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KNLILLA's Recent Blog Entries
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Friday, February 19, 2010
Hi everyone! It's almost been 6 months since I've last added a blog entry here - which also means that it's been almost 6 months since I lost any weight too. A lot has happened to me in these 6 months...I ended a period of my life that has been hard, stressful and that made me half-depressed and made me turn to food for comfort. I remember when I was feeling overwhelmed with problems or hurt or after fighting with someone I used to eat as much as I could, because it temporarily made me calm. Of course on the long run it made everything worse, because the more weight I've put on - and obviously I was continually putting weight on - the more uncomfortable and depressed I became.
Well, anyway, that was the past. :) A very lucky thing happened to me and I wish it could happen at least once in every person's life. I had a sweetheart, a really big love back in high school but we had to end our relationship because he had to move very far away from me. We never stopped communicating with each other and 6 months ago we met again and we re-fell in love. :) Everything worked out this time, suddenly the distance didn't seem too big as it seemed when we were 16 years old, and now I live here with him and his lovely family. :)
And what does this have to do with weight-loss?! Well...a lot! I realised that I needed someone who showed me that he loves me, cares very much for me and thinks I'm a great person. And I needed all this because after such horribles times in my life I couldn't look in the mirror and be proud, I wasn't even close to being proud, I was the opposite: ashamed. But thanks to him I slowly started realizing that if someone else - a great person like him - loves me that much than I probably am not as horrible as I imagined myself to be. And step by step my confidence and pride came back, together with my happiness. Now I know that the real success would've been if I'd managed to put my life back on track all by myself, but I just wasn't that strong, I couldn't do it. I tried plenty of times, but I failed, because the pressure from every aspect of my life was so big that it sucked out all the energy from me. With him simply existing in my life I managed to solve the problems that surrounded me, and now I'm as free as a bird, and very happy. :)
So the time has come to lose this extra weight. I'm talking about 35 pounds, I'm planning to get rid of it until June 30th, I think it's a reasonable date.
I already started with cutting back on the amount of food I eat, and I gotta tell you, it's hard. :)) I'm eating lost of soup and fruits and veggies, I still gotta work on water intake, plus sugar-cravings are hitting me almost daily, but I drink chocolate-milk and than it's okay, that's not packed with calories, at least the version I'm drinking isn't. :) I'm planning on going jogging, I loved that when I was fit 3 years ago, and there's a lovely field for runners very close to us in the forest, it's beautiful, I just have to wait until the weather becomes runner-friendly...meaning the snow that's on the ground melts. I hope I don't have to wait too long for it. :) I 'm also planning on going to a gym, but that's only gonna happen a few weeks from now, due to lack of funds. :)) Oh and I've got a bike and everyone in this family is used to going everywhere by bike so I'll ride my bike too. :) And the last type fo exercise is exercizing here at home, I mean crunches, push-ups and stuff, but it's hard to find space here to do it, especially if everyone's at home, so I'm not doing that yet.
So right now I'm focusing on food, and please everyone pray that I do well and cravings don't hit me too hard. That's my worst enemy, because when I start to crave something, I lose my mind, I have really stong cravings and I'm really weak when it comes to resisting them - and this combination is really bad! Plus I have a big appetite, I always did, even when I was skinny, so I think the key for me on the long run is gonna be exercise.
Well, I'm glad I'm back on SP, and I wish all you guys out there that you find your type of support system, whether it comes from someone else like in my case or you are strong enough to support yourself through this journey.
Take care everyone,
Lilla 
Friday, August 28, 2009
So I lost 9 lbs this month! :))) I am so happy! I started the month at 168 lbs, I went up to 170 in the first few days, then gradually went down to 161. And I have to say, it went easier than I've imagined! I exercised but not with full-commitment, but I tried not to go crazy with food. I didn't starve at all, not for a minute, I have to admit that I did eat 'not-so-good' foods a few times (like chocolate and bread and soda and fries), but not too many times! I usually ate healthy foods that are relatively low on calories...and I avoided stress. When I'm stressed, I turn to food for comfort. So now that I have this free time these couple of months I can keep myself away from stress and I can stay on track with my weight loss much much easier.
This is such an amazing feeling! I can't wait what september will bring, I love september because it's not too warm but not cold either (I hate hot weather, I'm okay with the cold weather, but if it rains or snows the roads don't allow biking), it's not raining that much so I can ride my bike outside, so I really want september to work well, I will do what I can for it! :)
Love ya everyone and wish you success, I only now came to deeply understand what people mean when they say "if i did it than you can do it too"! So, everyone, if I have been able to lose 9 lbs, believe me, you are able too! :)
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
So today started GREAT! Although I woke up 15 minute later than planned, it was no big deal, after all, I'm my own boss. After 7 months of inactivity I went to the gym, which at that hour usually was packed when I was going last year in november, but now, I got there and there were only 4 people besides me. and I love it, because you don't have to wait, etc, etc, it's like the whole place belongs to you. I found out that they made improvements in the showers and the whole place was greater than before, and after doing my exercises, which again, were great, I went to the sauna-cabin, which is only open 2 days a week, so again, it was my lucky day.
So my exercise was great! I didn't do much because it was my first day, I just wanted do do an easy start, and I'll build up my program gradually.
But the thing is...well...there's a thing with the food. I can't say no to good food. I'm just incapable of it. Well...I know I could, 'cause I've done it before...but I don't feel it now.
I'm gonna read a few articles about this in the next few days, I hope they will help me, I also do a lot of food planning and bring my own food to work, but I have to do that smarter than now.
But overall I'm happy for going to the gym, I will have a 4-1 program, which means that I'll go 4 days and have 1 day of rest. I will do cardio and strenght training on every session. First session upper body (shoulders, arms), second session lower body (general), thirs upper body (chest, back), fourth session lower body (general). I will add cardio to each session, I'm gonna do 40 minutes each day but I have to build that up gradually. Actually I want to work it up to one hour, but I don't know yet, we'll see. And I add abs to each session, you can't do too much of that! :)
So, I'm happy!
Lilla :)
Sunday, May 31, 2009
(I'm on the left, with my friend Anita on the right)
Hello everybody!
I haven't written a blog entry for almost two months now. I'd like to start writing a blog entry each day from now on in which I will write about what I exercised and ate that day, how I felt, etc.
I don't know if anybody will ever read them but I really need to express it, because, during the day, when I start to get angry and think of turning to food for comfort, of when I feel like I don't want to exercise because I'm not in the mood...in these moments, if I think of the fact that, no matter what happens during the day I'm gonna have to write it down at night, well....maybe it will make me want to do better.
I want to focus on 6 things:
-doing my exercise
-eating the right foods in the right quantities
-working hard, doing the best I can in our store (my boyfriend, Cristi and I have a chinese fast food)
-sleeping 8 hours
-being in a good mood
-not fighting with Cristi
I don't want to make this blog post very long, I will get into detail about many things later on.
So today: I did not do my planned exercise at all, I overate, I DID sleep 8 hrs (this one is the only good one), I didn't do everything I could for the store, I wasn't in a good mood at all, I DID fight with Cristi.
Oh well...I did have the chance to do all these things the right way, yet I didn't. But I have a good quote: "Start every workout with a clean slate; every meal with a clean plate." This is exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start tomorrow with a clean mind, not thinking about how bad yesterday went, but thinking about what this new day can bring. I know I'm not gonna be able to exercise tomorrow because I won't have time (although I could make time for it if I really wanted to...), but I have all the chances to eat right, work hard for our store, be in a good mood and get along well with Cristi.
I'm trying to make a habit of posting my blog entry every day, because it keeps me motivated and I would love to post things that I'm proud of.
Next week will be WEEK 1 of my program and I'm starting tomorrow morning with a clean mind.
So, I'll be back tomorrow night for updates.
Love for everyone,
Lilla
Sunday, April 05, 2009
I measured my weight today. I hate myself. I'm 156. My highest weight ever was 163, so I'm pretty close to that. I had 142 when I stopped my 'diet' 4 months ago. I stopped it because I had to start working looong (14-15 hour) days, I ate very calorie-packed foods, I ate much at a time, I didn't do any exercise...and here I am. Sometimes I ask myself that, if I had known that this was going to happen, would I have started, at the age of 21, to do this business? And you know what? I wouldn't have started it, if I would have known that this is the price. I'm not the person who blames it on bad luck/others/circumstances/bad karma/whatever, I'm the kind of person who says 'if my mind conceived it, I can achieve it'. But I'm stuck. Both financially, physically and mentally. Even in my relationship. Even with my friends. And the way out of this means more work. And, after all this, it's hard to even think of more work...but unfortunately I don't have a choice...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
on your success. Sounds like you have done a great job figuring out what works for you.
