Tuesday, November 11, 2008
In my last post, I described the exhaustion and symptoms of depression-without-feeling-depressed that has consumed me lately. It was just so strange to go from daily euphoria and tons of energy to lethargy, the desire to stay in bed and feeling like I could cry with a drop of a hat - without anything to cry about, added to the fact that I'm actually pretty happy overall!
Well, the answer (thankfully) came to me today.
After resting for over a week, I got my butt out of bed this morning and went for a sunrise run. OMG! It was EXACTLY what I needed. Thanks to the time I spent on the bike, I ran faster and stronger than before. After the run - and even hours after - that familiar sense of euphoria enveloped me, and once again, I became the happy, confident gal that I really am.
Now I know for a fact that running is a necessity in my life. It centers and grounds me. It empties my head so I can live patiently. It sucks the frustrations in my heart and pours peace back into it. It erases the word "can't" out of my vocabulary and transforms dreams into tasks. Running: it is my Rx to life.
Monday, November 10, 2008
There is something going on that I can't quite put a finger on.
Being that I prefer cardio over ST, I typically start ST with a bad attitude. (What a confession!) Thankfully, however, the attitude turns into a happier one as I get into it and then before I know it, I'm pushing hard because I *want* the burn. In the end, I feel really really good and I'm very happy that I worked out.
Today, however, I started with my bad attitude and it *stayed*. I was very excited to use my new ball to do my crunches, but - maybe it's the extra movement - I got pretty nauseas and cut my reps short. I tried to get through some of my other exercises - giving me a pep talk through it all - but I am still unenthusiastic. As I type this, I'm actually halfway through but I'm considering calling it a day - something I NEVER do!
I wonder if this has to do with my complete exhaustion yesterday. I've been pretty stressed and stretched with planning, cleaning, entertaining and cooking for a bunch of my in-laws, which was a lot of work for a gal like me who is used to cooking for 2. I woke up yesterday morning unable to get up and out of bed. I ended up staying in bed all day, skipping workouts and making good friends with my television. This is not me. And now, all I can think of is crawling back into bed and vegging out until DH gets home.
I don't know what's going on but what I do know is: 1) this too shall pass and 2) I need to listen to my body and rest.
And so, the mystery shall remain.
P.S. I should note that I was VERY enthusiastic during my cardio this morning. I was myself then! It was after that when I started crutchin my energy levels with caffeine. Argggh.
Friday, October 31, 2008
I am still in disbelief over my new numbers from Curves yesterday. This exercising/eating right thing really works!!!
Weight: 106.2 lbs (this was before breakfast, so I'm sure my normal weight is more)
Body Fat %: 17.40% (down from 18.00% on Sept. 29)
BMI: 20.7 (down from 21.7 on Sept. 29)
This, at least for me, is a huge loss for a month. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that I upped my running days from three to four?
P.S. I'd like to thank my Spark friends and the SP Class SparkTeam for helping to make this a reality for me, you guys are the BEST!!!!!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I believe daily workouts have spun my metabolism almost out of control! It feels like Iím doing nothing but eating Ö all Ö the Ö time. And even when I do eat trash, it takes me no longer than two days to get my weight/body back to where it was before. This is new to me.
Itís also weird to say that Iím losing weight without being proactive about it. Maybe itís the intensity of my workouts that make it so, but it just feels like my body is shedding fat just doing whatever Iím doing. This is also strange.
I also have TONS of energy. Itís ridiculous really, because it can be borderline hyperactive. For example, sometimes my fiancť has to stop me and tell me to slooooooow down when Iím telling a story or how about in the shower this morning after a lengthy run, I felt the urge to jump on my bike and ride around the neighborhood. Can you say: ADD?!
Last time I wrote about how I was still chubby in my mind. This is pretty gone! Maybe the fact that Iím practically swimming in all my clothes serves as a friendly daily reminder (which may be why I prefer my exercise clothes over the norm).
Re: my exercise routine, some days I get bored. I feel bored of running, bored of Curves, bored of ST. Instead, I crave a sculpting session or a class that focuses on core training. Either way, I may be bored of my routine and subconsciously seeking new challenges.
Something strange happened recently. For the first time in my life, Iím actually really happy with my body. It was scary to see the new and amazing form that was taking place, but you know what? I kind of like it and it feels even better to know that I now treat my body with the most utmost respect. So this is what it feels like to love my body.
Because Iím happy with what I have, I no longer feel the need to chase 105 lbs, even though Iím so close (currently stabilized at 109-110). Iím still going to do my daily workouts, eat healthy and log my food on a daily basis, but Iím not going to sweat it if I stay at my current weight forever, especially since I have more factors going on for me (building muscle, which weighs more than fat). Of course Iím not going to fight it if I happen to get there, provided I donít look too thin.
Ok so that wasnít so ďemotionalĒ... I just had to get that part out and it just flowed into that space.
Other emotional pointsÖ Oh yes: euphoria.
I am fully convinced that daily workouts have something to do with the daily euphoria I feel everyday, which is fine, except on some days, it gets so overwhelming that tears brim my eyes. I have no reason to be euphoric really and yet there I am, standing by myself about to cry a river! I do not lie when I select constant 10ís on my moral meter (and the last time I didn't workout it was due to a stomach virus). Jeez. People pay for this stuff and here I am, unable to shake it on a daily basis.
***Whatís been working***
Change of perspective. Recently, 100 Pushup Programís Week 4 frustrated me so much that I thought about quitting it. Right before I threw in the towel, however, I realized that my initial motivation to start the program never had anything to do with doing 100 consecutive pushups, it was that the exercise itself gives you killer arms and, well, I wanted that. After I remembered that, the program became fun again and then Ė would you look at this! Ė I passed Week 4 Day 3 with flying colors. Taking the pressure finish this program within a certain period of time allowed me to cheerfully repeat Week 4 next weekÖ For which I believe will be the last time. :) So lesson here? When things get tough, remember what and why you started the project.
Running 4 days a week versus 3. Actually, Iíve tried implementing this for the last month, but things just keep coming up so that I only run 3 days (or if there were 4 days, one would only be a partial run). I donít really know why I wanted to do this except I feel at home when I run and the idea of walking 6 miles like I used to no longer appeals to me. I might be developing a compulsion towards running based on a fear of performance loss, but Iím not going to think about it too much. All I know is that itís the best feeling when I complete a run and Iím going to do it because I love it.
Weighing in weekly at the most helped me to love my body. I canít believe I placed my self-value off of some dumb numbers on the scale! Seriously.
Lastly, I am shocked at how well 6:30 am workouts are panning out. Morning workouts used exhaust me during the day, but for some reason, it no longer takes a toll on me. If anything, it makes me even more hyper and Iím much more relaxed during the day, since it frees up my afternoons.
***Whatís not been working***
Depriving myself of goodies (or ďbaddies!Ē as they should be called). I wrote before about how important it is to indulge here and there and while I felt like I was, in actuality, eating one cookie a month could and should easily be referred to as DEPRIVATION. Boo me. I already eat a block of dark chocolate every morning (coupled with green tea, it prevents cancer!), but Iím thinking about setting a weekly/daily block of time when I can treat myself to something deliciously evil. I mean hell, I burn more than enough calories to splurge in cookies, cake, ice cream, piesÖ Mmm.
I am impressed at how little time it took me to get to where Iím at. It was only in July when I was a pudgy couch potato who broke a sweat walking! It is very special how forgiving our bodies are, isnít it?
It occurred to me that my wedding is 14 months away. When I started working out, I stated that I wanted to wear a white bikini when I tied the knot. I know I wanted it to happen, but I didnít think that it takes only a few months to get that body (at least for me and where I started from). A year ago, I promised myself to start working out a year before I get married to get ďthatĒ body. Whereas Iím pretty happy where I am now, Iím confident that Iíll still be working out daily next year Ė who knows how much more amazing my body will look then! Talk about a pic to show my future grandkids.
Current Weight: 109-110 lbs.
(Body Fat and BMI to come)
Monday, October 27, 2008
After working hard every day to lose weight, be healthier and look better, I am proud to say "I DID IT!" and that I am so very proud of myself.
But what of the other people?
I have problems making friends at my local Curves. I get snubbed a lot, but I brushed if off because I was going there to workout, not join a social scene. Recently, I changed my workout time to 6 am and thanks to running into my next door neighbor who works out at that exact same time, people actually acknowledge my existence now, which is good and bad - the bad the bad being that I get distracted from pushing myself to the limit.
Well this morning, a woman actually made a snide remark at my slim body. I kindly responded that I actually recently lost 15 pounds in 3.5 months. Her and another woman's response was shock. "How did you do it???" they asked. I shrugged and just told them the truth: that I worked out and learned how to eat again (thanks to SP!). Next question was, "How often do you workout?" "7 days a week," I said. Thankfully, the light went of in their heads as we then went on to discuss about how important it is to incorporate fitness and healthy eating as a LIFESTYLE change, not temporary.
This is an issue that I find myself struggling with as of late. Just as overweight people may feel victimized and discriminated, what we do know is that it is socially taboo to do so. However, it is not to pass snide remarks at those who are thinner? When people at my gym say things like "Oh but you wouldn't understand," or "You never have to worry about what you eat," I want to scream: "I WORK SO HARD TO GET TO WHERE I AM AT!!!" and "THIS DID NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!!!" and "HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT I STAY LONGER TO WORKOUT THAN ALL OF YOU???" and "JUST LIKE YOU I FORBID MYSELF THAT PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE!!!"
(Oops, sorry about that. All this pent up frustration, I just had to let it out!!!)
But seriously, do you really think that it is easier for me to eat candy and forgive myself? It is not. I have to go through the emotions, just ... like ... everyone else. I struggle to eat clean and define "moderation." Believe me when I say that I understand how hard it is to cut out those delicious burgers from McDonald's and sodas. Going to the movies is still difficult for me. And everytime I cheat, I have to struggle to get back on the saddle. The only difference is, I did all these things in a longer span of time (years) rather than months.
So please, be conscious of your comments when you say something like "You don't have to work out, you look great!" because what you say could dismiss all the blood and sweat they shed to get to where they are.
Done venting. On with the show!
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