A Lot Is Going on Inside

Sunday, September 27, 2009

We are always in the process of movement, even when we seem to be standing still. A table is not just a table, it is a bunch of bouncing and moving molecules.

So when we seem to be at a standstill, we must be aware a lot is going on inside, bubbling to the surface in its own good time. I am learning not to be discouraged when my program does not seem swift and smooth.

More will be revealed.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

The Emotional Charge Has Been Taken Off Old Triggers

Sunday, September 13, 2009

I am home from a wonderful trip to San Diego. Although I needed to travel 90 minutes on windy roads to get to and from the Eugene Airport, I was able to do so. Yes, I needed seat belt extensions, but they were cheerfully given and gratefully used. They also motivated me to be so successful on program they would no longer be needed.

The biggest gift of the trip was seeing my father, enjoying his company and discovering the emotional charge had been taken off of the old triggers. Whether I agreed with him or not, was scolded by him or his anger showed up it was no big deal. I learned after the moment it was still peaceful and calm and loving. For me, that was a long way from previous interactions.

As always I met the nicest people on the plane. I had some good baby energy on the way to San Diego. I met Mike, who was very outdoorsy and well toned and friendly on the way home. It felt good to be accepted and to have pleasant conversations. I also made a nice spiritual connection with my father's friends at his local Thai restaurant.

One of my biggest surprises was watching my father sharpen his knife on the steel rod and going through his extensive spice collection. He is truly a chef and a cook. I never realized how accomplished and knowedgable he was in that area. He actually said he was going to try some of my flavors as well. Please understand my children used to say, "Mommy, mommy I'll be good, please don't cook dinner!" So that was quite a compliment and growth on my part.

I am so grateful for Spark People as a home base. I have learned so much here. Thank you to all who contribute to my success, the success of others and our community. May we all reclaim the positive sides of ourselves, the love of family and the thrill of new discoveries along the way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

My Life is Full So My Tummy Doesn't Have to Be

Sunday, September 06, 2009

I am super calm and collected today. My faculties are in place and I am grateful for a beautiful life.

That being said, there is still more footwork to do to insure a healthier life. A few more stones to turn over and obstacles to be faced. Not a lot different every day.

But there is variety to life. There are peaks and valleys. Right now I am in a green valley of abundance and new beginning, and lots of mixed metaphors. I don't mind that so much now. Life is full is what I am seeing and feeling and maybe that is the difference.

My life is full so my tummy doesn't have to be.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

We Are All in This Together...Alone

Saturday, September 05, 2009

We are all in this together...alone. What a concept. Whether in a family, in Spark People, in a nation or the world, we each occupy a unique environmental niche that no one else can fill.

Setting the food chain aside in the eco sense, we are a chain of behavior and decisions. We may not realize, that we are also the sum up of all of our ancestors patterns as well. Again, setting aside ultimate creation, all of our lineage's choices have affected us to some degree.

The opportunity is to set a course in a new direction. To honor our singularity while blending into the masses. This can become a fun exploration as we sort out where others end and we begin. We learn what our strengths and weaknesses and preferences really are. Then we can follow the path of fulfillment and joy while leaving what no longer serves behind.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

I Can Embrace All of Me; I Cannot Guarantee There Will Be No Prickly Parts

Monday, August 31, 2009

I am not discouraged, but I have been slipping lately. I had a respite of eating within my calorie range, but did not exercise as needed. It seems exercise is always my last stand.

I know at some level I will be successful with my program if I will burn those excess calories. Even when the pounds are not coming off I am less depressed and my blood pressure benefits.

Today I am going to do the inner work to unravel more of why I will not allow myself the pleasure of moving the body and reducing the excess weight. I am a bundle of energy that is bottled up.

Ah, if the lid blows off it is about anger. I am afraid I will unleash my stored anger inappropriately. I have been here before, but have not really investigated a lot about the anger. It frightens me. I do not know what I am capable of when out of control anger shows up. Will I kill someone? or myself? Will I yell and make loud noises?

The noise of anger disturbs me. I remember my father's yelling and beating me. I guess I feel if I do not make noise or draw attention to myself I will not be hurt. Yes, I want to be a fat invisible safe me. Still seeking the easier softer way, and not finding comfort anywhere I look.

My fear is unleashing an unknown me who may not be as nice as I would like. I can embrace all of me, I just cannot guarantee there will be no prickly parts.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post: