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Friday, May 28, 2010

I think I was born to eat---I just adore,love and worship Food.I'm not very particular----being lucky in being able to enjoy most Cuisines---Sudhir on the other hand is staunchly reverting to his Indian roots.Mummy learnt Chinese cooking from the Chinese wife of one of Daddy's friends----Sweet-n-Sour Chicken,Chicken Pineapple,Fried Rice-----these became popular weekend Specials in our home.Those days there were just 3-4 Restaurants in Chandigarh---serving Indian and Indianised British Fare---so this new taste was more than welcome-----we all just fell in love with it!!!!
While there were many Restaurants and Bistros serving varied and excellent British Food----hangovers of the Raj----there were just 4 authentic Chinese Restaurants in Mumbai then----The Golden Dragon at the Taj Mahal Hotel,Kamling and Mandarin and the Nanking all at South Bombay locations.Sudhir was familiar with the British style of cooking----Fish and Chips and the Cream Soups at the Taj being his favourites-----I decided to broaden his tastebuds' horizons---the first lesson was acquiring a taste for Bacon,Ham and Sausages----the second a taste for Chinese Cuisine----which by now had turned into an addiction for me!!!
The first time Sudhir and I went out to Dinner after our Wedding---it was to a Chinese Restaurant----Nanking---- at my insistence------and while I adored the Food---Sudhir sat there poking at the Food cautiously ----he was not very appreciative-----he reserved his judgement!!!By then I was preganant with Lotta and craved loads of Chinese and "English" Food besides the perennial favourites of Chaats and Bhel-----and since these were cravings craving total satisfaction----poor Sudhir had no choice but to take me to these Restaurants often!!!
Slowly he too began liking the taste and opened up to experimenting with different dishes---in consultation with the Chinese families who owned the place and personally supervised everything-----and soon we ventured into alien territory----familiarising ourselves with the novel tastes presented to our palates.The children too were taught to enjoy Chinese Food----they were reared on a steady weekend diet of it every Friday night at these Restaurants.We became familiar with everyone---- the Families and Staff in all these places----we were such regular customers there!!!
Then the children grew up and flew away---and our visiting these Restaurants just lessened.The huge helpings became too much for us to finish and so we drifted away from these places to the ones serving Buffet Meals.This way we ate exactly the quantity we wanted and had greater variety and choice----and began having Luncheon dates---his Courts are in South Mumbai---we'd meet regularly for Lunch at either the Oberoi's or the Taj.All this continued till I fell sick---then the dietary restrictions for me came into play----and these Dates too lessened---and as the restrictions grew-----came almost to a standstill!!!
Today after a long,long time we dropped in at The Kamling for a light Lunch---I just had to eat Chinese!!!!The earlier look was still there---though the fierce Competition has shaken their strong monopoly-----but wonder of wonders they've started a Buffet Meal there----so after a perusal of the Menu we decided to eat that----and the first bite was like rolling all those years back------it tasted JUST the same!!!!There was another surprise in store for us----the family member manning the Counter recognised us----asking after our daughters---how they were ,where they were etc.----we enjoyed our Meal and left with both our stomachs full of the taste and our hearts full of Memories-----this trip down Memory Lane was Satisfaction Gauranteed!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NITAINMN 6/3/2010 9:13PM

    I can imagine how happy you must have been to see the same family still managing the chinese restaurant!!!! Sooo happy for you making it worthwhile. I also understand the taste of Indi-Chinese food...absolutely great! Not too keen on Chinese food for americans full of fat and salt.....though, Indi- Chinese also happen to have quite a bit of sodium. We have a new restaurant opened here by the name Clay Oven serving Indi-Chino food...one of these days, we plan on going there:)

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ZANNACHAN 5/28/2010 12:19PM

    Hmm, yum. You're lucky that you grew up familiar with a diverse range of foods--and can keep an open mind about them!

I think I am lucky in that I grew up exposed to a lot of different nationalities' cuisines--Chinese, Mexican, Indian, British, German, and Greek being the principle non-American foods I was familiar with (though I never learned the names of the Indian foods--just that they were tasty but often much too spicy for me--I have a very low spice tolerance). I remember going to Chicago with some people from one of my classes to go to the art museum there, and my roommate had never eaten anything but straight American fair--I talked her into a Greek restaurant (great food) but like Sudhir at the Chinese restaurant she wasn't sure what to make of it!

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EACHDAYAGIFT 5/28/2010 10:21AM

    Okay... while I enjoy your food related blogs, usually I am clueless to have it evoke tastes in my imagination because I am unfamiliar with the dishes and most of the ingredients. Chinese food hit closer to home! My first taste of it, I was like Sudhir. I was with my friend and her Family for her birthday celebration at a restaurant in Chicago called Kon Tiki Ports, which had a really cool decor, with different areas of the restaurant depicting different ports. (I was 12 and ignorant, I have no idea which ones.) I had never been to anything other than an American restaurant, so I was just dazzled... and terrified of the food! They helped me choose what they thought would be least scary to me... and it was yummy!!! My husband and I were regular Chinese restaurant patrons, as he grew up with his mom making homemade egg foo young that he said tasted authentic, despite her being 100% Irish! When we called to place our order for carryout, the owner always repeated our name and said, "You pay by check." If he didn't remember our faces, he remembered our money!!! I once tried to make egg rolls as a newlywed. I spent hours shopping, chopping , preparing the wrappers with my new crepe pan, filling them oh so evenly in my anal way, placing them carefully into the oil to fry. Next thing you know, I am yelling "Help! Quick, help!" I had neglected to use whatever is necessary to seal the wrappers, and they were unfolding like flowers, spilling all their contents into the sea of oil. We were wildly poking and pushing at them with all our brand new wedding present utensils, trying to salvage even one, but it was a lost cause. We never got to see how they would have tasted, and I never tried to make them myself again, but until we are too senile to remember, we will share the laughter that memory provides! Sadly for dear hubby, the cooking situation never got much better!!!

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MILLISMA 5/28/2010 10:13AM

    What a great day that was! I also love Chinese food and prefer the buffets to ordering a big meal, especially when there are a lot of the veggie dishes. Now it makes me want to cook something Chinese. LOL

Mary Anne emoticon

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MESSENE 5/28/2010 7:14AM

    emoticonYummy! I just love Chinese food, but only have it about 3 times a year now. emoticonblog! emoticon

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ATMANI 5/28/2010 7:13AM


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Marriage----A Commitment

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My generation grew up believing in getting married and living together ever after----Divorce was a bad word for us!!!!Indian women specially were conditioned early in Life to adjust----one didn't just marry the man---one married the entire Family---and the manner in which one assimilated was a matter of Prestige for the Bride's Family---a reflection of her upbringing!!!Indians believe that a Marriage to the same partner lasts for 7 different Lifetimes---in each birth the Partners remain constant.The Patriarchal System gives a highly elevated status to the male---hence husbands are known as "Pati Parameshwar"or "the Prime God" in his wife's life.
I grew up seeing different types of marriages---my maternal Grandparents were pretty broadminded for their era---my Aaji(Grandma)had studied to the level of Matriculation,studied Nursing,and married my Aazoba(Grandpa) at the age of 26 years old------in 1930!!!My mother was born a year later in 1931------and she completed her B.A. after her marriage to my father.Aaji was never subservient to Aazoba---in fact they shared an equal relationship---surprising in that era---and my Aazoba's very traditional and conservative Konkani Background.Aaji's relationship with her in-laws---Aazoba's mother Ba-aaji , his sisters and brothers----was very open and frank-----perhaps this was why she was the most popular sister-in-law and Aunt amongst her peers----she was loving,huge hearted and very,very generous of herself!!!Despite all this she also was someone who always looked to the needs of everyone----in fact the Mumbai flat was always overflowing with people----and each one was catered to individually!!!This itself showed which one of the two was responsible for the harmony and smooth running of the home!!!
Once I chanced upon an old Photograph of the two--Aaji resplendent in her beautiful "Paithani" and Aazoba in his cloth of Gold Achkan,Silk Churidar and a Gold Tissue Turban tied around his head----taken just after their Wedding perhaps---and I just blurted"Aaji how handsome my Aazoba looks---you were very lucky to get such a handsome husband!!!"Pat came the retort"Didn't you see the way I look---silly child???He was lucky to get me---after all he was a widower twice over!!!"The words were just words---but the misty eyed look revealed how much she missed him----they were such amusingly wonderful sparring partners!!!
My parents-in-law were another wonderfully adjusted pair---Atya was a very young bride--barely 15 to Baba's 25 years---yet she blossomed under his support-----studying for her Matriculation,her Sanskrit Vishaarad,being active on All India Radio,becoming a member of the Sahitya Sangh and various Women's Clubs----and all this while running an impeccably smooth home.She'd personally cook all his meals,supervise his Clothes---there would never be an unironed Shirt or a button missing----and both enjoyed Classical Indian Music,Marathi Sangeet Nataks(Operas) and other Plays-----and both were voracious readers!!!Whenever Baba lost his temper she'd never answer back---just stand there peacefully and wait for his bout of temper to pass----once he was back to normal she'd make her point and keep her opinion in front of him---to agree or not!!!She was no doormat but Baba's position was never challenged in any way---he was the Supreme Commander---always!!!The light went out of her life after his death in 1966----but she never erred in her duties---she continued looking after things as she'd always done---precisely and efficiently!!!
My parents were two people very deeply in love---but each very headstrong----and stubborn!!!There would be arguments galore---Daddy'd leave the house fuming for work------ and would call back in exactly 5-10 minutes after reaching his Office---they'd be cooing on the "phone with each other like a pair of Turtle Doves!!!They were very close---like two peas in a pod and very open about their love for each other.Often Daddy'd make a nuisance of himself in the Kitchen "helping" her with her chores---but she never shooed him out---no matter how busy she was---they shared total telepathy and were always mentally in "sync" with each other---our home was always full of Love and Laughter!!!!Here too Daddy expected Mummy to look after my paternal grandma Akka with due respect----a difficult job because Akka was a very complexed character----she refused to get along with even one of the three daughter's-in-law!!Here it was Mummy who adjusted----going to great lengths to accomodate both mother and son!!Mummy was allergic to Jasmine---and our huge Garden had more than 5-7 varieties of it.The most profuse of these varieties were The "Mogra" and the "Chameli"----both having beautifully pervading scents.Mummy was blessed with very thick Black hair-----Akka would gather loads these while still in bud and string them together into thick Garlands(Gazraas) for Mummy to wear in her hair---Mummy'd go mad sneezing but never once did she refuse to wear these!!!During Akka's stay Mummy'd turn into a second class citizen---specially with Daddy!!!I learnt very early what was expected of me----and the best way to learn was by observation.
Sudhir and I were luckier than most because we were first cousins---therefore we were well accustomed to each other's faults and foibles.The relationship however changed a full 360 Degrees-----after our marriage a lot of things changed as we embarked on our marital journey.I've never claimed to be an easy person to live with---I'm naive,trusting , extremely impulsive and talk nineteen to the dozen while he's quieter,more laid back,suspiscious and savvy about Life.I refuse to see any Black and he won't even agree to Grey----and we're both exceedingly stubborn,argumentative and hot headed---neither one likes to give in!!!We've come closer while growing up together,through the trials and travails of Parenting and are today so used to living in each other's pockets that we together form a whole unit---each incomplete without the other!!!Just as I've learnt to respect his space I've tried to get him to respect mine---Love begins as a romantic start in a marriage but one needs to work to keep it alive---one has to give more than one takes for any marriage to last----tolerating each other's idiosycrasies and learning to adjust to each other's needs is a necessity in every relationship.By doing small things to keep each other happy does not turn anybody into a Doormat----but lays the foundation of a solid,satisfying and rewarding relationship-----based on a 100% commitment!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NITAINMN 6/3/2010 9:21PM

    Komal, great blog...your relationship of trials and tribulations with your hubby due to opposite personalities, sounds just like ours. Like you, over the years, we have softened our edges and are happy together and can't imagine life without each other! emoticon

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RAGGARWALAX 5/26/2010 10:22PM

    Komalji - your blogs are always so beautifully written! Your powers of observation and mastery of the written word is amazing. Marriage is a commitment on both sides and without it no marriage can last long. My DH and I get into arguments all the time but where there is love, there has to be sparks too :-)

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SAASHA17 5/26/2010 2:58PM

    Love this...and hopefully when i get married, i share a relationship like my parents do...

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KOMAL53 5/26/2010 11:25AM

    I have learnt through experience in my Marriage to focus on what I'm going to do to keep my relationship on an even keel----a congenial atmosphere in the home keeps everyone---especially Husbands happy---too many expectations and Nagging tend to push people aka Husbands away---besides a little pampering helps sweeten the ties!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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APATRICIAO521 5/26/2010 11:19AM

    Marraige can be difficult and it takes 100% committement like you say. I am going to be married, for the 1st and only time, in May 2011 to the best man I have ever met. That you for this post it really made me think about how I am going to make sure I appreciate all he does for me and committ myself 100% to him.

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*MADHU* 5/26/2010 8:39AM

    I loved this blog...just emoticon

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RAJASHREE108 5/26/2010 7:48AM

    So true.. emoticon

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NANALOVE55 5/26/2010 6:51AM

    I believe in 100% commitment also..however it still takes 2 to hold up to 100%...

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MYBULLDOGS 5/26/2010 5:58AM

    i believe that marriage does have to be a 100 percent commitment. emoticon

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Thanks---Dear SP Friends!!!!

Monday, May 24, 2010

The fabulous and encouraging feedback that you all send me makes my day---and encourages me to write whatever comes to mind---knowing that it will be appreciated!!!In the evening of my life I've blossomed into what I had dreamt of becoming----many,many years ago------all because of your encouragement and appreciation!!!
Spark People was the best portal my daughter Sayali introduced me to---one of her best gifts to me---it opened a magical new Vista before my wonder struck eyes---it not only taught me to become fitter,healthier and more comfortable with my newer lifestyle---- but also blessed me with the best thing of all I needed and desired---- really wonderful Friends----today I'm a multi millionaire in the best way possible---thanks to all of you!!!
THANK YOU ALL-----DEAR FRIENDS!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EACHDAYAGIFT 5/25/2010 5:39PM

    I'm glad to know you are as blessed by your contacts on Spark People as we ( your fan base!) feel blessed by knowing you! How lucky we are to have found this at this moment in our lives!

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SRITHI97 5/24/2010 2:09PM

    Thanks to you, yeah you do really make the mornings special with your blogs, and your comments make us feel so special and motivated, so all the thanks are directed right back at you, with lots of hugs. emoticon emoticon

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ZANNACHAN 5/24/2010 1:37PM

    And a thousand times right back at you .... Thank you so much! What would my mornings be like without your blogs? How would my days be without your wonderful support? The poorer, that's for sure! emoticon

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MESSENE 5/24/2010 12:32PM

    emoticon emoticonYour emoticon
What would I do with-out your lovely blogs! emoticonYou make everything so much nicer! & peaceful. emoticon emoticon

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Monday, May 24, 2010

Life is funny---it winds it's way through uncharted territory----no one can accurately predict where one will reach----only the Past is known---the Present is now hence revealed every second as it comes and the Future is shrouded in mystery.Thus only hind sight decides the consequences of one's actions and whether it has been a good Life or not.
I really feel that I have been very generously blessed in a lot of ways by The Almighty and actually have no reasons to complain and no regrets about any unfulfilled dreams-----today I'm truly contented and happy with what I have gained.The regrets are connected to my own reactions with certain situations---
I feel I should have acted less impulsively!!!
My being dissatisfied about myself as a mother is my greatest regret----my daughters have never complained but today I can see my past mistakes clearly-----and I really am repentant about them.Unfortunately I can't undo them as they're in the Past and just saying"Sorry" is so very trite!!!I will not justify my actions by saying that I reacted on certain times due to the circumstances---today I feel that as a mother I should have handled my disappointments and frustrations better----the spankings don't hurt as much as the harsh words but I can't revoke them today.My reactions were too strong to put it mildly-----but I guess it's all Water under the Bridge now!!!
Another regret is that I've never applied my mind to what I say or do till it's too late---by then both my feet are in my mouth!!!My temper being the way it is and my hotheadedness don't help either.My trusting and naive nature coupled with the terribly impulsive manner I react to the situation according to the circumstances-----I literally throw caution to the winds and go with the flow---Sudhir hates that---he's scared that people may exploit my naivete and take me for a gala ride when he's not around---hence he keeps fussing around like a mother hen----irritating me with his protective clucking!!!
Maturity is something that I truly admire---and totally lack!!!I have grown older only in years---inside and out I'm still a child----Life is too short to complicate by serious thinking---and as I'm a fatalist I leave everything to God---mine not to question why---besides who am I to question His Wisdom???So "Que Sara sara---What will be will be"!!!Acting with Maturity for me is something I know I lack---but am incapable of correcting!!
I live by the maxim of doing what is right---till date I've never expected any returns from anyone except Sudhir---I try to fulfill all my duties cheerfully and with warmth because that is the way I've been brought up-----The Gita(our Holy Book) preaches that one should fulfill one's Duty without expecting any returns.The maxim is ingrained in all Indians---unfortunately at times most of us forget and let our expectations get the better of us.Our daughters sometimes get very emotional and feel sorry that they live so far away----especially during the periods when I wasn't well---- our answer to them is that it is parents who are responsible for their children---not vice versa!!!If they really and truly feel we've been good parents then they should give their children a similar upbringing----that will be our greatest reward.No child asks to be born--we bring them into this World because we want to experience the joys of becoming parents---so we do not do them any favours when we rear them----once you bear and rear children---they become your beloved responsibility for Life---and NO regrets about that!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EACHDAYAGIFT 5/25/2010 5:45PM

    Just what I needed to read, especially the last line. I've been realizing that what I wanted most was to be a mother, and that the burden I feel over my children is often based on my own regrets about the job I did, choices that may have been shortsighted, etc. But, as you said, water under the bridge now! All we can do is stay in the moment and offer our best to our kids and stand back and see what lives they choose for themselves at this point.

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NICE125 5/24/2010 1:12PM

  Thought provoking blog, Komalji.
Growing up. whenever my parents words and actions hurt me, I would silently vow never to do the same to my children. And I try not to.
I give them as much freedom as is reasonably possible and try not to judge their actions by the 'what will people say?!'standard my parents had.
The irony is that my children feel that their grandparents were better parents!! So you just cant win!.
As you quoted from the Gita 'do the right action without any expectation.'Very difficult to do.

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ZANNACHAN 5/24/2010 10:34AM

    I think sometimes that the hardest lesson a child learns is that parents are not infallible. Still, you shouldn't beat yourself up because you weren't a perfect parent--as they say, to err is human. The important thing is to do the best you can at any given time. I've always had the impression that you had a good relationship with your daughters, so you couldn't have done so badly!

I doubt your daughters will stop worrying about being so far away, in case you need help, though. That's part of the cycle--parents care for their children when they are young and growing up, and even when they are older and newly married and having kids and trying to figure out how to be a wife/father/mother/husband. But as we get older, our kids are more and more going to take care of us. But knock on wood, even with your healthy problems hopefully it will be a long time before that day arrives!

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RAGGARWALAX 5/24/2010 8:28AM

    Komalji - your blog today is a good reminder for many of us to do the same (whether we do that publicly or personally). I think that as parents, we try to do the absolute best that we can for our children but no matter what, we will still make mistakes. What really counts is that we try our best and that our children recognize that.

I have to laugh at your description of your DH acting like a protective hen b/c you also described yourself similarly in your A-Z blog! I can just picture both of you clucking around each other emoticon

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SRITHI97 5/24/2010 7:58AM

    Really Beautiful! your blog has made me think too, as we live far away from our parents, we tend to think the same way as your daughter's, but your blog has given me an insight of how i can be a better mom for my kids,thanks. loved your blog. emoticon

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MESSENE 5/24/2010 7:38AM

    emoticonI love your blog! emoticon

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ATMANI 5/24/2010 6:45AM

    Oh, what beautiful thoughts. emoticon

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Looking inwards into one's own Mind and Soul is good---specially when some things perplex you-----and you need to renew your aquaintance with yourself again----it's like saying"Hi--I'm so and so "to your self again!!!
It just struck me today that I've changed as a person---as a Human Being----what I need to decide is whether it is a good change or not.I've always been a "People" person------very outgoing,friendly aand talkative----I can blabber non-stop----or rather I used to talk nineteen to the dozen----but lately I've turning quieter and more reflective.
I always had a secret core---private and shared only with Sudhir,the girls and now my grand-daughter-----I was not very confident about myself----the image I projected was very collected and poised but most times I'd be quaking inside----totally unsure of myself!!!It was my bravado and brashness and a "Never say Die" spirit that saw me through till now----the "Never say Die" spirit still survives but the brashness and bravado are gone----left behind in my onward journey somewhere in my past-----I guess this is "true" progress of Self---or so I presume!!!
My journey to this stage has been a painful one.I was an extremely sensitive child,adolescent and adult for a long time----very easily hurt and bruised----Life taught me certain lessons which while being very hard hitting and harsh did me loads of good too---they toughened me up.They also brought home to me the real people in my life who counted---I dropped off all the unwanted emotional baggage and it's disadvantages and began evolving into a really self possessed and confident woman---pretty late maybe but finally I got there----after a long vulnerable state as the Caterpillar I finally changed into a Butterfly!!!
The business of Living is slowly acquiring a quieter rhythm---there is no hurry to accomplish anything nor are there any more wishes or dreams unfulfilled---just a longing for the remaining years to pass peacefully.I am happy and at peace with all my needs---those that did not realise are today totally forgotten and left far behind---they do not even impinge on my consciousness any more.Today the physical weight of my bulk does not frustrate me nor does my being homebound thanks to my Health most of the time bother me-----my focus now has changed from the exterior to the interior-----I'm very happy to have so many Friends who are fond of me----those to whom I'm physically close and those whom I know only through the Internet but have never met----Friends are like minded Folks with whom one bonds-----these are true Soul Mates!!!I'm very lucky to be blessed with such wonderful people----today the World has become my Oyster!!
Perhaps I'm progressing onwards towards the third stage in Life's cycle according to Hinduism---"Vaanprasthaashrama" or gradual distancing from the World----preparatory to the final Stage---after this comes "Sanyaas" or Total Renunciation---which I doubt I'll ever reach---some relationships still have a strong pull and still tug at my heart strings!!!Today I realise that there are times when I just want to sit still----looking inwards----moving away from unpleasant issues of Health----at peace with the World and myself!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATMANI 5/22/2010 5:47PM

    Happy treading Vanaprastha Ashram. Can't wait to experience at least a part of it! Of course, still have a long way to go with 2 children that still need my presence.

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*MADHU* 5/22/2010 12:26PM

    You write so beautifully. You truly are an emoticonlady from whom I have so much to learn (through message boards or blogs). emoticonfor sharing your journey with us emoticon

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RAGGARWALAX 5/21/2010 10:47PM

    Komal - Your metamorphosis was beautifully written. It is amazing how much contented one becomes when they are at peace and how much more there is to share with others!

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RAJASHREE108 5/21/2010 3:13PM

    Very well written... it also rings true in some ways and I feel, "yes, I experience that" and share your journey in more meaningful way.

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ZANNACHAN 5/21/2010 1:26PM

    Thanks for sharing that. It sounds like not only a contented place to be, but one that has the wisdom of experience.

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BOVEY63 5/21/2010 11:11AM

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts. Coming to peace with myself and the world is something I have been working on; and thanks to SP and blogs like yours, I am getting there.

So happy you have found this peace!
emoticon emoticon

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