Sunday, November 21, 2010
Hi everyone! Since the last time I wrote - 2 weeks ago - I had one rough week and one good week. The rough one was the first in line, i only went to aerobics class once, on monday, instead of the 5 times i planned. And i didn't do anything good on the nutrition field either. This past week was much better though, i went to the aerobics class the whole 5 times. I've got trouble eating less though. If i get hungry i eat, sometimes even when i'm not completely hungry too, i don't plan meals, i don't cook now, i don't always watch portions, if my boyfrien buys sweets i eat too.
For me, a good idea would be to stick to the aerobics class, get used to it, make it a habit, a daily part of my life, something i don't decide to go or not because i just go, naturally. I hope this will happen in a month. In the meantime, i don't want to stress tooooo much about food. I will try to make healthy and diet-friendly choices, but it won't be such a priority as the aerobics class. I want to do it this way because if i want to do two new things in the same time (aerobics+nutrition) i get overwhelmed and quit. But once i'm used to aerobics starting a new way of nutriotion won't be as challenging because that will be the only thing i'll have to focus on, i won't have to focus on an other new thing too.
And, by the way, to go a little further, i realised that once i'll lose my extra weight (or part of it), once i'll be totally used to doing aerobics and eating right, i will be able to try new things. For example start running again. Go vegetarian/vegan. Try a dance class. Enjoy a new/old hobby. Try new ways of earning extra money (hmmm....this came out wrong...i didn't man anything nasty...:)) ). Start a big project (i can think of renovating the house but that's a really big one...:) ). Etc, etc, etc, etc.
But right now i feel that losing weight is the one project that takes up all of my energy. During the day, while i work, there isn't a 10 minute period that passes by in which i don't think of my extra weight. (I know i have to relax and not stress about it, but i can't accept myself like this, I will never be happy in this body, no matter what. ) After work i hardly have 1-2 hrs before the 8 pm aerobics class that lasts until 9.00, i get home at 9.15-9.30, take a shower wash and dry my hair and voilá: i gotta go to bed if i don't wanna be tired the next day.Plus I have a boyfriend. Plus i have friends. Plus i have family. Plus i should have a little time each day to relax, read, surf on the web, etc.
It's not easy. But I'm already starting to get use dto aerobics, i like and enjoy it and it makes me feel better about myself, it makes me stronger. This will work out well. I feel it! :)
Sunday, November 07, 2010
I wrote a blog entry 2 weeks ago after I decided that I'm gonna post blog entries on SP again more regularly. Although I want to write more often than 2 weeks I just didn't have enough time and when I had I forgot about it.
I can confidently say now that I've been going to my aerobics class regularly. We do one hour of simple or step aerobics and it's really intensive, I sweat a lot and my muscles are sometimes sore but I already feel that I can do more without stopping and I feel that I'm more flexible than 3 weeks ago, isn't that awesome?? I also am lucky because they now do a class on Saturday too (they only had classes between Monday-Friday).
So they have aerobics between Monday-Saturday now, that's 6 days, I'm aiming for 5, not because I WANT to skip a day but because my work consists of traveling medium distances on a few days of the week and each Wednesday I stay in an other city. So I aim for 5, I went 4 times this week though, because on Monday I got home at 9 at night from work. I'm happy with 4 too for this week, but next week I won't get home that late, so I want to go 5 times.
My emotions about this aerobics class are mixed. When I started it a needed really big pushes each day to get my butt up and go. Now it's only natural that I'm going and I don't need anything to motivate me, because I just go. Sometimes though, right before leaving, there's that small side of me that wants me to stay home for different reasons, like if I surfed the web until taking off I feel like I want to surf the web more and thus not go, but I always go anyway.
It feels good that each time I had the opportunity to go this week, I went.
Food on the other hand isn't so good. I eat and I eat more than I should and it makes me feel bad and stupid. I do the 3 biggest mistakes one can make with food:
- i eat big portions, portions that are too big if someone is trying to lose weight
- i eat anything, not just the weight loss-friendly stuff
- if there's some good food in front of me that I like very much I just eat almost as much of it as I want
Some progress though is that I don't eat chocolate almost at all now. My boyfriend buys himself a lot of sweets and I 80% of the time don't eat of it.
So what I need to do in addition to what I do so far (exercise and a liiiittle self-control with food) is:
- work on the remaining 20%,
- skip the not diet friendly foods altogether (the maximum is eating one spoonful of it, just to taste because I love tastes),
- the dinner I have on Wednesday night in that other city has to be diet friendly: a soup and a salad for example (or maybe just a soup!!) - not pizza
- eat smaller portions
My mood is quite low btw. Having this extra weight, not looking the way I'd like to look, not having as much money as I'd like to have :) - these all add up and somehow I can' look at the bright side right now - but I know I will when I'll see the number on the scale more down - finally.
I found a quote btw that I love:
"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals" - Larry Bird
And another one:
'"It's impossible", said Pride.
"It's risky", said Experience.
"It's pointless", said Reason.
"Give it a try", said the Heart.'
And one more:
"Stepping outside my comfort zone is the price I pay to find out how good I can be". (D. Davila, marathoner)
I HAVE stepped outside my comfort zone this month by going to aerobics classes but this is far from enough. Now I have to step outside my comfort zone with nutrition.
And I WILL do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I'll go to my mom's birthday party where there's a lot of food, I'll blog about how it went later.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Hello there! :)
To write a reeeally quick recap about what has been going on lately: i stopped trying to lose weight because once again I started working more (not quite as much as 2 years ago but still...), because I now have a pretty big house to keep tidy, because I now have to try to cook, because my boyfriend loves me the way I am...and - most importantly - because I'm lazy.
A few months ago I was active on SP sometimes spending hours on the site but I don't have time for that anymore.
And about the current situation: I'm taking my weight loss into my own hands again! I'm going to an aerobics class (been twice so far, aiming for 4 times a week), I'm not eating junk (not that I ate extremely much before but still smaller things add up), I'm cooking soups and everything that fits into my diet and I'm actually WORKING ON staying motivated. And the best way to do this is this site and some others too. When I get home in the afternoon after 8-9 hrs of work I feel tired and stressed. But I know (because i tried it) that if i read inspirational and motivational things on the internet it helps me get up and go to my aerobics class. It might sound silly but in times when i wouldn't make myself do it reading stories about how others are making it day by day gives me the push i need to go.
So from now on I'll try to blog about my days: what i exercised, what i cooked, how motivated i am, how much weight i've lost, etc.
Take care everyone, KEEP YOURSELF motivated! :)
Sunday, June 06, 2010
I haven't been doing anything lately to lose more weight. On the contrary. I ate more and didn't exercise, so i probably gained. I say 'probably' because although i measured my weight (and the scale says i'm up 2 lbs) i can't tell how much i really did or did not gain, because the weight can fluctuate from one day to another. But i don't wanna foul myself, i can see it on my body: i gained.
See, it seemed so great back in february. I knew i was gonna have more than 4 full months when i can do what i want because i won't be working. I planned to lose my extra weight and get as toned as i can. Well, the 4 months are over. I started at 76 kgs, the lowest i went (3 weeks ago) was 71, i'm about 72 now. The difference between the starting weight and the lowest is 5 kgs. That's 11 pounds and that's not much. Some people lose that in a month, i lost it in 4 months, and this is f...... depressing, considering the fact that i wanted to lose 18!!!
I know i'm the only one to blame, i know i could've accomplished it - and sometimes this make me feel even worse. Not that i don't wanna take the responsability...i'm just angry at myself. I know i should love myself (my body too - the way it is) and i know i should be forgiving towards myself...but i'm neither. I hate my body and not even the fact that my sweetie absolutely adores it changes anything. I always felt that it doesn't matter how much he loves it because i have to love it - but i don't.
I see photos of other women. They're beautiful. And i know i was close to that. But i f...ed up. I f...ed up very badly... i know i could look like that...but these 14 kgs (about 30-31 lbs) seem like an obstacle that is too big for me.
I thought about emotional reasons that cause me to not be able to go lower than 71... i don't know what to say...
The thing is that 6 days from today my sweetie and i will move back home. We'll live by ourselves, work from monday to thursday, about 10 hrs each day. i will cook most of the foods for ourselves and we'll sometimes eat at my mom's. We want to put money aside and decided that we won't eat out (we are not the big dining out type of couple) and we won't buy junk either (he's the junk-buyer type).
Back in february i thought losing weight will be sooo easy for me this time because i'll have free time. Well, no matter how much free time i have, i still can't do more than 2 hrs of exercise per day, and being home all the time makes me bored and go check out the fridge a lot...
I'm hoping that when we'll start working i won't eat that much as now...and i'm not only hoping, actually 'hoping' isn't the right word - i'll try. I don't feel so powerful right now so i'm not saying: i'll do it. :) But i'll try.
Also, I'd love to go to the gym. Somehow that has always worked for me. But that will be expensive too and as i said we want to put money aside... But i think i'll go anyway, maybe try to find something good but cheaper. I don't like going alone though and the only person i can go with is my sister but she's very irresponsible in this matter. I could go with my boyfriend but besides the extra cost i'm not even sure he'd like to, he'd prefer some strenght exercises done at home i think, like push ups, crunches, and exercises with hand-weights. I won't be able to do much cardio outside the gym...or better said i don't want to. See, we'll live at a hilly place. Jogging for me is out of question until i don't lose more weight, with ot without hills. Biking - let's just say i absolutely HATE biking on hills and if i hate something i don't do it. The other problem with biking is the absolute lack of biking roads. Also, i'm sick and tired of bad weather. I read people who did marathons in heavy rain, well, i don't care, i'm not one of them. It makes me angry if i have to be outside when it rains (even the wind blowing in my face without any rain makes me angry).
So i've only got the gym left, right? Yeah, i think so. Also, i'd love to do strenght training too, but not the type you do at home, because we don't have equippment besides some weights. I'm used to the equipment in the gym and i remember that it game me pleasure and it was great for my body. Also, i'll more probably skip a workout done at home than one i'd do in a gym...i don't know why, but that's the way i am...
I try to look at these past 4 months and be happy for them. I want to be happy for those 5 kgs, no matter how much more i've planned. I want to be happy for those many many hours of cardio i did, i know they were beneficial for my body (heart, etc) even though i didn't go close to my goal weight. I want to be happy for all those things i've read and studied, both about health, weight loss and other things too, from sparkpeople and from other sources. Well, these are the things i should be happy for but i struggle. The one thing that i'm absolutely happy about is the time, the days (and night) we've spent together with my sweetie. Those were worth it!
As for the other things, i'm trying to be happy for them.
At least i've lost some weight, right?
At least i've learned to bike properly.
At least i did a lot of cardio.
At least i had free time to calm down after the worst 2 and a half years of my life.
And at least i learned new lessons.
Like this one: before february i thought that these 4 month will bring the BIGGEST change, i will be a totally different person (in and out) after it, things will change radically, it will be miraculous, etc. Well, from now on, I won't look at a period of time or at an opportunity and think that it will bring magical things into my life. From now on i'll look at that period of time and opportunity, make a plan and try to stick to it. This might sound controversial and you might think i'm too negative... but i don't want to have too high expectations towards anything (especially myself), i just want to do my thing. I'm tired of failing. And i'm not talking exclusively about weight loss. I failed before, in other things. I had huuuuge expectations, i though i'll see miracles happen, but they didn't. and the same thing happened with these 4 months too.
I have a friend: i know him for 4 years and he's always made huuuge goals, both about money, family, how he looks, etc. Well, he's been broke ever since, even made others broke as a matter of fact, he looks maybe a little better than 4 years ago, and he's even farther from having a family than before. In the meantime, he still talks enthusiastically about all his goals...but he doesn't do the right things to achieve them.
So - learning from his and my experiences - i decided to NOT give myself a goal date, by which i want to lose the extra weight. I know sparkpeople says it's useful, but i'm not doing it. I'm tired of failing!!! I will do my thing, each day, eat the right stuff, track my food, do cardio and strenght training, track them, drink my water. I will make all these things a habit, and these habits will bring weight loss along. I'm tired of setting a goal date, like 'lose 7 lbs this month' and end up with a 1 pound weight loss. It makes me disappointed, and i don't want that anymore. I've been having weight issues almost all my life, that's 23 years, so i don't really care if it takes even a whole year to lose this weight. Of course i'd love to walk down the street and feel great!!! I've lost this weight before, i looked good before, i know exactly how great it feels. And on top of everything i'm an inpatient type of person who wants everything NOW (not from others, rather from myself...). But it doesn't matter! This time, there's no timeline that makes me disappointed if i don't reach my goal in time. I'll only have a few habits incorporated into my daily life - and i'll slowly lose the weight too.
Please feel free to tell me your opinion!
Get An Email Alert Each Time KNLILLA Posts