Sunday, September 02, 2012
I have some admissions to make. I was not good this past week. I ate pretty terribly and I only got to the gym a couple of times. I have also been derelict in keeping up with you all, reading your blogs, checking my friend feed, etc.
Yesterday was my grandmother's memorial service, it was nice. The only tears I saw were shed by my over dramatic cousin who enjoys having attention paid to her. It was a nice service, but still it was sad.
Another admission, I've been depressed. Not from the passing of my grandmother, not from putting a few pounds back on, not from feeling like I'm not prepared for Tough Mudder at the end of the month. Not from any one thing. Possibly from a lot of little things all bound up together; all that I've mentioned already plus bummed about writing papers for school, not having a job, my back and hip hurting and always feeling lonely.
I kind of feel like I'm in quicksand. I attempt to break free of how I feel but the harder I've tried to shake the feelings, the more I'm pulled in. I just came home from a vacation, but maybe I need some time off from stressing about what I'm eating and how much time I spend in the gym. I need to get back to enjoying preparing my food and going to the gym. Lately it's all been drudgery and that's a problem. I haven't enjoyed going to the gym for several weeks now, it's begun to feel more like I HAVE to go and spend so many minutes each week there. I want to enjoy going to the gym again.
I'm not enjoying life right now and having just a little depression makes things so much worse. I need to relax, breath and find some enjoyment and try to break this cycle and get back to being myself.
I did drop 1.2 lbs this week but still have 6.6 lbs to get back to my low of 217.2.
Also, I didn't write any of this to try and get some sympathy or pity. I just wanted to in some small way put down on (virtual) paper a little of how I'm feeling. Thank you.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
I missed writing last week's blog because I was in Victoria, BC, Canada at the time, on my last full day of vacation. I've been home since the night of the 19th but only made it to the gym one day this week due to circumstances out of my control.
My father and I spent all week at the senior complex apartment where my grandmother lived. We packed and moved all of her stuff out, it's surprising how much stuff you can fit into a small apartment!
Except for my grandmother passing away while I was around 1,000 miles from home, the vacation was a good one. I'd never been to Alaska before and the scenery was both beautiful and majestic.
This is Ketchikan, looking towards downtown.
This is the ship we were on. 4 decks above the middle lifeboat is my brother and his girlfriend, the cabin to the right of them was my parent's and the one to the right of that was mine and my son's
Here's a picture of downtown Skagway, looking towards the mountains.
In Skagway my son and I went into the mountains and rode some zip lines.
This is my son 'trust falling' backwards from a zip line platform.
And me coming down a zip line.
The day before I left for vacation I weighed in at 217.2, exactly 100 lbs down from where I started. Of course that Saturday was a free day for me and I ate well. Unfortunately, the whole next week was full of free days as well!! But I knew that going in and I was planning on using the ships gym each day to stay on top of things. Well, I never actually made it to the gym, was always busy or worn out from being busy. But I can honestly say that I walked more that week than any other week since I got my driver's license in 1986! Even all of that walking didn't help me much though because I weighed myself on Monday morning of this week and I was at 230.0!!! I was up 12.8 lbs over the course of 9 days. LOL
I didn't eat that well this week and didn't get much gym time in but I was still able to drop 5 lbs. from Monday to today. However, I am still 7.8 lbs above my lowest point. But the weight will come off and I had a good time so I think it was worth it.
My son even got a picture of a black bear cub at the Mendenhall Glacier Park outside of Juneau.
I should have more pics soon. Pics that need to be scanned, pics that are on other people's cameras, etc. This is all you're getting for now :)
Monday, August 20, 2012
I survived my vacation. The cruise itself was good, had a lot of fun, but was pretty wiped out by the end of it. Always seems like vacations take a lot out of you! But the whole week was not pleasant.
Found out Tuesday morning that my 91 year old grandmother had a massive stroke on Monday night. We then received word on Wednesday morning that she had passed away a couple of hours earlier. That really put a damper on the week. It sucks, but I know that she is not hurting anymore and that she and my grandfather are reunited again. It had been 8-1/2 months since his passing and she was really missing him.
Then we get home and the stupid garage door comes off the tracks and is now stuck halfway open. I hate garage doors.
My friend (and workout partner) and his daughter were house sitting for my parents with a few simple rules for the house and it seems they took advantage of it. He had his girlfriend over all week and his son was here most of the week as well. His son is an idiot (almost 17, has a 4 month old daughter, got married last month, etc.) and I really didn't want him here because I don't trust him. On top of that, the boy has tons of drama with his wife and her mother. Her mother actually came to the house to get her daughter because they were fighting. Brought that drama to my parents house. I've pretty much lost most of the respect and trust I had in my friend. As if that wasn't bad enough, the Dish Network remote control is nowhere to be found so you can't change the channel on the tv now (and they all claim to not have moved the remote from the coffee table, I guess it grew legs and walked away).
It's 11:30 here in central California now and my day started at 6:00 am in Seattle and I am tired, frustrated, sad and more than a little angry. AND I get to get up early to take my son to school because tomorrow is the first day of school.
I will post a better blog in the next couple of days, I just needed to get some things off of my chest tonight.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
This week sucked, I was under a lot of stress and it surely affected me. A few weeks ago I had to go on welfare (with a 15 year old to feed and keep insured I was out of options). I know, I know, go get a job. Been trying that on and off for almost 4 years now. Where I live the unemployment rate is around 18% and with not having a degree, jobs are very limited. That's why I decided to go to school and get my degree, to open more doors for myself. It's funny, you can run a business for several years doing close to 1 million in sales (with around 10 employees) but without a degree, nobody will look at you. hmmmmph.
Anyway, so this week I had to start 'supervised job search' through the county and had to log 12 hours of looking for a job, plus since I'm going to be gone next week, I had to make up the 12 hours for next week this week. I also had to fill out the paperwork for my son's school because we get home the day before school starts and he has to have those papers in hand on the first day.
If all of that wasn't enough, I had the pressure to lose .6lb this week to hit my goal of 100 lbs. Normally that would be easy, but with all of the other pressures on me, nothing was coming easy. I couldn't get as much gym time as I wanted so I was stressed about that too! And with having lost all of this weight, just putting together clothes to wear on vacation that all fit was a pain in the butt. Doggone it, this week seemed to last about a month.
Lets just get to the numbers and get on with our lives.
Weight : 217.2
Lost : .6
Total : 100.0
I did it. I lost .6 lb and hit my goal of 100 lbs before vacation. I surely would have loved to drop 2 lbs but apparently it wasn't in the cards. So I'll take it. Like my son was taught in preschool "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit"
No witty quotes today, I'm just too tired and still pretty busy. See you all on the 12th or 13th. Have a great week!
Saturday, August 04, 2012
This was a rough week for me. You see, last week brought a 3.8 lb loss, but I did a bit of "cheating" to achieve that number. I had weighed myself that morning and saw a 2.2 lb loss, that was good, but I wanted to be more ahead schedule than that. So, without taking in any water, I headed to the gym and spent 40 minutes on the stair master. I came home and re-weighed and got the 3.8 lb loss. It was a bit of sneaky dehydration work that did the trick for me. BUT, after getting a lot of water that day and having a huge free day lunch and a larger dinner than I really needed I saw my shenanigans being repaid to me the next day. When I got on the scale on Sunday morning to see what my free day damage was I was shocked. It said 228.4, 9.2 lbs heavier than the day before.
So all this week I have really killing myself to shed that extra weight (mostly water of course, but I just couldn't get it to come off). On Thursday I was still almost 2 lbs above my Saturday weight :( But still I continued to fight at the gym, eat pretty good and drink lots of water.
Which leads me to today. I was just hoping that I would be down a little, to see at least some positive movement and not be totally undone by my childish trickery of the previous weigh in day. So without further adieu, the numbers:
Weight : 217.8
Lost : 1.4
Total : 99.4
I was amazed to see that I lost 1.4 lbs. Holy smokes! I was just hoping to drop .4 or .6 so I am pretty darn happy with what I got. But you can bet I won't be playing any more dehydration games. This week was too much work and too stressful on me!
I'm done writing, I need to go relax a bit and plan my week of school work. I'm trying to finish a 4 unit class (Global Economics) before I go on vacation next week and I've done 3 papers with just one more left (yay). Already finished the 6 unit class (Quantitative Analysis and Business Applications) so before I leave I will have 10 units completed in 10 weeks! I am going to enjoy taking a week off and getting out of here!!!
"If you're gonna be dumb, you better be tough" - I don't know who said it first!
Get An Email Alert Each Time KING_SLAYER Posts