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Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Sudhir and Me in Sayali's Living Room,N Y November 2009

Lotta and Sudhir at Letchworth Park,2005

Sayali and Sudhir--At home in Mumbai,2007

The 3 of us at Hever Castle,July 2012

I had been worried about Sudhir's reaction to the "empty" nest Syndrome far more than mine---because factually he was more demonstrative about his bond with the girls.In 2000 August Sayali left--Lotta had left earlier and as a result of this I had expected Sudhir to react very strongly to both our daughters moving far away--halfway across the World precisely!!His total acceptance of the situation and his moving on seamlessly into a life that focussed only on himself and me both surprised me pleasantly as well as reassured me about the new phase in our lives.Having not had much time with my own father and later him dying when I was just 21 years old made me even more determined to ensure that both our daughters got a lot of quality time with Sudhir.The result of this was that he was an exceptional father--given the type of fathers we saw around us during that period.
Sudhir's involvement with becoming a father began very early--in fact both of us approached parenthood together.Sudhir's earliest contribution to fatherhood was in driving me across the length and breadth of Bombay in search of whatever Food caught my fancy--fulfilling even my most impractical whims and fancies without a demur or a murmur!!He also was by my side when I saw the Gynaecologist Dr. Nargis Motasha at her Clinic and also there for the birth of both our daughters.Lotta's birth meant that he was outside in the Waiting Room pacing up and down the area waiting for news--it was actually Sayali's birth that made him determined never to have any more children!!I had a very slow process where my Dilation was concerned---and Lotta took a good 8 days to be born naturally---that too only after the Doctor told me about a C-section scheduled for me the next day. The second time Sudhir was right outside the Labour Room--and caught an earful of my howls!!!I'm basically a person with a high threshold for Pain and with Sayali too I had kept a stiff upper lip--concentrating on my breathing as I had been taught.Unfortunately the Nurse did not wait for the Doctor to arrive and turned Sayali who was feet first right in the middle of a contraction--resulting in my uterus tearing and my losing control finally!!I was appalled at the terrible howls I emitted--but just could not regain my control back---the next day I found it very difficult to face the Doctor--though he was all praise for my performance prior to the loss of control!!
The first thing I remember about both the births is the look on his face--wonderment,awe and the pure delight when each one of them curled a fist tightly around his finger---literally holding on for dear life!!That was the day he made a vow to give them the best he could---and till the day he died, he kept that vow he had made to himself totally!!While he never changed the nappies,he took turns in staying up with Lotta after a full day at Court just to relieve me--for Lotta would cry the entire 24 hours for no obvious reason!!It was he who ensured that Lotta welcomed and accepted Sayali into our lives--holding long conversations with her about the new Baby--in Marathi we say "Babu" that was coming.Now the word "Babu" is synonymous mainly with the male babies and Lotta was well aware of this.He'd ask Lotta to feel my abdomen each time Sayali kicked--and would also tell her about what all I'd be doing after the "Babu" came--just to prepare her for the loss of attention later on.When Sayali was born Lotta turned to him--very indignant and accusing--- and said--"That's not a "Babu"--that's a Baby!!"
When we shifted here he'd take Lotta to her School in SoBo every morning--on the way he would question her about everything--and she would share all her innermost secrets with him.For the first year and a half he would never directly interact with Sayali--always doing so only after Lotta made him include her in their magic circle.By the time Lotta was 5 years old and Sayali 3 years old--the three of them began ganging up on me big time.We had a hidden bed specially made for them in our Bedroom because Lotta tormented Sayali whenever they slept in their Bedroom with Ghost stories.This bed would slide in under ours during the day and would roll out at night.Sudhir had to sleep next to their side--holding both their hands till they slept--a painful job for sometimes they'd cling to his hands and keep telling him stories about their day--cutting across each other's tales--and tugging at his poor aching hands to get his full attention!!
Sudhir was very particular about everything--he'd go meet their Teachers regularly in School just to follow up on their Educational Progress.While I did the disciplining he always knew about all their mischief and their minor problems--and would very subtly let them know that he was aware of every small feature of their lives.He'd mildly remonstrate or reprimand them but rarely went beyond that for there would be no need of that.I firmly believed in not not spoiling the children and my methods of disciplining would at times be pretty harsh!!Sometimes he'd ask me if I felt left out--but then I never did. Atya would always complain that I concentrated only on Sudhir and that my daughters came a poor second in my affections--something which I have always admitted openly.I don't think I was half as good a mother--but as I wife I have no qualms in claiming to have been nearer the 10 mark!!I had promised myself that I'd have him all to myself and that we'd be together after the Girls married and moved out and I'm very grateful to The Almighty for giving us those last 11 years together.For me it was the best period in our marriage.Our responsibilities had been fulfilled,our parenting days were over and so we were both mentally and physically relaxed.We were both young enough to live Life the way we wanted to and enjoy spending all our time together.We always had been talking a lot to each other---but sharing our thoughts became even easier as we became just the two of us---sometimes we'd just sit holding hands in a companionable silence---- for our relationship had transcended to a level where words were not needed anymore.Both of us knew everything about each other and had reached a comfort level together that was truly exceptional.
Today I am battling a deep loneliness in my soul--but I am coming to terms with him not being there physically.The period of denial is passing for Time does not stand still.However, I look on the passage of Time favourably--for each day that passes brings me closer to that day in my life when we will be together again--never to part!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOOKINGUP2012 4/10/2013 1:15PM


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CHERIRIDDELL 4/10/2013 10:44AM

    What a lovely description .Sudhir was indeed lucky to have you Komal as his wife !

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MILLISMA 4/9/2013 7:39PM

    So beautiful! I loved the pictures. What a beautiful family with wonderful bonds. emoticon emoticon

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BOVEY63 4/9/2013 3:18PM

    Komal that was so beautiful. Thank you once again for sharing with us!

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SAASHA17 4/9/2013 7:48AM


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MIRFA71 4/9/2013 4:29AM

    That was such a beautiful description of Mr. Sudhir as a father. He indeed was a very doting and wonderful father.

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Monday, April 08, 2013

The aches and pains are gradually lessening but the Terrace Floor remains hard and tough---I have started carrying a Cushion for my poor knees----to be used as padding when I kneel!!However at night I take stock--what is more uncomfortable--my butt--my knees or my shoulders--all are in the race to come out the Winner!!
The Weather is very chameleon like--changing from pleasant in the mornings and evenings to becoming blisteringly hot in the afternoons--I'm feeling every bit of my age if I have to step out during that period----one good thing may come of it though--the sloshing around of the liquid in the stomach automatically helps to keep the portions at mealtimes small--so it could turn out to be a blessing in disguise!!However I spend my time these days by finishing my cooking early in the mornings--come 11 a.m. and the Kitchen turns into a Furnace!!It has been a long time since I've spent the entire Summer in Mumbai--and this one promises to be a right royally fiery one!!
I'm on a Pickling spree--the last of the Red,sweet Delhi Carrots and Turnips are being pickled together with Daikon Radishes--and even though I say it myself the result is truly awesome!!The bottles of Lemon syrup and raw Mango " Panna" are safely ensconced in the 'Fridge as coolers for anyone who visits during the summer.Making these reminds me of Sudhir's penchant for offering a cold drink to everyone who rang our Doorbell--I had a bevy of Courier Boys dropping by to offer their Condolences to me after he passed away!!My Yoga Sessions ensure a deep sleep at night--and I'm becoming adept at focussing on the work at hand---and not allowing my thoughts to stray deeper into the sensitive territory locked away in the recesses of my mind!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RIDMYCOCOON 4/10/2013 4:10PM


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CHERIRIDDELL 4/10/2013 10:37AM

    Mango panna ? I will be right behind Manasa joining you for some ! Funny you are suffering from the heat and I am suffering from the cold. Given my injuries I would like some of that fiery Mubai heat ! hugs Cheri

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MILLISMA 4/8/2013 6:32PM

    My dad always says he doesn't understand why they call them "The Golden Years" and I'm starting to understand what he means. Make sure not to do too much during the heat of the day and enjoy your Lemon syrup and raw Mango!

hugs...Mary Anne

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MIRFA71 4/8/2013 2:08PM

    You are doing good!

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BOVEY63 4/8/2013 11:18AM

    Hope that you are feeling back to yourself real soon.

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*MADHU* 4/8/2013 10:48AM

    emoticon Opt for a thick Yoga mat...and save some Aam Panna for me :)

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SAASHA17 4/8/2013 7:58AM

    Lol..I hear ya on the aches and pains..I know it will get better as u get used to it!!

Yum mango panna..Im coming over for some!


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Ouch--Oops!! and Awwww.....

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Walking for long stretches does not really prove one is fit---it is when one is asked to use one's limbs by adopting different postures the loss of flexible fluidity is borne home.Yesterday's Yoga Session was a real eye opener--made me realise exactly how lax I've been with my fitness!!For starters I went in thinking that because I'd done all that before I'd be able to manage 90% of it--but in reality realised that I could barely do 10% now!!Reasons??My right hip and left shoulder love each other so much that I'm convinced they're in cahoots with each other!!!While performing the vertical excercises my left hand firmly refused to rise above my ear level--as a result my arm excercises were totally lopsided!!Later my right hip refused to oblige me by folding into a cross legged position---as a result I stuck out like a sore thumb--being the only one sitting with my legs stretched out in front of me!!There's more---when I eagerly lay down on my mat to gaze dreamily at the upturned Blue Bowl of the Azure Sky overhead---the hard surface of the Terrace floor made my back uncomfortably antsy!!Believe me Folks I felt each and every discomfort---almost as if I was the Princess in that Princess and the Pea story!!
I was so absorbed in my own misery that I just didn't bother to look around to see how the others were faring.I just went through the motions my mind remembered by my body rebelled against extremely shame faced and downcast at my own inability to perform.Finally the "Shavaasan" or the Posture of the Dead came around.Lying supine with my eyes closed and protesting body at rest I really began to re-experience some of that relaxing Peace that I'd come looking for.My mind was fully alert to each and every nuance of Life around me while my limbs were totally limp and and seemingly lifeless.There was the chatter of Sparrows hurrying home to their nests--the fluting dulcet tones of the Cuckoo falling like tinkling notes of cool Water into my consciousness.The soft Breeze that caressed my still body sang softly--a beautiful,melodious tune that lulled my mind into a complete peacefulness---there was only me,the Universe and My Friend---all three of us in silent communion---reaching a satisfying oneness with each other.
It was later that I came to know that I was not the only one who suffered---all of us did in varying degrees!!It was an extremely disappointing Session for Mitra our Yoga Teacher--she felt personally let down to see the state her most enthusiastic Pupils had fallen to--however I'm looking forward to the next Class on Wednesday--all that pain is justified for that beautiful and peaceful Communion at the very end!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MILLISMA 4/5/2013 4:11PM

    So great that you are doing yoga again. Bet you'll be back full strength in no time!!!

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/4/2013 1:25PM

    Ah but each seesion will make you feel better .How I remember my first return to yoga after the accident and I still creak so loudly that I startle people.It truly is worth the effort and I swear yoga is one of the reasons I am not in a wheelchair.

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LOOKINGUP2012 4/2/2013 8:04PM

    Your body is trying to remember anyways! Good for you.

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MIRFA71 4/2/2013 2:07PM

    emoticon you will feel better and get the hang of it as the classes progress. Best of luck for the next class emoticon

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BOVEY63 4/2/2013 1:11PM

    You will be back in yoga form before you know it! Awesome that you are doing it!

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SAASHA17 4/2/2013 7:47AM

    hehehehe...but good to see u back at Yoga...feel better

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PUDLECRAZY 4/2/2013 7:12AM

    So great that you are getting back to yoga! I try to do home practice almost every day, but when I go to class, I push myself more. And ahhhhh, savasana! Doesn't that feel wonderful at the end of class? I think it really helps when we are under stress.

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    Ah, the state of realization!

You'll get there, I found the older we get the longer it takes to get back what we used to have!

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IMEMINE1 4/2/2013 5:21AM

    I am getting back to Yoga after not doing it for two weeks I, too noticed a lot of stiffness not omly in Yoga but just dong different things.
I am back on track for 2 days now and I feel better a;ready.
Good luck to you.

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Back to Yog-Antics!!

Monday, April 01, 2013

Today we gather again as a group for resuming one of our favourite activities--Yoga.We tried doing that in January 2010 and continued zealously till September 2010--a no mean feat for a mixed group of women ranging from 40-75 years old!!The best part was going through the motions on our Condominium terrace-- in the open Air--under a Blue Sky dotted with scudding Cottonwool fluffy Clouds.Today we begin again--and I'm so looking forward to it!!
Our earlier stint was extremely enjoyable--specially during the Monsoons when we'd call out to Indra--the Lord of Rain--to keep the Rain away.The memory of that roiling Grey Sky--thick with Rain heavy Clouds was one of the highlights of our Yoga---specially because we Indians love the Rains.Monsoons are the prime Weather for Love--as many beautiful miniature Paintings of the Celestial lovers Radha and Krishna will bear witness to my statement.Not to forget Kalidasa's lyrical "Meghadootam"---- which deals with the musings of a forlorn Lover who is separated and pining for his Ladylove faraway.He chooses a "Megha' or Cloud as his "Doota" or Messenger to carry his Lovelorn messages to his Beloved.
It's a women only Class--and as we flip flop over as well as raise our legs towards an Azure Blue Sky,my friend Pushpa's DIL Apurva can get a full view of some trim,some plump and some actually fat women going through the gentle paces from her Bedroom window!!!
Now take me--I'm fat and stiff jointed.By the time I regain some of my earlier fluidity of movement the Rains will be here.I have a problem sitting cross legged on my Mat--but I'm definitely going to try and find a spot that will work for me. The reason I'm doing this is to keep my joints supple and to retain my mobility because with Sudhir gone my life is literally without any pace--only the one that I create.There is really no motivation to finish certain things by a certain deadline anymore.However I go through the motions at the same pace just to keep myself occupied with a semblance of normalcy.Spending this time in the open Air with the gentle ribbing and camaraderie of my regular group of Friends will help by relaxing not only my stiff joints but also my mind--because Meditation is one part of it as well.Controlling one's mind is an extremely challenging task--keeping all other thoughts at bay while concentrating just the one is doing battle with one's own mind. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose--but my determination and doggedness in pursuance of my goal hopefully should get me there!!

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    emoticon Smiling about envisioning me sitting cross-legged on a mat.

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MIRFA71 4/1/2013 2:42PM

    Well done. Spending time with your group of friends will surely freshen you up.

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*MADHU* 4/1/2013 12:48PM

    Sounds like an emoticon plan emoticon emoticon

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SAASHA17 4/1/2013 8:11AM

    oh that sounds like fun...i cant figure out Yoga and dont have the flexibility or patience for it...good going on ur yoga routine...and i bet the outdoors will always make u feel better.!!

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/1/2013 12:35AM

    Oh Komal I love yoga and wish I could join you.I do my yoga at home with my pet dog Lacey for company yours sounds much more entertaining !

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

I was a typical small town girl when we married.Tongue tied in front of the so called "Big City" friends that Sudhir had, I adopted a snobbish attitude--and whenever I spoke it was always in English--in the colonial British accent the Nuns had taught me.Those days I'd have died before admitting it but it was just a case of my insecurity taking the upper hand.Chandigarh had just 2 big Hotels to it's name--one was the Mount View owned by Rai Bahadur Oberoi and the second one was Aroma--a wee bit rundown and genteelly shabby by then.Having grown up in the higher echelons of the graded post colonial period I had an extremely confident exterior hating the little mouse that hid behind the facade.
Besides having grown up on the lover boy Movies of Shammi Kapoor and his brother Shashi Kapoor my head was full of the romantic nonsense they put forth.For me going on a Honeymoon meant going to a beautiful Hill Station,running around Trees dressed in fabulous Finery and melodiously singing lilting Love Songs and Duets.Also I expected Sudhir to chase me,catch me and then haul me up in his arms!!All of this was a definite no-no.The fun loving cousin I had married turned into an extremely obsessively possesive husband----who didn't want us drawing any kind of attention to ourselves!!Our Honeymoon began with a spat--caused by my excessive garrulousness with another couple on their Honeymoon too---and later the nervousness caused by the long walk towards our Hotel from the Bus Stand----resulting in a humdinger of a headache for poor Sudhir.However the next day began with a wonderful English Breakfast--and we made short work of our Bacon and Eggs and the bowls of the marvellous Porridge.
I am blessed with an uncanny sense of direction and never forget Roads---here in Shimla I'd visited so often that I knew all the main roads--as well as the lanes and the bylanes too--this was my Territory!!As we strolled around the Mall Road and it's surroundings I was spouting information and local History all the while!! Luckily Sudhir and i were still in the early stages of our relationship--so he put up with the flow that I steadily kept up--10 years down the line he had no compunction in exasperatingly telling me to either be concise--or shut up!!For me that week was wonderful despite it's rocky start.In my beloved Mountains in the Autumn--the spectacular Sunsets and the beautiful views all around was a bonus that we both gloried in.Sudhir and I shared an immense love for the Nature that surrounded us---and it was here that a part of my Fantasy came true--he would sing to me whenever he felt like.His favourite was a beautiful Mohammad Rafi song from the film "Yeh Raat phir naa Aayegi" and the song was "Aapsey mainein Meri Jaan ".There was also two Shammi Kapoor songs that he sang to me--one was "Hai Duniya usiki Zamaana usikaa" from Kashmir ki Kali and "Meri Mohabbat Jawaan rahegi" from Jaanwar.
By now we had also acquired two beautiful songs as our own during our courting period of 7 months.Both of these were as melodious and sweet as the other ones.One was "Phoolonkey Rangsey" from Prem Pujaari and the other was "Yeh Dil diwaanaa hai" from Ishq par Zor nahin.The old Store Room in the Bombay home had been converted into a beautiful Bed cum Sitting room for us--and on our return we spent a lot of our time in there.In a Joint family where privacy is always at a premium we flouted all the established norms and contrary to convention left no opportunity to spend all our spare time together. Milind in fact composed a song with which he would sing at the top of his stentorian voice--just to tease us---- as soon as both Sudhir and he arrived home from the Courts and Office.It was during the day that I began getting closer to my MIL Atya and Nina.As soon as I found out that Lotta was on the way I took up Knitting--something that my mother had taught me well but something that I wasn't really very fond of!!As the garment began taking shape gradually I got caught up in the joy of creating something new---and before I knew it I was well set on my way--to the extent of learning Tunisian Crochet from a book that Atya had!!
This was a truly joyous period for us--apart from a very slight Morning Sickness I'd be hungry enough to eat tons of Food---and I did!!By the time i was in my 7th. month I'd turned into a huge,fat person--my weight scaled up from 90 lbs. to 170 lbs. in just that period!!I didn't walk ,I waddled and the mandatory Saries i wore floated up just a wee bit below my knees in the front!!Besides I was a total slave to my cravings--I literally drove poor Sudhir mad--I not only craved certain Foods--I craved these from certain particular places only--resulting in mad dashes all over the huge City!!Those days i could still sing--and the one thing that I loved most about Sudhir were his beautiful Sherry coloured eyes.There are many nights that we've driven around the City--both in Moonlight as well as Starlight with me singing to him and he to me---and on the various beaches of Bombay--- sitting on the cool,soft Sands we've also gathered tiny Rice Pearls with childish enthusiasm, digging deep in the Sands with the Coconut shell scoops that we'd used to eat the tender flesh of our Green coconuts!!
I wanted to make the best of every minute--for I was convinced that I wouldn't survive this pregnancy--and alternated between driving Sudhir mad to swear undying love for me and only me--or threatening him with my Ghost being his constant companion!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIRFA71 3/31/2013 1:13PM

    Very beautiful. emoticon

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    I have enjoyed reading your stories.
Copy all of them and save them in a file to write your book!

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3016DEBRA 3/28/2013 7:33PM

  That was SO interesting! Thanks for sharing... emoticon

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BOVEY63 3/28/2013 12:26PM


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MILLISMA 3/28/2013 11:23AM

    Beautiful emoticon emoticon

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LOOKINGUP2012 3/28/2013 8:32AM

    emoticon He should have bought you a book of Japanese haiku!

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