Sunday, November 01, 2009
After a few coaching sessions with Mike, he tentatively asked me if I thought I might be depressed. Now, Mike is a reasonable guy and takes great care before saying things like that. Interestingly enough, my friend Michael asked me the same question about a year and a half ago. Michael is a counselor like me and meets with many clients that suffer from chemical inbalances and this made me think perhaps it is something he is accustomed to seeing in people.
But after several attempts over the years to improve my sleep, have more energy and be more social, I am beginning to wonder if I am a little depressed. I am an emotional eater, I do eat more when stressed, I do have a career that at times is very stressful. This week at work, I was on a whirlwind running from one thing to the next. I ended up taking too much insulin with my mid day snack and my blood sugar dropped. I mean, DROPPED. This is NOT something you want to happen at work. After several co-workers attempted to get me to drink juice, I was becoming less responsive and very unaware of my surroundings. Next thing I knew I was surrounded by 4-5 firemen, starting an IV, testing my blood sugar and asking me what day is was.
This same thing had happened about 2 weeks ago, but it was 7:00 at night and I had worked out late in the day rather than first thing in the morning and everyone was gone from work, so besides our security staff and local EMT no one at work had to know. I figured I knew what caused it and decided, okay I have to make sure I exercise in the morning when my blood sugars are higher.
But this time, I had no idea what happened and it was only 2:00 in the afternoon and everybody was at work and witnessing my embarrassment and humiliation. I could have died. As a matter of fact when they left and just my co-worker was there, I cried, like I have never cried before. I was so upset that I was going to lose my job because my boss would consider me as someone who cannot take care of themselves and manage stress. I have been in my position for 18 years and I am 54, so you can see the writing on the wall. Get rid of the old and bring in the young, like my new co-worker who is 34.
After all the dust had settled I realized I was stressed, fatigued, restless and anxious. I had not been sleeping well and I was looking forward to another weekend in which I could hibernate in my house. That is pretty much what I have done this weekend. I have not overeaten, but I have been lazy about working out and I NEVER PUT OFF MY WORKOUT on the weekends. But I just don't have the motivation or energy.
I have been taking self assessments on depression and from the sounds of it, anyone could be considered depressed. The fatigue and inability to sleep and isolation outside my job are my strongest indicators. I read this article on SP about simplicity in our lives and it describes my vision for what I want my life to be. As I read it and think about it, all I can think of is how much work I would have to do to get this in place.
So I think I should talk to someone about depression. Hey, what if it helps me with my emotional eating. I am certainly depressed that since on SP I have gained weight not lost weight. Got our tickets to go home for the holidays, December 12th to December 27th.
I am going to do what has worked in the past and return to full cardio for awhile and cut back on all my strength training. When I lost weight before I was running everyday. Also learned that for endomorphs (which I am) cardio is more important for losing and eating several small meals (I do) and really watching food intake (I am inconsistent) are the keys to success for me. Now if I can just do that!!!!!!
I have 41 days until it will be time to go home for the holidays!
I am going to use this guideline from the Simplicity article on SP to set some priorities and structure.
- Limiting material possessions to what is needed and/or cherished
- Meaningful work, whether paid or volunteer
- Quality time with friends and family
- Joyful and pleasurable leisure activities
- A conscious and comfortable relationship with money, charting a course between deprivation and excessive accumulation.
- Connection to community, but not necessarily in formal organizations
- Sustainable spending and consumption practices, such as recycling and supporting local, community-based businesses with fair labor and environmental practices
- A healthy lifestyle, including exercise, adequate sleep, and nutritious food
- Practices that foster personal growth, an inner life, or spirituality, such as yoga, meditation, prayer, religious ceremonies, journaling, and/or spiritual reading
- A connection to nature, such as spending time outdoors regularly
- Aesthetic beauty in personal environment
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Something just made me think...."I want to go out on my Rollerblades again." I have not done inline skating for about 2 years. Could I still do it? Would I fall and bruise my knees again? Would I make a fool of myself?
Well out of 3, the only one that I may have done was make a fool of myself. It felt great to be out there again. I love the feeling of the wind blowing through me as I glide along the sidewalk. What I remember is you can get a good workout when skating up a gradually incline but then going down hill never feels like a workout. I went full around the block, probably about 2.5 miles. I could have crossed a street and gone for the full 5 miles, but having had trouble with cars and traffic along with the added challenge of bumps in the road, cracks in the sidewalk and gravel, I decided to just practice using the off streets near my home but still within the bigger circle. That was mostly down hill, so I decided I would do it twice, skating back up hill. At some point I decided to test my blood sugar.
Good thing it was a 61 so I did a temp basal cutting my regular basal in half and also had 2 glucose tabs. Another good thing. I was beginning to get tired. Went backup the hill and before I reached the top, I could feel my energy waning which made my legs feel weaker. As I started back toward home, and navigating a 250 yard down hill slide, I felt my legs getting so weak that I thought I might fall. Also felt it was harder to stay balanced.
Well I kept telling myself that it was going to take some time to get back in shape and comfortable, but regardless it was a great workout. The remainder of the way home, I felt my legs giving way and harder and harder to make it over inclines in the cement without losing my balance (it was at this point, I could have been making a fool of myself).
Fact is, I did it, I made it home, and had a good solid workout outside( all my other workouts are in a fitness center) Inline skating is a fun thing to be able to do. On the way I saw a sign for Spinning classes, so perhaps I can get back to spinning too!.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I woke up hungry today. Forced myself to workout and was glad I did. Managed to stick to my eating plan all day. But this week was a stressful week at work. What stress looks like in my life is back to back meetings with employees at work, leaders, senior managers who want me to fire people etc. etc. I had 3 investigations this week and then talked to my boss and learned she thought I was making too much out of my latest investigation and to back off. That was a shock, I felt after 18 years of doing this job, I knew what I was doing. Now I am second guessing myself. I hate that! At my age and the time I have been at this job, I begin to wonder if my days are numbered.
So of course after a day of one thing after another I had plenty of paper work and documentation to do, that is when I started eating sugar. Really unusual for me. I felt empty and nothing would help me fill up.
So my great plans for setting a goal for November 18th is blown already. Now, now, I have to get my self back on track before it is too late.
Tomorrow I am going to start the day with a 75 minute inline skating session and then keep busy!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I weighed in today with my weight loss doctor. It is amazing the little things you can learn when you work with a doctor that specializes in weight loss. I did okay, lost 3.5 pounds, but I had lost more and gained back 3. That is me, up 6 down 6, up 3. Well I go back to weigh in again November 18th, and I am challenging myself to reach 139. That would be a 8 pound loss. That is kind of a stretch, but I know what I need to do to do that.
Keep up my workouts - 4 cardio, 2-3 strength training
Maintain calorie range of 1200-1500 maximum
8 hours sleep
Plenty of water
Taking it one day at a time.
I can do this! The holidays are coming!
Get An Email Alert Each Time KLBRZE Posts