Running Away

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

In my last post, I described the exhaustion and symptoms of depression-without-feeling-depressed that has consumed me lately. It was just so strange to go from daily euphoria and tons of energy to lethargy, the desire to stay in bed and feeling like I could cry with a drop of a hat - without anything to cry about, added to the fact that I'm actually pretty happy overall!

Well, the answer (thankfully) came to me today.

After resting for over a week, I got my butt out of bed this morning and went for a sunrise run. OMG! It was EXACTLY what I needed. Thanks to the time I spent on the bike, I ran faster and stronger than before. After the run - and even hours after - that familiar sense of euphoria enveloped me, and once again, I became the happy, confident gal that I really am.

Now I know for a fact that running is a necessity in my life. It centers and grounds me. It empties my head so I can live patiently. It sucks the frustrations in my heart and pours peace back into it. It erases the word "can't" out of my vocabulary and transforms dreams into tasks. Running: it is my Rx to life.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DACIAB 11/17/2008 10:06AM

Yeah! WTG! Glad you are feeling like yourself again and you are running! Keep up the good work. Report Inappropriate Comment

CHARLES33 11/13/2008 10:18PM

Yes, yes yes! You are so absolutely right! The emotional benefits of exercising are so obvious when you start seeing them. What's interesting though is that the opposite is a bit of a vicious circle: you stop exercising because you don't feel good and as it turns out, you keep on not feeling good, simply because you're not exercising... But the vicious circle is "crackable": I followed your footsteps and kicked my butt out of bed this morning as well. 15 minutes into strength training I was feeling pretty good... Two hours later after strength training and cardio, I was FLYING! And now I can't wait to do it again tomorrow morning :) Thanks for the inspiration Kittyroxx! Report Inappropriate Comment

MBSHAZZER 11/12/2008 2:41PM

YES! Running is my therapy. It's as essential to my life as drinking water. I'm glad to see you've found the JOY in an early morning run! Report Inappropriate Comment

KARBIE18 11/11/2008 7:46PM

So glad you found the answer. Remember that if you ever feel it coming on again! Take good care of yourself. Karen Report Inappropriate Comment

LILHLFPINT 11/11/2008 7:27PM

(hooray! ::big big hugs:: i'm so happy that you discoverd this.) Report Inappropriate Comment

ELFITZPA 11/11/2008 6:05PM

You're not alone - I swear sometimes that no one would put up with me if I didn't get my daily run in!! Report Inappropriate Comment

REDNECKFEMINIST 11/11/2008 5:42PM

That's great! Report Inappropriate Comment

Exhaustion

Monday, November 10, 2008

There is something going on that I can't quite put a finger on.

Being that I prefer cardio over ST, I typically start ST with a bad attitude. (What a confession!) Thankfully, however, the attitude turns into a happier one as I get into it and then before I know it, I'm pushing hard because I *want* the burn. In the end, I feel really really good and I'm very happy that I worked out.

Today, however, I started with my bad attitude and it *stayed*. I was very excited to use my new ball to do my crunches, but - maybe it's the extra movement - I got pretty nauseas and cut my reps short. I tried to get through some of my other exercises - giving me a pep talk through it all - but I am still unenthusiastic. As I type this, I'm actually halfway through but I'm considering calling it a day - something I NEVER do!

I wonder if this has to do with my complete exhaustion yesterday. I've been pretty stressed and stretched with planning, cleaning, entertaining and cooking for a bunch of my in-laws, which was a lot of work for a gal like me who is used to cooking for 2. I woke up yesterday morning unable to get up and out of bed. I ended up staying in bed all day, skipping workouts and making good friends with my television. This is not me. And now, all I can think of is crawling back into bed and vegging out until DH gets home.

I don't know what's going on but what I do know is: 1) this too shall pass and 2) I need to listen to my body and rest.

And so, the mystery shall remain.

P.S. I should note that I was VERY enthusiastic during my cardio this morning. I was myself then! It was after that when I started crutchin my energy levels with caffeine. Argggh.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REDNECKFEMINIST 11/11/2008 8:10AM

Get some rest! You'll get your game on in no time! Report Inappropriate Comment

LILHLFPINT 11/10/2008 8:29PM

(::hugs:: i prefer cardio over everything else, too. i was really tired and had a hard time today in kickboxing. i think i was still tired from boot camp yesterday. hope you can get some much needed rest.) Report Inappropriate Comment

New Numbers - OMG!!!!!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

I am still in disbelief over my new numbers from Curves yesterday. This exercising/eating right thing really works!!!

Weight: 106.2 lbs (this was before breakfast, so I'm sure my normal weight is more)
Body Fat %: 17.40% (down from 18.00% on Sept. 29)
BMI: 20.7 (down from 21.7 on Sept. 29)

This, at least for me, is a huge loss for a month. I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that I upped my running days from three to four?

P.S. I'd like to thank my Spark friends and the SP Class SparkTeam for helping to make this a reality for me, you guys are the BEST!!!!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILHLFPINT 11/5/2008 4:24PM

(whoo hoo! you go, girl!) Report Inappropriate Comment

LEVARFICART 11/2/2008 4:39PM

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BLAZINGSWORD 11/2/2008 3:43PM

Hi Kittyroxx! They say that cardio will keep the "home" fires burning so to speak! Yes, hubby when he runs all the time, (every day), he eats lots of good, healthy food, and his running weight is about 125 pounds and he stands at 5'7". (Not very tall.) He supplements his healthy eating with "Ensure" to make sure that he doesn't get too low in his weight. But yes, make sure you are eating enough calories. If you keep running and your weight keeps going lower, you might want to consider getting additional calories by consuming weight gaining drinks like "Ensure", or something similar to maintain your weight.You don't want to get too low. But keep up the good work in running and here's to your health, for now, and forever! brenda Comment edited on: 11/2/2008 3:42:19 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

VAL503 11/2/2008 10:40AM

Way to go, you rock! Keep up the good work :) Thanks for being such an inspiration! Val Report Inappropriate Comment

REDNECKFEMINIST 11/1/2008 1:43PM

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KARBIE18 11/1/2008 9:11AM

Great job! Congratulations! The credit goes to you, and all your hard work! You are an inspiration. Karen Report Inappropriate Comment

MISS.FLIRTYDIVA 11/1/2008 12:01AM

Congrats to you! Report Inappropriate Comment

October 2008 Update - YEAH!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

***Physically***

I believe daily workouts have spun my metabolism almost out of control! It feels like I’m doing nothing but eating … all … the … time. And even when I do eat trash, it takes me no longer than two days to get my weight/body back to where it was before. This is new to me.

It’s also weird to say that I’m losing weight without being proactive about it. Maybe it’s the intensity of my workouts that make it so, but it just feels like my body is shedding fat just doing whatever I’m doing. This is also strange.

I also have TONS of energy. It’s ridiculous really, because it can be borderline hyperactive. For example, sometimes my fiancé has to stop me and tell me to slooooooow down when I’m telling a story or how about in the shower this morning after a lengthy run, I felt the urge to jump on my bike and ride around the neighborhood. Can you say: ADD?!

***Mentally***

Last time I wrote about how I was still chubby in my mind. This is pretty gone! Maybe the fact that I’m practically swimming in all my clothes serves as a friendly daily reminder (which may be why I prefer my exercise clothes over the norm).

Re: my exercise routine, some days I get bored. I feel bored of running, bored of Curves, bored of ST. Instead, I crave a sculpting session or a class that focuses on core training. Either way, I may be bored of my routine and subconsciously seeking new challenges.

***Emotionally***

Something strange happened recently. For the first time in my life, I’m actually really happy with my body. It was scary to see the new and amazing form that was taking place, but you know what? I kind of like it and it feels even better to know that I now treat my body with the most utmost respect. So this is what it feels like to love my body.

Because I’m happy with what I have, I no longer feel the need to chase 105 lbs, even though I’m so close (currently stabilized at 109-110). I’m still going to do my daily workouts, eat healthy and log my food on a daily basis, but I’m not going to sweat it if I stay at my current weight forever, especially since I have more factors going on for me (building muscle, which weighs more than fat). Of course I’m not going to fight it if I happen to get there, provided I don’t look too thin.

Ok so that wasn’t so “emotional”... I just had to get that part out and it just flowed into that space.

Other emotional points… Oh yes: euphoria.

I am fully convinced that daily workouts have something to do with the daily euphoria I feel everyday, which is fine, except on some days, it gets so overwhelming that tears brim my eyes. I have no reason to be euphoric really and yet there I am, standing by myself about to cry a river! I do not lie when I select constant 10’s on my moral meter (and the last time I didn't workout it was due to a stomach virus). Jeez. People pay for this stuff and here I am, unable to shake it on a daily basis.

***What’s been working***

Change of perspective. Recently, 100 Pushup Program’s Week 4 frustrated me so much that I thought about quitting it. Right before I threw in the towel, however, I realized that my initial motivation to start the program never had anything to do with doing 100 consecutive pushups, it was that the exercise itself gives you killer arms and, well, I wanted that. After I remembered that, the program became fun again and then – would you look at this! – I passed Week 4 Day 3 with flying colors. Taking the pressure finish this program within a certain period of time allowed me to cheerfully repeat Week 4 next week… For which I believe will be the last time. :) So lesson here? When things get tough, remember what and why you started the project.

Running 4 days a week versus 3. Actually, I’ve tried implementing this for the last month, but things just keep coming up so that I only run 3 days (or if there were 4 days, one would only be a partial run). I don’t really know why I wanted to do this except I feel at home when I run and the idea of walking 6 miles like I used to no longer appeals to me. I might be developing a compulsion towards running based on a fear of performance loss, but I’m not going to think about it too much. All I know is that it’s the best feeling when I complete a run and I’m going to do it because I love it.

Weighing in weekly at the most helped me to love my body. I can’t believe I placed my self-value off of some dumb numbers on the scale! Seriously.

Lastly, I am shocked at how well 6:30 am workouts are panning out. Morning workouts used exhaust me during the day, but for some reason, it no longer takes a toll on me. If anything, it makes me even more hyper and I’m much more relaxed during the day, since it frees up my afternoons.

***What’s not been working***

Depriving myself of goodies (or “baddies!” as they should be called). I wrote before about how important it is to indulge here and there and while I felt like I was, in actuality, eating one cookie a month could and should easily be referred to as DEPRIVATION. Boo me. I already eat a block of dark chocolate every morning (coupled with green tea, it prevents cancer!), but I’m thinking about setting a weekly/daily block of time when I can treat myself to something deliciously evil. I mean hell, I burn more than enough calories to splurge in cookies, cake, ice cream, pies… Mmm.

***Overall***

I am impressed at how little time it took me to get to where I’m at. It was only in July when I was a pudgy couch potato who broke a sweat walking! It is very special how forgiving our bodies are, isn’t it?

It occurred to me that my wedding is 14 months away. When I started working out, I stated that I wanted to wear a white bikini when I tied the knot. I know I wanted it to happen, but I didn’t think that it takes only a few months to get that body (at least for me and where I started from). A year ago, I promised myself to start working out a year before I get married to get “that” body. Whereas I’m pretty happy where I am now, I’m confident that I’ll still be working out daily next year – who knows how much more amazing my body will look then! Talk about a pic to show my future grandkids.

Current Weight: 109-110 lbs.
(Body Fat and BMI to come)

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MISSJCISRUNNING 10/29/2008 1:50PM

Great Job!!! Thanks for sharing your plan!!! I especially like the whats not working sections!!! Have a great day!!! Jackie!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

BLAZINGSWORD 10/28/2008 10:47PM

Always be good to your body because then you are being good to yourself. Enjoy your life to the fullest and keep up the good work! brenda Report Inappropriate Comment

REDNECKFEMINIST 10/28/2008 9:51PM

You are an inspiration! Report Inappropriate Comment

Problems with being thin

Monday, October 27, 2008

After working hard every day to lose weight, be healthier and look better, I am proud to say "I DID IT!" and that I am so very proud of myself.

But what of the other people?

I have problems making friends at my local Curves. I get snubbed a lot, but I brushed if off because I was going there to workout, not join a social scene. Recently, I changed my workout time to 6 am and thanks to running into my next door neighbor who works out at that exact same time, people actually acknowledge my existence now, which is good and bad - the bad the bad being that I get distracted from pushing myself to the limit.

Well this morning, a woman actually made a snide remark at my slim body. I kindly responded that I actually recently lost 15 pounds in 3.5 months. Her and another woman's response was shock. "How did you do it???" they asked. I shrugged and just told them the truth: that I worked out and learned how to eat again (thanks to SP!). Next question was, "How often do you workout?" "7 days a week," I said. Thankfully, the light went of in their heads as we then went on to discuss about how important it is to incorporate fitness and healthy eating as a LIFESTYLE change, not temporary.

This is an issue that I find myself struggling with as of late. Just as overweight people may feel victimized and discriminated, what we do know is that it is socially taboo to do so. However, it is not to pass snide remarks at those who are thinner? When people at my gym say things like "Oh but you wouldn't understand," or "You never have to worry about what you eat," I want to scream: "I WORK SO HARD TO GET TO WHERE I AM AT!!!" and "THIS DID NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!!!" and "HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT I STAY LONGER TO WORKOUT THAN ALL OF YOU???" and "JUST LIKE YOU I FORBID MYSELF THAT PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE!!!"

(Oops, sorry about that. All this pent up frustration, I just had to let it out!!!)

But seriously, do you really think that it is easier for me to eat candy and forgive myself? It is not. I have to go through the emotions, just ... like ... everyone else. I struggle to eat clean and define "moderation." Believe me when I say that I understand how hard it is to cut out those delicious burgers from McDonald's and sodas. Going to the movies is still difficult for me. And everytime I cheat, I have to struggle to get back on the saddle. The only difference is, I did all these things in a longer span of time (years) rather than months.

So please, be conscious of your comments when you say something like "You don't have to work out, you look great!" because what you say could dismiss all the blood and sweat they shed to get to where they are.

Done venting. On with the show!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOODMAR 11/13/2008 1:06PM

I hear the same thing - so many people think I have a great metabolism and I can eat whatever I want and I will still be thin, but no. I got where I am through hard work and perseverance. Genetics does NOT work in my favor, and I deal with all sorts of people who think I am too thin (family) or that I work out too hard. But, you go girl! You are awesome! Report Inappropriate Comment

1PROUDGRAMMY 10/31/2008 3:09PM

Hey- I know just what you're saying... I have had the same thing happen to me. The younger, bigger girl in class, seems to want to not be my friend anymore!! She has made many snide remarks. I felt bad at first, but then thought... hey I worked hard to get those 23 pounds off of me, and I'm proud of it. I won't let snide remarks get me down anymore!! So keep your head up and be proud!! you've done great!! Be Proud!! rose:) Report Inappropriate Comment

JANEYJAYE 10/30/2008 4:35PM

I understand where you are coming from. I too workout at Curves in the morning. I guess, luckily for me, these women have seen me drop the weight. Plus it helps that my weight-loss photo timeiine is hanging for everyone to see that I DO know where they are coming from too. I do hear a little often, "You don't need to lose any more weight. You are thin enough already." I guess like you have experienced, people want to compare themselves to others and your weight-loss has made them uncomfortable. Sorry that you are experiencing it at Curves where all women should be made to feel accepted. xxoxo Report Inappropriate Comment

MISSJCISRUNNING 10/29/2008 1:46PM

Excellent Blog!!! You put into words what I have been feeling for months!!! Just because I make something look easy, does not mean it is not hard!!! People just don't understand!!! Thanks for sharing!!! Jackie!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ELFITZPA 10/28/2008 10:52AM

Congrats on your success!! I've definitely dealt with the same sentiment and it's frustrating that people just assume it's easier somehow for you, or that you might not actually have to work at it. I've been a runner for years and I'm an admitted workout-aholic - yet I've been getting comments for years about how it's not fair that I'm "naturally thin" and I can "eat anything" - both comments being totally ridiculous! You're right, we all need to recognize that the things we say may minimize or negate all the hard work that others do to get where they are. I'm glad you were able to get through to those women at your gym! Report Inappropriate Comment

REDNECKFEMINIST 10/28/2008 10:11AM

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BLAZINGSWORD 10/27/2008 9:58PM

You rock girl! It's like we are daxxx if we do, and daxxx if we don't! Congrats on a job well done! Just tell them like it is, and let them figure it out for themselves. Sooner or later, (it will more than likely be later), they will figure it out. Like they say, it didn't come on overnight and it won't come off overnight either. I say, well done my friend! brenda Report Inappropriate Comment