Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I'm going to start right off the bat by saying, I like my job and I'm grateful to have it. Sometimes, though, it can really drive me crazy, make me question my sanity, and it can be such a downer!
That's what I'm feeling today. I am the only woman on an all male management team. I don't have any problem with this, but we are different. You know the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus thing. Well we had to take a 360 degree review. That is where your peers rate you. Boy, I'll tell you what-- The men had a field day taking "pot shots" at each other and more importantly at me. I know I didn't get the worst of it, but still......I admit it.......I'm sensitive.
I was not mean at all and I admit my first thought was, "I wish I would have been mean right back." But I know, if I had a chance to do it over, I would have done it the same. And really this isn't the problem I'm having. We had consultant go through these with us and he pointed out that most times, the critiques may not be true but may be perceptions of the truth. I honestly found that to be the case for me. I'm not trying to say I don't have things to work on, I do, but I could justify most comments.
Then he asked me to pick out the things I do well; I just looked at him. Truthfully, my eye went straight to the negative. So he ended up telling me what he saw that was good. It is so funny that as a society, we do tend to focus on the negative. I start to wonder.....is that why I am struggling with my weight? Do I focus on the negative in me and my life? I know I don't want that to be me. Why do I find it easy to praise and motivate others, but I can' t do it for myself? If I start to tell myself, I will always look this way, then I guess I will.
I really have to change the inner me...you may know her.....not very confident......self conscious.....sensitive....... has little faith in herself.....always trying to keep up with the men.....to be equal........STOP! No more! (It was starting to look like a pity party!) And that is so not what this is. You have to wonder though.....how much sabotage do we do to ourselves? Who cares what others say? How can we be strong individuals for ourselves?
I guess it's a good time to go on vacation-- Time to stretch the mind and body.