Tuesday, March 16, 2010
When I moved last year I made a conscious decision not to take my TV with me, I thought that it would be too easy to slip back into my old ways when I moved to a new area- watching tv, eating and not joining a gym. I wanted to live my life rather than watch others (fictional) living their lives.
The first thing I did when I moved was locate a new gym, followed by the library, I ensured I had the internet too!
Most of the office chat is around what programmes were on the night before so at times I feel that I cannot contribute to these chats however I can honestly say I do not miss the TV!!
My best friend says that she would never cope without one, my response- have you tried? She hasn't!
When I walk into my home I feel a sense of calm, a tranquility I have never felt before moving. I feel I can shut the world out until I want to face it again.
I have 24 hours in my day, just as everyone else does however I do feel that I get so much more done since I have moved and have no tv to occupy my time. I now feel I utilise every moment of my life
I still visit friends with tv's and now the constant background noise drives me mad but for years I used to put the TV on telling myself it was just for background noise!
The amount of people that look at me as if I am not speaking a language they understand when I say I have no TV is amazing, they say they've never met anyone without a tv before and what's it like!!
I feel liberated as I no longer rush home to watch the latest soap, or build my life around which programmes I want to watch.
I feel I am now in total control of my life, which is the most amazing feeling, I wouldn't change this for anything
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Today I thought I would share some of the things I used to say about myself at my biggest and when I finally had my aha moment:
During my ‘fat’ phase (as I like to call it ) I used to make fun of myself before anyone else could. I felt that this would then show them that I can have a laugh at my own expense and I didn’t need others to show me how to mock!
It was my way of getting one in before others made jokes about my size
I used to joke telling people that I worked hard to keep the size I was - all that eating and sitting that I had to do to maintain my huge 345lb size was exhausting.
I also used to tell people I was a size 8, just thick skinned!
My husband said that he liked a woman with a bit of meat on her- my response ‘yeah but not a whole cow attached!’
My dad told me my backside was fat- my response was ‘of course it looks big to you dad, you have double vision!’
My husband has always taken food from my plate (he has an enormous appetite but not a body to match!) so when the waiter/waitress came back to our table it always looked as though the fat woman had bolted her dinner down while her skinny husband was still eating- he got a lot of pitying looks!! My husband hated the way people looked at me, so did I but it still wasn't enough to get rid of the weight
Although I hated being huge I did nothing about it until 2 years ago, I wasted (to me it’s wasted) around 20 years wishing I was slim. I wished to blend in all the time, didn’t want to be noticed but everyone notices the 'fat chick'.
My aha moment came when I was watching the biggest loser, I was munching my way through snack after snack watching these people lose an incredible amount of weight and my husband turned to me and said ' watching these people lose weight while stuffing your face will not get you to target!' I could've cried but instead I turned to him (he was frowning and expecting the tears!) and realised in that sentence he had summed up what was wrong with my diet plans, they were just plans, no action!
He's not known for tact and diplomacy when he's being 'helpful' but that is the most amazing thing he has ever said to me, I tell my friends who say they would not be happy if their husbands said this- but for me it was the turning point in my life and made me realise what I needed to do to achieve my goal
Monday, March 08, 2010
Last week I had two days off from work, normally I would visit the gym, shop, not worry too much about what I ate and that would be the full extent of my 'fitness' regime
This time I recorded how many mins I spent being active and how many cals I burnt- from Thursday til Sunday I completed 593 fitness mins and burnt 3933 extra cals- that's more than 1lb in weight (it takes 3500 extra cals burnt to lose 1lb). Even taking the food into account I should still lose this week!!
I recorded my food intake and I only ate out once in those 4 days which was a lamb balti! I had only one McFlurry and the rest of my food intake was what I would normally eat. I had so much energy that I could paint, re grout the bathroom, lay new flooring in the bathroom, paint, I even ran to my best friends house and back!! Normally my car takes care of the small journeys as I use the age old excuse that I haven't the time to walk anywhere as it adds x amount of journey time. This time I ran (or jogged as I was slower than I wanted to be!).
I visited friends, babysat, visited family and still had time and energy to do all I set out to do
The only thing I didn't finish was fitting the kitchen but I ran out of time rather than energy!
I ache a bit but it's a proud happy ache! An achievement ache rather than a feeling sorry for myself ache!
I was so proud of myself and I still cannot believe that I did so much is such a small amount of time ( Days used to all roll into one and every day it was I'll do that tomorrow). I woke up in the night so excited and so proud of myself- I had to keep reminding myself what I had done and most of my friends woke up to a text message this morning sent at 2am telling them how I felt!!
To some people this may seem a small accomplishment, and less than they do in the average week, but to me it was a huge milestone.
I can firmly say I have left my 'fat' self behind and that I will never go back to the way I was. Not for anything in the world
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
When I tell people how I lost my first 170lbs I get asked how I did it and I'm so proud of myself that I tell everyone however many people say I make it sound easy
I gave up crisps as I can't limit myself- the cravings are still there so I opt for all or nothing
I gave up chocolate as I used this as a 'chaser' to the crisps- one without the other is not the same!!
I gave up eating takeaways- although I do treat myself to a McD's!!
What I gained though was the following:
I gained my self respect- I didn't like myself before and couldn't look in the mirror
I gained a love of life- I now live instead of just existing
I gained more energy that I have ever had in my life
I gained the attention of others- I was no longer the fat stupid person (people tend to think if you are fat you must be stupid- my IQ is 162 so I'm most def not stupid!)
I gained a far more rewarding and challenging role within my working life- I didn't have the confidence to push for this before
I gained shared interests with my naturally slim husband- although I am fitter than him now!!
I gained the most amazing insite on how to live and love life- to participate and not just spectate.
When I tell people the above they say 'it's easy for you to say but I have x,y and z stopping me'
I have a full time job, I have children and grandchildren, I carry out voluntary work.
I have 24 hours in the day just like everyone else- how I choose to use those hours is up to me, if I choose the extra hour in bed then I lose that time somewhere else. I don't want to compromise as I've spent over half my life doing this.
I understand that when you have small children you can't just drop everything to exercise and you can't afford to cook separately for yourself so don't!
As it's a life change you shouldn't have to do these things, you should find compromises within your life that mean that you can eat the same as everyone else- just not as much. Exercise can take on any form.
A quick walk in the park, running up and down the stairs. Anything that gets you off the sofa, before you realise your couple of mins a day have mounted up to the full 30!!
I used to loathe exercise, I counted walking to the car in the drive as a full cardio workout! Now even de-icing the car is fat burning to me, think my neighbours think I'm crazy- I de-ice with such vigour you'd think I was a woman possessed!!
The endorphins (feel good factor!) really are released during exercise so you'll find your mood lifted- although laughing while walking along does look as if you may be a little crazy!
It is most def true where there's a will there's a way- sometimes it just takes a while to find it
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