Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Even as I type that title, my inner two year old (you know, the one who likes to have hissy fits about wanting it now!) is screaming "What? You want me to starve? What are you thinking?" (Heavy sigh)
It's not been a good week for me so far, and it's only Wednesday. I sabatoged myself over the weekend and I've been spending everyday since trying to make up for it. I am in a FSC challenge and I don't want to let my team down.......makes me sick to think about it.
Why did I do it? I don't know......that is like the million dollar question. I guess in the back of my mind I thought, one day isn't going to hurt me....it's one meal.....I'll make up for it tomorrow. Well, tomorrow never came over the weekend and I went out to eat 5 times! I KNOW better than that. Well needless to say, I gained 4 lbs. from that indulgence.
I've been doing a lot of reading lately, trying to get a handle on why I eat what I do and how to change those behaviors. The common theme is that you really need to retrain your body and mind to think and act like a thin person. I've been practicing some techniques that have been challenging and frustrating at the same time. Techniques like delaying meals, having smaller meals...denying myself snacks. You should try it sometime. It's an interesting experiment.
It's hard to tell your body and mind, that it's okay to be hungry......you don't have to act on it. It's NOT an emergency. There are times that I feel like (very overboard I realize; but my mind is mine) I'm gonna die if I don't eat something or at the very least I'll pass out from being so weak! (That will show me!!!!) And low and behold it passes and turns out; I'm just fine. Yes, that's right......I'm fine.....in no danger of dying from starvation or passing out from weakness.
Yes, it's okay to be hungry....it's kind of like a right of passage. This IS the door I have to go through to achieve my goals and be the thin, healthy person I miss. It's working, I've lost two of those nasty pounds and I am positive I will lose the rest plus more.
But.....I'm still hungry.............