KJELLYBEAN15   27,057
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KJELLYBEAN15's Recent Blog Entries

New Year! Hopefully new me?

Monday, January 06, 2014

I have been terrible. No, not just terrible - horrible. And not just that. Worse. I can't wrap my mind around what makes me do this. Why do I work my butt off and then tempt fate and give in to only give up? Why do I rebel against myself?

Is this is? Is this the aha moment? Is this just another start to failure? I stopped logging in because I really felt like I was letting my friends down and I didn't want to disappoint them with my failures. But looking at it now, I think I am more afraid of the disappointment I am going to feel myself.

I have to stop thinking of what others feel about my weight loss/gain/whatever. I have to stop doing this for others. Only I can do this for me. Only I suffer the consequences. Only I feel benefit. That is if I can stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my fat butt and get moving.

Did actually plan on going to the gym this morning. However, in getting dressed I realized my bag was packed sans a sports bra. But I am serious. I am ready to get moving. I am ready for a new start. I am ready for a new me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NILLAPEPSI 1/6/2014 3:37PM

    emoticon back!!!! emoticon

Leave the past where it belongs -- in the past. It's a new year to start fresh.

I KNOW you can do this!! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 1/6/2014 12:22PM

    Let the past go. Can't do anything about is. Just start today and move forward. You can do it!

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DRLMAZ 1/6/2014 12:08PM

  Don't beat yourself up, just get back on track and go for it

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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Well, to start I would like to apologize. I haven't been very active here lately. I feel like I am not being honest to anyone, especially myself when I am not remaining active. Why? Well, the less active I am here, the less active I have also been physically. And, to top it off, the less active I have been physically, the less active I have been in eating right, taking care of myself, or even caring.

We have a LOT of stuff going on at work. You would think it would be a good thing. I mean, the busier I am - the less likely I am to eat. But it hasn't been the case. It seems like I am constantly hungry. And when I do eat I end up eating nothing worth mentioning. It's all garbage. I have even been coming up with excuses as to why I can't workout. And I LOVE working out.

I guess I have a lot to figure out. And I need to do it soon. I can't keep sabotaging my hard earned efforts. This isn't the 1st time. I have done this time and time again for the past 20 years or so it seems????

Frustrated. Just flat out frustrated.

But I am not giving up. Not at all. I have some goals that I am resetting for myself. My daughter will be here in September and I want to lose another 20 by then. And we will be going to Disneyworld in Decembers so I would really like to lose some more. Ideally I would like to lose 40 by then.

Well, here it goes again. And again, I am sorry for not being here. I am will try.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MATTEROFHEART 6/13/2013 10:17PM


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LIVINGFREE19 6/12/2013 10:53PM


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LIVINHEALTHY9 6/12/2013 9:04PM

    You don't need to apologize.
I think a lot of members at one time or another have had things going on in their lives that affect their progress.
I have been struggling with this very problem for a while. But, I am not giving up and you shouldn't either.
We can do this!

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/12/2013 9:05:01 PM

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NILLAPEPSI 6/12/2013 11:47AM

    Don't beat yourself up. Just start over from today. We've missed you!! emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 6/12/2013 9:54AM

    emoticon back!!! emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 6/12/2013 9:27AM

    Don't be sorry, just use today as day one and let's get going!

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JILLRY03 6/12/2013 9:24AM

    emoticon Good Luck!! It's always hard to start again but just remember how great you feel once you get started!!!

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Happy Birthday - I love you.

Friday, April 19, 2013

First of all, let me start this by saying I'm sorry. This is not an easy post for me. But I have to get this out there. I can't keep it in. Hit the back arrow on your browser now so not to get sucked into my sadness.

21 years ago today should have been one of the happiest days of my life. But it wasn't. 21 years ago today actually ended up being the saddest day I have known in my life. You see, 21 years ago today my daughter, Clarissa Skye was born. I don't have a birth certificate. They gave me a death certificate. They say she was never born. Instead she died before I got to see her breath her first breaths. She died moments before seeing her mother. Moments before I could hold her.

I know we tend to say if only we had a few more moments. I wish I was given those few moments. I would hold her and love her. And she would know just how much she was loved.

Today, take the moments you have and hold those that matter to you the most. Show them you love them. Don't let those moments pass. Embrace them.

And if you are reading this, there is a reason why. I have chosen to allow you into my life enough so know that you too are a part of my life - and I care.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WARRIORGIRL121 5/15/2013 11:37PM

    Honey, I'm sorry. emoticon emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 4/20/2013 8:44PM


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CAMETHYSTE 4/20/2013 3:24AM

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must feel. I truly believe that she does know you love her. Thank you for sharing and for reminding us how precious life really is. emoticon emoticon

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    I'm thinking of you and your family on this day. emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 4/19/2013 4:06PM

    I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry. You are a loving person and thank you for sharing part of you with me.

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NILLAPEPSI 4/19/2013 3:44PM

    I am so, so emoticon I cannot even imagine what that must be like. I know that even though much time has passed, the hurt of losing someone you love never goes away. I will keep you in my prayers. emoticon emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 4/19/2013 3:31PM

    Big emoticon

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XRSIZE18 4/19/2013 3:20PM

    Wishing you peace today. Sorry for your loss.

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JTREMBATH 4/19/2013 3:18PM


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TEACHFIRST268 4/19/2013 3:13PM

    I can not imagine what you are going through...Sending hugs your way. Thank you for sharing - helping others to pause, take a moment to give thanks. I am getting up to go hug my own kids RIGHT NOW!

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Hey y'all.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Good morning,

Just wanted to update y'all. I am still here. I have been super busy covering for a vacationing co-worker.

My kids had softball tournaments running Friday night and all day Saturday. Sundays games were rained out so we will resume them Thursday night.

The A/C in my car has been acting up the last few weeks. It finally decided to stop cooling permanently on Saturday in the midst of the days heat. Hubby tried looking at it Sunday, changed the a/c filter and added freon to no avail. The compressor or something or other has gone out and it's going to be around2-3k to fix it. Well, we already have 91,000 miles on it. Grr.

So we bought a new car. A 2013 Dodge Dart w/ dual transmission and turbo. A very nice car! Didn't shop for bells and whistles. Just wanted a basic car with cheap payments, working A/C, and good gas mileage as I drive 120 a day to commute to/from work.

Well I hope y'all are doing good. Trying to play catch up this afternoon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAMETHYSTE 4/17/2013 5:46PM

    I'm jealous! I've always wanted a new car, lol. Congrats and enjoy it!

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NILLAPEPSI 4/17/2013 6:57AM

    emoticon emoticon on getting a new car. That's always fun!!

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LIVINGFREE19 4/16/2013 4:30PM

    Sounds like you made a smart buy, not getting all the bells and whistles. My dad always said the more you have, the more you have to go wrong, and it is so true!

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LOBOSMOMMA 4/16/2013 12:40PM

    emoticon Nice little car. I was looking into them as well. I also put a lot of miles on my car. Almost 50 miles one way, and that's without going anywhere for lunch.

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BIGPAWSUP 4/16/2013 12:01PM

    Glad you were able to get a good working car - you do a LOT of miles.

Hope things settle down soon.

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PJ2222 4/16/2013 10:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Happy Hump-Day!

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Good morning to all of my fellow Sparkers. I hope today finds you well. And Sparkly.

I don't have too much to report on. I am feeling soooo much better. Looking forward to a workout this morning. Hoping to get back to pre-sickness strength soon. But I will be happy with surviving a workout regardless of how long I go.

Work is rather busy this week. One of my co-workers is out and I am covering her work along with mine. I am so not complaing though as things have been pretty slow here lately. The added work might just keep me busy enough for the days to fly by. I really dislike being bored. I get into way too much trouble on slow days.

Saw this on facebook last night. Thought y'all might like.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NILLAPEPSI 4/10/2013 3:33PM

    Keep on shining!! emoticon emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 4/10/2013 1:30PM

    That is great that you are coming out of your sickness!

Love the pic!

Big emoticon

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PMRUNNER 4/10/2013 9:46AM

    Glad you are feeling better! Spark on!

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BIGPAWSUP 4/10/2013 9:41AM

    Great hearing from you. Glad you are busy at work - always makes the days go faster.

Happy you are feeling better. Have a great workout!

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