 13,Daddy woke up to the fact that I was growing up---and surprisingly for someone as broadminded as him---he decreed that the Tailored Sheaths Mummy made for me had to have "Salwars" or "Churidars" covering my legs---the latter being so tight fitted that in the Summer I'd powder my legs and use a News Paper inside these to help me ease them leggings over my sweaty calves---the Churidars had a tendency to get stuck there and pulling these made things worse---for they then tore----and thus too a "Dupatta/Odhni/Chunni" as the Stole was called---became a necessity too!!Here I must give full credit to Mummy---she stitched form fitting Sheaths in various Designs---but those Outfits never looked mismatched---they'd always look complimentary to each other!!I still love the full skirted look----plenty of gathers under a tiny wide belted Waist---not to forget the Flounces and the Frills!!Even today these Patterns still appeal to me---there was something irresistably Feminine about them!!Not just that I adored embroidered/frilled/flounced Blouses---specially teamed with full gathered Gypsy Skirts!!My favourites were the smocked raglan sleeved White Muslin Blouses with Embroidery---like the Hungarian Blouses----tied at the neck with Ribbons!!Besides I had a tiny waist---just 17" in diameter---though looking at it today no one will believe me---and was proud to be able to wear these---Scarlett O'Hara was my Idol---and so I loved these beautiful Clothes!!I also loved wearing another traditional Indian Dress called the "Ghararaa-Kurti" -----a wonderful full length,full skirted Pants topped by a short "Kurti" and with a 3 yard Dupatta!!!Very graceful and extremely feminine!!
However once I got married all this changed--- Skirts and Salwar/Churidar Kurtas were left behind and I began wearing Saries----with fitting Blouses that had tight sleeves covering three fourths of my arms---for Atya and her sons were very conservative!!The necks of my Blouses were frozen at 6" deep---and I was to wear Saries even at night.As a result my Parents went out and bought me 2 trunkloads of different Varieties of Saries----Cotton Voile Saries to be worn in the house---termed daily wear---casual embroidered Organdie,"Kotaah" and printed Full Voile Saries for Casual Wear-----and Silk,Chiffon,Crepe and Brocade Saries for Formal Evening and Party wear---along with the accompanying matching Petticoats and Blouses!!I still remember going to buy my Trousseau---a Parent seated on either side of me with murmurs of"Oh--so lovely--we'll take this one please!!"echoing often---taking for granted that I had liked it too!!My one defiant contribution to my Trousseau was my beautiful "Gharaara-Kurti" consisting of Pure Silk full skirted Pants in Coral topped by a Raw Silk Kurti in Ivory with Gold Motifs appliqued on it and a 3.6 yards French Chiffon Odhani bordered with a heavy Gold Border!!I was to wear it only 3 times---a day prior to my Wedding--then for an Outing after the Wedding---and finally once on my Honey Moon----it was frowned upon so severely that I bundled up the outfit in Muslinn Cloth---and packed it up!!!My waistline burgeoned from 17" to 23" and from there on it just grew and grew---today it is a Dress that I've still preserved---as a memory of my tiny waist!!
Mummy was very particular about being "Lady Like" all through the years I was growing up.She deplored my tomboyish tendencies and once I turned 13 she'd pile Books on my head and make me walk up and down the Stairs--to straighten my Spine and do away with my Slouch---which she swore I had!!The Nuns had another method---if we were caught slouching in School the Nuns would push a long Ruler down the back of our shirts---resting aginst our Spines----and since we wore belted Uniforms those Rulers stayed in place---rubbing against our backs every time we relaxed a little---a highly painful procedure!!Not just this it upset her that I always had a myriad scratches and scars on my limbs besides being tanned a deep brown!!!To remedy this Mummy'd use Home Remedies which both my Grandmas would advise her with---and how I hated that sticky goop she'd make with various Flours,Turmeric and Sandal Wood mixed with Fresh Cream as a whitening Mask!!My skin is extremely oily and all that Cream made me break out in Pimples---and thankfully this helped to spare me from Mummy's machinations!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EACHDAYAGIFT 4/19/2011 2:42PM

Do you have any pictures of yourself in those beautiful saris? As a fabric lover, I am drooling at the thought of them! My wedding trousseau consisted of jeans and a few pretty nightgowns. The end. I can't imagine a 17" waist! My mom would have admired you greatly. Mine was 24" at it's smallest, and when the time came to get married, I tried on my mother's wedding gown and had to yell for help after I somehow zipped myself into it! Her waist must have been 21" or less and I was in danger of ripping the dress apart at the seams! Report Inappropriate Comment

ZANNACHAN 4/18/2011 10:46PM

What beautiful clothing you must have had! I can't imagine having a 17 inch waist.... I was always considered on the thin side until I hurt my hip 9 years ago, but I don't think I've had a waist that small since I was maybe 6, LOL! You must have been tiny. Report Inappropriate Comment

MILLISMA 4/18/2011 6:26PM

Wish we could see pictures of all your wonderful memories. I try to envision everything. Thank you my dear friend for sharing your life with us. Mary Anne Report Inappropriate Comment

BOVEY63 4/18/2011 12:35PM

Your outfits sound so beautiful and colorful. Can't imagine having to wearing the leggings though (I hate anything tight against my body). Keep sharing your stories - they are so fascinating. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAASHA17 4/18/2011 11:42AM

Oh what fun!! i can imagine u twirling around in those outfits:) Manasa Report Inappropriate Comment

*MADHU* 4/18/2011 9:17AM

for making the effort to share your life with us. It is engaging to read your blogs :) Report Inappropriate Comment

My Dreams and Premonitions--7

Friday, April 15, 2011

The day I had the Vision in the "Jwaala Maaee" Temple is deeply embedded in my consciousness!!I still remember the Date very clearly---it was 16th.May 1994 at 3.45 p.m.----and there is a reason for remembering the Date and Time.Lotta was staying with Mummy for a Week during that period in Bombay----because Mehul was in Australia for a Conference.On the 16th.May Lotta who was very hyper because of the earlier miscarriage panicked and began to get worried so to set her mind at rest Mummy took her to our Gynaecologist/Obstetrician Usha Tai---who checked her thoroughly and sent her to get a Sonography done---just to put her mind at ease.By the time all this got over it was 1.30 p.m.---and since everything was normal both Mummy and Usha Tai heaved a sigh of relief!!This had so rattled poor Mummy that she rushed Lotta to her home and duly handed her over to her MIL!!
Manjuben--Lotta's M-I-L----is a great believer in "Amba Maa" a form of Goddess"Shakti/Durga" and is a follower of Jayaben---a religious Medium.On being told by Mummy about what happened she suggested viisiting Jayaben---to see if that lady could put Lotta's fears to rest---and insisted that Mummy accompany them too.On arriving there they apprised Jayaben of the situation---and then Jayaben began her Ritual---during which she went into a Trance!!!Asking Lotta in detail as to what exactly bothered and disturbed her so much---Jayaben took a length of Cotton String in her hands and asked Lotta to hold out her wrist---when Lotta obliged Jayaben tied this String securely round Lotta's wrist---all the time chanting a "Mantra".This done she told Lotta that this was a "Raksha" or Protective Charm---and The Divine Mother now had her(Lotta) in Her Care---so there was now nothing to be worried about!!Jayaben also told Lotta that if by chance this "Raksha" got lost it would replaced immediately---all Lotta had to do was see Jayaben again!!The whole thing---the Time that Jayaben tied the "Raksha" on Lotta's wrist coincided exactly with the time I saw the Vision in the Temple more than a 1000 Kms. away---and the Priest handed me the "Mouli" or Coloured Cotton Thread for Lotta to keep as a Protection Charm-----even today the whole Incident still gives me Goosebumps!!
Well the next few months passed uneventfully and the String stayed put where it belonged.A mere 27 days before Meha's birth Atya passed away---after a massive Heart Attack---though she had been awaiting the Birth of her latest new Great Grandchild---and our First Grandchild .Early morning---3.30 a.m. on December 23rd.1994---we drove Lotta to St.Elizabeth's Hospital---for her Pains had started.At the Hospital though they admitted her,they told us that it was still in the earlier stages---would take til 10 a.m. or 12 Noon for the Baby to be born.At 7.30 a.m. Ushatai Tai came to see Lotta---and announced that the Baby had moved and was now lying horizontally instead of the Birthing position----which was astounding because just 2 days earlier during the Regular Check-Up the Head had been fixed in position!!Looking at this unexpected developement Usha Tai decided to wait till 10 a.m. before taking a decision----but asked me to book the Theatre in case a Ceasarean was required.By now Manjuben had already dispatched Mehul more than halfway round Town to Jayaben's---with Instructions to drive safely but quickly---there and back!!
Jayaben was in the habit of waking early,bathing and starting her Religious Rituals by 5.30 a.m. each morning---and would finish after meditating for 3-4 hours---and during that entire period--5.30a.m. till 11a.m.--she was not to be disturbed.That day however at 7 a.m. she got up,asked for a 2 liter Bottle,filled it with Drinking Water and placing her hands over it chanted a few "Mantras".Then she corked the Bottle and handed it to her DIL---with instructions to hand it over to Mehul when he arrived.The Instructions Jayaben gave for Mehul were precise---he was to make Lotta drink a little of the Water and sprinkle a few drops over her Abdomen and Head.Whenever she drank Water it had to be from this Bottle till the Baby was born.After the Birth she was to drink from the Bottle for the next 10 days---once at least each morning and evening!!After completing her Instructions at 8 a.m. she went back into Prayer---and again became inaccessible till all her Rituals were complete!!
Mehul reached back with the Water by 9.45 a.m.---and followed the Instructions and miracle of miracles---the Baby was back in position by 10.15 a.m.----and the birth proceeded normally.By 12 noon Lotta was wheeled into the Labour Room Theatre----and for 1 hour.45 minutes after that there was absolutely no News!!Sudhir and I were like Cats on a hot Tin Roof---while Mehul was quietly wiping away his eyes---and his Parents and Mummy were deep in Prayer!!Finally Meha was born at 1.44 p.m.---and a Nurse brought Meha out for us to see---a rosy cheeked,Grey eyed Dumpling of a Baby Girl---thoroughly disgruntled and disgusted with the process of having been born----an expression fitting enough to really rival her own mother's contemptous one when she first saw me!!She had a line of tiny Red Spots---running all the way from her toes to her head---both front and back---looking bright Red and angry against her extremely fair skin!!Half an hour later Usha Tai followed---and I prostrated myself full length on the Floor at her feet in the Corridor---for that day she wore the Face of God for me!!!The Story she gave me about the Birth still sends shivers down my Spine!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RATHIMANI 4/18/2011 1:58PM

WOW... incredible!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

PARM01 4/18/2011 1:34AM

a miracle --- Report Inappropriate Comment

ZANNACHAN 4/15/2011 2:49PM

Great story. I'm glad that everything ended so well! You are truly blessed. Report Inappropriate Comment

SAASHA17 4/15/2011 12:17PM

wow...I got goosebumps reading it....U r blessed Komal and because of u, ur family too... Take care Manasa Report Inappropriate Comment