Wednesday, February 19, 2014
I took a long walk, I figured I needed some clarity and thinking and just walking. I realized how very deep the roots of my problems have started in my life, and in my case it has never been only about food. i don't want to get into it, relationships, parents, heartbreaks, no one can fit their life story into one blog, and I'm not even sure I want to put it out anywhere.
ANYWAY, I'm trying to be kind to myself and I'm trying to think of what would be good for me. I gave a similar advice to Ali just yesterday and i want to do the same.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
So it's safe to say that I've fallen off the wagon, so to speak, because I'm practically working against myself and my goal that I have set for myself less than a week ago. I'm just stuffing so much food inside me, I must look like a lunatic. I pity myself, I'm angry at myself, I hate the world and other people, it's crazy how things can change in two days!!!!
I have this feeling of restlessness ... and laziness at the same time, is that possible together?
Friday, February 14, 2014
I had a huge argument with my boyfriend the day before yesterday, I don't really want to get into it here, but weight loss-wise I didn't do too good yesterday. Everything went well until night came and I felt like eating...one thing after the other...I made myself a second plate of oatmeal, I ate an apple, french fries with dipping, all of this AFTER tracking all the other food and realizing that I already went over my calorie goal of 1200-1500 kcal (BEFORE eating all of these foods I was at 1750 kcal or so for the day). I eat out of boredom all the time, I eat my feelings away too, so to speak. I'd like to think that i had the huge cravings because of the blood donation the day before, but the truth is, I always crave food, and a LOT of food. So I'm actually craving big quantities, one small bite is never enough...
I also started doing a workout DVD and boy am I out of shape!!! I could hardly do 10 minutes and let me tell you, it wasn't even a very hard DVD! So all in all, after those first two good days, I had two bad days. Now today we're going to an all you can eat restaurant...I know, right? :) It's valentine's day, and that's David's favorite place, it's an Asian place with amazing food, a bit pricey but totally worth it occasionally. So I'll try to eat more of the lean foods and nothing fried, and very little dessert either.
I wish there was someone that I could talk to about all of this, but there's no one here, and to be honest, even when we move back home, my friends can't really relate, they're all skinny and they actually have to put effort into gaining weight, not losing (I know, I hate them too). :)
I'm just lacking energy right now, it's the middle of the day, I slept my 8 hours but I feel so ... tired.
Okay, this has to stop, I'm going to make myself a good old energizing green tea RIGHT NOW!
Okay, I made the tea. :) Hopefully it'll energize me enough to do a workout DVD. Or better yet to finish the one I started but only did 10 out of the 30 minutes because it was so hard...
I said in one of the previous blog posts that I don't want to make all these goals about how much weight I want to lose and by when...BUT there are 6 and a half weeks left until we move back home and, I mean I'm just putting this out there - it would be AWESOME if I could lose 7 kilos (about 15 lbs) because that would put me to a weight that I haven't been in 5 (FIVE!!!!) years, since December 2008!
So...just putting it out there...it would be great to go home and have people say WOW instead of avoiding the subject (or, like my mother, make unkind comments...)
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
It's kind of surprising for me, but I actually made it yesterday! I stayed within the calorie range that I've set to myself. Of course there was a little bit of late night snacking, but minimal. Thinking back of the plates and plates (as in more than just one!) of food that I used to have for dinner just a week ago, that's progress baby!
I donated blood today, too. 430 milliliters, baby! :) It's the stupidest thing, but after giving blood I always (okay I donated three times so far, I think I made it sound like a lot more, no bragging intended...) feel like I lost weight, even though I'm sure that blood doesn't form back from my fat cells, and weight loss is supposed to be fat loss, not blood loss... :)
I overate a bit today, but I'm still under my BMR, and I also walked a LOT today (surprisingly I didn't feel too weak to walk after the blood donation). I'm gonna weigh myself tomorrow morning, see if the scale shows anything good.
I started watching this HBO show, 'True detective'. Whenever I see Oscar winning actors starring in series instead of movies I feel like it's gonna be something special (unless the actor is in trouble and can't get any better roles, but this isn't the case here). It's with Matthew freakin' McConaughey and Woody freakin' Harrelson (I had to look up the spelling of their names, yeah, I'm not proud of that...then again, it's not like we're talking Nelson Mandela or Martin Luther King Jr. here...). It's a pretty depressing show, rural Louisiana in 1992 I think, women disappearing then showing up dead, that kind of thing, but I like it. These two actors are amazing, especially McConaughey in my own personal subjective opinion, although Woody's character is less sophisticated, so that's his disadvantage right there.
It's crazy but there's been relatively nice weather here in the past two days. I was out today for hours, walking to the university where they held the blood donation event, then walking to the city center to run some errands, then walking home, I was out for like 7 hours and it was sunny in the first few hours thank God. I think I wouldn't have went to donate blood and run errand at all had it been raining badly in the morning when I had to take off. Then after a few hours of sun (with a lot of wind but sun nonetheless) it had to be ruined of course, it started raining out of nowhere as usual. The same happened yesterday. Beautiful weather, I went out to talk a walk in the park, took some nice photos too, on the way back - boom - rain out of nowhere. Damn I miss Eastern Europe. 49 more days! :)
The heating is fixed thank the LORD! It's not freezing anymore in our house, in fact we warmed the house up a bit too much, we were so warmth-deprived...
I wish I could enthusiastically claim that I'll try and lose as much weight as possible and get as fit as possible in these 49 days until I move back home so I can wow my family and friends...I mean it would be nice... :) But I made so many claims like that, I'm just tired of setting these goals with an expiration date that's ticking right in front of you and you feel like you're racing against yourself. In the past year, these 30 pounds, I lost it without having a goal date, and I think I did better than at any other time when I did have a goal date. So no, that's not for me anymore. I'll try every day, I'll try to write about it every day, but no more "deadlines" for me. One step at a time. I just won't put more stress into it.
I also downloaded some workout DVDs that seem really great. I'm gonna start doing them tomorrow (it's almost midnight now and I'm really tired and I've given blood today and I'm going to bed after finishing writing this, so that's why it's tomorrow, not today).
I can't wait for tomorrow actually - now that's a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. I can't wait to wake up refreshed, track my calories, eat the right foods, write an other blog entry, and try these DVDs.
Monday, February 10, 2014
For the first time in a long time I did a nutrition plan for today. 1200 calories, adding protein powder to my smoothie so I take in enough protein, it's good. I haven't done this in a long time, I was surprised how easy it was. I will stick to it today, I don't think it will be hard because the foods I will eat today are filling and nutritious, I don't think I will be hungry.
On a totally different note, David (my boyfriend) got a letter after a blood test that he's got mild hyperthyroidism, which means his thyroid is overactive. Of course the doctors here are very chill about everything (Paracetamol is prescribed for everything and anything, it's like that's the miracle pill here, but getting a blood sugar test? What are you thinking?!), so they said don't worry and come back in 6 months to repeat the test and we'll see what happens then. 6 months? Really? I thought thyroid problems are to be taken seriously... Anyway, David is almost never out in the sun (which is bad for the thyroid, among other things), partly because the sun comes out quite rarely in this friggin' place, but also he's just an indoor computer geek type of person. So I told him that the first thing we should do is, when we see that the sun is out, we go out. Of course it's cold and he shouldn't take his clothes off, but the sun still catches his face, neck and he agreed to pull up his sleeves so the sun catches his forearm too. We already went out a few times, of course he hates it, which annoys me, same old same old (never underestimate the level of laziness of a gamer). I even went out without him twice because I started to like it. I realized how out of touch with nature and the forces of nature I am (David too obviously). Maybe that's why I complain so much about the weather, I'm too used to the perfect stagnant indoor temperature and I forgot how nature itself really is like.
On that note, our heater in the house is broken since Friday, and we're looking forward to at least 2 or 3 more days without it, and that's if they can fix it with the piece they ordered and if that is the only problem. If it's something else, we'll be without heating for longer. It's already freezing in the house, our bedroom is relatively warm, compared to the other places, but I still wear two pairs of trousers, two socks, and (let me count real quick) 4 layers on top. 5 if I'm still cold. The house being cold makes it even more unappealing to go outside for some reason. You have a feeling of 'if it's this bad inside, how bad can it be outside?!' :) . I feel like the bears that sleep through the cold season and only come out when it gets warm. I really do feel like that. If I didn't feel any guilt about it I would stay in the warm house for about 4 months every year during the cold season...
Anyway, that's enough whining for one blog post...:)
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