Friday, June 04, 2010
....if you want to lose it and KEEP IT OFF!
I just read a very sad story about a teenager's weight loss journey. But it's a lesson that teaches you that being thin is NOT what really makes you happy... Please read the short story below.
******Beginning of copy and paste*****
Weight story ++
In high school, one of my friend was the biggest girl of the whole school, topping at around 260lbs. She was a sweetheart and everyone knew and appreciated her, but she decided to lose weight thinking it would solve all her social problems (being affraid people were mocking her in her back, unable to find a boyfriend, etc.) In a matter of +/- a year and with a very strict proteins diet, she went down to her dream weight : 135lbs.
Well guess what : not only it didn't solve all her social problems (she was still super insecure) but she told me that at least, when she was fat everyone knew who she was and would recognize her in a crowd. Now she was just blending in like everyone else and she HATED it.
She eventually gained all her weight back and now feels *more like herself* this way. Bottom line : a number on a scale is not the answer to all our problems.
******End of copy and paste*****
So the person who originally posted this story on another site was right. I couldn't agree more. There are many possible reasons why we might lose and gain back the weight sometimes. I myself lost 30 last year and gained it back plus more over the summer and became my heaviest ever. But I bounced back and lost all that plus more and I'm closer than ever to my goal. And I'm not turning back because my mind is right. I look at it this way. Get healthy and you'll be happy. At least that's true for me! Being skinny is just a side effect. If you can't feel good inside first, then the outside can do nothing for you.
Friday, June 04, 2010
I feel like I'm turning back time... Although I'm just under 29 years old, at one point I was beginning to doubt myself and think I couldn't be the healthy and physically fit woman I always wanted to be. By taking small steps and celebrating small victories, I've come a long way. I look younger than I did in high school!
I remember one depressing day when I was a sophomore in HS. I was coming from the cafeteria with my best friend who was tall and thin. There I was average height but early developed and top heavy, and overweight. In the 1990's they didn't have much to offer in teenage clothes for plus size girls. I was stuck wearing the kind of clothes my mom wore. So as we were about to walk upstairs back to class, the security guard stopped me and said, "Excuse me Ma'am. You need to sign in as a Visitor at the school office and get a pass!" Although he didn't know any better and was being polite, it REALLY ripped me apart! I was already depressed and hated myself. That just made it worse. I just looked confused and said, "I go here... See my bookbag??! " He saw me carrying a freakin' backpack and it didn't occur to him that I was a student? How old did I look??!!
Sooo fast forward to several years later, still overweight and "older looking"... being ignored by most guys my age and being approached by older men and me being annoyed and frustrated.... Those days are behind me. I look MUCH younger now that I've been improving my health and getting in shape. I have more energy now than I did way back then. I'm actually making it to my goal weight! As I've mentioned before on my blogs, I've never gotten this far before during my repeated attempts to lose the weight. THIS IS IT! I'M REALLY DOING IT!
So about last night's mission to find a good bra in my new SMALLER size... I got a good one!!
It's by Bali. I've always loved theirs. I didn't have the time to go to a department store last night so I went to Ross which was closer to me and cheaper. They've had some good department store brands for me before so I figured I could find at least one to keep me until Saturday, when I'm going to find more at the mall. I'm more at ease today. Yesterday I had to do some adjusting all day long. It was such a pain trying to prevent any embarrassment... But I made it through. My new one is much more comfortable and is the right size. A bra that is 2 band sizes too big and 1 cup size too big hardly does anything support-wise... But now I can toss my old ones aside.
I want to do some closet purging so I can actually see how many fat clothes I have. I had never thought about fat undergarments but why didn't I think of it? LOL It had to take me falling out of my undergarments to realize it. Good thing it happened at home LOL.
I couldn't find any quality fancy stuff at Ross since they have a limited selection but I'm headed for VS this weekend!!! Semi-Annual Sale!!! (and it'll be fun cause I can finally fit more than just the 5 for $25 undies LOL) YAY!!!
I feel AWESOME!!!
Life is GOOOOD!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
Ever since my clothes started getting too big, I have been putting less makeup on my face... I noticed that a while ago but I didn't realize the reasoning behind it. It's because I'm caring more for myself and making health a top priority for a change. I used to pack on makeup like there was no tomorrow. It didn't look bad or over the top, it was just that I had to do every part of my face. Now I sometimes go without any makeup at all or maybe just the minimum... just enough to enhance but not "red-carpet". I can't remember the last time I wore eyeshadow. I used to have a makeup collecting obsession. It made me happy and it was a security blanket to help me distract myself away from the truth. That I needed to lose weight.
Now my interest in clothing has not only resurfaced, but it is like a whole new world. It feels so good to have the confidence of knowing I can go into a "regular" store and find what I want and fit it. I used to buy things that I knew were a bit snug on me in hopes of "making it fit" in some way... you know what I mean... "Oh I'll just wear that shirt unbuttoned with a tank underneath...it's ok that I can't button it up...." I was lying to myself. IT WAS NOT OKAY! It hurt me to find a nice shirt, only to discover I couldn't wear it closed and that was the biggest size in the store! I was fed up (literally) so I lost weight and now I can buy the shirts I like AND close them comfortably.
So that's the good part... But what about adjusting to the new you? Being thinner has in a way, made me feel uncomfortable... I was in a comfort zone of eating whatever I wanted, hiding from situations where I had to be in the spotlight, hiding in unflattering clothes, and telling myself it was okay to not be active. I had been living in a sad shell for so many years, I'm a bit unsettled now. Don't get me wrong, I love my new healthy lifestyle and the rewards of it, I'm just not used to this new person I've become. I never thought I would be an early bird getting up every morning, including weekends, to do intense workouts, AND stick with it.
I was just having a discussion about this with someone and thinking about it made me feel a little emotional. I'm waving goodbye to the sad, depressed, insecure girl I was before and saying hello to the strong healthy woman I am today. Before I know it, I'll be used to the new me and I won't miss the old me AT ALL!
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