Tuesday, February 19, 2013
A few months, insanely high from an endorphin rush after running a 5K, I bought a pair of trail shoes. I don't know what I was thinking--as far as I know, there's no real place for that around here. I still need to send them back. I bought them from Zappos in November or so, and I suppose time is winding down, or perhaps is about to, on the window of opportunity. But it just occurred to me that the shoes themselves embody some deeper *thing* about motivation. I was motivated to buy the shoes because I had ambition and desires, and I had found something I really wanted to do. Somehow, probably some minor frustration, I lost whatever kernel of drive I had to go trail running.
So, why are the shoes, still pristine and unworn, still here? Same thing. Low motivation, low drive, low ambition to get my $67 back. I am reluctant to admit defeat, and mistakes. I try to roll with things. But I am also proud, which is shame with another Scrabble point value (SHAME is worth more, I think. I find this upsetting.) I need clarity all around, and I'm trying to figure out where to get it.
Dietwise, my new thing are kale smoothies (fresh kale + almond milk + a banana or two + frozen berries + protein powder). I thought it would be quite nutritious but it doesn't seem to pack a wallop of anything, which is kind of a bummer, especially since they range between 400-600 calories, depending on banana amount and if I use chocolate or plain almond milk.
Things to think about.