Friday, October 21, 2011
When I first decided I wanted to track what I ate, I didn't have One Last Day of Indulging. I just started and knew I wanted to stick with it 100% until I hit my first goal. I felt really good the first few weeks. I took long walks a couple times a week with my pup. I was happy to see the pounds come off quick. Then all of a sudden, I was waiting and waiting for my scale to show me some change! In 3 weeks I didn't lose 1 lb, but I didn't give up. I did some searches and found out other people had the same lack of results. I kept working HARDER. I walked the same/more, added more veggies to my diet, and still waited. Then all of a sudden the pounds started to come off slowly. I think I was the happiest so far when I dropped that one pound after 3 weeks of no change.
I lost 21 pounds so far.. and I feel awful about myself. I still look at myself with disgust in the mirror. I bought some new clothes not too long ago, and they don't even make me feel better even though they are a smaller size. I don't want to be content with only losing this little, so I guess this is why I feel this way. I don't want to stop tracking. I don't want to stop working out. I want to continue to feel determined. I look at the other motivational Sparkblogs at least once a week to get myself motivated. Why can't I be the person that lost 100 pounds? I CAN be that person, and I will be that person (one day).
I focus hard on what I eat, what I can't eat, and how much exercise I should be doing. I think I went over calories once or twice so far by 100 at most. I cut out the salt shaker, I drink only water, non-fat milk, hot tea, and occasionally diet iced tea. Maybe three times so far I had zero vitamin water. I think I feel the best about myself when I say no to the sweets or pass on a delicious, fork full of cheesy goodness from my fiance. I am happy I lost the weight so far, but I still have a long way to go. I still want to have 50 pounds gone by May. Why May? I am not sure - I randomly picked that month when I started Spark. I could have picked next October when I am getting married, but then I would slack off more. I want a closer deadline so I keep up with it and actually reach that first big goal. Then, I want to lose almost the same amount again until I get to my healthy max weight.
I guess I am more excited about the way I will look, and still hate the way I look now. So instead of sulking, or feeling awful about myself I am going to keep working. I won't be doing the same as I did today, I will do better tomorrow, and even better the next day.