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It's not a rainy day....it's not Monday....I'm just blue.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

I can't tell you how many blogs I've written lately only to delete them before posting. I am usually a very positive person and I don't like to focus on negative things. I guess that's why I'm having trouble posting......I would rather delete it than make it a permanent fixture on my sparkpage.



I want to start by saying that I am a firm believer in the Spark. I have seen so many things here that have inspired me. I have found so many great things that have helped me so much.

But I am frustrated by the fact that I keep losing the same weight over and over. I'm not making any real significant progress and nothing I do changes this. I feel like a hypocrite when I try to inspire myself to do well in my blogs and it motivates others. How can I keep encouraging you to do what I can't?



I don't know if some of the meds I'm on are holding me back in some way? I wonder....I can pinpoint some situations that make me suspect that.

Should I seek out a nutritionist? I know there are services out there....how to find them?



Should I just say screw it and have the surgery....making DH happy?

I've been pretty emotional about it today. I am not looking for your sympathy today.....I need help and a direction to go in......any ideas out there???



Hugs,

Keri



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUST_GAIL 4/12/2010 9:34AM

    I agree with ABRIDGESRNC. Sometimes just posting the frustration will help others in theirs. Others will know they are not the only one who feels this way. It just might help you and others find the hidden reasons behind some of the emotional eating. I pray that you can know exactly what God wants for you and how to handle the discouragement.

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ABRIDGESRNC 4/9/2010 10:55AM

    emoticon

I don't have advice - just support. Keep going.

Enjoy the blue a little - without downs the ups aren't as noticeable!

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HICALGAL 4/9/2010 4:04AM

    we all have those days...me included

there were many days i've felt less than the positive person that i usually am but if during those times, i've inspired anyone on their journey, then it's all worth it to me.

one thing that helps me out of my funk is encouraging and supporting others on their blogs, pages...i think it's the constant hearing of encouragement coming from me that in turn...encourages me too.

on losing the same weight over and over.... go over your present plan, tweak it adjust it and keep experimenting until you find what does work for you because it's obvious the present one isn't doing it for you.

hang in there...it will get better. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEESHADACATDIVA 4/8/2010 10:12PM

    You keep trying, I am in your shoes and I know its hard. and unless you want the surgery and the restrictions that go with it dont do it for someone else One of these days we will get it right

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POSITIVELY_EB 4/8/2010 6:14PM

    Keri, looks like you have more than your share of advice, so I'll just sent you my love and a {{{hug}}} and tell you that sometimes it's OK to RECEIVE the support. You don't always have to be the GIVER!

emoticon

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ID_VANDAL 4/8/2010 5:55PM

    Keri, A lot of us know how you feel - some of us have been there done that over and over again. I wish I had the magic answer but I don't. It might be time to see a nutritionist or maybe a therapist. I would sure do those options first before getting to the surgery. Having just gone through some for my hernia I would really look at surgery as a last resort.

I agree with Deegirl - you're too nice to be blue so take time to really like yourself and all of your many many good qualities!!

Take care!

Vandal

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TRAVELGRRL 4/8/2010 5:33PM

    I think all of the advice given is wonderful, and I don't have anything concrete to add but my support. If you sincerely feel you are doing everything you can and still are not losing weight, then it is time to see a professional like a nutritionist. If you know you are not doing your best despite your sincere desire to do so, maybe it's time to see a therapist. You CAN get past this roadblock, but the main thing is, never give up. And NEVER quit sparkpeople; we need you here!

TG

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TRAVELGRRL 4/8/2010 5:33PM

    I think all of the advice given is wonderful, and I don't have anything concrete to add but my support. If you sincerely feel you are doing everything you can and still are not losing weight, then it is time to see a professional like a nutritionist. If you know you are not doing your best despite your sincere desire to do so, maybe it's time to see a therapist. You CAN get past this roadblock, but the main thing is, never give up. And NEVER quit sparkpeople; we need you here!

TG

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AMBERROGUE 4/8/2010 5:09PM

    emoticon I sent you a sparkmail. emoticon

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MSLZZY 4/8/2010 4:48PM

    Surgery may be an answer but it doesn't always spell success. One of my best friends has a lapband and did well for the first 6 months. Now at a standstill, which is very depressing. Being diabetic and with other health issues, it was not
a cure-all.
I would seek help from a nutritionist, if possible. They would have some
suggestions that could help you turn the corner. They see things in a totally
different light.
Consider your options wisely so that you can make the best decision for you.
Take care and feel free to email if you want. emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 4/8/2010 4:37PM

    I rarely give my opinion, but I think that unless you really want the surgery for yourself (not for someone else) then don't. Even if you do, eating is a mental thing and we still have to learn how to eat right. I'd definitely seek the nutritionist before making any decision on an operation. FYI, I've been at a forever plateau and really frustrated as well. Yes, meds can interfere with our metabolism. And for myself, I've also considered that thyroid might be an obstacle in my progress.

These blogs are for ourselves, to think on the screen. It helps to release the feelings, even if depressed.

Wishing you the best.

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P316LEIA 4/8/2010 4:32PM

    Keri,

My suggestion: first off....find something (other than food) to boost your mood and make your inside happy. then once your inside is happy again, go over your logs, food plans, etc. and see if your stuck in a rut. Maybe changing things up a bit will help kick start things again. (I read something somewhere on Spark about that today)

A nutritionist might be a good idea before thinking about surgery. Check the yellow pages or ask your doctor for a referral to one.

All your Sparkfriends are here for you ~ you've helped us with motivation now it's our turn. You can do this!!

Hugs!!
Kimi

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WASHMOM5 4/8/2010 4:31PM

    Keri, sorry to see you are feeling blue. I had to go through a program to get ok'd for my lapband that was a huge help. Our insurance paid it, but I think you could duplicate it on your own. It was a therapist, nutritionist and a trainer. I talked with the therapist and nutritionist on the phone once every other month. And then the trainer I met at the Y 3 times a week. I lost 50 pounds in about 8 months. I am losing pretty slowly with the lapband so, in 4 months I have only lost 10 pounds...I have to get serious about my food choices and start exercising again. Anywho...the first couple of things they had me do, were eat 90grams of protein a day, no alcohol (I still struggle with this one), drink at least 64oz of water daily, exercise even a little every day and wear a rubberband on your wrist and snap it every time you start to say something negative to yourself. If you write down 5 things that you like about yourself when you are in a pretty good mood, you will have those things to say to yourself when you snap the band. Best wishes to you, I don't know if any of this helped, but I hope so:) emoticon

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DEEGIRL50 4/8/2010 4:29PM

    "This too shall pass." emoticon emoticon

I'm not in favor of surgery. It works for a lot of people, but there are risks involved. I'd rather do it myself and be proud of my accomplishments.

Have you tried all the tricks... journaling and looking back to see when, what, and why you ate? Tracking your meals and running the nutrition report to see if your diet is balanced?

I'm sure you could find a dietician at your local health club or through your doctor's office. Dieticians are so helpful and knowledgeable. I saw one at a Women's Health seminar and she had plastic food representing all the appropriate portion sizes. You'd be surprised at how little we should be eating.

Good Luck Keri. You're too nice to be blue!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Spirit Lifters! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Somewhere down the road

Friday, April 02, 2010

I'm sitting here this morning listening to Amy Grant's new album. She remade one of her old songs..."Somewhere down the road".



So I'm listening and singing along...and reading blogs....yes...I multi task...not well mind you...but I do it......and I'm saddened by the fact that it's spring and so many are dealing with struggles in there lives and no real answers. I have those times also...I'm not going to pretend that I don't. And when I can't find answers.....I turn to God and music. So I want to share.....Somewhere down the road..... with you....because Somewhere down the road... there will be answers to the questions.

Spark people are the greatest people in the world....I'm so glad to be a part of this...and to have you as a part of my journey. So hugs to all of you......I wish you joy and springtime happiness.



Somewhere Down the Road
Songwriters: Kirkpatrick, Wayne;Grant, Amy

So much pain and no good reason why
You've cried until the tears run dry
And nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand
And you say

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
Now I see the learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
Walking 'round the bend singing

Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Tho' we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers at the end of the road


Happy Easter!

Hugs,

Keri

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHILDNUMBER10 4/5/2010 9:17AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUCKYDUCK2 4/5/2010 2:56AM

    Keri...THANK YOU so much for sharing this.

Somewhere down the road....there ARE answers. Hugs

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MEESHADACATDIVA 4/4/2010 5:19AM

    Happy Easter

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JFROGDIVA 4/3/2010 10:23PM

    Thank you for sharing!!!! Hugzz!!!!

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MOMFAN 4/3/2010 1:56AM

    emoticon

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ID_VANDAL 4/2/2010 10:52PM

    Happy Easter to you Keri. Your writing continues to just blow me away.

I'm working on a blog that I hope blows you away - should see it about July or August!!!

Vandal

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SUNNY1432 4/2/2010 9:34PM

    Thanks for sharing that was an amazing blog! emoticon
I hope you have a blessed Easter emoticon

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MSLZZY 4/2/2010 6:24PM

    Thank you! I needed that today! Have a wonderful Easter!

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DEEGIRL50 4/2/2010 11:46AM

    Learning never ends... keep on walking.
I saw this sign on a church and I just love it:
"God promises all things are possible. He didn't say it would be easy."
Happy Easter Keri.
emoticon
Dee

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POSITIVELY_EB 4/2/2010 10:40AM

    AMEN, my friend! May you have a wonderful Easter season as well and remember the reason for the season all year round!

Hugs! Beverly

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P316LEIA 4/2/2010 10:22AM

    Thanks Keri! It's nice to be reminded that God is all facets of our daily lives.

Happy Easter to you too!
Kimi emoticon

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Life is good.....God is great!

Monday, March 29, 2010

My brother is coming home from Kuwait! We talked last night...he is in the states! He is in Wisconsin and will be traveling to South Dakota today! Big celebration tomorrow in Mitchell!!! I'm so excited! Of course, Tuesday is the one day this week that I can't miss work. I have to travel to Brookings, Summit, and Ortonville, MN tomorrow for work.


Bummer....oh well, he understands and at least we will see each other at Easter! I have really missed him.





This was a really good weekend. DH and I spent all morning cleaning house. It needed it so bad. I have been working on taxes every weekend so the house really got let go.

The next day we took my FIL out for brunch. We recently put him in a nursing home. I think he likes it there more than he thought he would. This whole thing has been stressing out my DH as he has 11 brothers and sisters and none of them are helping with the situation. I don't understand it myself. But my family is really close. FIL really enjoys getting out that one day a week. We live about an hour away, so I hope we can keep it up. I can see it getting old.



I lost 2 more pounds over the weekend. I hope I will keep them off this week. I should.....or I mean.....I WILL. No more powerless words! I am feeling great! I don't know if it is just that my attitude has changed or what.......it's spring and life is good....God is great!



Have a great week!

Hugs,

Keri


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSLZZY 4/2/2010 8:12AM

    Thank your brother for all his sacrifice!

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HICALGAL 4/1/2010 6:37AM

    congrats on another 2 lbs GONE!!! enjoy family time and happy Easter!! emoticon emoticon

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ID_VANDAL 3/31/2010 7:20AM

    Hi Keri, I had a great comment written to your blog but I guess I didn't hit the post button AGAIN!

Anyway a big THANK YOU from me to your brother. So glad he's back!

As for you - YOU WILL KEEP THOSE 2 POUNDS OFF! You are having a great spring - you are just doing a super job so just keep it going!

Vandal

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LVNG4ME 3/30/2010 7:10AM

    Give your brother a great big hug from me. I know what it is like to have a loved one at war. My son returned from Iraq in December; just in time for his little girls second birthday. We got to have him and his family home for Christmas. It was a wonderful time. Please thank your brother for me, and enjoy the time you have to spend with him and his family. God bless.

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DEEGIRL50 3/30/2010 4:56AM

    I will salute, shake his hand, and hug your brother as he comes through my state (Wisconsin)!

Happy Easter... you've been blessed this year!!
emoticon

I'm glad your FIL is adjusting to the nursing home. I hope you can continue to visit him weekly, but if you have to miss - try not to "guilt trip" yourself. Our parents always understand.


Comment edited on: 3/30/2010 4:57:05 AM

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MOMFAN 3/30/2010 12:18AM

    Keri, I know what you mean. Only one niece makes an effort to come see fil. His other son has only been hear once in a year and a half and that was for his 89th Birthday.

Glad you brother is back safe and sound. Thank him for serving all of us! At least Easter isn't far away.

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JUST_GAIL 3/29/2010 10:37PM

    Way to go on the weight loss! How exciting that your brother is home. GOD is GREAT!

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MSLZZY 3/29/2010 10:28PM

    My SIL is being deactivated in Yankton and then the shift moves to Mitchell. Have a totally
emoticon day! I'll bet those two know each other. Drop me an email so I can ask him.
This has to be the best Easter present ever! It even beats chocolate bunny ears LOL!
emoticon on the 2 pounds!

Comment edited on: 3/29/2010 10:29:39 PM

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JFROGDIVA 3/29/2010 8:40PM

    Keri ~ I am so happy that your brother is home!!!! I lost a fiance in Viet Nam, but my half brother was a tank commander in Desert Storm & I was so glad when he came home!!!! You have alot on your plate, don't forget to take some "me" time to decompress!!!!
Hugzz ~ Jae emoticon

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ANNANN63 3/29/2010 6:38PM

    I am with you girl. Life is good. God is great. And you have nothing but good news. Way to go!

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CHERYLS34 3/29/2010 5:58PM

    I'm so happy about your 2 pound loss keep up the good work,,,,,,also extremely thrilled your brother is coming home to you, he sure is one lucky guy to come home to a sister like you tell him how thankful we all are and that we appreciate everything he has gone or has done for us...Keep up the powerful word suggestions I find they work well too
Cheryl

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LUCKYDUCK2 3/29/2010 5:23PM

    Do me a favor? When you get to see your brother...give him a huge hug and tell him THANK YOU for me. And you know...the same to his family as you all had to sacrafice while he was over there for us.

You and your better half are such a blessing for Dad. I am so glad he is finding that living there is good.

Computer back on line and ready to begin this journey again with you. Congrats on moving forward. I am going to have to run (literally) to catch up with you. :)

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POSITIVELY_EB 3/29/2010 5:23PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VICUNJA 3/29/2010 4:10PM

    Oooo, how exciting about your brother coming home! Yay!
emoticon emoticon

Congratulations on the loss. I'm firmly planted on a plateau from which I fluctuate 2lbs either way on any given day. As I'm still sticking 100% to weighing and tracking everything I eat plus never exceeding my daily limit, I can't see the plateau being the final destination for my weight, but it does leave me a tiny, wee bit impatient.

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We'll get there, eh. There's no need for hope, here - just a promise to ourselves and a firm belief in our ability to keep that promise.


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Lots of Spring Joy coming your way,
Joanie x

Comment edited on: 3/29/2010 4:11:22 PM

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2BTHINMAMMA 3/29/2010 4:05PM

    Praise God that your brother is home! Enjoy your time together! And way to go on the weight loss (and clean house!!). Way to go on caring for your fil. I'm sorry the rest of the family doesn't help out like they should. Same thing happened in my mom's family. But my mom has the peace knowing that she took the best care of her mother and it did leave her with some wonderful memories! As for my aunts and uncle...it was truly their loss!

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JIBBIE49 3/29/2010 3:14PM

    Your DH's 11 brothers and sisters will show up for the reading of the WILL. I hope your FIL has one made out. emoticon Most men do well in the Nursing home. I worked as a nurse in one and men are use to being waited on and cared for, so the transition isn't much. WOMEN hate it as they are use to doing for others.

Glad ur brother is HOME.

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SLIMMERJESSE 3/29/2010 3:02PM

    How exciting about your brother being home! And congrats on your weight loss... way to go!

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You CAN start a fire with one small spark.......

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I'm not slowing down on my progress! And I'm taking you with me.

We got to know each other better with the 25 random things; we put together a visual of what we want to achieve.....(I hope you are doing these things along with me or at least revisiting yours!). I am still waiting for some of your random thoughts. hint...hint.... As I was working on the next step...I realized I missed sharing something with you.

Why I'm lighting a fire.....................





It's never easy to share really personal information with people. I guess I have recently decided that unless I do that.....unless I'm honest about it....I can never really face up to my reality and change it. I guess that's one of the reasons I posted the 25 random things. Start with the fun stuff and then get to the serious, more important stuff.

10 truths or confessions?

1. So here is the truth....I'm obese. How can one small word be soooo UGLY?

2. I need to lose weight because I take 4 pills a day for my blood pressure and another pill for pre-diabetes. Too many... I am fearful of it and it is so darn expensive. I don't want diabetes.

3. I can't stand the fact that I can't easily tie my shoes. It takes a lot of effort and I get winded.

4. My husband is tall and a healthy weight and though he wouldn't admit it and he's not shallow...I know my weight bothers him.

5. I was recently on a plane and couldn't hook my seat belt..... embarrassing.

6. I'm tired of being out of breath from a simple walk.

7. Until I got my Skecher shape ups, my feet hurt all the time.

8. I embarrassed with myself.

9. I know this is not who I am.

10. I hide my light under a barrel because of it.


GULP! That wasn't easy or painless..... really.

Ok.......

That's out of the way.


Moving forward......



6 promises to myself.....formerly known as goals..


1. Track food everyday....no matter what.
2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep. If you can't sleep...at least be in bed in a state of rest...ex. reading.
3. Exercise everyday of the week...take the weekend off. Unless you don't get a workout in...then you must make it up on the weekend.
4. Reflect in personal journal about progress and feelings on day.
5. At least once a month, write a blog to discuss progress.
6. Lose at 5 lbs. a month. Lose at least 100 lbs. total....firm up this number later.

So there it is ......the plan.





I've laid the kindling and arranged the logs.....I'm taking this spark....and I'm starting a fire....can you feel the warmth?


Hugs,


Keri












  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DTCELLO 3/28/2010 12:33AM

    wow! Great and very inspiring! Thanks! emoticon

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MANDY0011 3/27/2010 10:37AM

    You can do it Keri! I believe in you :) I know your motivation will pull you through! I love reading your blogs they are so inspiring :)

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GINILEE4 3/26/2010 8:26PM

    Keri. Thank you for this blog. It always seems to me that I am the only one who can take a simple walk or can't tie her shoes. Yesterday I had to take my coffee to go because I couldn't fit into a booth. (real embarrasing..) I am so scared to try . I keep thinking about what I will do if I don't lose weight even when I do what needs to be done. I entertain the notiono that I am somehow different and won't lose any weight. If you will let me, I'd like to follow along with you. Make a few promises that I made to myself ,occur. I think a little fire under me is a good thing.

Gini

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DEEGIRL50 3/26/2010 4:54AM

    I feel the warmth!! Your spark is going to spread like wild fire!!!

I love this blog. Keep them coming Keri!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NANCY- 3/26/2010 3:00AM

    Keri your honesty is inspiring.
Keep on Sparking!

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MOMFAN 3/26/2010 1:50AM

    emoticon

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JOURNEYOF3 3/25/2010 10:57PM

    Thanks for doing all that sharing. It is was right from the heart.

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HICALGAL 3/25/2010 9:19PM

    i'm feeling it girlfriend!!! keep kickin' it....i'm with you all the way!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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POSITIVELY_EB 3/25/2010 5:44PM

    I feel it! I feel it! Thanks so much for sharing. I know that some of that was not easy!

You are a sweetheart for sharing your journey with us!

Hugs! Beverly

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MSLZZY 3/25/2010 5:41PM

    You laid it all out there, plain and to the point. Now, move forward with your goals! I'll be cheering for you every step of the way! emoticon emoticon

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JFROGDIVA 3/25/2010 3:58PM

    Okay, I'll try!!!! Hugzz!!!!

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SUNNY1432 3/25/2010 3:55PM

    Your blogs are wonderful, insightful, personal and touching to the heart!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
I can feel the spark warming from the inside out. Stick to the plan and lean on us for support. You will be SUCCESSFUL!! emoticon

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Getting a visual

Thursday, March 18, 2010

I've been reading "The Spark". I am really trying to make some permanent changes in my lifestyle.



So You can see my Visual collage on my Spark page....for a short time. I put it together on my computer and converted it into a .jpg. Then I printed out several 8 x10 glossy's of it and have hung them up around my house.



It will serve as a reminder to me of what I'm fighting for......and you heard me right. Fighting....this is a battle....a battle of world proportion...a difficult struggle. But it is a battle I can and will win!



I have put a couple of photos of my self to remind me of where I came from and want to get back to. A few of the pictures are just to remind me of the comfort and ease you feel when you are in shape. I will no longer be constantly out of breath......

The rest of the pictures remind me of the joy and excitement I will achieve.

This is my pledge to myself and you are my witness to it.

Thanks for being of part of my process....



Hugs,

Keri

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUCKYDUCK2 3/24/2010 5:17AM

    I LOVE it!

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JFROGDIVA 3/21/2010 11:12PM

    Keri ~ How cool!!!! How do you make the collage on here???? I would really like to make one!!!! I admire how well you can express your thoughts!!!! It is like you are reading my mind sometimes.........I just can't seem to put my thoughts on paper (so to speak)!!!! Thank you for sharing all your wonderful thoughts with us!!!!
Hugzz ~ Jae

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ID_VANDAL 3/21/2010 6:41PM

    Keri - you just keep getting better and better! What a great visual collage you have put together! Thanks for sharing it.

We (all of us) need to make this next few months successful and you have certainly taken the right steps to make that happen!

Have a good week!

Vandal

emoticon

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VGIMLET 3/20/2010 11:02AM

    I really like your collage, great work! It's inspired me to start thinking about mine - I haven't done one yet either.

Have a great first day of Spring! emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 3/19/2010 6:35PM

    Very nice! Good luck with it. You'll do great.

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POSITIVELY_EB 3/19/2010 1:20PM

    emoticon I so witness! LOL! That's awesome! You go, girlfriend!

Hugs! Beverly

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ELLENIRENE 3/19/2010 8:24AM

    You've got it all together!!!! Great job! You're an inspiration

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HICALGAL 3/19/2010 1:11AM

    great blog, visuals and wishing you success!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIFEHASCHANGES 3/19/2010 12:53AM

    Thats so cool! i need to make my vision collage. Now you motivated me! I printed out the thing for stage 3 but havent done it. I was so happy when I was wkring the strategies daily, but I need to get back at it despite my new busy schedule. First time in college hit me hard!
God bless-
Paula

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MOMFAN 3/19/2010 12:24AM

    Beautiful!

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MYRENAISSANCE09 3/18/2010 10:00PM

  I LOVE your collage! emoticon

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DEBBIE98632 3/18/2010 7:18PM

    Great collage!! I like the idea of having several around the house to remind you! Might have to copy you on that one!! Gonna print out a copy of mine for the kitchen and bathroom (where the scale is!!)

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DEEGIRL50 3/18/2010 7:05PM

    Beautiful!! emoticon

I'm happy to be a part of your journey!!
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MSLZZY 3/18/2010 5:36PM

    Your collage is fantastic! I guess I better work more on mine! This may be a battle but it is one you WILL win! BELIEVE! emoticon

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SUNNY1432 3/18/2010 5:30PM

    That's a wonderful collage! It's a great way to stay motivated and it's a really great project that I'm going to think about doing:)
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINILEE4 3/18/2010 5:09PM

    Keri. I've been considering making my own coolage but had no idea of what to do, never having seen one. Thanks for the visual. I think I can figure this out now.

Gini

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