Wednesday, October 13, 2010
11th.October,1970---Sudhir and I embarked on Life's Journey together---two extremely impulsive and hot headed individuals-----who agreed to constantly disagree with each other on every aspect of Life!!We were two people who were extremely in love with each other and took our commitment to each other very seriously----Marriage was forever!!!
Mummy and Amma had lectured me endlessly before we left Chandigarh on the following points-----first and foremost to curb my headstrong and stubborn Nature---I was told that the Woman is the one who builds a strong home---the Man goes out to earn and needs the cocoon of a serene and well run home to return to----so the Woman should be understanding,loving and giving-----because in our Indian Culture Men are kept on a higher pedestal than women--hence the special treatment for them!!!I listened and kept my mouth shut---a very difficult thing to do but I managed---because protesting would have prolonged that boring Lecture---and on arrival in Bombay promptly told Sudhir that he better learn to treat me as an equal Individual---or else I'd not stand for being a second class Citizen in our Marriage!!If we were the two wheels of Life's Chariot---then we were equals!!!
During the first five years of our Marriage we lived in a Joint Family---in 1975 we moved into our own home---and really started our Life together in earnest!!Now I'm Mathematical Dumbo---my Addition,Subtraction,Multiplication and Division methods are so bad that I end up with a different answer each time---using the same digits!! Thus it fell to Sudhir---a Mathematical Wizard---to give me concise instructions in dealing with the various Vendors----Fish,Vegetables,Fruit and Flowers---they all came to our Doorstep daily---turn by turn in the morning.I was 21---already a mother of 2 daughters and I slowly learnt the way to run my home---through trial and error!!As I gained in experience my confidence and my Mathematical ability both grew---till at least I began to adopt the right attitude needed in dealing with people in a more business like manner.Here I must recommend Sudhir's Patience---though this a quality he sorely lacks otherwise---in my case he displayed exemplary Patience!!
Both of us became each other's staunch support system----each taking on certain roles.I'm the eldest among my siblings--and Sudhir the youngest among his---so I was used to dong things for others--while he was used to getting things done for him---hence we both assumed our separate roles with equanimity!!He'd had a very sheltered upbringing--and while I had been protected too but not to the extent he'd been---I was more independent in both my attitude and behaviour--so this being cocooned in a protective environment was new to me---and I rebelled against it!!
Sudhir being 9 years older than me I naturally respected his authority--he was older hence he knew better----but I realised much later that I was far more mature in some areas than he could ever be!!While Baba(Sudhir's father)had been pretty broad minded for his era both his sons were exceedingly conservative.Both Neena and I had specific instructions on the type of Sari Blouses to wear,the way to dress our hair and some mundane other things---she conformed---I rebelled!!Finally we made a pact---the portion above my neck belonged to me--the entire portion below my neck was Sudhir's--so while I dressed according to his dictates---I used my Brain the way I wanted---my mind was my own!!This suited both of us well---I read Books on various subjects by a myriad Authors and gathered as much Knowledge as I could---a prowess Sudhir was and is extremely proud of----it's really embarassing when he boasts about it!!I was just a High School Graduate when we married---but with his Support I first finished my Bachelor's and later Master's in History while my children were still young----taking the benefit of the Correspondence Courses.
Different aspects of our Natures rubbed off on each other---Sudhir has a terrible Temper--when we married he'd just clam up for days on end sulk if something upset him---I'd literally ransack my mind to find out the reasons behind his silences---but only constant cajolling would get it out of him---most reluctantly!!Me on the other hand would rave and rant about the reason of my ire---get it out of my system and come back to normal instantly!!Today he speaks out his displeasure without sulking about it---and I don't shoot my mouth off at the drop of a hat about everything---I reserve that now for the really serious topics!!I'm an extrovert and form Friendships--lasting ones--while he's "Hail Fellow Well met!!" but not very people oriented otherwise----prefers being with Family only!!!Lotta takes after him and Sayali after me---it irritates him the way my friends keep calling me---specially those in our Complex---he just can't understand what we can talk about day in and day out---while I can't understand how he can watch those stupid Soaps on T.V. as recreational Activity----99% of them are Trash!!
Today we've become so involved with each other that demarcation of our thoughts is not possible.We both have grown to become each other's Best Friends and Confidants---there are no Secrets between us---in fact if one lies about something the other catches him/her out instantly---two bodies but one Soul!!!