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Childhood Rain!!!!

Friday, June 04, 2010

The World was a much simpler place in my childhood.We didn't have a lot of things considered necessities today----most of which even I can't live without today------but those days these things were expensive then and therefore scarce.
I spent my childhood in Chandigarh-----a brand new City being built under the guidance of Le Corbusier and his cousin Pierre Jeanneret.My father was an Architect who returned from Dublin where he was working---all fired up with Pandit Nehru's call to help build a new India-----and joined this project in late 1951.My parents married in 1952 and I was born in 1953---travelling to a small secluded lane of houses in what later became Sector 22 at the age of 2 months.The City and I grew up together-----so though my umbilical cord was buried in Bombay----Chandigarh was my twin!!!!
I have always been a child of Nature-----everywhere around me there were plenty of Trees and Birds---Parrots,Mynahs,Peacocks,Bul Buls and many more species.Most of all I loved the various Seasons-----the hot days in the Summers spent in rooms darkened with Khus Curtains----the beautiful scent of this Herb/Grass still pervades my nostrils----the nights under a Mosquito net on the Terrace under the Stars-----enjoying the beautiful Moonlit and Starlit nights under the velvety Indigo Sky-----the Radio playing softly nearby---lulling me to sleep!!!Sometimes we'd have Dust Storms blowing in from the sandy Desert of Rajasthan-----these "Aandhis" were beautiful to watch through the glass of the closed window panes------Sand swirling and twirling in the strong gusty Winds giving the entire atmosphere a brownish yellow touch----it would creep in through the crevices in the tightly locked doors and windows-----I loved to taste it on my tongue----besides it smelt beautiful----undescribable and unlike anything else!!!These Dust Storms would be followed by Rains------sharp,hardhitting and settling the dust raised------these were the pre-Monsoon showers bringing a little relief from the dry Summer heat!!!
In mid-July the Monsoon would present itself-----the Sky would darken to almost Black with thick Clouds,there would be strong bursts of Wind shaking the Trees with it's force,the Thunder would roll out it's thunderous Drums with flashes of Lightning dancing on this Rhythm in the darkness of the Clouds----We have been caught so often in the wilderness on the road to Ambala or near the village of Mani Majra------and have taken shelter under the small clumps of Trees----and been privileged to see the beautiful wild Peacocks spreading out their tails and dancing in wild abandon in homage to the life giving Rain!!!
To me each aspect of Nature is beautiful but the Indian Monsoon is unique----it's beauty is out of this World!!!The monsoon has been a favourite topic of Indian Painters---the Rajasthani and Kangra Paintings depict this period the most as their subject------with Radha and Krishna as the central figures.But I digress-----the first scent of drenched Earth,the sudden coolness in the Air,the pervading scent of the drenched summer flowers---various Jasmines---Mogra,Chameli and Belaa------the carpet of drenched blood Red Gulmohar under the feet----the Raintree in the Garden with it's leaves folded to announce the arrival of the Rain---the yellow Neem fruit sending out it's acridly bitter scent----it used to be a time for celebration of Life------this beautiful weather would continue for 2-3 months----wetting the Earth and cooling it's hot outer cover.
These beautiful childhood Memories also include those of hot crisp Vegetable "Pakoras" (Fritters)with hot Green Chutney and cups of hot Herbal Tea or"Kahwaa"-------wrapped in a chequered "Kheyss" or woven Coverlet---watching the Rain from the Verandah----today I've not visited the city for more than 30 years---so how much of it has changed I know not----I only know that really------
"Those were the Days my Friend
Unfortunately they did end!!!!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRASADAF 6/7/2010 4:45AM

    Such a wonderful description...are you a writer ..i wonder wat must have been your profession..you sound gifted with writing...

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MESSENE 6/5/2010 1:26PM

    emoticonOh! I can just smell the Jasmine, so nice! And the rain just makes it better! emoticon emoticon emoticonYou have such nice memories, I feel so much part of them now! emoticon emoticon

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RAJASHREE108 6/4/2010 10:09PM

    No, they are still alive in your memory and we can still read and feel the beauty even now.. they did not end.

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NICE125 6/4/2010 6:58PM

  Yes, Komalji, you have described those Chandigarh monsoons so beautifully.
My father was in the Airforce so we stayed in Chandigarh thrice- first in sect10, which I do not remember, because I was born there!!, the second time in sec 34 and 33 when we built our house in sec 33 and then we moved for good in 1984. I spent the best years of my life there- Class 4- 9 in Carmel Convent school. The shaded roads, the markets in sec 21, subzi market in 22, Piccadelly cinema, Well, I am a chandigarhian at heart even after 16 years in the US.
Puraani yaaden taaza kar di, Thanks!
I read your blog again, how could I forget the red gulmohar and the yellow cassia. Maybe you know the name of the tree with the flower which had a silk lining, we used to collect them after school??

Comment edited on: 6/4/2010 7:00:15 PM

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RATIONAL_EATER 6/4/2010 2:07PM

    Sheer poetry.You are truly a blessed writer.

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ATMANI 6/4/2010 1:26PM

    Beautiful read!

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Singin' in the Rain!!!!

Friday, June 04, 2010

The Monsoons are beautiful---specially in India----we literally long for those 3-4 months when the Skies open up and it pours!!!These last few years global warming has changed the pattern somewhat----now it rains during the drying out spell of the old days-----what days they were!!!!
Sudhir and I both adore the Rain------my first full fledged Mumbai Monsoon was in 1972----my Lotta was just a tiny baby then----it began raining on 7th.June somewhere around midnight.The Thunder crashed,Lightning flashed and the Rain came down thick and hard in torrents---- giant pelletsized Drops!!!It struck up a rhythm on the metal awning out side our bedroom window and woke us up.The Air was filled with a rich watery smell and the drumming of the Rain was reaching a crescendo-----Sudhir woke up our domestic help Vishnu,grabbed the housekeys from him and the two of us scooted out under a huge umbrella to the car with Lotta tucked tightly in my arms.We drove down to the Marine Drive Beach known as The Chowpatty and parked on the Sands-----it was an awesome sight!!!!The waves were rushing to the shore,crashing against the Rocks sending out thick creamy foaming sprays and receding,the Thunder, Lightning and Rain were playing a wildly beautiful Rhapsody----the atmosphere was charged with a primal raw Energy----breathtakingly powerful to behold!!!We sat there with the car windows rolled up for about an hour----the Rain spent itself into a gentle pitter-patter,Thunder and Lightning too took a bow----and the three of us drove home in spell bound silence-----Vishnu let us in and we literally crept in like fugitives through the sleeping house to our bedroom----to relive and savour what we'd seen and experienced!!!We were so enthralled by our experience that we didn't sleep a wink that night!!!!
Later after we shifted here I would sit with Sayali in my arms at the window----gazing out for hours at the Rain coming down in a steady downpour----the Grass in the Lawn muffling it's footsteps to a slight hiss.The smell of wet Earth,the newly minted Green of the well washed Trees------tall Coconut Palms swaying in the gusty winds-----the clap of Thunder and the white electrical flash of Lightning against an ominously grey Sky----oh how I love all of this!!!At times like these I want to spread my tail and dance---I envy the Peacock it's plumage and grace!!!!
After the children grew up----Lotta married and moved away---Sayali was busy with her College and her friends---Sudhir and I took to taking long drives in the rain.We'd drive to Bushie Dam----built by the British at Khandala--a Hill Station near Mumbai in the Western Ghats called Sahyadris.The overcast Sky,the cool Air,Rain drops spattering the windsheild,our favourite Love Songs---both English and Hindi playing in the Tape deck---it was dates like these that we'd steal out on after Sayali left to go wherever she had commitments----on every Saturday during the Monsoon!!!We'd spend the day there----eating lunch at a beautiful small place called "Biji's Ingleside Inn"----this used to serve wonderful thick creamy Soups and crusty Bread-----today that place has turned into a popular Resort---- too crowded to be a perfect getaway anymore!!!
Then Sayali too left---the rhythm of Life played to a slower and more laidback Melody with each passing Monsoon---and the Monsoon itself began behaving like a recalcitrant child----sulking and needing to be cajoled into performing it's yearly show.Today there are but Earth scented memories of those halycyon Days locked away to treasure and enjoy at leisure.
"Those were the days My Friend,
We thought they'd never end"
but end they did----and what was taken for granted has today acquired a special status---thanks to the greed and vagaries of Mankind!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MESSENE 6/5/2010 1:20PM

    Wow! So emoticonJust love it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/5/2010 1:21:17 PM

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EACHDAYAGIFT 6/4/2010 1:59PM

    What a different perspective on rain! Here, we have travel advisories on the T.V. and people like to avoid driving or being outdoors if they can until the rain stops...like a little water will dissolve us! I AM a little cautious if there is lightning or tornado watches...I don't underestimate the powers of nature! But I've always loved that rain smell, and the sight of lightning from a safe vantage point. Don't like the way rain makes traffic slow to a crawl, though. And I'll have to take your word for it that a dust storm is beautiful and tasty!!!! Sounds like a big housework producer to me! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NICE125 6/4/2010 9:06AM

  You have done it again, Komalji! What a lovely blogpost!
Reminds me of the monsoon in Chandigarh, the first smell of raindrops on dry earth!!Lovely!

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RAGGARWALAX 6/4/2010 8:43AM

    Komalji - what can I say that has not already been said by the others! You do have a beautiful way with words and painting that picture that allows us to feel like we were there with you! Your description makes me remember when I was in India (just over 20 years ago) for a visit and it was in the heat of summer. The day that the rains started, I literally ran out of my aunt's house and was dancing in the rain. My cousins and other relatives just stared at me and thought I had gone mad. But it did not take long for my cousins to join me!

Unfortunately I do not have too many memories of India having left at the age of 5!

Thank you!
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SRITHI97 6/4/2010 8:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Oh Komal ji, what a lovely description, and play of words, really as some one has mentioned, you should have been an author, it's always nice to read your blogs, and your words, moves us to another world itself. Just lovely. emoticon emoticon

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NANAPATTYB 6/4/2010 7:25AM

    Like Mezzoangel, your words make me feel like I was there with you and watching and hearing the Monsoons. You should be an author, the way you describe in detail is extraordinary. I love every minute of reading your blog. Please do write more blogs like this one. It was really an enjoyable experience. You are truly gifted with putting words on paper.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 6/4/2010 7:18AM

    What beautiful memories. I felt like I was there when I put myself in your words!

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Taking Stock!!!!

Tuesday, June 01, 2010

You know ,Friends it needs lots of hard work to first take stock of all that we need----and all that we want.Specially for us women, Hormones play a very large role in our being comfortable in our skins----we DO have a tendency to brood---in various capacities and on different issues----and this tendency increases as we near Menopause----in varying degrees in different women.I'm writing this Blog today to tell you how I coped with my frustrations and hope that this may strike a chord within you in response.
I am blessed with a sunny nature and a tendency to push problems under the Carpet----"I'll think about it later" syndrome.It was my first stint in the ICU during my bout of Dengue that forced me to face certain facts about me and my life-----things I had pushed deep into the dark abyss of oblivion surfaced---and since most of my time was spent with only myself for company I was forced to begin taking stock of my life so far----initially as a game to keep myself amused----but later developing into a full fledged serious "work".
I began to get to know myself again----the first was my "Priority" list---things that were my of the greatest importance to me----and this was easy---Sudhir,Meha,my two Girls and both my Sons-in-law!!!My Home was next and that settled I turned towards the second category of "I want"----and began to list all those things I wanted or longed for.This was a much larger category to sort through-----while going through this category I weighed each "want" in a dispassionate manner---to better evaluate it's place in my Life---and dumped more than 80% of the List----some items on it had lost their appeal totally!!!There were a lot of things I was hankering after which actually had little or no place in my general scheme of Life!!!This way I managed to clear up a lot of my mental clutter as well----and the realisation of the items I really wanted brought clarity of vision to my approach to everything----doing away with my feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration.
I also began mulling over the other various relationships one acquires on one's journey----and began evaluating the importance given to each and it's place in my Life----which relationships were those I needed to distance myself from and which were the ones to remain unchanged!!!The third Category was the most difficult to acknowledge-----my own behaviour in the different situations I had passed to get to this stage----and looking at my own actions I began to see where I'd gone wrong in some instances.I agree that most mistakes were made unthinkingly and therefore genuine mistakes----but by admitting these to myself I could better analyze the chain of events that followed---each action begets a re-action,right????Slowly my vision cleared and my frustrations began to dissolve------I acknowledged my mistakes to my own Conscience and owned up to them silently----by doing so I released myself from certain uncertainties and misconceptions I had-----and also realised the real people to whom I really mattered.Admitting my mistakes to myself also gave me the opportunity to make amends----I can't wipe away the Past and saying "Sorry" isn't enough----but by showing greater consideration in my day to day behaviour in certain relationships does make for a better Future.
The process once started continued and over the last 8 years I've managed to shed a lot of things----misconceptions about people and incidents and those relationships that had acquired undue importance. I realised again the people who really mattered to me and I doubled my concentration towards my role in their well being-----I can't honestly say that certain incidents that are painful have been forgotten or that I've magnanimously forgiven and forgotten the slights and hurts inflicted on me----but I have tried very sincerely to leave these unpleasant memories behind me and move forward.The Peace I crave is settling upon my soul as slowly I winnow the chaff from the grain and proceed onwards in my journey of self-realisation----but it has been and still is a hard won battle!!!
Today I acknowledge all the Blessings bestowed on me by The Almighty and give heartfelt Thanks for His continued Support so far-----I pray that He continues this till I breathe my last!!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NITAINMN 6/3/2010 8:58PM

    I like this blog. Glad your pre-menopause was the start of this change for inner simplicity for you. For me, suddenly having been ill in 2004, meant meeting life's challenges, conquering my fears and letting go of the hurt and traumas that keep us from being my best to rid of worry, anger, judgement that got in the way of peace and tranquility of my life filled with joy!being stuck at home, unable to be as active as before, helped me get in touch with my creativity to heal myself. Thanks for sharing your inner most thoughts Komal! emoticon

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RAGGARWALAX 6/1/2010 1:17PM

    Komal - you have been through some tough times and have come out so much stronger because of it! Many people focus on exercise for the body but it so important to also focus on "exercise for the mind/soul"!

Thank you!

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ZANNACHAN 6/1/2010 12:21PM

    This is a great blog...

I think it is very healthy periodically to think and re-evaluate one's life, to figure out what works for you, what isn't working, what you have that matters to you and what you want that you don't have yet--and to think, honestly, about your mistakes, so that at the very least you can try to avoid them in the future.

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EACHDAYAGIFT 6/1/2010 11:50AM

    I really liked this blog. I think I will take a page from your book and try to examine my wants, needs, and ought tos in light of my current life, my limited supply of energy, brain power, and years ahead to spend, so that I can make each day more fruitful based on who I am today, not who I think I should be. I need to tattoo "I can't possibly do everything, so I must choose which things I will do" inside my eyelids as a reminder. Okay, ouch just thinking about that ...maybe I'll just hang reminders around the house!
Thanks, Komal!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ATMANI 6/1/2010 10:52AM

    Journey is tough and it looks like you have come a long way! emoticon

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Doubts and Confidence!!!

Monday, May 31, 2010

Confidence is the easiest emotion to project----an Inferiority Complex breeds a Superiority Complex----was the oft repeated words I heard as a child---so also sham Confidence covers basic insecurity.I was a dreamy child----living with my head amongst the Clouds----the real world was something I turned away from-----it was just too harsh and reality was stark----I spent most of my early years of Life-----Day Dreaming!!!I was a popular person since my childhood but was secretly shy , insecure and self conscious.I hated to make mistakes in public and therefore didn't like drawing attention to myself---despite my well read and knowledgeable mind!!!I created a shell around me of a "devil may care" attitude to cover up my basic sensitivity because certain people like to pick on these sensitive people and make them the butt of humour---all in good fun of course---but it really hurts!!!
I am a Virgo according to the Western Astrology Charts and a Gemini according to my birth horoscope----thus as I grew older the characteristics of both these Signs began to present themselves-----I am extremely practical and pragmatic in my day to day life but I also don't want to see the World the way it is---my Rose coloured Spectacles are my necessity!!!!I have been blessed with a basically sunny disposition but am also very hot tempered---I erupt and cool down---both in a flash!!!!
All the confidence that I have today is thanks to my husband----he saw my vulnerability and taught me to build my confidence at each opportunity that presented itself.He encouraged me to show off my talents in things that interested me and stood like the Great Wall of China to protect me from my mistakes---which were plenty AND expensive!!!His support of me never faltered----in fact he'd cover up my mistakes----made thanks to my naivete and trusting nature!!!!People took advantage of me ----and Life taught me to be frank and at times brutally honest----a tactic I employ only when I'm pushed into a tight corner---THEN I lash out with my teeth bared-----generally I hate controversies----I'm pretty peace loving!!!I have always led a sheltered and protected life---thanks to Sudhir---but my Sari Sales and stint with Tupperware wisened me up sufficiently and in the process gave me the confidence to hold centre stage----pretty effectively!!!Today I know my worth both as an intelligent person as well as a human being----and thanks to my knowledge of my true capacity have left all those doubts,insecurities and self consciousness way behind me.
It has not been an easy journey but I have always been honest with myself and have achieved the courage to acknowledge my mistakes,accept them without trying to whitewash them and trying not to repeat them again consciously-----I can never lie to my soul!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NITAINMN 6/3/2010 9:00PM

    Your Sudhir sounds like my dearest beloved, Hubby! Aren't we fortunate?

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ZANNACHAN 6/1/2010 12:10AM

    You know, I think it's really interesting the number of really intelligent, talented people I know who are insecure about themselves--I wonder why that is? But I'm glad that your husband was able to bring out your self-confidence. I know that sometimes his protectiveness drives you crazy, but it must be great to have a spouse who not only loves you but has complete faith in you.

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ATMANI 5/31/2010 11:16PM

    thanks for sharing your beautiful and soulful thoughts.

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EACHDAYAGIFT 5/31/2010 4:07PM

    From all the things you write, I just love Sudhir for how loyal to you and protective of you he is...even though I know at times it makes you feel crazy! My husband's aunt was similarly full of self doubt until her dear husband of 62 years made her feel loved and desired and accepted and important. I bet you two are a fun couple!

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The Middle-Age Blues!!!

Monday, May 31, 2010

I just read a Blog---"Random Thoughts"----by NICE 125 and thought I'd try to recount my own experiences around those years-----like I always say----Hind sight really DOES give a clearer view!!!
I became a mother two months before my 18th.birthday---Lotta was born----and this set me off on a new journey of becoming responsible for another human being.From here I proceeded to another baby three years later----after this all the trappings followed------I was a full time Home maker with a very successful husband, a self owned South Bombay Flat,a comfortable Life,Domestic Staff,kids going to a very good School-----in fact I had(have) a cushy Life with everything. However as my age began passing by the late 30s there began to be bouts of self doubt----nothing I did was right or so I felt----there was a general feeling of inadequacy in most fields----no amount of re-assurance from my husband and kids was enough---suffice to say that I was frustrated---and couldn't figure out why!!!I had everything going for me but something was still missing!!!
Basically I'm like a bouncing ball-----I have to bounce back because my positivity reasserts itself at the earliest opportunity-----but this general frustration pushed me towards Food---which is something I've always loved---and so stuffing my face seemed to be the cure and the panacea for whatever ailed me.Added to this were my menstrual problems---I had extremely painful periods and used to bleed heavily,developed Anaemia,was always tired and fatigued,started getting bloated due to Water Retention----despite the great amount of physical activity I put in daily.
My answer to this came in the form of Ayurveda-----I was lucky to get an Ayurvedic "Vaidya" who knew her job and was well reknowned.She told me to start Meditation for rectifying my Blues and to go on a strict Diet for my weight----wrote out my prescription as being "99% diet and 1% medicine" for 6 months and thanks to her Treatment I lost about 30 kgs. over the next 6 months.My diet became purely Vegetarian---she cut out all the Beans and Legumes which were heavily gaseous with the exception of Moong(Green Gram),Masoor(Lentils) and Matki(Brown Gram/Moth) .I was told to eat only whole Grains in plenty namely Wheat,Jowar,Bajra(both types of Millet),Naachani(Raagi/Horse Millet) and Brown Rice----as these gave me plenty of Fiber.She cut out all the Oils and replaced these with "Ghee"(Clarified Butter) in controlled amounts as this was healthier than Oil.She also replaced the Iodised Salt with Sea Salt or White Rock Salt---lesser amounts of Sodium and richer in Potassium-----to help reduce the Water retention.She banned White Sugar,White Bread,Cakes and such from my Diet totally---instead including Skim Milk,Jaggery or Honey,popped Amaranth or toasted Sesame Seed Brittle,Dates, Raisins and Dried Figs and Apricots(Khubaani/Jardaalu) instead of the Sweets-----in small quantities every 2 hourly so as to avoid bingeing.The emphasis was on lots of Green Leafy Vegetables,Fresh Fruits,thin Buttermilk and fresh Yoghurt.The Meditation was tough----controlling the Mind is not easy---in fact it's well nigh impossible.A friend of mine---Shashi Tai---is a Yoga Teacher-----and she told me to begin Meditation by first counting the number of Breaths taken by me---then to concentrate on the Air going in and out of my nostrils---and finally to fit in a "Mantra"(Religious Chant)into the rhythm of my breathing.The easiest was "AUM"------which really worked wonders!!!!!It was a very slow process----my mind slowly began expriencing calm--little by little---- this helped me to relax and unwind.I used these sessions as periods of Introspection to come to terms with and acknowledge my own faults,to accept them as they were without giving any justifications for my actions and finally to leave them behind on my onward journey-----my deep unshakeable Faith in The Almighty helped too.
I came down from 100+kgs. to 78kgs and remained set on it till my Cancer Treatment---unfortunately I was put on Arimidex(Anastrozole) and later after my Heart Attack on Nolvadex(Tamoxifen) which is keeping my weight at 82kgs-----as long as it stays stationary for the remaining two years of Medication I couldn't ask for more!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NITAINMN 6/3/2010 9:07PM

    Hey Komal:) Thanks for sharing your story. Did not know this was an Ayurveda diet...this had been quite popular in the organic, health oriented community for a while in the US too. This is what helped me reverse drug induced diabetes and get rid of weight. If I re-start it wihtout much social life.....or a better self control once more..... emoticon

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SONPARI1 6/1/2010 12:26AM

    Nice to read abt ur experience, sometimes, i get this feeling of inadequacy too. I keep wondering abt how useful i am to the society and things like that.

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ATMANI 5/31/2010 11:13PM

    Hey Amazing Lady, thanks for sharing. You are a great inspiration.

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ZANNACHAN 5/31/2010 10:28AM

    Thanks for sharing your experience! It's hard to imagine that you were full of doubts etc.--you're so confident now!

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MILLISMA 5/31/2010 9:10AM

    Beautiful story with so much insight. I didn't realize that you were on Tamoxifen also. That is when I stopped losing weight and also put on a few pounds but I am fitting it all the way. I have two more years to take it but have been told it also takes a few years to completely get out of your system.

You are an amazing lady and I love reading your stories. Thank you so much for sharing your life, traditions and history with us. I am so touched.

Mary Anne emoticon

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ANU_20 5/31/2010 6:28AM

    Thanks a lot for sharing your experience! You have accumulated a wealth of knowledge which you very generously share with others and besides, I am a complete fan of your writing talent. Have a lot to learn from you! emoticon

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