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Problems with being thin

Monday, October 27, 2008

After working hard every day to lose weight, be healthier and look better, I am proud to say "I DID IT!" and that I am so very proud of myself.

But what of the other people?

I have problems making friends at my local Curves. I get snubbed a lot, but I brushed if off because I was going there to workout, not join a social scene. Recently, I changed my workout time to 6 am and thanks to running into my next door neighbor who works out at that exact same time, people actually acknowledge my existence now, which is good and bad - the bad the bad being that I get distracted from pushing myself to the limit.

Well this morning, a woman actually made a snide remark at my slim body. I kindly responded that I actually recently lost 15 pounds in 3.5 months. Her and another woman's response was shock. "How did you do it???" they asked. I shrugged and just told them the truth: that I worked out and learned how to eat again (thanks to SP!). Next question was, "How often do you workout?" "7 days a week," I said. Thankfully, the light went of in their heads as we then went on to discuss about how important it is to incorporate fitness and healthy eating as a LIFESTYLE change, not temporary.

This is an issue that I find myself struggling with as of late. Just as overweight people may feel victimized and discriminated, what we do know is that it is socially taboo to do so. However, it is not to pass snide remarks at those who are thinner? When people at my gym say things like "Oh but you wouldn't understand," or "You never have to worry about what you eat," I want to scream: "I WORK SO HARD TO GET TO WHERE I AM AT!!!" and "THIS DID NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!!!" and "HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT I STAY LONGER TO WORKOUT THAN ALL OF YOU???" and "JUST LIKE YOU I FORBID MYSELF THAT PIECE OF PUMPKIN PIE!!!"

(Oops, sorry about that. All this pent up frustration, I just had to let it out!!!)

But seriously, do you really think that it is easier for me to eat candy and forgive myself? It is not. I have to go through the emotions, just ... like ... everyone else. I struggle to eat clean and define "moderation." Believe me when I say that I understand how hard it is to cut out those delicious burgers from McDonald's and sodas. Going to the movies is still difficult for me. And everytime I cheat, I have to struggle to get back on the saddle. The only difference is, I did all these things in a longer span of time (years) rather than months.

So please, be conscious of your comments when you say something like "You don't have to work out, you look great!" because what you say could dismiss all the blood and sweat they shed to get to where they are.

Done venting. On with the show!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOODMAR 11/13/2008 1:06PM

    I hear the same thing - so many people think I have a great metabolism and I can eat whatever I want and I will still be thin, but no. I got where I am through hard work and perseverance. Genetics does NOT work in my favor, and I deal with all sorts of people who think I am too thin (family) or that I work out too hard.

But, you go girl! You are awesome!

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1PROUDGRAMMY 10/31/2008 3:09PM

    Hey- I know just what you're saying... I have had the same thing happen to me. The younger, bigger girl in class, seems to want to not be my friend anymore!! She has made many snide remarks. I felt bad at first, but then thought... hey I worked hard to get those 23 pounds off of me, and I'm proud of it. I won't let snide remarks get me down anymore!!
So keep your head up and be proud!! you've done great!! Be Proud!! emoticonrose:)

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JANEYJAYE 10/30/2008 4:35PM

    I understand where you are coming from.

I too workout at Curves in the morning. I guess, luckily for me, these women have seen me drop the weight. Plus it helps that my weight-loss photo timeiine is hanging for everyone to see that I DO know where they are coming from too.

I do hear a little often, "You don't need to lose any more weight. You are thin enough already."

I guess like you have experienced, people want to compare themselves to others and your weight-loss has made them uncomfortable. Sorry that you are experiencing it at Curves where all women should be made to feel accepted.


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    Excellent Blog!!! You put into words what I have been feeling for months!!! Just because I make something look easy, does not mean it is not hard!!! People just don't understand!!! Thanks for sharing!!! Jackie!!!

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ELFITZPA 10/28/2008 10:52AM

    Congrats on your success!! I've definitely dealt with the same sentiment and it's frustrating that people just assume it's easier somehow for you, or that you might not actually have to work at it. I've been a runner for years and I'm an admitted workout-aholic - yet I've been getting comments for years about how it's not fair that I'm "naturally thin" and I can "eat anything" - both comments being totally ridiculous! You're right, we all need to recognize that the things we say may minimize or negate all the hard work that others do to get where they are. I'm glad you were able to get through to those women at your gym!

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REDNECKFEMINIST 10/28/2008 10:11AM


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BLAZINGSWORD 10/27/2008 9:58PM

    You rock girl! It's like we are daxxx if we do, and daxxx if we don't!
Congrats on a job well done! Just tell them like it is, and let them figure it out for themselves. Sooner or later, (it will more than likely be later), they will figure it out. Like they say, it didn't come on overnight and it won't come off overnight either. I say, well done my friend! brenda

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October Update

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I never thought I could ever be the me I am today.

Three months ago, I would starve myself here and there to prevent that BMI meter from shifting into Overweight. At the same time, I would eat portions enough for at *least* two people and didn't care about providing important nutrients for my body. I did nothing but stay at home, playing computer games with zero exercise at all. Instead of doing something about it, I wallowed in the condition of my body and couldn't look at fit people without being absurdly jealous. Three months ago, this was me.

Fast forward to today - my 90th consecutive day of working out! I am 15 pounds lighter and shaved my body fat from 26.20% to 18%. Not only can I run for almost an hour, but I *thrive* in the sweat and challenge in it. Strength training's helped me to lift laundry baskets easily. Suddenly I am less shy; I'm actually talking to other women at Curves and planning on attending a girls night in with them! SP's taught me so much about nutrition and daily exercise's helped me to see and feel the relationship between food and workouts. My skin's cleared up so much from drinking so much water...

I feel great, energetic, optimistic, euphoric and ALIVE. I never I could truly enjoy a life of fitness and health! This is amazing...



Not sure if thereís thatís much of a difference than the last time I took pics of my body on Sept. 18, but I am so impressed with how much muscle Iím building on my arms. I used to think that my family cursed me with flabby arms, but a year from now I could beat my very own genes!

Itís easier now to eat healthily. Iíve noticed how more and more Iím looking at food more as a fuel sources rather than pleasure Ė which might be a huge progress towards my tendency to conduct emotional eating and emotional starving. Before I take a bite I make sure itís something my body needs; if Iím lacking in a certain nutrient, Iíll choose some other thing that contains what I need instead of what I feel like eating. I never thought eating healthy could truly become a part of me!

Itís easier for me now to resist food and activities that could potentially take me a step back. I can now take myself into ďzoneĒ more easily when I really need to be (i.e. running up a steep hill). Another interesting thing I find myself developing is the ability to separate my mindís noise from what my body is truly saying (mind: ďIím so tired! Letís quitĒ vs body: ďIím somewhat tired, but I can easily be pushed to do a lot moreĒ).

I also still think Iím chubby. When I shop for clothes I grab the larger sizes Iím used to and donít trust the smaller sizes to fit me. The upside to that though is I get to do a dance in the dressing room when I can fit in the smaller sizes!

I love looking at my body in the mirror now! Every time I catch my eyes start to gravitate towards areas that ďneed work,Ē I snap them back into the parts that are really working great so far. Itís helping my self-image immensely.

***Whatís been working***
Working out and eating well. It took a LONG time to get to this place, but Iím doing it! Fitness is one thing and so is eating healthy, but put the two together and BAM! Watch your body grow into something spectacular.

Iíve also been varying my workout and increasing the intensity of it. I believe this is the reason why Iím sleep well. Finally!

***Whatís not been working***
The stupid scale and the control it has over me. I hate how the numbers pretty much dictated how I felt about myself and the day, even though itís normal to go up and down every day. I am swearing off daily weigh ins! Iím going to try doing it ONCE a week and on Fridays only. If that still doesnít work, then I will weigh myself once a month if I have to.

I am still in awe the changes my bodyís making upon the eves of working out for 90 days straight. Itís unbelievable. I learned so much about fitness and health with everything I read every day. Yes fitness is important and so is eating well, but put the two together and you get such an amazing powerful combination.

I will never look at a woman and admire her body jealously. Instead, I will appreciate the hard work sheís put into it, because it really is hard work to get an unbelievable body! I feel pretty good about the way I look now, but I canít wait to see what I look like next year! WOTWOT

Current Weight: 111-112 lbs.
Body Fat: 18%
BMI: 21.9

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Your doing great, the scale is ridiculous at times, and muscle weighs more than fat, remember that! You are doing a great job on your goals. Keep itup!

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BLAZINGSWORD 10/7/2008 2:43PM

    Hey Kitty! You are doing great! Don't let the scale dictate your spirit. You look wonderful. Make sure that you eat plenty of protein and rest when your body needs it.

As long as your clothes fit well, and you look great, that is what counts. You can generally tell whether or not you are gaining weight by the way your clothes fit.

Besides we know that muscle weighs more than fat, and it is much more shapelier than fat. Fat doesn't move it just sits there, and by the looks of you my friend, your fat is gone, gone, GONE!

Have a great spark day! brenda

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Health vs Beauty, I was prescribed Red Wine!

Friday, September 12, 2008

I'm not an avid beauty fan, but I do what I can with weekly facials and regular to trips to the spa to make the nails pretty. Five weeks ago, however, I noticed this annoying bruise on the 2nd toe on my right foot that both made me go "ow!" and spilled a lovely mixture of blue and purple beneath the nail, framed by the perfect white stripe from the French pedicure. Fortunately, the pain went away within a day or two, but the bruising stayed. And sure the color was pretty - on a shirt maybe! - but certainly not on a nail.

Cut to the present, the bruise is still there. It didn't hurt again until one of my runs this week, and again the pain went away quickly for the most part unless I wore closed-toe heels. Getting right foot into my sneakers is an impressive process that involves doing tricky things with my sock and opening the shoe as wide as it can go.

Worried, I started typing "bruised toe" into Google - and let me tell you, the Internet is a scary place! Reading things about drilling into a nail to relieve pressure took my hand off the phone to call my doctor. I yelped when I read about nails falling off from bruising... How can exercise be so good for the inside of my body but not the outer???

Finally I did make an appointment with my wonderful awesome doctor and to my delight, she took one look at my toe and proclaimed "Welcome to the running club! You have Runner's Toe." Like what you gather from name, it's a chronic condition for most runner and not much to worry about unless it goes black. Other than earning ugly feet from my favorite activity, I have nothing to worry about (I'm hoping the girls at my spa can work their magic to cancel this inevitable out of my reality). I just need to be more careful in matching my sneaker choices to my arch, etc. Obviously my $120 Nike running sneaks weren't enough.

Being that I'm female, a vegetarian and run regular, she expressed concern about the amount of iron I'm getting a day. On the short list, she advised spinach, molasses, red wine... WOAH. Red wine??? Yeah! You can imagine my excitement when I saw that. I saw myself starting dialogues like "I hope you don't mind, I ordered a glass of red wine... It's for medical reasons, you know." emoticon

So in conclusion, all is well in KittyRoxx land. I shall wear my Runner's Toe like a badge of honor and maybe drink a glass of Cab a week to "supplement" my diet.

Bottoms up! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLAZINGSWORD 10/7/2008 2:38PM

    Hi Kitty! Take very good care of your runner's toe, especially when going to have your nails done, don't want to pick up a nasty thing there, truly. You might try going to a place that specifically caters to runners for your shoes, and they should be able to help you with your toe.

Hubby tripped and fell back in 2006 at the Baltimore Marathon and his toe was torn and bleeding. Nail turned colors and evetually had it clipped each time it was growing out, but it took quite a while.

I know you will do a great job. Sorry for the runner's toe, but hang in there. This too will pass!

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LESSOFJOSIE 9/12/2008 5:47PM

  lol your blog is so funny!
Congrats for your runners toe!! Wear it proud, and drink a glass of red wine for me! lol

I'm glad it was nothing serious :)

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I worked out for 60 straight days!

Monday, September 08, 2008

I never thought I would be able to say this, but I worked out for 60 straight days! It feels amazing.

The unconventional things I discovered about daily workouts:

1. Itís not exactly earth friendly. More showers and a ton more laundry. Save water? Right. Iím expecting our water bill to go up because of my new ďhealthyĒ habit.
2. Good hair day? What good hair day?! If I was more vain/not lazy, I would wash, blow dry and then iron my hair every day, but Iím not! These days my hair is up in a pony tail most of the time, which sets a nice crimp. Sweet.
3. I resemble a cocoa bean. Working out outside is lovely, but this tan thing freaks me out a bit. This new habit may lead to a leaner me, but I donít want to look leathery in the process!
4. Iíll be funding Coppertoneís Christmas party. Never in my life have I ever run out of sunblock until nowÖ
5. The mind is one sneaky SOB. Duct taping my mindís mouth was tough, but once I shoved it into the backseat, I realized that was half the battle. I cannot believe how convincing it is.
6. My body and I are BFFs. After quieting my mind, it was pretty easy to get to know my body. The body is an amazing functioning machine! Working out every day means I learning how different foods Ė and when i eat them Ė affects my performance. For example, I donít each much carbs to begin with (it puts me to sleep and I quit coffee!), but I found out that eating one serving of whole-grain pasta with marinara sauce before I go running contributes a lot to my stamina. Itís great to actually be able to use carbs exactly what itís for instead of pleasure.
7. My life revolves around workouts. I realized this when I started hunting down Marriott Hotels (they have fitness centers) to stay in for our Europe trip at the end of this year. Because exercise is such a priority, Iím pretty stubborn as to what I will/wonít do based on my workout time. (Itís borderline OCD!) Iím lucky to have a fiance who supports me in this, but I canít imagine what it would be like if I had s super active social life.
8. Add another item to Expenses. Sunblock, water, outfits, sneakers, hat, detergent etc. Donít let this deter you though. Working out everyday helped me understand this as more of an investment, as in health. After all, If we buy clothes for work, why not to work out too?
9. Dopamine rocks! Runnerís high is the BEST ever. Iíd bottle that sh!t up if I could.
10. Every day I workout means itís a great day. 60 straight days of dedicated exercise times equates to 60 straight days of euphoria. What better reason Ė aside from health Ė is there to work out? Get up and go!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLAZINGSWORD 10/7/2008 2:32PM

    Hubby does the same thing. Lots of laundry and lots of water, only he doesn't have much hair so no problem there. Yes, he too gets brown as a berry!

I, myself have quit drinking coffee, and he has too for the most part. We both sleep better without the hard teas and the coffees.

Make sure there is some flexibility in your life and that you and your loved one will be able to do things together. Otherwise, it will be tough sailing.

Comment edited on: 10/7/2008 2:31:37 PM

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You can cuss me out anyday!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Yesterday a woman cussed me out probably the worst I've ever had it.

My mind was in another place as I drove towards an intersection and didn't see her and her two dogs.

Her temper flared mine, but after a red-hot 15 seconds later I realized: "Why on earth am *I* mad when it's my fault!"

I tried to apologize to her and make nice but that's when the real cussing began, including a gesture or two. Being screamed at in the middle of an intersection would normally be embarrassing, upsetting, whatnot, but not yesterday.

In fact, major epiphanies dawned on me:

1) The person who is screaming s not the person we think he/she is. Another entity ("ego" if you're familiar with Eckhart Tolle) took over. It's a lot like when Cesar Millan identifies a dog as being in the "red zone." When a person crosses over in the "red zone," THERE IS NOTHING ANYONE CAN SAY OR DO TO RECTIFY THE SITUATION. The better thing would be to just let the person do what they need to do and not feed into it with any of my energy. (If you're familiar with A New Earth, it's like when Tolle spoke of the restaurant incident)

2) Losing your temper and fighting someone is reminiscence of the fight or flight response. The adrenaline, level of anger and energy used is similar to someone in a situation, say, when they're fighting a very un-cute grizzly bear (silly example I know! but it's the best I could think up at the moment). Fight of flight is in our genetics for human survival, but when you place that same response when we unleash it on the groomer's for Fido's bad haircut... It does seem silly, doesn't it?

3) Don't take life too seriously. So you almost got ran over... But what remains ignored is that you did NOT get run over! You are still in one piece and unscathed. So I ate over my calories today. Is it so bad that I need to live in the guilt for the next week? It's not really. Just because I can't change the past doesn't mean I can make different the rest of today. And even better: tomorrow is a new day. So no reason for me to let the cussing lady bring my day down. Letting go of the past, worrying about the future when it comes, and staying in the present is what it takes to "live life."

4) You can't change anyone and nor should you want to. I realized the hypocrisy when I want to "fix" people yet get mad when people don't accept me for me. I can only change how I understand people and things, which leads me to a change in how I react and how I feel when things happen. When you let people be who they are and understand more about yourself, that's when the weight of the world leaves your shoulders. It brought me great relief to know that I can help only those who truly want and need from it - I don't need to save everyone! Besides, everything in life is about lessons. Who am I to "rob" a perpetually grumpy person of a lesson by inserting my own opinions about what's best for that person? Hitting rock bottom is one of the only ways a person can finally be 100% honest with themselves. It's a beautiful thing, really, because of life experience earned and you can only go up!

So as you can see, I'm not exactly upset at the woman. In fact, I am grateful to her, for had she not done what she done, I would not realize the HUGE lesson I learned yesterday that left nothing but peace in my heart.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLAZINGSWORD 10/7/2008 2:30PM

    Hi! Way to go! You have come a long way and you are learning some things I wished I had learned earlier in life. When you look back on the journey you have made, you will be in awe of what you have done! The prize is sweet, but once you have the prize, the journey is what made it all possible and you are now a totally different person! Congrats to you sweetie, and you got it right the first time, you can never change anyone else, you can only hope to inspire them. brenda emoticon

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TRUCKERGIRL 9/4/2008 5:28PM

  I find that what bothers me most about others is what I don't like about myself. I try to be beautiful on the inside and hope it shows through on the outside emoticon

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LESSOFJOSIE 9/4/2008 4:20PM

  Hello there! I came across your site and wanted to say hi!!!
That sux about that lady yelling, but like you said it was a life lesson. I enjoyed reading your blog, I think I needed that today. All of your points really helped me out, since I have been stressing so much!!!

Have a great day!
Hope to hear from you!

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KITRAE1 9/4/2008 4:03PM

    You've got it - Life's too short to waste your engery - save it for the important living and being happy

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