Monday, June 06, 2011
Well another week down. This week's weigh in was good. I lost another 2.8 lbs. So far in 8 weeks I have lost a total of 21.4 lbs. Of course I wish it were more, but I'll take a loss over a gain any day!
Probably the most beautiful part of this weeks weight loss is the fact that I didn't do exercise, none, zilch, nada. My back is still being cranky and I didn't want to injure it accidentally, so I just didn't do anything. I also had my venti Starbucks Java Chip Frappuccino twice this week (I did get the "light" version both times and add protein powder at home). I haven't felt hungry and in fact if you take my sore back out of the equation, I've felt pretty darn good lately.
That's it for now. Take it easy and have a good week.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Week 7 weigh in today ...
But before I get into that, I need to fix some math from last week. The gal that wrote down my numbers last week miscalculated. I lost 2.6lbs last week, not 3.6lbs. So my weight last week was 301.4, down a total of 15.4 not 16.4. I checked my paper today when I went in because I just felt like there was a mistake and I found it.
So on to today...
I weighed in at 298.6 a loss of 2.8lbs!!!!! YAY!!! I know it isn't a big number, but today is the first day since I hurt my back on Thursday afternoon that I can actually get around at about 90%. Spent most of the weekend in my recliner with my feet up, shuffling stooped over when I had to move about. And with that going on I still pulled a 2.8lb loss!!
Tomorrow is my free day and I think I will kick it off with a Pepsi tonight, sounds good :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
So today was my week 6 weigh in and I dropped 3.6lbs., hurray!
After 2+ weeks of not losing any weight I decided to completely change my diet and exercise regimen. From Friday to Monday I lost 3.6lbs and I am now looking forward to my next week (starting Tuesday) to tweak my exercise routine some more. It feels good to be back heading in the right direction again.
Monday, May 16, 2011
So I just had my week 5 weigh in and I am not pleased. I GAINED .6 lbs. That means that in the last 2 weeks I have only lost .2 lbs. I'll tell you what, I worked way too hard in the last 2 weeks to have only lost .2 lbs. I'm going to take a day or 2 and try and figure this out. I have eating in my calorie range (sometimes a little under, but not over), I don't feel like I'm starving myself and I'm sweating my ass off 4-6 days a week, burning between 2,600 and 3,000 calories.
This really irks me ... I was down 13 lbs after 3 weeks, now after 5 weeks I'm only down 13.2. I can understand it if I wasn't keeping calories in range or exercising, but that's not the case. Almost feels like I am being picked on by some puppet master that doesn't want me to succeed.
Screw it. This week I'm going to be more anal about my food and try to get as much exercise time in as I can. I'm tired of being in the 300's and I should have been out of them last week. Feels like I've wasted 2 weeks.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
As I sit here trying to write about negative self talk, I keep putting words down, then erasing them and telling myself "that's no good, who would want to read this crap". There's a voice in my head that doesn't like me and I just have to put up with it.
Embarrassing stuff starts here:
The negative self talk was always there, but just a whisper, more like doubts than outright negativity. But on Feb. 4th 1998 the negative voice began yelling, taunting me. That's the night my ex-wife told me she didn't want to be married anymore. I tried to understand what she was saying but I was blind sided with being informed that she wasn't having fun being married, that it was hard to be a mom. Within 2 weeks she was dating a real loser, out partying most nights and I was left to take care of an 18 month old. You can imagine that my negative voice was having a blast really tearing apart any confidence I had.
Some time passed and she eventually moved out of state and filed for divorce in '99. I tried to put my life back together but the pieces seemed to no longer fit. I fell into depression which seemed to please my negative voice, I could hear him telling me "you're no good, nobody wants you ...". Over the years I have pretty much overcome the depression but that voice still remains.
On top of feeling unworthy, I have the skin condition Psoriasis, which makes me feel like a disgusting bag of filth. I am very self conscious about it and that, coupled with being overweight has kept me from living my life for years now. The last time I went out on a date was in June 2001. Yes, 10 years ago. And the psoriasis has migrated into some of my joints causing psoriatic arthritis, very similar to rheumatoid arthritis. Quite painful at times.
So how do I combat the negative self talk? Well, I log onto sparkpeople and I read other people's posts and blogs and I leave positive comments in the hopes that those people will feel uplifted and that makes me feel better. I don't think I am a worthy individual, but I am working on that in my own way. Every day that I get my workouts in and track my calories and stay on the right path helps me to quiet that voice.
Hopefully writing all of this down here on my blog will act as a lifting of weight off of me, like removing the yoke and setting aside the burden of being me. And hopefully someone else will read this and know that they aren't the only one who feels unworthy.
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