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The Food & The Fuel (And the Difference Between the Two)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

When I eat a HUGE double chocolate brownie 2-4 hours before heading out for a run, I can knock out 9 miles like my arse is on fire. In fact - that's exactly what I did yesterday. I stayed within my calorie range for everything else I ate during the day and then proceeded to consume almost every calorie I was going to burn in ooey-gooey chocolatey goodness.

This is the problem with training. This is also the reason the scale hasn't moved in weeks. I know it, the scale knows it - but here and now is when I let you in on my dirty little secret. I'm allowing myself to over-fuel because it feels like as long as I'm not gaining, I'm getting away with it. But it has to stop!

I know I haven't been around for a while. Life has been happening, but my plateau has brought about an avoidance of blogging (though I still read yours and creep all your Spark pages frequently!) I'm definitely one of those people that feels as though if I have nothing positive to say or no life lesson to impart, then there's no point running my mouth about the lack of success I've been having lately. But the "No Boring Blogs" rule has perhaps allowed me a little too much slack and freedom and maybe I just need to buck up and get accountable again - or if not that, just vent a little about the frustrations I'm feeling over being hungry all the time and being able to do little about it...but eat.

So back to the chocolate brownie. It seriously is THE BEST fuel I have found for my long runs. And so how can I deny myself that little piece of decadence before setting out to tackle impossible distance after impossible distance? Tell me a year ago that today I'd be a person who could run 9+ miles and I'd slap you silly. But it's true. I can do it. And if eating the brownie before hand gives me the positive brain power and bodily energy (aka sugar rush) to believe that I can do it, then so be it.

But it's not helping the scale. And neither is pigging out the day AFTER the long run because my body is still burning at an elevated rate and I'm hungry like hippo for the majority of the day. And neither is skipping my swim night because I just don't have it in me only to come home and eat MORE food (which I just made myself track every single stinkin' ounce of).

This week is particularly bad. Because I just celebrated Thanksgiving over the weekend I have a fridge full of delicious leftovers - which for the most part are healthy - turkey, squash, cauliflower, potatoes. But with the healthy leftovers also comes the cakes, cookies and pies that I NEVER have in my house. I wake up in the morning and walk directly to the chocolate cupcakes and eat two before I can even wipe the sleep out of my eyes. That is INSANE. But that's what I've been doing. Thankfully, I consumed the last of the chocolate this morning. One less thing to worry about. But the pies are still there. I even tried to get rid of most of it at a work meeting on Monday. Still came home with over half of it left. I could throw it out. I could. Why can't I just throw it out?

So I'm struggling. Big time. But the good news is that I'm running my butt off and my training is progressing nicely. I can already run a 15K and my race isn't for another 3 weeks, so I'm going to keep training for a half marathon distance until there's snow on the ground. So at least there's that. I'm not just eating. There is major calorie burn happening as well - but only enough to take care of the extra 'narf sessions shoving pastries in my pie hole as I'm leaning over the sink. Sexy. It happens to the best of us I suppose.

I'm not one to throw excuses at bad behaviour (who am I joking, of course I am) but I did just go back on the pill and my hormones are likely messed up and causing some of this crazy hunger/eating. And there's the running. And then there's just life which someone makes me want to binge every day just for living it. Things are ok - but they're JUST ok, and I'm only capable of making change happen as fast as it will happen...which right now is really darn slow.

I really shouldn't have skipped my swim tonight. But at least I'm here writing again in lieu of the exercise. And I'll do something active tomorrow on my regular day off to make up for it.

My mantra has always been "As long as you're doing everything right, the weight will come off." I just need to get back to doing everything right again.

I might still keep the chocolate brownie fuel for my long-run days, but that leaves six other days of the week to make up the difference. I need to kick the sugar to the curb, refresh my system with whole foods and tons of fruits and veggies, and start fueling my body the way I should be and the way that I KNOW feels better than what I'm doing now. No more being tired all the time, no more sugar highs and sugar lows, no more being lazy about getting the proper nutrients to make sure that I'm NOT hungry all the time. My body has been running on economy grade long enough. Time to give it the high test and then let it perform to the max.

It's time to feel better (cause I'm tired of feeling crappy) and it's up to me to make that happen. Time to taste the difference between just "food" and real, solid, delicious, and good-for-you FUEL.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KKINNEA 10/14/2011 12:56AM

    Mmm, a brownie before a run sounds like a very tasty idea. I need to do the same thing - plan better food for most of the time instead instead some of the time.

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RIVER331 10/13/2011 11:48PM

    I love this idea! Just this week I've said I'm going to start journaling more... that was 4 days ago and today was the first day I actually did it! I'm volunteering for your Excuse Of The Day plan!

These harder days build character emoticon Thanks for sharing and GREAT job on staying with your motivators - whatever gets us there!!! emoticon emoticon

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LOTUSFLOWER 10/13/2011 3:42PM

    One more thing - sharing when you are not doing fantastic makes you human, and helps those of us in the same boat (helooo, plateau for almost 3 months now). Thank you for sharing. Love ya girl! emoticon

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LOTUSFLOWER 10/13/2011 3:41PM

    I think re-evaluating things is really key to this whole journey, and you are always doing that. You really are such an inspiration. Yes, look at how far you have come in a YEAR! Girl, don't get me started. If the brownie helps you, so be it - adjust accordingly or perhaps find something that tastes almost as good as that brownie and still fuels you but maybe half the cals. The first step is knowing what's going on, and your body and mind are not pulling any wool over your head (or whatever that phrase is??) maybe it's over your eyes, not head. Either way, you have GOT this, and I am so incredibly proud of you for your distance and endurance. And stamina, and guts, and oh, I could go on, and on, and on. Oh yeah, cuteness. Definitely got that. emoticon emoticon

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ON2VICTORY 10/13/2011 3:09PM

    you and i are in the same boat. I think you are going to do just fine.

you considered the book Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald? it is really helping me. we can do this...

journey is not over yet...

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CREATING_SARAH 10/13/2011 1:56PM

    I am completely in the same boat as you and I can totally feel you! I think you're on the right track back to healthy and as long as your run days are once a week and you don't over do it then other days with food then totally BROWNIE UP!!!

I totally believe in you and your abilities!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JENNIFER_67 10/13/2011 1:48PM

    That darn sugar is just so frustrating. I had the same issue with Thanksgiving (and some birthday) leftovers. I at least was able to send the untouched extra pumpkin pie with my son when he went back to school. (He has a metabolism of a small army - 6'5" and 180 lbs.) But that still left a couple of pieces of pie. And a quarter of a Cold Stone Creamery ice cream cake. I'm now learning another downside of being an empty nester. No one to eat the leftover goodies!!!

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MSMARZI 10/13/2011 11:33AM

    9 miles! I can't believe how far you've come in the past year. I think you're amazing!!

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JENJESS48 10/13/2011 9:35AM

    Oh man, I have been right there with you on the "just good enough to skate by" nutrition. Not so much with the distance running, but I have been just diligent enough to keep the scale steady. Sounds like we both need to focus on doing what we know needs to be done. Then both our scales will move in the right direction and we won't have to bribe them.

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CHICAT63 10/13/2011 8:26AM

    You are not alone !!! Same thing for me, I caught myself having French Vanilla ice cream last night WHY? Because it was in the house instead of having some almond milk with berries.

Woohoo on your 9 miles, you rock. Just a suggestion perhaps freeze your brownies individually and only take when needed?

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LAURIETAIT 10/13/2011 12:09AM

    I'm having a lot of the same eating issues and I'm not running 9+ miles at a shot.! So I am gaining not maintaining. I can't run and I can't weight lift now so I really need to do the good-for -you fuel thing. I'll be thinking of you while I struggle to make better choices.

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RIVER331 10/13/2011 12:09AM

    I hear you. I've been where you are with the sugar addiction, stuffing my face with garbage foods, and completely unable to throw out anything that I thought I 'might' want later. It's sick, the way sugar messes with our heads AND our emotions. emoticon

You already know just what to do, and you will do it - maybe cold turkey, maybe gradually; if you're like me, it's definitely a long-drawn-out process! But the end is achievable, and every step makes it easier, so you can build momentum.

I've never had an exercise program before SP, except for walking... I cannot imagine running as far as you are now, it's just fantastic to me - emoticon but you had the will and drive to get there, and progress forward, so I know you can tackle your current challenge. emoticon

Just 2 things I want to share, and maybe you're already familiar with both but if not, check them out if you have time / inclination: the first is a book called "Shrink Yourself" by Gould, which can help address some of the things I mentioned in the 1st paragraph, and the second is an article I just read today on SP,
/motivation_articles.asp?id=685 which may give you some ideas for a new approach - looking at it backwards, so to speak. As we all know on SP, 'knowing' and 'doing' are sometimes in separate universes.

Best to you!!! I know you can get this!!! emoticon

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MIQUEY73 10/12/2011 11:35PM

    Wow! 9 miles is pretty impressive to me. You'll figure out the right balance and get back to feeling good again. I have faith in you! emoticon

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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Well - I did it. I officially launched the first phase of a new idea that I've been working on for a few months now. Here it is. Tell me what you think! And if you're interested and live in the Chicago area, PLEASE sign up!

SWAP/MEET! New Clothes. New Friends. So Much Fun!

Hi Ladies!

Do you like socializing with new people? Are you in need of some smaller sizes? Tight on budget? Looking for a new exercise buddy? Just want to come hang out with some like-minded and goal-oriented people?

Welcome to SWAP/MEET! A monthly meet-up for Chicago area ladies (gentlemen, hang tight - I'm working on expanding this idea to include everyone very soon!) to exchange plus sized clothes, books, recipes, exercise, stories and friendship.

The goal of this program is to organize Swap/Meet parties for 8-10 ladies every month who want to meet new people, are in need of new plus-sized clothing, have inspirational stories to share or are just in need of a little kick in the butt to get moving again. No topic is off the table - these parties are catered to YOU!

Here's how it works:

- Ladies bring 5 gently used articles of clothing or accessories and a $5 administration fee to each Swap/Meet.
- After a short introduction of our party guests, and while enjoying some light snacks and beverages provided by the meet coordinator, the "shopping party" begins. Ladies will "shop" from the clothing and accessories racks, try on new sizes, dish about belts, hand bags and earrings, give each other honest opinions about what's hot and what's not, and pick out up to 5 items to take home!
- When the shopping has concluded, the socializing begins! Ladies will have an opportunity to meet other Swap/Meet members, talk about books, recipes, movies, exercise, significant others - whatever suits the group's fancy. Discussions and ideas will be gathered and moderated by the group coordinator to keep the conversation fun and flowing. Ladies should feel free to network, exchange contact information and start planning your next get-together with your new friends!
- Though the Swap/Meet will have a specific start & finish time, there's no telling when the party ends! New friends are encouraged to leave for a group walk, head out to a movie or maybe hit up some more stores for a full day of shopping. The coordinator will be available to help with suggestions or to assist in making acquaintances.

The Small Print:

- Not everyone who attends the party is guaranteed to take home 5 pieces of clothing or accessories. Every attempt will be made to provide an assortment of sizes and styles for the ladies attending the party, but due to inventory, personal taste and the difficulty with determining the exactness of women's clothing sizes, ladies should be prepared for the possibility of not finding anything to their liking or their personal fit preference.
- The $5 administration fee covers the cost of food and beverage as well as any rental fee involved in securing a space for the Swap/Meet. The $5 fee is required of everyone, regardless of whether or not you take home clothing or accessories.
- The 5 articles of clothing or accessories brought to the Swap/Meet by each member may or may not be part of the items available for the shopping party. Articles are inspected for damage, cleaned and added to the larger Swap/Meet inventory before appearing for "purchase" at an event.
- While the goal of Swap/Meet is to assist people in finding new clothing in differing sizes, the overall objective of Swap/Meet is the social aspect of meeting new people and making new friends. Members are asked to come prepared to socialize and have fun - the clothing is an added bonus.
- This is NOT a Spark-Only program. Please feel free to forward this information to ANYONE who might be interested in this program. Swap/Meets will not be limited to once monthly if there is enough interest to generate more meets. Think of it like a dating site for new clothes! The best efforts will be made to match people, clothing styles, lifestyles and needs by the coordinator. Anything can happen!
- Since this is a BRAND NEW program, please allow time for set-up and potential start-up hiccups. Thanks!

Ready to SWAP/MEET?

Interested ladies, please email Jenn Kincaid (your Swap/Meet Coordinator) at with the following information:
- age
- neighbourhood
- car/public transportation
- marital status
- kids?
- food allergies
- desired clothing size (be sure to indicate tall or petite if applicable)
- desired clothing style (business attire, casual, fitness, outerwear)
- description (size, style) of 5 articles for donation
- any other information Swap/Meet needs to know

Please allow time to receive adequate interest in these events and the organization of the first Swap/Meet. The goal is to schedule the first event in October or November. I'm sincerely looking forward to meeting all of you! Let's get this party started!

Questions? Please email Jenn Kincaid at

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    wow, that sounds like a really fun idea! Wish I still lived in the Chicago area :D FUN!!!

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SLFRISBEY 9/29/2011 2:17PM

    Awesome idea!!! I will send info if I ever get a free block of time! :)

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ALOFA0509 9/28/2011 6:53PM

GR8 idea!! can't wait to hear how this turned out for all those lucky Chicago ladies emoticon

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JMEPAYNE 9/28/2011 2:03PM

    sweet idea! will send an email once i've gotten a list of donate-able items.

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SWELL10 9/28/2011 10:29AM

    phenominal idea! Wish I lived in your area! emoticon

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DIASTER 9/28/2011 9:45AM

  What a wonderful idea! Would hope it will take off and be available across the country. Such a neat social as well as practical solution. Great job Jenn

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-POOKIE- 9/28/2011 8:49AM

    Sounds awesome... and blast not being in Chicago!

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LAURIETAIT 9/28/2011 12:34AM

    Great idea Jenn. What a great way to make new friends and give and receive support.

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WYND10 9/27/2011 9:50PM

    This is a fantastic idea!! :)

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HOPE2011 9/27/2011 9:45PM

    I think it's a terrific idea and I wish I lived in the Chicago area!!

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FTHOODBABY 9/27/2011 7:38PM

    Great idea!

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JENNIFER_67 9/27/2011 6:25PM

    Sounds like fun. Wish I lived near Chicago.

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    What a fun idea. Good luck with it and I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes.

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HUGS2013 9/27/2011 2:52PM

    Sounds like a good idea! I hope it works out for you! Let us know how it goes, fingers crossed! emoticon

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KT-NICHOLS-13 9/27/2011 2:44PM

    A great idea. I'm looking forward to hearing how things progress in Chicago.

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ROXELLS_WARRIOR 9/27/2011 2:43PM

    I love the idea and wish you success! Unfortunately, Wyoming is a bit far for me to participate :)

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SLEEPTALKS 9/27/2011 2:43PM

  Such a fantastic idea! Chicago seems like a good place to be right now :)


Comment edited on: 9/27/2011 2:44:30 PM

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Kenya 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I finally finished editing my Kenya photos. These are mine only and not the compilation album yet of my brother and cousins as well. Hoping to narrow down all our pics together into one MASTER ALBUM of the trip - so stay tuned for more!

For those of you receiving error messages, I checked it out - Spark is adding an extra http// into the address in some cases so if it's not working, copy and paste the link directly into your browser. That should do it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANASAMM 10/6/2011 11:55PM

    Very cool pics! I can't wait to see Tanzania. Zebra butts ARE cool...I've ALWAYS loved Giraffes...I'm a fan of sunsets and lone trees too...and baby hippos and lion cubs are just the cutest. Ohhh and the herd of elephants and cheetahs. Lucky is all I can say! Thanks for sharing.

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35ANGELS 9/29/2011 12:22PM

    Awesome Pics....can't wait to see more. emoticon

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ON2VICTORY 9/27/2011 4:14PM

I was getting goth http and https

this will get you where you want to go.... AWESOME!! love the pics. that is truly an adventure.

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KT-NICHOLS-13 9/27/2011 2:46PM

    Firefox won't open the link but Internet Explorer will. Thanks for posting.

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ALOFA0509 9/27/2011 4:09AM

Breath Taking!!!!! awsum pix, Thnx for sharing emoticon

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JMEPAYNE 9/26/2011 11:13AM

    So amazing! the zebra butts are great lol

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MOCOHOLO 9/25/2011 10:07PM

    Gorgeous photos!! Thanks so much for sharing. I loved the giraffes and the zebras. And the sunsets, and the solo tree shots, and just everything!

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35ANGELS 9/25/2011 12:40PM

    I received an error also. Wonder why some of us can view them and others not. Oh well, I can't wait to see them, and I'm sure they are just amazing.

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VIMVIGOR 9/25/2011 12:58AM

Awesome pictures, it must have been the trip of a lifetime. When are you going back?? Thanks for sharing, I'm green with envy.

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JANIEWWJD 9/24/2011 11:58PM

    Sorry, but I couldn't view your pictures. It kept giving me an error message. Don't know what happened.

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SLFRISBEY 9/24/2011 2:24PM

    awww, I got that error too. I will check again later :)

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JEREMY723 9/24/2011 6:59AM

    I'm sure they're great! I've tried the link several times and get an error or "Sorry, page not found" from the site:(

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LAURIETAIT 9/24/2011 2:35AM

    Amazing pictures! Thanks sooooo much for sharing.

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The Things I Can Do

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

It hasn't been easy - getting "back on the wagon" after vacation. And in the middle of a plateau, no less. But if anything is going to jar me out of this feeling of being stuck, it's up to me to figure out what that is and DO IT.

Despite having a couple of bad food weekends, and the ever present siren-song of the pumpkin scones that call me ALL DAY from the Starbuck's down the street, I have managed some really good and positive behaviours over the past couple of weeks that I think deserve some attention as well.

When things are crappy and my food intake is a little out of control, one thing that I can ALWAYS manage to do is drink my 8 glasses (or more) of water a day. It's a relatively easy and small task to complete - especially since it involves more consumption and not less - and it makes a huge difference in satiety levels and overall heath and well-being. Even if it means chugging 4 glasses of water right before bed, knowing that I'll be up at 2am trodding to the bathroom, I do it. Because I can. And all the little things that I CAN do add up.

Last week sucked for exercise. Despite my best efforts to resume my schedule of running and swimming and zumba, I ended up skipping 2 running days, only swam for 30 minutes out of an hour and then missed my long-run Sunday because of an impromptu trip to Iowa. And I realize that most of my reason for shorting myself on exercise had to do with spending time with my boy. NEED to get that in check. Because ultimately, spending time with him is detracting from spending time on me. And one of my reasons for wanting to spend so much time on me is maintaining a hot bod for him. So I'm not helping either of us by skipping out on my runs. Not to mention that I'm SUPPOSED to be training right now for my 15K in November. So yeah - I had a bad week, but it only made me miss it that much more. Which is an exciting revelation when I really think about it. Even though Mondays are typically an off-day for me for exercise, because I didn't get my run in on Sunday I KNEW I had to go home from work and run - not just because I needed to get a training run in, but because I felt the urge to get out there and pound the pavement. I raced home and threw on my running clothes before I could think twice about it. Even though I was in my usual state of work daze and exhaustion from the day, which usually lands me on the couch with dinner and the new Fall TV lineup, I headed out into the already crisp, cool night just as it was getting dark, and I RAN. And I felt like I was flying. So I opted to do an extra lap around the park. Because I could. 6.5 miles later I was literally grinning I was so happy with myself - and I felt SO good. 4 miles last week was HARD. And I had just knocked out an additional 2.5 miles after a week of nothing. So what has this taught me? Not only that my body is AMAZING, but never, ever to doubt my abilities. I can do whatever I put my mind to - and when I really, truly want it, I work that much harder for it. So if I'm having a bad week, I just have to remember to WANT it, and to hang on to that Spark. It's a small thing that I CAN do - but it makes a huge difference in my spirit and hopefully (eventually) the outcome on the scale.

Food has been a problem since my return. 3 weeks away had ballooned my stomach again and I got used to eating a lot more, whenever I wanted and indulging in sweet treats because "I was on vacation". Even when you adopt the 80/20 rule for healthy eating when you're away, that 20% becomes a bit of a bear to tackle when it's time to get back to 100% effort. And to be honest, while I was away, it was more like 50/50. But one thing that I have going for me is that I DO love food. And that makes it easy for me at home because I want to get back to trying new things, cooking, tasting, and enjoying all of it. I know from experience that when I am unprepared, I don't eat very well. So I went out last week and got good food. I bought a ton of fruit, and healthy pasta and chicken sausages. Veggies for my lunches, and a whole case of yogurt. Last night I made the most delicious 5 Cheese Tortelloni & Chicken Sausage with a homemade tomato & pesto sauce (recipe is posted in Spark Recipes if you're interested). It was the most delicious thing EVER after my long run, and it made a full 6 servings, so I'm set for lunches for the rest of the week. Tonight I'm looking forward to going home and spending some time in the kitchen baking some herb & cheddar biscuits and a sweet treat of some cheesecake (Nikhil's favorite). It may sound indulgent, but I know that if I make it, I can make it healthier than buying it - and perhaps it will help to quell some of the treat cravings that I've had for far "calorically-pricier" items this past week. This is something that I can do. I don't always have the time available to me to cook every night - but by prepping things when I DO have a night off, sets me up for healthier choices for the rest of the week and gives me more options. It's a small thing that I CAN do, but it's a huge step in the right direction - and darn if it doesn't taste GREAT!

Regardless of what the scale says on Friday morning - I'm finding my way back and fighting hard to keep moving forward. All of the things I CAN do add up. And look at where I am! The number of things that I CAN do now that I couldn't do before is astounding. I'm looking forward to adding more CAN DOs to the list soon. Including running a 15K, losing another 10 pounds, fitting into a size medium and then small.

The thing is - I already know that I CAN do all of these things. It's only a matter of time until I prove it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHELLYBABE2 9/23/2011 7:41AM

    TFS another great blog - so nice to know that the roller coast ride of healthy eating/living affects everyone!

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JANIEWWJD 9/22/2011 7:57PM


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WYND10 9/22/2011 6:53PM

    You can because you have and you have because you can. :D


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JIBBIE49 9/22/2011 6:31PM


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RIVER331 9/22/2011 3:24PM

    What a great blog! Congratulations on keeping your perspective and even treating yourself a little better than usual with the baking! It's perfect for where you are right now. emoticon

It's funny, I was just at the gym doing my runner training (C25K rookie runner), and along with all the other thoughts going through my mind was, "What's going to happen when this initial enthusiasm eventually wears down? Will I still be strong?"... of course I answered myself "Yes!" because like FREETHEGODDESS, I'm training my brain as well as my body - but when I read what you wrote here "So if I'm having a bad week, I just have to remember to WANT it, and to hang on to that Spark." it settled something in my chest. I CAN do this. I WILL do this.

Thank You emoticon emoticon I'm subscribing to your blog emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/24/2011 11:20:43 AM

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ALOFA0509 9/22/2011 1:50PM

You are such a rock star!!!!! Keep it up sista emoticon

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BOOKWORM27S 9/22/2011 11:39AM

Every day is a new day, and an opportunity to get back on track!

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    I can totally relate to the occasional negative thought creeping back in. I hate when I miss my exercise now. I don't enjoy exercise yet (except for my Zumba class) but, I do like the "high" I get afterward from the satisfaction of actually doing it instead of sitting around.

Why is it that when I miss several days of exercise I start thinking that I can't do the exercise anymore. Everytime I get on the treadmill to walk 5K I have to fight negative thoughts that I may not be able to do it. I know I CAN do it because I have done it 6 times now but, there is always that little battle in my head between the old negative thoughts and the new healthy, positive thoughts.

I will be happy when I have trained my brain to drown out that negative voice all together.

Glad you are back stronger than have a great attitude and much inspire me. Thanks for sharing!
emoticon emoticon

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JENNSWIMS 9/21/2011 10:26AM

    I'm sorry you're struggling to get back on track, but I have to tell you that it is reassuring too!

You've been so successful (and you are 1 of my 2 weight loss goddesses, you and 4A-Healthy-BMI) and you have really embraced the "this is a long haul, progress not perfection" idea that I try so desperately to do!

I guess what I'm saying is that if you can be super successful like you without demanding perfection every second of every day, it gives me hope.

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VIMVIGOR 9/21/2011 1:40AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FTHOODBABY 9/20/2011 7:42PM


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MOMASAURUS 9/20/2011 4:03PM

    LOVE it!

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KKINNEA 9/20/2011 3:48PM

    You've got it! I also sometimes fall back on getting at least water in - it's a small thing we can all do!

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CAALAN23 9/20/2011 2:52PM

    That's a strong inpirational spirit talking!


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LAURIETAIT 9/20/2011 2:07PM

    I'm struggling with the same issues as you. I've been eating really badly. You're right it's all about being prepared. When I have good food choices I will make them. Being prepared is certainly something I can do! My exercise has been sporadic and not too intense lately. I need to step it up a notch. Thanks for your blog. I know the route I need to take but your insight helped to push the map up in my face. Have a great week.

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LOTUSFLOWER 9/20/2011 2:06PM

    I am really proud of you. The fact that you didn't even gain on vacation is great. I think that time away, and having such an amazing trip, would make it hard for anyone to get back into the game, but you are BACK and you actually DID workout that first week back, no matter that you skipped a few. And look at you, running 6.5 this week!!!! I think the most important thing I've taken away from this blog is the part about not limiting yourself and also getting back on the wagon. You just are amazing!!

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JENJESS48 9/20/2011 1:20PM

    Yup, you're through the worst of it now. :) I need to heed your advice about focusing on what I can do and what I am doing right. And you're right - I am doing a lot of the things I can. That's just going to have to be good enough for a while. :)

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LMLOPEZ 9/20/2011 12:25PM

    Woo Hoo! And I will have to check out your recipe. Good job on the run-I am debating 5K or 15K? Still contemplating.
Isn't it amazing what our bodies can do??

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-POOKIE- 9/20/2011 12:22PM

    *smiles* a much more upbeat blog!

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MOCOHOLO 9/20/2011 12:03PM

    You can do it!!! Great blog!

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The Great Boredom Rift

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

So it was only a matter of time, right? Vacation euphoria has passed and left in its wake a serious time-off hangover, the all-too-familiar "I don't get another vacation for at least a year" depression and capital B, BOREDOM.

Sure, I have a ton of stuff to do. Everyone is bugging me for my photos, I have life (and laundry) to catch up on that I've been putting off for 3 weeks, I need to get back into my exercise routine, grocery shopping, healthy cooking...but I've been hit by a serious case of the "I Don-Wannas". I think that was even my issue with writing my blog yesterday - for some reason just looking at the pictures of my fabulous trip makes me sad. And don't even get me started on work...

I know I need a game plan to get over this feeling and back in the game. So I've been thinking about what I need to do this week to jump start Fall in the right direction. I'm still sitting at this miserable plateau. I was ecstatic to see that I hadn't gained a pound upon coming back from 3 weeks away, but now I'm beginning to realize that it's most likely because the scale just isn't moving in EITHER direction. And my goal is to be down another 25 pounds by Christmas. This is going to be tricky!

I received a wonderfully sweet reception from my honey when I got home. He missed me as much as I missed him, so we've just had a lovely weekend catching up and celebrating being together again (by eating and drinking way too much).

I'm STUCK. And it sucks. Life for the past few days has felt painfully slow. All I want to do at work is eat because I'm so bored. Most people would rejoice at the fact that it only took a day and a half to catch up on 3 weeks of missed work, but for me, that's almost torture. We're gearing up to our busiest season and I'm not at all excited about it. In fact, I want out more than ever. Come to think of it, I'm not exactly excited about anything. Boo!

I am excited about my boy, but I can lose precious hours being wrapped up in him. I don't get anything done when we're together and since I derive most of my own personal pleasure from my own accomplishments, vacation aside, I haven't had many of those lately. I need my Spark back!

So here's what I'm thinking to get me back on my feet. Here's hoping it makes me feel a little bit better about the state of current affairs in my life:

1. Resume my activity schedule asap. I'm training for a 15K in November, so running NEEDS to happen and not just on weekends. 1-2 runs during the week in the mornings or evenings and a long run on Sundays. Zumba on Saturday mornings. Swimming on Wednesday nights. Monday and Friday can still be reserved for light activity or days off. As much as I would like to continue biking to work - my schedule is packed, so unless I can conceivably run and bike, or swim and bike on the same day, I might have to be ok with taking the bus to work again.

2. Weekends off food tracking. Since Nikhil and I spend most of our time together on weekends, it's been very difficult to track food when he cooks or when we go out. I can't give up my time with him so I can count everything like a mad woman. Something's gotta give. So I'm going to TRY weekends off counting and see what happens. It terrifies me to leave the tracker behind for even a day. But I proved on vacation that I can be responsible (even though I don't really think I was and I think my weight results had more to do with extra walking/being sick/carrying a heavy pack/plateau than they did with me being careful about what went in my mouth) so I'm going to use the same rules for the weekends. Drinks are going to happen. Food is going to be more plentiful. But as long as I'm really good Mon-Fri, I should be allowed a tracker-free weekend as long as I'm exercising both days to compensate. We'll see.

3. Bust out the crockpot! The season is upon us. No reason I can't have healthy meals at home that take approximately 10 minutes to make and provide healthy lunches for the whole week. Don't slack on grocery shopping. I need to get and keep the ingredients I need on hand and make time to prep and cook on a regular basis.

4. Retain vital "me-time". Just because he's available to get together, doesn't mean I am. I need to figure out just how much time I need for me and stick to it. And not feel guilty about it.

I think this last one is still the most important one for me. Having a boyfriend has been a great thing. But it's something I wasn't exactly planning on or factoring into "the plan" and as such has thrown me for a bit of a loop in my personal scheduling. It's not easy going from having every second that you're not at work or with friends to yourself, to all of a sudden scheduling around another person and trying to make things work for two people instead of just one. It's been an eye-opener for me, learning just how selfish I have made this journey for myself and realizing how difficult it has become for me by adding another person to the mix. No one was supposed to love me until I was a size 6! Haha! I didn't plan on finding someone so wonderful until I hit goal. The fact that I have found a partner but still have a lot of work to do is a bit more complicated than I expected it would be - but this is life. And I need to be prepared to live it no matter where I am on this road. But I will say - I can't believe that I'm HAPPY about Nikhil having double classes this semester for his MBA since I know that it's going to cut into our time together - however, I feel more like it's a blessing in disguise and I'm looking forward to having that extra time to myself. And I know deep down, that doesn't make me a bad person, it just makes me a healthy person.

The more weight I lose, the more space I take up. My ME is getting to be quite a large person. But I like her. She's broad, and bold and requires a lot of time and attention, but she is beautiful and talented and deserves every second that I am able to give her. The larger she becomes, the more respect she demands from other people as well. And frankly, it's about time.

And right now, that big, beautiful ME that I've created is bored. But that can only mean wonderful things for my future, because when she's bored, she dreams up fantastic things to do. It's only a matter of time, but I will settle on something great. It isn't the best feeling right now, but I think I'm still headed in the right direction. So...back to those personal accomplishments. Back to my Spark. And lunch. Because right now, I am ACTUALLY hungry, not just bored.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAPER_WINGS18 9/19/2011 12:13PM

    You'll geet your spark back- no worries! We all have ups and downs on this journey, and sometimes we just need a litle mental break. You can do it! You've had some pretty stellar achievments, lady!

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JENJESS48 9/14/2011 12:37PM

    Ah, yes, the post-vacation doldrums. Bah! Your plan should banish them, though. emoticon

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-POOKIE- 9/14/2011 8:58AM


I love planning, and your plans sound good, plan plan and plan! Chase the boredom away.

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JENNSWIMS 9/13/2011 10:49PM

    I love hearing about how you are learning to put yourself first in so many ways, it is awesome!

If it makes you feel any better, I was so depressed the week after we got back from our cruise that I wanted to sell the house, cash the 401k and move to an island and eat coconuts for the rest of my life. Good thing I remembered that coconuts, in overly large quantities, cause diarrhea.

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LAURIETAIT 9/13/2011 8:19PM

    I was suffering from post-vacation depression too. I guess it's inevitable.
It looks like big, beautiful you has a good plan to overcome it. Can't wait to hear how it goes.





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MIQUEY73 9/13/2011 8:08PM


Sorry you're feeling bummed about post- vacation. I'm a little jealous though because you're bored already. I would love to have some boredom time at work, instead of a constant marathon. emoticon

Looking forward to what you come up with to fill that boredom!

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REDHEADMOM2U 9/13/2011 7:47PM

    Boredom is just a'll get through it!

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FTHOODBABY 9/13/2011 5:40PM


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LMLOPEZ 9/13/2011 5:20PM

    Kath, when reality hits us after such a wonderful experience it can be hard to get back in the swing. Sounds like your plan is a good one (my crockpot is working OVERTIME these last three weeks) and you are blessed with someone who cares for you to help you with your journey. You can do this and be successful!! Train for the 15K (I may join you-don't know yet which distance I want) and do what you can!!
Welcome back!

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AUTUMNPOTTER 9/13/2011 5:14PM

    Oh I hear you girl I wasn't supposed to find someone until I was at my goal weight. For years I had no one even giving me a second glance, I started on my weight loss journey, and after 15 pounds down, found someone. Well this throws off my whole plan. Dinner at his place, Godchildren's birthday parties, plans for the Renaissance faire this is messing me up. I joke with him that he got in on the ground floor, once I drop the weight he will have a smokin hot girlfriend. He says I'm hot now. I think he needs glasses.

Comment edited on: 9/13/2011 5:15:33 PM

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KT-NICHOLS-13 9/13/2011 4:26PM

    Reflections. Realizations. Revive. Without fail, you'll find your footing and get back to those personal accomplishments.

Comment edited on: 9/13/2011 4:58:34 PM

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BUTTERCUPP77 9/13/2011 3:42PM

    I had the same malaise when I got back from 2.5 months in New Zealand. I went into the worst downward spiral I've ever experienced. (I probably should have been on medication). It kept getting worse for several months, but then it started to get better once I acknowledged what I was mourning.

In my case, I had no idea (and still don't) when I would be able to return. That was hard to accept. It was also hard because I got so attached to people in the village where I was staying. And someone that I was very close to passed away within a couple of months of my return to Canada. Furthermore, it seems that my friends from the area are not so great at keeping in touch, so I ended up feeling very isolated from such an important period in my life.

It's still hard- but absolutely worth it. I would go through all of it again in a heartbeat. And at least I know where my next major vacation will be!

I know that you'll be able to find your way through this. I'll be thinking of you.

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WYND10 9/13/2011 3:32PM

    Boy oh boy do I hear you on this: "It's not easy going from having every second that you're not at work or with friends to yourself, to all of a sudden scheduling around another person and trying to make things work for two people instead of just one. It's been an eye-opener for me, learning just how selfish I have made this journey for myself and realizing how difficult it has become for me by adding another person to the mix. " And honestly, it seem your are handling it way better than I have been. I went so far off the track I had have the scare of my wedding dress not fitting me to scare me back on the wagon as it were, so kudos to you lady. I've said it before and I will say it again, you're amazing.

Good luck finding a solution to your boredom, I have a feeling you're just going to keep right on surprising yourself.

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LOTUSFLOWER 9/13/2011 3:32PM

    You have a great plan, you can do this.

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KAKAKALI4 9/13/2011 3:05PM

    Good to put it all down on paper and make a plan! You can do it ... you will do it and it seems like you are setting yourself up for success not matter what!

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