Thursday, November 10, 2011
I have been wanting a new job for a long time. I almost quit once about 6 months ago. I barely get paid anything here, but have to do everything. I really need a job because of some kind of income, but mostly because of insurance. It only cost me $40 a month when I first got it. Now it costs $100 a month. I still have not gotten a raise after 2 1/2 years of working here. They "can't afford" to give it to me. When I almost quit a while ago, I told the manager I only work here still because of the insurance. There was no reason to lie and say I would stay because I like it here. After that argument, the owner said he would try to change the company a bit to make things more organized. He said he would hire someone new for the one position where someone quit. Well he had me put up job ads 3 times now, and still never hired anyone... Nothing is fixed and it is actually worse because everyone is so fed up with each other. I really want another job, but I am using the insurance a lot right now because of my arm (they still don't know the problem). I can't get on my fiances insurance until we are married. I don't really want to stick it out here another year before that happens. Sigh. I don't think I could afford insurance on my own unless I get a job that pays a lot more than what I am paying now. Everytime an argument starts up here, it is never my fault. Everyone knows I didn't do anything wrong, but they still like to blame me. When they know they are wrong, they don't even say sorry. If I make a mistake, I admit it and fix it and try not to do it again. Everytime there is an argument now, I can feel my blood pressure go up. I get so flustered because I physically hate it here now. I have almost walked out about 4 times now. I need to really put resumes out there because I can't just quit here although I would love to. I would love to just make more mistakes like the rest of the people do here. I just can't afford to get fired now. Plus, I am not a bad person, so I don't think I could do that anyways.
I just got an argument with the owner today because of a seminar he said he wasn't going to do. He has known about it for 4 months, and said no no no until just now apparently. I am the one who has to put together all of the flyers and brochures and samples for those kinds of things. Since we don't have enough money to pay for extra printer ink or extra paper, I can't just make extras and have them here. So he just tells me now that he is going to do it and the seminar is next week. There is other stuff I have to do (because I do everything here). I told him I wish he gave me more than a week, because now I barely have any time to put things together.
Anyways, I need the motivation to do something about my situation. I guess I could try to cut costs somewhere else and put it towards insurance. I guess I could always ask my parents if they could help me out for a little bit. Damn stress is killing me. I hate feeling physically sick with this crap!