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Cue excuses: now!

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

It is suck suck sucking lately.
We had floor refinished and I thought it was going to be an awesome few days... Upstairs with the dogs, biking. Except that didn't happen. They had to be downstairs and we took my bike down there but the fumes from the floor being refinished stopped me from working out since I had a pounding headache. I also had no access to a bathroom until they left around 6/7 pm so that stopped me from drinking water.
It sucked.
Floors look awesome so it was worth it but it just sucked.

We got house put back together and two days after the floor people left, the man came to fix our doors. Supposed to be a one day thing but it turned into three days.

We then found out Walter has cancer.
We are going to be putting him down very soon. Like possibly this weekend soon. It is sucking and he is in pain.

Then we went to new york for birds graduation.. We had four people graduating.. Two nephews and two cousins. It was a whirlwind trip, leaving Friday morning and coming home Sunday.

It is just stupid lately. Lot of migraines, lot of back pain.
Both are pretty debilitating right now. Normally I just power through migraines but these ones have me on the couch and taking excederin.

I am 146 today. I have to get back down.
Have to, have to.
Although I do feel much better than I did last time I blogged.

Anyways that's where I am. I am sucking.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKNFITCARLA 7/9/2014 10:25PM

    I haven't stayed caught up over here on SP, but I sure have followed you on FB with all you've had going on. So, so sorry about the passing of Walter :-( I know how hard that is. Big, big emoticon to all of you.

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JLDACQ 7/9/2014 3:06PM

    I just read your FB post about Walter. I couldn't read your tribute to him while I was at work, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for you, for the things you discovered about Walter and your relationship, and how you feel now.

On renos: I don't envy you at all. Right now, with all the power outages in the area, I don't think I could handle that. Having said that, I now have a new bright red tin roof, just in time for the hurricane. At least the shingles didn't have a chance to lift and cause damage.

On excuses: Yep, I get it. I hear ya. I'm still wearing the damn t-shirt.

On getting back down under 140: Remember, don't kill yourself to get under that number. I'm fighting that mentality as well, since I'm up 20lbs since My Guy died. I can't make all that weight go away overnight, and unfortunately you know this too, you can't either. Just keep plodding through it.

On migraines: I wish I had some insight on what else to try, but I'm a fortunate non-migraine person. I suspect you've already tried everything I could suggest, but if you think I might have a new idea for you, poke me and we'll chat.

Hang in there... that's about all we can all do. *hugs*

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FROSTIERACES 7/9/2014 10:06AM

    No more migraines for Dee. I power thru my migraines too... the only thing that gets me down is if the pain in my left eye is so terrible.. Usually from crying about something triggers a migraine pain just awful. I have to simply go to sleep and sleep it off. I ironically just went to a pain management Dr for my migraines this past Monday... They are going to *try* to get botox covered thru my insurance. But *first* they want me to try things I'm not comfy doing... occipital injections...an MRI with contrast and another medication. Sure. So I continue pay for the botox which is expensive until the insurance approves it. Ugh. I am so sorry about your pain and loss sweet friend. Your house design and construction I hope can keep you busy. Tho I know that's hard too. Hugs and love to Rock and you and R. emoticon emoticon

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JLPEASE 7/7/2014 1:56PM

    I am so sorry to hear about Walter. It seems like you went through this before. It doesn't make it any easier, though.

I hope you feel better soon.

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TENNESSEEWALKER 7/3/2014 4:36PM

    I'm sorry about Walter, too. Have put down several cats, one with a tumor. Never gets easier.

Sounds like you're getting the house put together, and with the VOC's dissipating so you don't get headaches, maybe life will get less crazy.

Thanks for posting. I was beginning to wonder how you are doing.

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RYDERB 7/2/2014 10:30PM

    I'm so sorry about Walter. emoticon Sounds like life has been crazy. I hope it gets better and you can be back in your healthy routine soon.

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MBPP50 7/2/2014 8:39PM

    I hope things get better and you feel better soon.

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Guess what happens when you don't work out for weeks?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

You get a fat ass.

It's been rough here. So rough.

To begin with, I went to the dermatologist about face and demanded to come off of the antibiotic that was seriously causing me to be so fatigued that I could barely move. He said no.
I am now on half the dose and feeling much much like my old self. A little fatigued but nothing like I was.

The house is in a constant state of chaos.
Gah.
Got bedroom painted. Got dining room painted. Got family room painted--finished that today. The floors are being refinished on Monday or Tuesday so all the furniture from living room,dining room, foyer and family room has to be removed.

Once that's all done, the rooms need to be wiped down and put back in order and then the hallways get painted as well as the kitchen being ripped out.

Due to the painting, I just haven't had time or energy to workout. A few days this week I did get short workouts in but then the husband scheduled the floor refinishing and since we needed to paint before that, I've been hauling ass to get that room done.

The scale has not been overly kind nor overly terrible. Today I'm 145.

This next week with the floor refinishing means that I'm going to be cooped up with the dogs upstairs for four days at least all day. I'm going to bring the bike into the bedroom and get in some much needed miles.

I don't muchly care about the scale right now.. But I see a huge difference in my butt. Literally. Lots of squats are in the agenda this next week.

We've been going to eat a lot lately... There's been a lot going on where we are out for hours and it's more out of necessity.

So that's where I'm at.

That medicine really kicked my butt. I thought perhaps that it was me messing up but as soon as I switched doses, it was like night and day on how I felt. Whereas before I would just paint and be content with that, now I'm a little pissy if I can't get in a short workout and I'm doing crunches every now and then.

So, that's where I am.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SQUISSHY1 7/1/2014 9:21PM

    Hi Dee, I am sorry to hear about the face wash debacle. That is just awful. Hope things get better now that you are on a lower dosage. Sounds like you have a lot going on, but I must say it is always nice and encouraging when I make my butt get on SP and read your blog. I remember reading your blog when you were working your way towards 200...and now, you weigh what I wish I weighed, but you still deal with everyday battles and you still share every bit with us. Makes me feel a little more human after I've been beating myself up lately. Thanks for always being you!

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KRISTA987 6/14/2014 1:18PM

    I'm so glad that you're now on the right dosage. That should help lots! Don't stress too much about the scale right now. Sometimes life happens and we're not left with many options. Just make the best of it for now and know that tomorrow is a new day. Once your house is finally finished you'll be in a much better head-space to really be able to focus on yourself again. Hang in there! It will get better!

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JLDACQ 6/13/2014 2:25PM

    On house in chaos: Welcome to the Grown-Up world. I think everyone's house is in chaos for half our time there.

On chunkier butt: So 145 ain't all that it's cracked up to be?

On meds: Pat on the back for standing up for yourself. Many people won't when it comes to talking to a doctor. I'm guessing it's a different med but still antibiotics?

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TENNESSEEWALKER 6/13/2014 1:35PM

    I too consider painting and horsing furniture around the house exercise. Forgive me for being too personal, but, truly, is your butt fatter, or more muscular?

The house is going to look so much better with the painting done, the floors refinished. My mom is always saying, "it looks worse before it looks better." And you did so much of the work!

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RYDERB 6/13/2014 9:20AM

    I'm so glad you're feeling more like yourself. It's scary to think an over-the-counter beauty product has caused you so much suffering. Hope you sue them, and stop anyone else from getting hurt. I remember how stressful it was to live in our house while we had our floors done and that only took two weeks. I'm so impressed by your determination to find ways to stay on track. Especially since you've been doing so much painting. I would definitely have counted that as execise and called it a day. You're amazing!
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Comment edited on: 6/13/2014 9:22:25 AM

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MBPP50 6/13/2014 4:35AM

    Sorry to hear about your house being in such an uproar. I have been there before myself. And I hate that medicine that is supposed to help you caused you so much fatigue. Glad you are on a smaller dose. Hope things get back to normal soon and you can get rid of that fat ass (LOL- your words, not mine ; I am sure it is not fat.) emoticon emoticon

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if i didnt know what the scale read, would i be happy?

Wednesday, May 07, 2014

so, everyone knows about the face wash debacle that has scarred my face, im thinking for life since its now been 2 months... and the antibiotics that i have to be on..

it is still sucking majorly with them. so fatigued.
i begin each morning waking up more tired than before i went to bed. but i plan to make it a great day. and then i end up sitting on the couch saying that i cant do it.

having serious heartburn related issues as well. swallowing is extremely painful. i mean, i swallow once and have to clutch my chest for a good minute and then take a minute more to gather up my courage to take another swallow.

so, things arent good here.
add in the renovations to the house of preparing to have kitchen ripped out, laundry room has been torn apart since april... just got that painted and back together as it is going to be until we get cabinets.
bedroom is all taken apart for painting...

its been crazy amounts of stress.

so i was moping around yesterday. i was incredibly sore and yesterday was the first day since sunday i havent spent all day painting. and i mean ALL DAY.
i had grand plans for a workout and a migraine side tracked me.
when i woke up, i was feeling so down on myself.

like i cant do this.
like im going to gain all the weight back.
like im failing.

and then i got to thinking.

first, the doctor DID tell me to put on 10-15 pounds.
second, i am holding in at 140-143... today im 143 but last friday i was 140. and we ate out twice this weekend so 143 is respectable. [oh and i forgot about the pizza incident so make that 3 times and at a later date, i will recount the pizza incident of 2014...]
third, 143 is freaking respectable.

most importantly, how do i feel?
well, aside from feeling like snot from the antibiotics..
am i feeling porky?

the answer is slightly.
i do feel a little porky from not doing strength training. but other than that, no, i feel just as good as i did at 138, which is where im striving to get back to.

and then i got to thinking that it is so stupid to be so down about a stupid number when i feel okay.

so thats where im at.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROSTIERACES 7/9/2014 10:14AM

    I almost forgot to mention. Buy Glycerin at Walmart. The pharmacist can help you find it. I put it on my face and even old scars I've have.. it literally works wonders. It's extremely healthy and makes my skin feel so supple. Some people say to mix it with distilled water but I just slather it on by itself. It has even helped my sun damaged wrinkles. Glycerin is often an ingredient in expensive skin moisturizers. I'm obsessed with it. It costs like $3.48 or something too...

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THESB25 5/27/2014 1:22PM

    Heck ya your weight is respectable!! I am so stinking proud of you...AND you've been fighting all the fatigue from medications on top of household remodeling wearing you out. For everything you're going through, you're holding steady in my book.

Great job girl, hang in there!

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FROSTIERACES 5/24/2014 8:07AM

    Heartburn...I swear by Protonix. I used to get heartburn attacks so bad..my belly burned from the inside out and my esophagus felt like I drank acid.. And I feel like I am having a heart attack. First I tried home remedies, then Prilosec, Zantac,..but Protonix prescribed ...I have literally no heart burn. I hope you don't mind me throwing ideas out there for you..heart burn is very painful for me. =(

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JLDACQ 5/23/2014 8:58AM

    On scales: Yeah, 143 is freakin' awesome. I still think the doctor is full of sh!t by telling you to gain 10-15 lbs. I remember thinking that when you first mentioned it.

On feeling tired: Working on renos all day is hard work. If you're not used to doing this kind of work, and getting used to it can take years, expect to be tired at the end of your day. Construction workers typically get at least one day off a week, so remember to take at least one day off a week and lounge around on the couch. Not taking a break is the same as working out to the max every day, including the days off you're supposed to take. So remember to rest, too.

Pizza Incident of 2014?? But we still have over 6 months to finish out the year! ;-)

Heartburn? How long has this been going on? Do you know what it's from yet?

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BRITTERS23 5/11/2014 11:51AM

    143 is MORE than respectable! You are allowed some time to recover and with the stress on top of everything you are doing freaking AMAZING!

Treat yourself kindly right now, you are going through enough that would make ANYONE want to throw in the towel...yet you are still powering though!

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TENNESSEEWALKER 5/7/2014 3:26PM

    Yeah, you are so much more than the number on the scale. emoticon And Good for you that you're thinking about that "goal weight" in terms of more than THE NUMBER. Keep pushing at all that stuff you've got going on right now. It will be messy, and it will get better. I was reading a blog entry where the writer had gone back to her old blogs and reflected on them.

So, you definitely have to tell us all about the Great Pizza Incident of 2014. emoticon

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MBPP50 5/7/2014 10:50AM

    I would be fine not knowing what the scale reads as long as I look good, fit in my clothes and feel good. Sorry you don't feel well. emoticon

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and so it goes..

Thursday, April 24, 2014

im still here.

so last time i was here, it was 4/2... at least, last time i was here blogging.

the days leading up to the 10th were rough--husband's sister and her family were coming down on their way south for the night. that meant that i cleaned entire house top to bottom. the 10th was the husband's birthday and also my doctor appointment about my face. [more on that in a minute.]

the 10th and 11th were okay. i was cooking and cleaning. i didnt eat much.

the 9th, however, i was asked if it would be okay that my nephew came down for the next week. that meant that saturday morning at 5 am the husband's family left and there i was, up cooking and washing bedding for more guests that arrived at 11.

unplannedness sends me into a tailspin. since i eat the same thing every day and the husband makes do with a lot of thrown together meals, i had to find recipes that were lower calorie, kid friendly, mostly vegetarian or could be made vegetarian... in two days.

i wasnt exactly pleased. of course i was happy to see bird. i wasnt pleased on the short notice. if you know spring break is coming up, and you know there is a chance of spending it here, one would think one might inform the person.......

anyways, the plan was: get up in the mornings and go for a walk. then in the evening, go for a walk with the husband and dogs.
well, that didnt happen.
one day bird and i went for a walk. the next day, he got up at 11 and we had plans and there it goes for the rest of the week.

i didnt track my food--i never do when company is here.
and i ate and ate.
we went to a pizza buffet, and went for pizza two other times.

when company came, i was 138 on april 11th.
when company left, i was 143 on easter sunday.

of course, im back to 141 today cos its never real weight...
back to mostly tracking and getting in workouts.

my doctors appt: talked to him about side effects of antibiotics..
severe heartburn, severe fatigue, increased dizziness on rising to a standing position or when i get in shower.
verdict: suck it up. have to be on antibiotic for foreseeable future.
im not crazy--the fatigue is very severe with this drug.

so im doing what i can.
ive done short strength training workouts this week so yay me.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROSTIERACES 5/24/2014 7:42AM

    I'm going to just remind you that this woman in front of you in the mirror is a strong, intelligent, beautiful, insightful caring soul that has more dedication than ever! Love you my darling friend. Please give Rock a hug for me!!

Comment edited on: 5/24/2014 7:43:05 AM

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JLDACQ 4/28/2014 1:15PM

    About the only thing worse than family showing up at the last minute, is family NOT showing up at the last minute. That was my Easter.

You're still doing better than I am.

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SUZIB123 4/25/2014 3:26PM

    Hi I was just reading about your need to take antibiotics...have you tried having some greek yogurt
each day that you are on antibiotics? I subscribe to a magz. Living Without and it has helped me understand how antibiotics mess with the villi [the finger like hairs that aid in absorption of nutrients and calories. This might be what is causing some of your fatiue....along with a lot of company and eating different! Hope you feel better soon emoticon

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THESB25 4/25/2014 2:54PM

    Sounds like a miserable existence on the antibiotics - I am so very sorry. They make me sleep a lot whenever I'm put on them. The dent it makes in your schedule is so frustrating. I hope things turn around quickly for you. Hopefully at least the dying down of upset-schedules will lead to more consistency.

Always remember to give yourself some credit. It's hard doing what you do and it's even harder when people invade the house or antibiotics invade the body.

You're still my hero!!

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JLPEASE 4/25/2014 10:43AM

    I hate not getting notice when people visit, even if it's just a drop in by a neighbor. I guess I have a problem with people invading my space. You certainly dealt with it better than I would have.

That is really a shame about the antibiotics. I hope things get better soon!
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TENNESSEEWALKER 4/25/2014 8:43AM

    Pain in the butt when guests show up on short notice, and doubly so when they sleep in until 11. Totally yay for you for keeping the damage to your weight to a minimum and squeezing in dome workouts. Maybe the doc could have given you some coping mechanisms for the antibiotics.

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KRISTA987 4/24/2014 7:25PM

    Family can be so demanding and so frustrating! Hope you're having a better day emoticon

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NATNOEL 4/24/2014 6:39PM

    OH WOW...I guess I got unsubscribed to your blog again I had to back and read all I missed.

I am so sorry..... what a crazy thing to happen.

How long do you have to stay on the antibiotics ?

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the crumbling balance and the struggle..

Wednesday, April 02, 2014

its been rough.
ever since we got back from vegas, ive been a sloth.
i just cant seem to do this any longer.

the working out is severely lacking. i havent strength trained.
barely working out..
well, thats not exactly true. most days i get in a 5 mile walk if not more.
but its a struggle.

i know that the antibiotics im on have a side effect of extreme fatigue, so im guessing that is it. also i just got glasses and they have been causing headaches.
and im mostly jogging instead of walking so that causes me to dread the workout and also causes me to be more sore....

also there is an overwhelming amount of stress and duress im under and that is causing issues...

so, thats where i am.

pics of my face! not for the faint of heart...


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FROSTIERACES 5/24/2014 8:00AM

    Oh I'm so sorry you went and are going thru this Dee. Once the owies seem to heal more... Have you ever used Glycerin on your skin? I have been using it since December..even on old scars... They're fading. It helps heal my skin in amazing ways. I use it daily. There is a lot of info on it. Web MD..but also look up recipes to make it. I used to use it with distilled water.. But now I just use it with Aveda beautifying oil or body butter. I plant it right on my face. Where I had wrinkles and fine lines, they have faded. A bottle is like $3.48 at Walmart. I feel like it plumps and heals my skin back years...

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THESB25 4/9/2014 1:54PM

    Oh Dee! I'm so very sorry about your wounds... how painful!! Give yourself some TLC as you're recouping from antibiotic side effects...I know for me I just get wiped out when I'm on them. Do a little at a time then rest and repeat. You're still my hero!

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TENNESSEEWALKER 4/3/2014 12:41PM

    You're right, it's not for the faint of heart to see how sad the wounds on your face are making you. That's what's important to me: how YOU feel about it. Having said that, I'm so glad the infection isn't in your eyes. Here's a wish that you will heal inside and out with wisdom but without scarring.

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JLDACQ 4/3/2014 8:12AM

    On face pics: I am so sorry this happened to you, but it looks like it's healing pretty good.

On pills that make you lethargic: do what you can, but remember not to push past what your body can actually handle.

On workouts: Um, this might seem silly, but why don't you go back to the walking instead of pushing for the jogging? Personally, I think when we suffer setbacks and it affects our regular routine including workouts, we have to remember to adjust for that. I've finally reached a point where WATP isn't as effective anymore, which means I have to change it up completely very soon. Like you, strength training isn't my strong suit, and that's where we both need to refocus our energies.

On feeling like a sloth: It takes a little time to get back to a routine, y'know. ;-) You could try making it a habit to do one more thing every week that you have been avoiding for so long. Since my Sundays are often spent alone, and I usually get bummed out over that, I started changing how I saw a Sunday afternoon and evening. It's taken me most of the winter, but I finally am willing to get more cleaning and sorting of My Guy's stuff and making changes to the house as I need. And doing it by myself. You know there are all kinds of ways to get back into your groove, but I've also discovered that when that happens for me, my groove changes just a bit, and it's never quite the same again. Apparently that's called growth. :-D

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