Friday, September 05, 2014
The other day I stepped on that silly mechanical thingy that takes up one square foot of my bathroom floor. It tells you numbers, when you stand on it...
I don't like that thing.
It used to be a good friend of mine though; years ago. Years ago I couldn't go a day or two without visiting with it; and getting my daily does of either self confidence or self loathing (depending upon many factors both in and out of my control).
Then, about 14 months ago, I looked at that 12 by 12 inch piece of metal and glass, and I stuck in the closet.
The other morning I pulled it out, mainly out of curiosity. "Hmm, lets see," I thought, gently creeping onto it one foot at a very tender time. "That's not right." Step off, and back on, "Nope, still broken" pick it up and shake it for good measure then one more time off and on, "Darnit"....
Yeah, it gave me a number. Not one I'm overly pleased with to be perfectly honest. But what it did not give me was a whole lot more than what it did.
It didn't give me:
It just gave me a number..... and much like the tag in the jeans I bought the other day (because apparently high-waisted skinny jeans are "cool" again... and that's a whole separate rant) I can choose to not pay any attention to that number.
So I got off that mechanical piece of glass and metal and you know what happened? That number disappeared.
Now I'm not saying it's not a useful tool. As a matter of fact for me, the other day, it was tool I chose to use to change some things I've been doing lately. Much like changing the alarm on my alarm clock to 10 minutes earlier so I don't rush in the morning. I still get up every day, but sometimes I need a little push to do what I very well know I need to.
So for all of my friends who struggle with the same things I do, my friends who beat themselves up over the same things I used to, and who look to that tool for any of the items in the list above; I urge you to see it for what it is.... A TOOL.
It does not measure YOU, it measures simply how much pressure you put on the earth via gravity. Remember that. Remember YOU are more than a number, you are a person with so much more about you than a silly digit on a silly mechanical tool.
Have a blessed day everyone!
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Not too thrilled with my months results. I swear this used to be much easier to do!!!
3/3/14 - 3/27/14 only down 4.2 pounds and 4.25 inches.
GAH I feel like I'm just trudging through. Of course, I haven't been ON 100% so I guess I know I need to step it up.
Monday, March 17, 2014
It's been a week for me. Like a woah was that real?... kind of week
Business trip Thursday through the weee morning hours of Saturday. Made some pretty heinous choices about food. Missed Weds, Thurs, Friday,Saturday workouts. MEH Feeling squishy...
Saturday showed promise to be a decent turning point, until the husband was done being kind for 2 minutes and reared his usual and ugly abusive head. The 10 hours of drive time to Jersey and back gave way to lots of alone thinking time. And the thoughts ended all the same way. I'm better than I get treated, I deserve to not be beaten down emotionally. I don't deserve to be screamed at and belittled over every thing that bothers him, and I owe it to myself to say so. So on Saturday when he came in from the garage yelling and cussing me out for "possibly" throwing out a piece of paper he left "somewhere" (neither of us were able to locate it) I told him he's not allowed to talk to me like that anymore. (Good lord this is hard to write down, I've not said it to anyone.... ever) We had a long ...... LONG talk about it. I told him he is "abusive" and I can not and will not tolerate it. I've always said this marriage is not a disposable one. I wouldn't leave him. I stand by that. I'm not just going to walk out on 10 years of my life, I'm not going to tear apart my child's world. I know it's not about the grass being greener anywhere else. But I'm not going to hurt all the time any longer. And if it means that I have to start fighting back, then that's what happens.
He apologized, he knew he was being mean and hurtful to me. And together we promised to work on it. So that's good. I thought I'd cried out about 3 pounds of tears! So we got passed that and ended up some friends (who are planning their wedding and we are part of their wedding party) stopped in and we hung out in the den and threw darts and drank entirely way too much Jamesons. It was a good ending to an otherwise pretty crumby day.
Sunday Sammy went with her grandparents for an afternoon of bugging Grandma, (one of her favorite pastimes) and we got out of the house for an impromptu day-date. Lunch, some shopping and just kind of reconnecting. Still made horrible food choices, so I'm feeling it today. But I feel like there is a light over the horizon.
Now to see how the next weeks/months go. I'm hopeful it's not all just talk to "fix" the day. :)
Friday, January 03, 2014
Okay a couple of days late, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Week before Christmas I was stretching after a really great sprint spin class and felt a sharp pain my hip. Knowing I have issues (car accident in 01) it's not unusual to feel things snap and whatnot.
Fast forward 5 days and I ended up in Urgent Ortho Care. I "snapped my IT band" or so the PA says. Rest, ice and 800mg motrin 3x a day. Follow up with Traumatologist in 10 days - 2 weeks.
Well, yesterday I followed up with my own Ortho for a better opinion since it wasn't easing up.. Torn IT band, trochanteric bursitis, and piriformis strain. 3 shots of cortisone, and muscle relaxers later, I slept most of yesterday (but slept, for the first time since this happening, pretty well)
Allowed to spin again on Monday (with little resistance) for 2 weeks so it's looking like I will be doing a lot of endurance zone riding. Which, SILVER LINING for all my HR Zone gurus know, is where you burn the most fat.
Looking very forward to getting back into the rhythm of working out. :) Good grief Gertrude, I seem to get hurt a lot!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
OMG I can't seem to stop eating today. I'm tracking it all, so I refuse to go over, but good golly I can't seem to want to stop eating.
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