Sunday, March 09, 2014
so, our one year anniversary is coming up and my face has been breaking out.
last week, i got a face wash to try to clear it up and well, .....
it burned me and took off two layers of skin.
and then i got a horrible infection that spread because i couldnt get to the dr in time for antibiotics.
when i went to the doctor, he had originally wanted me to see a plastic surgeon.
but because they have waiting lists that are long and i needed treatment NOW, they called around and finally found a doctor that would see me.
so friday, i went and they cut my face open in two different spots to help drain the infection out.
friday i came home and slept.
i hadnt anticipated that....
yesterday i wasnt feeling great, nor today either.
yesterday the husband had company and i ended up cooking most of the day.
i didnt workout.
today i slept most of the day...that is very unlike me.
the dr. put me on antibiotics and there is talk of me being on them for 2/3 months. but i have a feeling they are making me gain weight.
i havent tracked food on paper but friday i was around 2000 calories --not over--and yesterday the same.
today i am 140..
i will know more on tuesday about the weight. today i have tracked and at least walked an hour and tomorrow i am going to hit it hard...
if this is temporary weight from everything, i should be down a little tuesday.
wednesday i have an appointment with my doctor and the doctor who cut my face, so hopefully things will get better.
as for going to the dr. and the reasoning he had told me that i am at a too low weight was that my bmi he said was under 24 and also when i raise from a sitting to standing position or when hot water hits me, my blood pressure drops substantially and i get very very lightheaded...
i havent made any decisions about the demanded weight gain.
but, i havent had a chance to even think about it.
Thursday, March 06, 2014
my mind is a muddle.
first, i needed new pants. i had an interview and all of my black dress pants were big exceptionally too big. one pair was passable but i went to kohls to expect great things. hahahahahaha.
and i was right to!
on their clearance rack, i found a pair of 4$!! jeans. 4$
the only problem was they were size six.
well, i knew i was there for size 8 pants, so i thought, okay. i will try these on and see how much farther i have to go.
well, they fit.
so i also got black interview pants in a size six.
these ones i wish i had looked at a little bit better because they are designed to accentuate curves and holy guacamole did they ever.
but they fit the purpose, so i cant complain.
moving on to the dr....
i went to the dr. yesterday because of a very serious concern. i have never been there before and they were able to squeeze me in.
the doctor spent over an hour with me going over my concerns....
and he said something extremely unexpected.
he said: you need to gain weight.
after i popped my eyes back into my head and picked my jaw up off floor, i asked him: are you recommending this, or are you demanding?
he said, im telling you that you need to gain 10-15 pounds.
i went through my history with him and he said, i understand your hesitation and i am not telling you to go to mcdonalds. what i am telling you is that your body is not happy at this weight... that your bmi is too low, even with your clothes on.. and if you keep losing weight, you're gonna start fainting.
so. thats where im at.
i weighed in at 145 in his office with my boots and heavy heavy coat and scarf on, so he really wouldnt have been pleased to know i am 134.
i just dont know what to do, where to go....
i dont know about my body functions, but i know i feel better --much better-- at this weight than i did at 145...
but i also know that unlike my family, he is looking at me from a clinical standpoint.
and i also know that with muscle building, etc.. it'd be easy to put on 10lbs and still continue to lose pants sizes, etc... and look the same or better.
again i just dont know how.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
its been...slow, i guess.
we had company friday evening through sunday morning and that time found me doing nothing and i mean pretty much nothing but cooking.
thankfully it was the husbands friends and most of it was meat so i couldnt eat it anyways, but i did make chocolate chip cookies and funfetti cookies and a cheesecake. and my favorite biscuits.
thankfully i dont like sugar cookies and i had one slice of cheesecake, and i did have about 7 cookies over 2 days. but all the rest i abstained from and sent it all with the boys home.
during that time, i wasnt able to even sneak in a quick workout although thinking about it, i could have at least walked for an hour or so but i didnt. i was beat, getting to bed around 1/2 am then up before six to begin their breakfasts.
this week has been slow. i feel like i havent done a lot.
very run down and tired.
i think more mentally than physically.
ive been doing 5 miles walking and 12-24 miles biking plus strength training so im not exactly slacking.
monday and tuesday i ran an hour each day, although for sure not at once.
monday i did 6 sets of 10 minute jogs and tuesday 4 sets of 15 minutes.
today i hope to push that to 6 sets of 15 minutes for an hour and a half.
my goal today is to get in 10 miles walking/jogging.
last night i was all set.. i normally make the husband and i separate meals since he eats meat and i do not, but last night i was making us pasta.
and then around 5.30 he said he was going to dinner.
well, i cant be trusted alone with pasta so i had cereal and then got into m&ms... and i dont even like m&ms. they've been in the cupboard since well before christmas.
i was feeling hungry and didnt know what to make for myself since my regular dinner takes 2 hours.
i ended up with cereal and toast, then went back for toast and veggie sausage.
i got pissed and threw the m&ms away.
i cant seem to get back to 134.
im a high 135 today or even a low 136.
gotta get food under control.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
i have lost 150 pounds.
today was not a good day.
woke to no power.
and no water.
i can deal without television. i can deal without internet.
i cannot deal without water or heat.
with dirty dishes that had been soaking from last night's dessert.
with having to give the dogs bottled water.
i did okay. i mean, couldnt eat much since everything takes electricity and i dont keep snack foods in the house.
i had an apple and a granola bar until 4pm... and i had gotten up before 7.
i walked for 3 hours until i got so cold that i had to go upstairs and crawl under the covers and lay down.
a little after 4, power came on. i grabbed toast and veggie sausage.
power went out again.
when it came back on, i grabbed a shower thank goodness and at that time, the husband said he was on his way. i told him dinner would be late so he decided to pick up pizza.
i had 4 slices but they not only were baby slices, i still was starving after.
but there isnt any more of it because we got half of it meat and i ate my half.
anyways, that was my day.
not a great day.
looking back on it, i should have powered through the cold and just did my regular workout but when i am cold, i cannot function.
literally... my body gets rigid and it is extremely painful to do anything.
anyways, for all those who asked what i did with the 4 leftover coconut ferrero rochers, they were given to the husband.
my goal now?
i am not necessarily looking to be "skinny"...i will never be that.
but, i do want to get lower because we are going to be trying to start a family soonish and i do want my weight lower for that since i feel good at this weight.
if i could just tone up, id be happy.
but, i will get to 129.
mark my words.
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