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I DON'T Care!......or do I?

Thursday, September 06, 2012

I obviously don’t care about myself…..no it’s true. Why else would I make the choices I make? I know when I am making a bad choice, I know it is a bad choice and that I shouldn’t do it, but I do it anyway….I don’t care….

All the good intentions in the world don’t matter when I find myself craving something that isn’t good for me because…..I don’t care…..

I get determined to work out after work and I get home and take a nap because I tell myself I am really tired……I don’t care…..

I eat well all day and don’t snack only to stop for ice cream on my way home because I’ve had a bad day…..I don’t care……

I do well on the weekend days but then I will go out to a restaurant at night and not care what or how much I have…..I don’t care….

My doctor tells me I NEED to start walking for my health but I find every excuse in the book not to….I don’t care….

I’m not proud of it…I don’t care….

I’m not happy about it….I don’t care….

I’m worried I’m going to die…..I don’t care?….

….I don’t care…. I don’t care….I don’t…….. I do….. I do?

I do care that I don’t seem to have the motivation I need to follow through.
I do care that I get so over heated from the smallest amount of exertion.
I do care that I look like I do and it makes me ill to look in the mirror.
I do care that I’m so ashamed that my family has to be seen with me.
I do care that I’m at a loss on how to find my determination back.

I have to figure it out…..it has to be now…..I can’t wait any longer….cuz…….




  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMMERJESSE 10/1/2012 9:56AM

    Hope to read another blog soon and find out how you are doing. You've got a lot of SPfriends who care about

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ID_VANDAL 9/19/2012 1:23PM

    Keri, that was a very powerful blog. I know you care because you are just a great person. That comes from reading all your prior blogs with all your trials and tribulations yet you still stand tall and strong.

I like Travelgrrl's response to you. We are in a war with the food manufacturers and they don't care about us - just our $$$$'s so let's you and me suck it up and just find that one small spark again and between us and Sparkland see if we can get the flame going.

Thanks again for you kind emails and your support to me.



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    Baby steps. You can do it!

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EATVEGAN 9/6/2012 9:46PM

    Your Sparkfriends have given you so much good advice, I don't know what I could add. But it broke my heart that looking in the mirror makes you sick and you are ashamed that your family has to be seen with you. I remember thinking my kids must be ashamed for me to go to their school, only to have them proudly take me and introduce me to their teachers and friends. They love us, and see us through eyes of love. Even when I visited my son at college, he was anxious to introduce me to friends and teachers.
The other thing is your mirror. It was hard for me to make friends with my mirror, but it is important. I joined a team called Quitting, You can't start until you stop. We have to quit hating our looks. One of the challenges I'm in has me look in the mirror and say nice things about myself. I'm beginning to see myself as pretty. You need to see yourself as worthy. You are important to yourself and all those around you. Make friends with your mirror. It can help you. I promise. emoticon emoticon

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NEWYEARME 9/6/2012 6:06PM

    I know that you do care about your health and that you are making bad choices. Sometimes we just get so down on ourselves that we just don't seem to have the energy or desire to do what is good for us (like exercise and prepare healthy meals).

Just remember that you are worth the extra effort. And once you start doing it, it will eventually become a habit.


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POSITIVELY_EB 9/6/2012 3:31PM

    Looks like you have a lot of supporters here! LOL! We all have times when we lose the spark and flounder for a bit - or longer! I've been floundering for over a year now, but I feel like I'm finally getting my spark back and I'm going with it while it's here. Have you thought about finding a "mentor?" Someone who has lost the weight. Someone who's been through the struggle. I did and it's made a difference!!


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TRAVELGRRL 9/6/2012 3:02PM

    Hi Keri,
I am just finishing the book, "The end of overeating" by David Kessler, MD. It's got a ton of information in it but one of the main points is that since 1980, the food industry has spent billions figuring out what human beings will compulsively eat. And guess what? It's sugar, fat, and salt. So they continue to layer almost every processed and restaurant food with these three ingredients to the point where it is sickening. Sugar, fat, and salt trigger the "reward" center of our brain so we keep seeking it out. And since processed food is available everywhere, 24/7, and portions are bigger and bigger, we get fatter and fatter.

I'm at the end of the book now where he discusses strategies to stay thin in view of this billion dollar industry urging us to overeat crap that is bad for us.

I think you DO care, but you are discouraged. But think a minute. Each one of us is single-handedly fighting a war against a billion-dollar industry. We've got to consciously make good choices for awhile to train our brains to find "rewards" from other things than food. That's why exercise is so good; it triggers the same feel-good chemicals in the brain that eating does.

Don't give up the fight! Don't let the thousands of food scientists and marketers and advertising people hijack your brain and WIN!

I'd like to challenge you to do ONE POSITIVE THING consistently for a week. Track your food? Go for a walk? Put a bag of baby carrots in your car for the drive home so you don't stop for ice cream? Do it for a week, and then pick one NEW habit to add and do that the next week. Start small and get your confidence back. You are worth it and emoticon

HUGS, emoticon

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    Oh Keri. I understand all too well. I decided to stop everything from whirling about around me. I got planted in the life I had . I spent time just going through the daily steps, not worrying about what my calories were and how little I moved ( as little as 750 steps in a whole day ). I just kept coming to SPark EVERYDAY. I read followed my teams, not always posting but reading what others posted. I subscribed to as many blogs that I found were consistent about blogging and followed them daily, making a comment or 2 here and there. I basically showed up, that was it. Little by little and we are talking weeks here, I started to post once in a while to some teams. I commented on more blogs, still tracking most days and doing what I could. Then slowly, I started out. I chose 1 daily goal, water. That was all. I worked on getting better with my water. I am still not 100% on board with drinking it all every day, but at some point, I noticed I was choosing it more often than not. I went back to Stage 1 with fastbreaks, knowing I might not be able to fulfill that much yet. I let Spark determine my calorie limits. I started to take notice of when I would be in range and what was different those days, still not perfect. From there I looked at what I could, in the least way possible, do for activity. I found chair exercise. Now I do those short videos when I can and I TRY to walk. I am being so patient with myself. I no longer look at the scale with a glare or pleading eyes. It is just a measurement. It is not the be all and end all of my life. This has taken me 3 months to get going. I am happy with my progress 6 lbs in 3 months. It IS progress. I know if I continue to show up and do ALL I can do that day then I am a success. I applaud the little tiny stuff, like getting myself a glass of water, instead of asking someone else, walking around the grocery store. Those steps count, it all counts. I have a positive journal. I add all the positives from each day in there. Got dressed, positive. Ate a healthy breakfast, positive. Big or small I count them all.

I refuse to give up and I know you refuse too. Go back as far as you need to and take it easy. You can do it, I am, so anyone can.


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MSLZZY 9/6/2012 12:09PM

    The first step to take is one you have already
taken. You DO care so love yourself enough
to do what is best. You have so much that
is good in your life. I know you will start
taking the right steps for you. You CARE
and I do, too! HUGS!

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DEBBIEDAY 9/6/2012 11:27AM

    emoticon Those first steps are the hardest and we cannot expect to undo a lifetime of 'not caring' or rather more to the point not taking care of ourselves as we do for everyone else!

As to the 'overheating with minimal exertion'...oh yeah I'm right there with you on that! As soon as I do anything to raise my heartrate...I am red in the face and sweating enough to fill buckets! But lately I have quit thinking this a bad thing instead seeing it as proof that I am WORKING to get healthier!!!

You CAN do this one day/ step at a time!!! emoticon

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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Me: God, can I ask you a question?

God: Sure.

Me: Promise you won't get mad?

God: I promise.

Me: Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do you mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late.

God: Yes.

Me: My car took forever to start.

God: Okay.

Me: At lunch they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait.

God: Hmmm.

Me: On the way home my phone went dead just as I picked up a call.

God: Okay.

Me: And on top of all that, when I got home I just wanted to soak my feet in my new foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?

God: Well, let me see. The Death Angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.

Me: (humbled): OH...

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The person who made your first sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what he has. I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me: (embarrassed): Ok...

God: Your phone went dead because the person who was calling was going to give false witness about what you said during that call. I didn't even let you talk to them so that you would be covered.

Me: (softly) I see, God.

God: Oh, and that foot massager had a short that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm sorry God.

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me in all things, the good and the bad.

Me: I will trust you.

God: And don't doubt that MY plan for your day is always better than your plan.

Me: I won't, God. And let me just tell you God, thank you for everything today.

God: You're welcome, child. It was just another day being your God, and I love looking after my children.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEGIRL50 8/29/2012 10:04PM


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NEWYEARME 8/29/2012 7:18PM

    Sure makes you think, doesn't it? Everything happens for a reason.


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MOMFAN 8/29/2012 2:23PM


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ID_VANDAL 8/29/2012 12:38PM

    I keep telling you that you always have a great blog that has a strong message!!

I loved reading that one and it puts the day in a whole different perspective doesn't it!!

Thanks. Now you go out and have a great day!!



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MSLZZY 8/29/2012 12:35PM

    This was so wonderful! I have to trust that no
matter what goes wrong, in my sight, there is
a good reason. God knows best! Thanks for
sharing. HUGS!

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CJSARGENT1 8/29/2012 11:38AM

    beautifully stated. Trust Always

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POSITIVELY_EB 8/29/2012 10:53AM

    emoticon Thank you for sharing!!!


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LADYJ6942 8/29/2012 10:51AM

    Amen, we tend to forget how to do this all to often. Thank you

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PENNI68 8/29/2012 10:44AM

    Nice one!

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JILLITA55 8/29/2012 10:43AM


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So...what have you done today?

Friday, June 08, 2012

So…what have you done today?

Everyone knows that things go better when you have a plan. You eat the right things, you get your exercise in, and you feel that rush of accomplishment.

What happens if you fail to plan? Does that mean the whole day is a failure and everything gets thrown out the window? It happens…be honest.

It doesn’t have to be that way. When you find yourself with a lack of plan there are some steps you can take to put yourself on track.

1. Make a mental plan. Chart a plan in your head to keep you on track. If I’m headed for fast food, I envision where the closest sub shop is to keep me on target, if there isn’t a viable option….what is on the menu that I can make work for me today?

2. Order the smallest portions on the menu. No need to super size.

3. Find exercise where you can get it. Sometimes I know I won’t get any exercise in. So to improvise I park as far away from my destination as I can. The other day, DH wanted to go wash his truck. I asked him to drop me off at Hobby Lobby. I used that time to make laps around the store to get some walking in. I wasn’t shopping but it is fun to have interesting things to look at.

4. Choose water when you can. Pop/soda is tempting but you don’t need it. You can be just as refreshed with water and a slice of lemon/lime.

5. At work, practice the 30/5 rule. If you sit at a desk all day, get up after 30 minutes and walk around for 5 min. It adds up and actually refreshes your mind and body for better concentration.

These are just a few of the things I do to make up for my lack of planning…what are your tips? Please share!



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEGIRL50 6/12/2012 4:39PM

    I like to swiggle to music. (Sway, kick my feet, hip circles, jump from tile to tile, twirl). It can be done anywhere and is fun.

Great blog about not letting yourself get too far off track. Every small step in the right direction gets you closer to your goal.

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MSLZZY 6/9/2012 7:05AM

    Good tips. When I hang laundry outside, I set the
basket down at the closest pole and then walk the
first piece down to the other end, pin it on the line,
walk back to the basket, grab the next item to hang
and take it to the end. Each time the distance gets
smaller but I find I get extra steps in that way.
I make a point to do stretches inbetween. It takes
much longer but it is worth it.

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MOMFAN 6/9/2012 5:53AM

    Chew gum

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POSITIVELY_EB 6/8/2012 8:34PM


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SUNNY1432 6/8/2012 1:29PM

    emoticon blog!! Having a plan is best but being able adjust to minor roadblocks is good too. Thanks for the steps. emoticon

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CHARMEL01 6/8/2012 11:58AM

  ID_VANDAL, great blog!

Well, I do the same as you but, only with yard work or house cleaning. I try to do something in my back or front yard every day as well as some cleaning of the house every day.

Yes, for the most part I could do most of it in two days but, I feel like I get more excercise in when I do something on a daily basis. To me it is all about moving your body. SO get out there and move that body emoticon

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ID_VANDAL 6/8/2012 11:52AM

    Good blog and some good ideas and reminders. Exercise is where we find it. One thing I do (and it's been suggested a lot) is park (safely please) away from the store you are going to.

Also don't try to be efficient in everything you do. When I'm putting washed clothes away I make two, three, or four trips when in reality I could get the whole load in one big armful.

I'll be curious to see what others have.

Have a great week-end.



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Meds and railroad cars!

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

So I had something interesting happen to me the other day. I was getting ready to go to a funeral and I had the TV on....noise....all of a sudden I hear one of those commercials by lawyers looking for people who have suffered from a problem caused by a medication.

I did a double take because I realized it was a medication that I'm on. It has supposedly caused strokes and kidney failure. SCARY! But it has only caused that in people who have diabetes and I don't have diabetes. Still...it bothered me.

So I sent my doctor an email and asked her what she thought of this. She indicated that I didn't have diabetes but that she didn't really want me to stay on this medicine long term. She asked me to make an appointment in a couple of months.

I made an appointment the NEXT day! emoticon I just couldn't stand the though of taking it any longer that necessary. The problem with it is that I am allergic to most blood pressure medicines.

After a long talk with my doc we stopped taking that drug and the water pill I was taking and starting a pill that is combined with a water pill.

So far so good. And the best part about it is that my original meds cost $60 a month and the new option is $4 a month....Sweet! We will see what the doc says when she sees my readings for the week.

On a side note, my old employer...who didn't need me anymore....had a huge derailment in my town tonight. It's going to cost them over 4x what my wage would have been for the last two years....Karma is my b****h tonight!! It's terrible how that brings a smile to my face!!

Starting another wellness challenge at work this week...I'm ready for our wellness center "Survivor!" Having a great year...hope you are too!



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ID_VANDAL 6/7/2012 7:45PM

    Hey Keri - you blogged and I'm two days late in getting to it!!

Great news on the meds. We can always use a little more cash!

I'm with TG on your old employer. I do love it when something comes up and bites them costing them much more than if they just did it right in the first place. I don't know how many surveys I've read about outsourcing ultimately costs more but they keep on doing it for their short term bonus.

Now that you are getting new meds - let's all of us get healthy we still can do great things this year.



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POSITIVELY_EB 6/6/2012 7:00PM

    Good for you, on all counts!!!


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MSLZZY 6/6/2012 7:26AM

    So glad you didn't wait to change that medication.
Not only will you have peace of mind but you are
saving money as well. Good luck!
Your old employer is feeling the pinch now.
Have a wonderful Wednesday! HUGS!

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TRAVELGRRL 6/6/2012 7:15AM

    Great news about the meds! I hope the new option works for you. It really pays off to be proactive with your own health. Doctors are great, but when they see 50-100 patients a day they can't possibly do for us what we can do for ourselves.

I'm sorry to hear about your former employer...NOT! Sounds like they made a knee-jerk short-term decision based on economics that was not the best decisions in the long term!

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TOTHEFUTURE1 6/5/2012 10:32PM

    Best wishes with your new Meds, hope it is a good result

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Ponderings redux...

Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Funny thing happened after I posted the last blog. I was listening to the radio on my way home from work. Dr. Laura was on and I get a kick out of her. She can be so abrasive sometimes that as a people person, it just causes me to cringe. emoticon
A lady was talking to her about the exact issue I was talking about earlier. And Dr. Laura in her no nonsense, no sugar coating it way, told the lady that she was making a choice. (paraphrasing somewhat)“You don’t WANT to be healthy, you don’t WANT fix this, you WANT to die young. I don’t get up early to work out because I enjoy it. I am happy and proud of myself when I’m done. At least I know I’m healthy and if I do die young, it won’t be because of something I did or didn’t do. You just don’t want to….”
Wow! You know what…..I think she’s right. No matter how I want to, as MSLZZY says “Make sure your reasons aren’t excuses”, find another reason for fighting myself. I’m responsible for that……shame on me.
PONDER THAT…… emoticon



  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEGIRL50 5/20/2012 3:32AM

    I like the comment about "willpower" and "wantpower". Important things to think about.

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MSLZZY 5/4/2012 8:06AM

    No shame in admitting you are human and
suffer from the same issues that we all do.
Dig deep and do what is best for you AND
learn to love yourself in the process.

Comment edited on: 5/4/2012 8:10:32 AM

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LUCKYDUCK2 5/4/2012 3:30AM

    Oh wow Keri....awesome "food for thought" and I like the comments shared also. Your blogs are so helpful

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POSITIVELY_EB 5/2/2012 5:06PM


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ID_VANDAL 5/2/2012 1:40PM

    Great blogs - but then you always to great blogs!

I have a couple of things to add - the Fatloser tapes I listened to (well some of them anyway) said (and this is not a direct quote but close)

"Fat people eat for pleasure - fit people eat for health
Fit people ask "How is this meal going to affect my health?

That really got me thinking and I do eat for pleasure so I'm working on changing that thought process because I believe nothing else will change until that does.

Also I remember a story from years ago about a violinist completing a great concert and a lady run up to him and said "Oh I wish I could play like that" and he said "No you don't or you would" I guess my message is instead of saying I wish I could be thin - I don't or I would be.

Something to think about.




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FLEURGARDEN 5/2/2012 11:20AM

    Sometimes we just need to hear the raw truth, because a sugar-coated message doesn't always give us the wake-up call we need to make needed changes. I read somewhere that too many people think they lack "willpower" when they are unable to make positive changes, but actually, what they are lacking is "wantpower". If we want something bad enough, we will find a way to achieve it.

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TRAVELGRRL 5/2/2012 10:26AM

    I just read another blog that said "An hour is only 4% of your day...so what's your excuse?"

Really, can't we make a 4% change in our life?

Thanks for your comment to my blog about the Grand Old Opry!

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AUNTB63 5/2/2012 10:17AM

    Thanks for sharing this. Makes all the sense in the world. We need to fight for ourselves not with ourselves. emoticon

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