KIRA80   6,444
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Tired...

Friday, November 30, 2012

.... of feeling like a failure
.... of going backwards
.... feeling alone

As of this morning I am up 15.75lbs from this time last year. In a year of not being motivated I know that isn't too bad. In the past I have certainly done worse, but that isn't me any more. I'm not THAT person. The one that loses and regains. I kept off my first 45lbs for over two years and through a pregnancy.

I can really see and feel those pounds. I'm uncomfortable. I was feeling healthier, skinnier, and happier. Now I feel depressed all the time. I feel like I'll never get on track. Part of it is that I need someone to push me but I don't have that. The first big lose with with a group of friends that made a game of it. The second 45s, which I've gained back the 15.75lbs, I had someone weighing me weekly and felt i had something to prove. Now it's just me. My DH can't help. He is skinny and never been through this. He certain;y isn't going to ask me what I have been eating and if Ive been working out. Heck he can't even be present for weighing because someone has to watch our toddler. Sad but true. hahah

I thought SP would help me find some people that know what I'm going through and that would be there for me as I would be there for them. However after a week or two they just disappear. Hopefully I'll find someone that will enjoy a long-term weight loss/maintenance buddy soon.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIRA80 12/3/2012 3:02PM

    @FUZZY1TOO

Thanks. I didn't gain anything with pregnancy technically. I only went up about 20lbs by the end but once I had my son and the bloating was gone, I was down 6lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was hell bent on making sure what I ate was mostly good stuff with my little one growing in me. It helped knowing that I was at risk for gestational diabetes. When my son was born the doctor said his health was perfect (9/10 on Apgar) and ranked up there with mothers that have family in the medical field guiding them through pregnancy. If only I had that much respect for my body when its just me in my skin. LOL

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KIRA80 12/3/2012 2:47PM

    @KIM___

I am/was on SP teams, but the ones with a lot of people make it hard to keep up with everyone/thing that's going on and the small ones usually aren't active teams.

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BECKYLIVES 12/1/2012 6:56PM

    No, you're not alone.

I've played the disappearing act this entire year since April. Let me tell you I miss my SP friends just as much as I hope they miss me. I'm kicking back in again cause I'm needing to be back.

We're all in this together and we'll all get there together. Hang in there.

Becky

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NEWSTART127 12/1/2012 3:23PM

    Shelley, you are so NOT alone... check your SparkMail. Hugs, Audra

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FUZZY1TOO 12/1/2012 8:58AM

    Giving up is the key. I lost 90lbs 2 yrs ago and ended up gaining 50lbs back with a pregnancy. Although I am still struggling to get that pregnancy weight off (Congrats on not gaining too much in your pregnancy!), I haven't given up either.

Do NOT hesitate to ask if you need anything. I TOTALLY relate to what you are going through. So many of the SparkFriends I had when I lost my weight originally have gone by the wayside and given up or just gone away. You CAN and WILL do this. You will find the support system you need....it's out there, you just haven't stumbled upon it yet.

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NANCYPAT1 11/30/2012 6:29PM

    First of all, you are NOT a failure!!! Second of all, common mistakes that most people make is to try to do too much all at once and to expect PERFECTION (there is even an article about why THAT doesn't work), not weigh and/or measure their food (THIS is one reason I often suggest starting by tracking ACCURATELY what you are ACTUALLY eating now BEFORE making changes), having an ALL or NOTHING attitude (sometimes called a DIET mentality - and this means that failure IS an option - whereas a HEALTHY LIFESTYLE mentality doesn't have the option of failure because it recognizes that ALL choices are JUST CHOICES and that making more healthy choices than unhealthy ones will result in better health INCLUDING lower weight), thinking that there are BAD and GOOD foods and that to succeed you have to give up certain foods, feel deprived, and generally get frustrated and eventually quit, give up, or throw in the towel and finally - and THIS IS A BIGGIE - thinking they can make their LIVES fit into some sort of DIET program or exercise routine INSTEAD of making their eating AND exercise FIT INTO THEIR LIFESTYLES.

I have probably lost a ton (maybe even literally a TON) of weight over the past half century or so. I have finally realized that quitting, failure, and falling off the wagon are simply NOT OPTIONS. Why not? Well, you may ask that and I will explain. We each get ONE life. Throughout that life, we make choices, some GREAT, some not so great, but regardless of how we evaluate those choices they are REALLY TRULY JUST CHOICES. How we handle the choices we make determines how we do with most everything - including weight loss. If we accept that choices ALL have consequences BOTH good and bad, THEN when we make a less than ideal choice (eat that CANDY BAR, dozen doughnuts, whole batch of cookies, etc.) there are likely to be negative consequences, BUT if we make a whole bunch of OTHER HEALTHIER choices, there will be POSITIVE consequences (like maybe we will lose weight) DESPITE that one less healthy choice.

Having said that, start by asking yourself some questions like what YOUR schedule is, what foods YOU like, who do you cook for or share meals with, what activities do YOU like/LOVE to do, what foods are YOU going to eat regardless of whether they are healthy or not, what YOU are willing to change and what YOU know YOU will never do regularly. Then create a PERSONAL PLAN THAT WORKS FOR YOU IN YOUR LIFE, WITH ALL ITS POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE PARTS.

How does this work? For instance, I am ALWAYS going to eat ice cream, candy bars and doughnuts. I am NOT going to be told I can NOT have any specific food or category of foods. Since those things are true for ME, my eating plan includes bargains with myself about how often, how large a portion, and how to fit them into my reasonable calorie, fat, and carb, ranges. I also know that grabbing something quick when I let myself get too hungry or stressed out is a PROBLEM - fast food is TEMPTING and so are those candy bars and such. So, I have a PLAN for having lots of different HEALTHY snacks in the places I am most likely to grab something - I carry nuts, raisins, sunflower seeds, hard candies, protein and fiber bars, etc. in my purse, my car, my gym bag, my desk at school, etc. That makes them easier, cheaper, faster, and more convenient to GRAB than unhealthy foods are so I eat them and leave the other stuff alone. I COULD still have the other stuff but mostly I know ME well enough to know that quick, cheap, and easy is more tempting than the fast food.

Sorry I rambled on there.

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KIM___ 11/30/2012 6:11PM

    I'm sort of where you are. From 2004-ish to 2007 I lost 40 pounds. I felt great even though I had 20 - 30 more to go to be really healthy.

Then in 2008 things happening in my job caused me to 'not be happy' and I just let my healthy habits slide. 2009 - 2012 were also not stellar years. I gained 20 of the 40 pounds back.

Now things are looking up, but being unhealthy caught up with me. I'm ready to start back at it.

I've found that the more spark points I get in a day the better I was doing in real life. The things you do to get the points carry-over into all day motivation. I've used spark people in the past and I think it's a great resource.

You might want to check into a few spark teams. Not only do you get a point when you "Huddle", you can connect with like minded people.

Good Luck! Have fun! emoticon

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Update - Me

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

I'm still alive. After I was cleared by the surgeon all heck broke lose with Holiday stuff. Not counting birthdays and parties with friends, I have four houses to go to in December for Christmas. Did I mention they aren't all that local? So any way...Maintained - most important - and will be getting back on track this week as soon as I can make it to the store.

My goal, before December got all messed up, was to be down -100lbs by 01/01/12. If you see my tricker, I didn't meet that goal. However, I could have gained a bunch back which I avoided. Score one for me... or something. Im hoping to lose at least 11lbs by 01/28/12 when we will be throwing my son's first birthday. He'll be one before that, but there is a little one in the family that will be four on the dame day, and I think she should have first dibs on a party since she understand what they are. I think it would great to get well below that -100lbs mark and then only have 70 more to go.

When I first started this, I looked at the big picture and all those pounds. Bad idea. Knowing my history, I basically thought "yeah right! that would take forever." and gave up. One morning I woke up and decided it was time. Time to really get it off and stop playing games with my health. It has taken a while. Mostly because I took off two years. During that break I did something I never could before and that was keeping it off. Mastering that give you back control over your body and life. Now, though, I see the first 45 came off in four months. The next 50 came off, once restarted, in four months. I know the last 15 or so pounds will be hard to get off, but as I'm only taking one month vs two years off for maintenance, at least another 40-50 should drop off by late May before slowing down. In theory.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWSTART127 1/9/2012 2:24AM

    You can do it! We're going to work HARD on motivation this challenge!

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Back. Sort of.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Its been awhile since I posted. Understandably so. I was busy making arrangements for surgery and someone to take care of my son on the day of surgery. PLus one more good house cleaning before I was not able to for awhile. Good thing too. The Hubby has been great with our son while I'm recovering, but he isn't use to taking care of him all day and running/cleaning the house. He doesn't have my system/routine. Therefore the house isn't getting cleaned. I felt better yesterday, day three of recovery, so I did the dishes. Today I am working on sweeping and mopping. I can't push the vacuum yet. I'll have to figure out how to watch my son, without picking him up, while the Hubby vacuums.

Overall, I am feeling great since the C02 seems to have worked its way out and isn't killing my shoulder any more. Incisions never really hurt. Went out to dinner with family last night and shopping the day before that. They said I could drive on the 3-4 day after. However they probably didn't take into account I drive a tall Jeep that requires pulling myself up into since I wanted to be careful not to pop a stitch. I promise you, I weigh more than 5-10lbs. LOL

I had a slight gain, well a large gain, due to the surgery. I assume that was also an issue with the Co2 and fluids used. That was gone away. I dont go for my follow up with surgeon for a week so no exercising until then at the earliest. I don't like that because I wanted to be down 100lbs by January 1st. I doubt I will be about to lose half a pound a day without exercise for at least the next week. Oh well. At least Im doing well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIRA80 12/15/2011 11:35AM

    Thanks! Seems the weight is still dropping off. So I might meet my goal after all if I'm careful about my food and start exercising as soon as the Surgeon OKs it.

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NEWSTART127 12/15/2011 2:50AM

    Glad that your surgery went well and that you're starting to get out and about again! Here's to a quick and easy recovery!
HUGS!

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Almost S-Day

Thursday, December 01, 2011

My surgery is scheduled for next Thursday the 8th at 8. I dont want to do it, but after a C-section in January, my first every surgery and hospital stay, it should be a walk in the park as they say. The Surgeon was telling me the risks and one was bloods clots, of course, but he said that was usually because people wont get up and move after surgery. My husband laughed at that. He said that wouldn't be an issue because he couldn't get me to sit down after the c-section. I was up and about doing stuff from the moment they told me I was free to do so in the hospital. I'd rest when my body told me to and it went great. This time, however, I'm choosing to have the surgery and picking a date in advance which makes it harder because I have time to think about it unlike the c-section. It will be good to feel better and I'm sure I'll lose some much needed weight because I can't eat before hand and will probably be on broth and soups awhile after. lol I still need to ask about that part to shop before then. I just need to lose another 8.25 by year end to meet my goal. That goal is the big -100lbs mark.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARRIGANSJOY 12/13/2011 8:15AM

    Wow, congrats on being so close to your goal!!!

Also, even though I'm reading this post late, I'm sending prayers and thoughts your way on a quick recovery.

Toni
Chattanoog
a Chew Chews


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Happy Weekend After Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

As perdicted, after that last big drop in weight I have been maintaining. That is fine. It's good to step back now and then to maintain the loss a bit before losing more. I'm thankful for all my family and friends, this and other sites which have helped me lose weight, and many other things. I'm very thankful that my waist didn't expand after Thansgiving. I have an early Christmas family gathering today. Little more normal food though. Hopefully I can behave. It shouldn't be too hard since I had a gallbladder attack yesterday. That always puts me off food for a short time.

Speaking of gallbladder issues, because its more frequent now and because its questionable that I may have a stone that may have went out into the duct which is a bad health risk, I'm going to be scheduling surgery. Not sure when I'll get back on here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARKSTIPANOVSKY 11/26/2011 7:59AM

    Thanks for writing some interesting stuff and supporting me on my journey. Have a great weekend and keep focused and using the time wisely. All the best - Mark

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