KIMPY225   60,149
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Happy Monday & my second 5K race results

Monday, October 15, 2012

First off - Man this weather is crazy! It was so cold Saturday morning & then yesterday it was gorgeous! Today it has been rainy and kind of warm. Crazy fall so far!!!

I had my second 5K on Saturday morning. I got up at 7:15am, and I wasn't tired at all. I was really surprised I was ready to move pretty fast! I was really nervous about it Friday night, but I didn't let myself get too worked up.

My ex left me a present on my car - hand & feet warmers. I didn't want to put the adhesive feet warmers on because I Didn't want to get any weird blisters or anything during the race. My feet actually weren't cold at all. I put the handwarmers in my stretchy gloves & I wore them for more of the race. I threw them out halfway during the race when I saw a trashcan because I wasn't as cold anymore. There were a lot more people at this race compared to my first one. There were a lot of teenagers who were just going to walk & not be timed.

The one thing that really made me feel funky was the cold air. It really hurt my throat during & after the race. I kept having to clear my throat the whole rest of the day! The park was really nice. First we went through the park, then up this very long hill. We went through a residential area for a half of a mile or so, and then this random trail showed up in between two houses. There was more park area back there. I wasn't really near anyone for most of the race. I randomly caught up to someone at the 2 mile marker. I kept trying to jog as much as I could. I would randomly have to stop & walk when it was too much. I kept doing this over and over for the whole race.

I wanted to get under 37 minutes, but as I was racing, my mind changed. All I wanted was to get it over with! I was feeling really emotional because that day was going to be my wedding. My whole life changed, and instead I was running a 5K as a single young woman. I didn't give up & I kept pushing myself. It felt like I was running for an hour. As I approached the finish line, I couldn't see the time too well. I just ran as fast as I could at the end! I saw the time was 36 Something - I was so glad I finished & I was under 37!!!

There were so many baked goods at the refreshment tables - it was so weird to see so many brownies, doughnuts, cookies etc. I ate a banana and then took an apple & protein bar with me. I also took two doughnuts & brought them for my parents. I saw other people with plates full of food, so I figured it would be ok to take 2 goodies for them. I wasn't even tempted to eat them- woohoo!

My official time was 36:36! I had to email the coordinator to find out where the times were posted. She just got back to me with the website!

First 5K 9/30: 37:37
Second 5K 10/13: 36:36

My legs aren't as sore as they were the first time I ran the 5K. They still hurt, but not as much! I am really glad! Hopefully as time goes by, I will recover faster & faster!

Some 5K Challenge updates: As of right now, I am at 169lbs. That is 81 pounds lost. I am still having a tough time with the lower calorie range. I am not really going over, but I am more frustrated. I eat less during the day, and then have to catch up more at night. I need to figure out how to get more veggies & fruits in!

This work day flew by today because of the tax extension deadline. I offered to wait to take lunch until I was done processing returns. I didn't get to take lunch until 2:45! I went to Target and bought a thin rain coat with a hood & also a nicer trench coat to wear. I am going to wear it for my cousins wedding in 2 weeks if it is cold.

Hopefully everyone has a great rest of the week! Keep Sparking!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATTACKFATCAT 10/16/2012 5:37PM

    Congrats on getting another 5K under your belt...and you beat your previous time as well! It sounds like it could've been a rough day for you, but I'm so proud that you took that day and made it special in a different way. I mean, you were RUNNING...could you imagine doing that before you started getting healthy? You are a young, single, HEALTHY woman who loves yourself enough to take care of yourself and be happy. You have so many possibilities and so few people learn to love themselves like that. It's overwhelming to look at how much has changed from what you expected life to be like...but also be excited about what's to come for you emoticon

Also happy to hear you made good choices at the snack table...a lot of people would've been like "Look what I just did, I deserve a doughnut!" - me included, lol.

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PEPPYPATTI 10/16/2012 5:02PM

    emoticon That is so awesome!!! emoticon emoticon

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JENGRAMMER 10/16/2012 4:04PM

    It's all been said, so Ill just say emoticon emoticon

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PUPPYWHISPERS 10/16/2012 8:50AM

    Congrats and great job!

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POMATOJUICE 10/16/2012 8:50AM

    The second one already.. wow! I'm glad you didn't end up a Kimpcicle! The handwarmers sound like a really nice gesture. I suppose after you get going, though, you don't notice the cold as much? the one I'm thinking about doing is Nov. 10th, and I have no idea what the weather will be like! I don't have that many options w/ exercise clothes, though, so I'll probably end up in a regular T-shirt and long sweats or something!

Way to go on your time! emoticon

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ALICIALYNNE 10/16/2012 8:02AM

Very proud of you for turning what had to have been an emotionally horrible time into something positive.
And HECK YEAH for cutting a full minute off of your PR!

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ROXYZMOM 10/16/2012 7:53AM

    Congrats on your new PR! That race was so therapeutic for you! You rose to the occasion, turned that date around and shined!

Good for you!!

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JAXMOMMY 10/15/2012 11:28PM

    I guess I missed something about the marriage and your ex.... But, glad you went ahead and ran your 2nd 5k and in such great time! Like others I am supposing your next 5k will result in 35:35! Congratulations!! Go Firecracker Go!

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MCJULIEO 10/15/2012 10:08PM

    Going for 35:35 next???!!! You can do it!

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FUSIONFITNESS3 10/15/2012 9:12PM

    I remember just reading about your first 5km. And now you have completed your 2nd. emoticon emoticon on your improved time too. Isn't it amazing how things change from our first to our second run. I am in my last week of training for my 2nd 5 km. It's hard work but I love the feeling of running... (Can't believe I wrote that)
I love Fairlights comments. They're great.

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LIVINGFREE19 10/15/2012 8:06PM

    That is great that you are doing a second 5K!

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FAIRLIGHT914 10/15/2012 7:55PM

    I found this and thought I should share with you..

The mere fact that a person devotes time to running as opposed to countless other activities speaks to motivation, drive, and self discipline.

One could argue that a person's running philosophy, style, and level of commitment all reflect one's personality; therefore, running is metaphor for life. Here's why:

When you run...

Run hard. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Run hard even if no one is looking. Remember, it's for you.

Run hard especially if no one is looking. It is the true test of your character.

Run intervals even though they hurt and seem unnatural. Do the extra work necessary to get to the next level.

Run through the summer. Run through the winter. Run all year. Consistency is the key to success in everything.

Run alone often. Know thyself.

Run with others sometimes. It keeps you in touch with others who live the same metaphor as you.

Run against yourself and your own times. Excellence is your own race, one you pursue for yourself.

Sign up and pay early. Committing to do something is often reason enough to see it through.

Get up and run even if you don't feel your best. Even a bad day of effort is a day of effort, and your performance may even surprise you.

Remember, your sport is many other sports' punishment. "Fun" and "achievement" are individually defined. Do what works for you.

Run just for you. Most other folks won't get it, and you'll eventually quit trying to explain. Your sport, your vocation, your career, your religion, your life - should all be chosen by you and done for you.

When you run and whether you realize it or not, you bear your soul to the world. Perhaps more importantly, you confirm who you are to you. So, in running and in life, be true to yourself.


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IOWAGRAMMA 10/15/2012 7:46PM

    emoticon on your second 5K and for pushing through the emotions and physical challenge! I'm so impressed with your determination. Best to you!!! You're doing a great job. emoticon

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RACEWELLWON 10/15/2012 7:12PM

    Great Job - you are an inspiration for me - I bet it was cold - you are right weird weather. I am sorry, that had to be emotionally hard for you. You are very strong - it was nice to get the gloves - Hugh? He was thinking of you. A mask - I see runners over here with those masks on - maybe that will help. You did a good thing bringing your Mom and Dad a plate , how very thoughtful. I am so happy and proud of you that you are not letting emotional baggage keep you from your goals. You Rock !! Hugs K emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BRENDABUNNY 10/15/2012 7:06PM

    emoticon good job on the 5k sorry about the day being a mentally bad one in other ways but the thing is is YOU did! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 10/15/2012 6:34PM

    First of all...Congratulations on your race!!! That is awesome. Based on your times, I'm guessing your 3rd 5k time will be 35:35!

Second, you may have exercise induced asthma in cold weather...that might be what is causing your throat to feel tight and feel like you need to clear it afterward. Just a thought...I could be wrong. If it keeps bothering you, particularly in cold weather, you doctor can help with that.

Third, I didn't realize you were originally planning on getting married last Sat. I don't know the reason for the change in plans, but I'm really glad you did something good and healthy for yourself that day. What a great way to take care of yourself.

Congratulations on all your progress.... you are doing great!!!!

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Progress Pictures - 250vs200vs170 - Lost 80 lbs so far

Friday, October 12, 2012

Good morning! Happy Friday everyone!


As promised!! I finally got all of my pictures uploaded & I cropped them together last night. (I don't spend a lot of time at my home computer, sorry!) Anyways, here are my underwear comparison pictures. Sorry the pictures are all in different places. I have moved around a lot the past few years. Also, sorry for the shadows! Hopefully the pictures are still decent enough to see a difference. 80 pounds lost so far!

Man I look so miserable in those pictures! I tried not to smile in any of them because I just wanted them to look like my normal standing self! I feel so disgusted with myself when I was looking at the 250 pound pictures... yuck yuck... I definitely don't feel as big now! 15 more pounds until I get to my healthy weight of 155.

I don't know exactly what made me stick with Spark - but I am SO so so glad I am still here. Thank you again to everyone here! I Love Spark & the amazing community here! I feel so welcome here!

Here are some stats: Sorry I don't have any actual measurements!

Start Date: August 17, 2011
Current Date: October 12, 2012

Start Weight: 250
Current Weight: 170
Healthy Goal Weight: 155

Start Pant Size: 22-24
Current Size: 14

Start Shirt Size: 2X-3X
Current Size: L-XL

Progress Pictures: Taken at 250lbs, 200 lbs & 170lbs

Progress Pictures: 250 vs 170

I see why I gained so much weight - this is what I USED TO EAT - Actual Pictures from 2 years ago:

My oldest friends! 2010 vs 2012

April 2010 - 250 lbs.

September 2012 - after my first 5K!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITBIZZZ 10/17/2012 2:35PM


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KAI_ZEN 10/15/2012 12:28PM

    You're doing so well! Your hard work is paying off in so may ways. Thanks for sharing your success!
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JEWELMOTI 10/15/2012 10:27AM

    What can I say! AWSOME

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BUSYBEE37 10/15/2012 10:21AM

    Wow! Amazing progress you've made. Be Proud of yourself, you've done a marvelous job!

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WONKYSOX 10/14/2012 10:45AM

    emoticon You look amazing!!!!

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JERSEYGIRL24 10/13/2012 11:15AM

    You have been great!!! It takes a lot of courage (I think) to post those pictures. It is great that you even have such detailed "before" pictures. Were you planning to lose weight at that point?

But it's in the every day pictures, like the one of you with your friends, that I see a big difference that is more living and more "real". Keep up the good work. I love being friends with you. emoticon emoticon

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HICIM705 10/13/2012 11:02AM

    WOW - GREAT JOB!!!
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PURPLELVR7 10/13/2012 9:00AM

    emoticon you look emoticon

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ATLTRAINR 10/13/2012 6:42AM

    emoticon emoticon

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EATVEGAN 10/13/2012 12:33AM

    Did you ever think at your starting weight that you'd be looking forward to running a 5K? That is amazing. You're doing so well. And I know it was hard work. emoticon and you can make it all the way. emoticon

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MY9STONEJOURNEY 10/12/2012 11:23PM

    Such an inspiration!!! You look amazing.. Congrats on all you success and a woohoo to the future success...


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AZULVIOLETA6 10/12/2012 8:48PM

    Good for you! You are so brave! Nobody got anywhere near me with a camera when I was at my heaviest, so I have no such photographic evidence.

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FAIRLIGHT914 10/12/2012 8:25PM

    Wow! You must be so proud! I know I am for you!
You have done an amazing job!
Thanks for sharing with us!
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Comment edited on: 10/12/2012 8:26:49 PM

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POMATOJUICE 10/12/2012 7:23PM

    Thank you very much for sharing these personal pictures! You have worked so hard, and it shows. It's very inspirational to look at your progress! You look so much younger and livelier in your recent photos! :)

Good luck in your race tomorrow! I don't suppose you can run with hot water bottles stuffed in your shorts, though :X

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 10/12/2012 7:22PM

    That's amazing!!! Congratulations!!!

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MCJULIEO 10/12/2012 7:16PM

    LOOK at your FACE! Aren't you BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

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PEPPYPATTI 10/12/2012 5:43PM

    You have come a long way baby! You are doing just awesome!
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KEEP_GOING247 10/12/2012 5:31PM

    You should be so proud of yourself! You have done an amazing, amazing job. The smile on your face in that last photo says it all. emoticon emoticon

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CANES4EVER63 10/12/2012 3:34PM

    Way to go!!! Keep up the great work!! You look amazing!

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BRENDABUNNY 10/12/2012 2:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon be proud you have every right emoticon

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FUSIONFITNESS3 10/12/2012 2:41PM

    Brave girl to post these pictures. They truly tell your story. Congratulations, again and again, and again. emoticon

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ATTACKFATCAT 10/12/2012 1:25PM

    What a difference! I can really see it in your face in that after 5K pic. You have come a long way and it's amazing how much you have changed mentally as well as physically. You should be proud of every pound lost and every battle fought. We were at similar starting definitely inspire me that I can get past the 200 mark. emoticon emoticon

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IRONBLOSSOM 10/12/2012 1:18PM

    Wow, you look amazing! And you are so brave and honest with yourself!

Thanks for sharing these, I hope one of these days I'll have some progress like this of my own! :-)

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PAPER_WINGS18 10/12/2012 12:45PM

    You look INCREDIBLE!! Thank you so much for the motivation to keep on pushing, as we had similar SW. I am hanging around 205 now-- have been for months, but its my own fault. This mental game is HARD some days!!

Keep up the amazingness!! :D

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THE_NEW_MELISSA 10/12/2012 12:35PM

    You look amazing! Great job!

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VONBLACKBIRD 10/12/2012 12:28PM

    My goodness I'm so so proud of you and so glad to know you here on SP...what an inspiration you are..and to think you have lost almost!!! what incentive and now the 5 K etc..You are terrific.. emoticon for those 15lbs..and maybe even more...thanks so much for sharing these... emoticon

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CWHEATLEY12 10/12/2012 11:54AM

    This is absolutely amazing! You must be so proud of yourself. Congratulations! You looks fabulous!

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JACKIE542 10/12/2012 11:26AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Great job!

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RUFFIT 10/12/2012 10:54AM

    You look totally amazing!!! Hugs, Moni emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALICIALYNNE 10/12/2012 10:53AM

    And we love you, too!

MAJOR difference in the pictures! You go, girl!

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LIFEFOUNDONARUN 10/12/2012 10:51AM

    Amazing job!!!!! Huge congrats!!!! emoticon

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RACEWELLWON 10/12/2012 10:47AM

    You are very motivating !!! You look great - what an accomplishment - emoticon Tomorrow your race !! Will be cheering for you !!! emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 10/12/2012 10:47AM

    Awesome pictures!
You really have come a long ways!

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REVIVE_ROCKSTAR 10/12/2012 10:47AM

    Awesome! Congrats!

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CAGMUAHFO2 10/12/2012 10:40AM

    You look emoticon You have done an AMAZING job!! Your so close to your goal weight too!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Long Blog Ahead: 80 pounds lost and I feel....

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Fat! haha I still feel fat. I remember a while ago I posted a blog saying "I lost X lbs and I still feel fat". It is true. The thought of still being chubby is there! However, I don't feel as big. Actually, I haven't felt big in a while except last night when I saw the pictures of me in my undies. I think I felt bigger again because I still have a lot of flub in spots I want it to be gone at! Plus, I normally don't see myself from the side or the back like that! When I have clothes on, I don't see my body overflowing out of my underwear and I like it a lot more. I know I need to learn to be more comfortable in my own skin. I am working on it!

Besides feeling a lit big still, I also feel:

I posted some pictures of thing that are approx 80 pounds at the bottom of this blog. Check them out! I will post pictures of me 80 pounds heavier soon! Ick!

I took progress pictures last night! I DID! However, I don't have them on my home computer yet.
I am going to put them on tonight & post another blog very soon! I don't like how the pictures turned out - just because I didn't reach my goal yet. But I looked back at my OLD pictures.. and yuck. I don't even feel like that person anymore. I shed 80 pounds and a lot of negativity went with it!

I didn't reach my first BIG goal yet - to be at the high end of my healthy weight: 155. but I know I will!!! The only thing that would stop me is Me! and I won't let that happen!

I can't wait for my 5K on Saturday! I still never thought I would be excited about jogging & completing a race! My second one so far!!

Thank you SO much to everyone here at Spark. I love all of the features here. The support is amazing. Just reading comments from one member to another helps inspire me. Everyone is here for their own reasons, but they are all important to me! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week, year, lifetime! and Keep SPARKING!

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A lovely member sent me a Sparkmail not too long ago about HOW I lost my weight so far - I wanted to copy and paste some of it on here. Maybe some of my ideas will help someone else out!

here is a random list of what I do & don't do with my diet:
-I track everyday - even if I can't do it on the weekends, on Monday I go back and enter everything. or I pre-track. If I know what I am having for breakfast and lunch, I put it in early and then I have a better idea of what I can have for dinner
- I don't weigh food, so if I think I am over 1 serving, I count it as 1.5 or 2 depending
-I don't eat red meat - ok I occasionally will have ONE meatball. I don't consider myself a vegetarian, but I don't eat sausage, bacon, steak, burgers.. anything like that anymore.
-I eat Turkey burgers, turkey or chicken sausage, tuna, other types of chicken.
- lots of veggies with dinner! The more veggies I have, the less meat/rice/pasta part I have
-I don't eat fried foods like mozz sticks, cheesesteaks, crispy chicken, etc. The only thing I would eat would be french fries - but I started a 5% weight loss challenge for 8 weeks and I told myself NO french fries for 8 weeks!
-I don't eat cookies or cake or candy. Occasionally I will have some icing off of someones cake, but otherwise I just say No. I would rather have more dinner than a brownie.
-I cut back on cheese a lot. Most of the time, I don't even taste cheese on a sandwich. So I cut it out!
-I use egg whites.
-I don't use any butter or margarine at all. I completely cut it out. I use oil sprays or maybe a bit of oil depending on what I am cooking
-If I eat out, I make a lot of changes to what I am getting. If it has cheese, I say no. I order extra veggies, but ask how they are prepared.
-I eat 50 calorie sliced bread, whole grain pasta, brown rice
-I eat 90 calorie granola/fiber snacks.
-I don't eat potato chips. I like pretezels, wheat thins... I don't weigh food, but I try to count out the serving size if it says it on the package. I count it out at home and keep mini-snack plastic bags full so I can just grab one.
-I do like tortilla chips & salsa though.. but I want to cut back on that a lot because of this weight challenge!
-I drink water and diet iced tea and hot tea. Sometimes I have a small glass of fat free milk or use some with cereal. I don't drink soda except diet coke if I have an alcoholic drink - but I try to stay away becauase the calories are crazy in drinks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HDHAWK 10/11/2012 7:40PM

    Congrats! What an accomplishment!

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2HAMSDIET 10/11/2012 6:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BRENDABUNNY 10/11/2012 3:52PM

    emoticon good job you have really adopted healthy eating habits...keep up the great job emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 10/11/2012 3:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JACKIE542 10/11/2012 2:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BATCHICK 10/11/2012 1:50PM

    You are truly an ispiration! I love the visuals of things that weigh 80lbs.

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ATTACKFATCAT 10/11/2012 12:51PM

    You lost as much a baby giraffe? That's awesome! emoticon

When I was in high school, I shed about 20-30 pounds and was at my lowest weight of 135. But I still felt fat. I agonized over that 5 pounds and wanted so bad to be below 130. Of course, I look at those pictures now and I laugh, laugh, laugh. But it's one of those things where we have to reset our brains as well to see we aren't fat. It's probably going to take some time, but definitely try to take time each day to admire one new good part about you, physically or mentally. Like after exercise, I feel thinner even though it's really not possible. I feel toned and thinner and a lot more confident.

Most of the time people lose the weight and don't consider the readjustment of their thinking. Just don't beat yourself up too much and look at what all you have accomplished. emoticon

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MCJULIEO 10/11/2012 12:30PM

    Yowza! What visual comparisons!

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SIRENSONGS 10/11/2012 12:27PM

    Awesome job, congrats! And you will make to 155, I know you will! You've come so far already!

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ALICIALYNNE 10/11/2012 12:00PM

    Lots of awesome tips!
And holy hell, you've lost a whole baby giraffe!

Congrats, keep up the hard work!

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CWHEATLEY12 10/11/2012 11:43AM

    You have done such an amazing job of reaching your goals and this 80lb weight loss is amazing. You should be extremely proud of yourself. I believe that in time you will be able to overcome the negative feelings and you will be happy in your new and improved body. Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing the transformation photos!

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PRINMAOTONYANE 10/11/2012 10:52AM

  I am so proud of you for the weight loss. emoticon emoticon Oh and I cant wait to see the progress pictures, you are so inspiring.

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WENWASHING67 10/11/2012 10:31AM

    That is a mighty big pumpkin! Congrats on your weight loss first...second, I have heard that if you've been fat you will always feel fat, even when you lose the weight. I hope you realize what a success you are and how wonderful you look...even if you don't like what you see in the mirror. You need to be positive and think about how wonderful you look in comparison to what you used to look like. Maybe hang a picture of the "old" you on the mirror so you can appreciate how you look now?

Anyway, I love your ideas and plan on trying some of them to help my weight loss. At the risk of sounding cheesy, you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing!

~ Wendy

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Keep smiling through the pain & it may pass sooner than later

Monday, October 08, 2012

Warning: This blog is a bit blah. I try not to put too much detail about the blah parts of my life in this blog, but sometimes I just feel like I have to! I hope everyone has a spectacular Monday!

In general, I am a pretty upbeat person. If you had read some of my other blog posts, I am sure you have seen my !!! and happy faces all over the place. Even in person, most people know I joke around and giggle a lot. I crack jokes & try to find the upside of most situations. I do have some sides of me I struggle with.

I have made a lot of progress with my weight loss & with eating healthier. I definitely have come a long way since I started Spark almost 14 months ago. I still feel troubled with some other aspects of my life. When it comes to choosing a banana or a cookie, I know what is healthier for me. Some people will choose the cookie, and I am ok with that! I have my own plan & I am happy with it!

What some people don't know is that I feel broken in other aspects of my life. I don't talk about it a lot, but it is still there. I try to remember this with everyone I talk to. Everyone has their own story. They also have their own way of handling things.

People say Time heals. I do believe time does help heal things, but I think attitude and outlook can definitely speed things up or slow things down. A negative attitude and keeping emotions bottled up inside can sometimes cause more problems than solutions. At least for me, if I stay sad, it will make things worse for me. I used to be so angry, sad, and I almost gave up wanting good things. I don't know how it got like that, but it did. Whenever I used to be happy, something bad would happen & it would make me feel worse. I didn't want to be happy anymore because I felt like it would get ruined in some way. Something in me changed. I suddenly realized how far away I was from my true self. I can't change the past, but I do remember how I was and how much I don't want to be like that anymore. Instead of sulking, I keep my head high and keep smiling.

Now, I try to stay happy even though I know life is complicated. I can't please everyone - it isn't possible. I need to keep putting myself first! I sit and think before I act. I try to play out every scenario in my head before making decisions. When I do make a decision, I ask myself if I will be happy or content with it. If I will be miserable, why should I keep making those decisions? Life isn't fair, but I need to keep telling myself I deserve to be HAPPY! I may be hurting one or two people along the way, but I can't help everyone. I can't fix everyone. I can only give advice, and try my best to please myself and everyone else.

Sometimes when I read some random Spark blogs, I get this funky feeling inside of me. I can tell some members are so sad and frustrated with life. I wish I could just spend a day with them, listen, and help change their outlook. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I also can't do that with people I see everyday. I offer advice when I can, but true change comes from within. We all need to figure out our own way to handle everything in our lives! For me, I just think I need to stay happy to live a fulfilling life.

Life is too short. I can't keep putting my wants off forever. My goals are my own! If i don't reach them right away, only I can determine how I will react to that. Will I give up on myself, or keep pushing? I smiled my way through my 5K even though I wasn't ready for it. I finished at my own pace, and I think I can do the same thing with my life. I know I still have to do some things I don't want to do, but I still try to be pleasant and smile when I can. I make the best of what I do have instead of being miserable!

Sorry if those paragraphs don't make much sense. I just feel off today, but I am going to keep smiling. The 5% challenge started, I am going to fit in 45 minutes of exercies in tonight, I am going to be more prepared for my 5K which is on Saturday, and this day will be over before I know it. I can't give up just because I don't feel 100% like myself today. I am very thankful for Spark & this wonderful community. Even if I am having a terrible day, I know I can come here and feel better. I am much more than a number!

I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Keep on Sparking & try to keep going in your own way!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRINMAOTONYANE 10/10/2012 9:27AM

  emoticon You are right, you cant help everyone but you know your cheerfulness reaches us everyday, and I certainly appreciate it. For me when i do come across someone who is said, i pray for them and if i can sometimes i send them a sparkmail to let them know i just prayed for them. I am sorry you are having a sad kind of day. emoticon

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JAXMOMMY 10/9/2012 12:06PM

    First, as I've been reading everyone's blogs, I note how you comment on so many and as a fellow Firecracker I appreciate you doing that. You give encouragement, support and motivation and that is enough. You dont' have to solve other people's problems. I too try very hard to always be positive, but life makes it hard at times. I take what I can learn from every "negative" experience. Sometimes, there is no silver lining, but an important lesson within.... Please you. Change you. Do what you do with support and encouragement and you will touch so many. I know you have touched my life in a positive way by commenting on my recent "blah" blogs! Sometimes we do have blah days and what better way to work thru them than by writing and expressing? Knock 'em dead at that upcoming 5K! You rock!

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NEWNAC304 10/9/2012 6:00AM

    I didn't think this was at all "blah". Blogs are for getting your feelings out in writing. You did just that. I love how you always try to stay positive. You're entitled to one day of feeling a little down, we all have days like that. I hope you're feeling better today.

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2HAMSDIET 10/8/2012 11:11PM

    Some one told me long ago if you don't have sad times you will not know the happy ones. Keep smiling your way through life and live each moment as if it was your last. emoticon emoticon

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SHRINK_U 10/8/2012 8:49PM

    I also try to stay positive but also have some blah days ... sometimes even have some blah weeks. I can totally relate.

Here is a parable that I read a few months ago.. that has really really helped me to stop trying to please everyone.. I have struggled with people pleasing. I want to share this parable with you :)

A short story that reminds us that no matter what you do, you can't please everyone. Focus on being the best YOU and to do what you know is right.

"A man, Nasreddin Hoja, and his son were traveling to a far village for business. They had with them a strong donkey and a few traveling necessities. Initially Hoja's son walked while his father rode the donkey but as they passed through the first town the people whispered: "What a cruel father, to make his young son walk while he rides comfortably".

After hearing this, Hoja, dismounted and beckoned his son ride the donkey while he walked for awhile. But as they entered the next town the people chuckled, "What old man chooses to walk while a strapping youth rides the donkey?"

Upon hearing this, Hoja, tells his son that they should both walk for now and decide who should ride the donkey and why. As they are discussing the issue some passersby shout out, "Fools! Both of you are walking even though you have a healthy donkey to help you along your way."

After hearing their sentiment, Hoja and his son both mount the donkey and ride together until they reach their destination. When they enter the village gates the people exclaim, "What cruelty is this? Two grown men riding one small donkey!"

Have fun at your 5k :)

Comment edited on: 10/8/2012 8:51:33 PM

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ATTACKFATCAT 10/8/2012 5:14PM

    Your blog makes plenty of sense ;) In fact, I think it's one a lot of people should be reading. Everyone has a different approach to dealing with emotions in their life, but suppressing emotions usually doesn't solve anything permanently, only temporarily. You have to draw a balance, though, between exploring your emotions and letting them pull you down into a hole of negative thinking. I think you are definitely working that balance, which is hard for me to find sometimes. I used to tell people I never felt anger because I bottled it up so much. Well, when I finally let it go, it involved whacking a broom against a tree until the broom snapped in half. And smashing the wedding cake topper after my ex-husband left. So bottling, not so healthy...

I really admire how self-aware you are in setting your own boundaries with the people in your life. We all want to be superwoman (or superman) and try to take on everything and help everyone. We certainly don't want to be labeled as selfish. Well, what the heck is wrong with a little selfishness? We are the key to our own happiness, not our spouses, family, friends, or careers. If we don't make the effort to set our own boundaries and decide what's best for ourselves, then we will constantly feel resentful, depressed, angry, sad, and definitely not content with our lives. I'm not saying don't make some sacrifices, but if that is ALL you do every single day, you are just going to be miserable. You have to take care of you before anyone else in this world.

Time does do some healing, but the wounds just scab over until something new makes the wound fresh. Until people take the time to heal themselves, it won't truly heal. Even then, those emotional wounds leave deep scars, but that is what makes us who we are. They are battle scars and I wear mine proudly.

I hope you continue with that kind of balance in your life and while staying positive does wonderful things, I hope you can heal some of those broken parts as well. emoticon

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ROXYZMOM 10/8/2012 5:11PM

    There are times when I have tried to help someone who was very negative and them started feeling that way. It gets further aggravating when they keep asking for help or advice and then either don't take it or get resentful to me because I helped. The minute I pick up on that I am done. Misery loves company so I tend to stay away from it.

My other thought is that we are now entering into "shorter days" and aren't getting as much light. That can lead to feelings of sadness too.

Going out at night to exercise will pick up your spirits, no matter what the cause is! I think you have a good plan.

Comment edited on: 10/8/2012 5:12:28 PM

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LINDAMARIEZ1 10/8/2012 3:31PM

    Exercise will help you to get over the down you feel but another way is to try this:
Every time you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts say to yourself or out loud "STOP" then put a happy thought there. do it every time! then after a few times you will automatically do it GF! They use this technique for getting over being jilted, a death, etc! It works I know! and one more thing to remember no one positive no one is up beat all the time! We are all good at putting on a good show for others! Keep writing Kimp! I am listening!

love ya

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MCJULIEO 10/8/2012 2:16PM

    You're succeeding at a delicate juggling job, balancing others' expectations and desires with your own.... while it would be nice if we could ignore everyone else, I think we all benefit from recognizing at least SOME of their needs as well as our own.

Ultimately it boils down to "Happiness is a Choice."

Or, as Roger Miller put it:
"You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd... but you can be happy if you've a mind to..."

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RACEWELLWON 10/8/2012 12:09PM

    I think a ton of being sad is due to feelings like we will fail. Even though we have made a strides of progress hidden inside is that feeling of fear of failure. It 's impossible to make everyone happy. Some people are miserable no matter what , they cannot move past misery and will drag you down with them. You are very inspirational to alot of people - you can do this run - I have complete faith in you - and feel free to write your feeling down we are here to listen. Hugs emoticon

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VONBLACKBIRD 10/8/2012 11:55AM

    I think as women we are "pleasers" and "caretakers" and it is just something build into us. I'm in my 60's now and learned at a young age that you can't please everyone can be Happy in every situation...Happiness is a choice and we can make that choice constanly...You are a truly happy person within and it shows on most of your posts..And even if you don't feel like it choose to be happy...slap on that smile and go on your merry way and don't worry about others and how they feel or what they think of you or how they react..just you react in a happy way...When you smile the world truly smiles with you..I try to smile at everyone I meet and I choose to be happy all the time no matter way and I try to avoid grumps..and surround myself with happy thoughts, people and things..You truly have a very loving heart and spirit about you..and you can continue to show this side.. emoticon

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KFEASEL13 10/8/2012 11:43AM

    There is an area of philosophy that is focused on the question, what makes life living? The general consensus is that living a good life is what makes life living. That in turn leads us to ask, what makes a good life? The answer is love, and the highest form of love is self love (recommend The Reasons of Love by Harry G. Frankfurt). This doesn't mean hedonism, it means caring for oneself and making decisions that serve to nurture the self. This involves relationships with others, because making others feel good so often makes us feel good. This is why it can be excruciating to find a balance between pleasing others, because that is pleasurable, and loving oneself, because doing both doesn't always harmonize. Anyway, my point is that you can't sacrifice yourself to please others if pleasing them hurts you. We all have a responsibility to care for ourselves gently, and in doing so we make the world a better place. You deserve to put yourself first, and you deserve every tiny bit of happiness you stumble across. You inspire me, and I want you to hang in there! If you need to break down and feel, go ahead, I know you'll get right back up. emoticon

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LISA_SUMNER08 10/8/2012 11:10AM

    Yes, everyone has issues they are dealing with. I think your positive attitude is great. While you can't change the past, you can make a better future. And that's just what you are doing. Keep your focus on your goals and taking care of YOU. Everything else will fall into place. emoticon emoticon

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ALICIALYNNE 10/8/2012 11:09AM

    You'll do great at your 5k!
As PUPPYWHISPERS said, one of life's hardest lessons is that you can't please everyone. You also cannot force people to change; there are just some things you cannot control in this world. You can, however, control how you react to those things.
Have you thought about going to a few therapy sessions? When I was in a rough patch, I went to therapy for a couple months and it was EXTREMELY helpful to be able to talk with someone who was unbiased and who could give lots of well-researched advice. We didn't do any sort of medicines or anything; just talking through things was enough for my situation. Maybe you can have the same experience.
Hope you get back to feeling like yourself soon!

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CAGMUAHFO2 10/8/2012 11:07AM

    emoticon emoticon You are very right. You can't help everyone. And you need to take care of yourself. You need to make sure your happy and healthy. When you are happy and healthy others will see that. You will have more confidence and people will see that too. Being around happy people will help others to be happy. Happiness is contagious!! emoticon Keep holding your head up high and you will be just fine!!

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PUPPYWHISPERS 10/8/2012 10:46AM

    For me, one of life's hardest lessons has been that I can't please everyone. But I can work hard to please myself. You say that life is short and you can't keep putting off your wants forever. So why not start with today? Itemize what you want, and take one step towards achieving it. You're doing so well with your fitness achievements, so it should be easy to start working towards other things for yourself.

It's so hard because we're raised to be people pleasers. But until you let yourself be happy, you can't help others find theirs. Just like fitness, it starts with taking a single step. I know you can do it!

Good luck in your 5K this weekend. My next race is coming up on October 20.



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Happy Friday! The 5% Challenge starts tomorrow!

Friday, October 05, 2012

Happy Friday!

Zumba last night was great. It was a small class, but I had an awesome time. I realized I don't really talk to anyone there. I don't know why, but I always have trouble talking to people. I guess I don't really have anything to say? I just go in, do my zumba thing, and leave! The instructor knows me by name, and is very friendly! I always keep a smile on my face, I just don't have the urge to start up random conversations. If someone talks to me, I always answer in a polite way. I don't know if I will ever grow out of feeling insecure. I definitely changed a lot, but sometimes I still get embarrassed for no reason. It is all mental!

The 5% Fall challenge starts tomorrow! For some reason, I feel like my whole life is going to change starting tomorrow. I am feeling nervous, anxious, excited, worried... This should just be another day for me, but I am part of a team now. I really want to do this. I feel like I can lose the weight in 8 weeks. I have the support from my parents and a few friends, I just don't know if I can do it. I haven't been actually disappointed in myself yet. I just hope I won't be disappointed if I don't lose the weight. I have done a great job so far - I know I have. I have completely changed my life. I make healthier decisions now, and I feel better mentally! Even though I have stress, I try not to let it build up and weigh me down. Good luck to everyone in the challenge & also to everyone else who has their own challenges and goals!

My shoes are being shipped out today. I can't wait to get them - I hope they fit!

Hopefully everyone has a lovely weekend! Keep Sparking!!!!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLELIFE4REAL 10/6/2012 10:41AM

    I tend to be the same way in exercise classes. I think a lot of people are shy..

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LIVINGFREE19 10/5/2012 3:59PM

    Good luck on the challenge!
You will do excellent on it because you have put so much planning and thought in to it instead of just a fleeting thought for the moment! Go do it!

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PUPPYWHISPERS 10/5/2012 1:47PM

    Of course you can do it! There's nothing to be nervous about, we're going to have a blast.

Just take one step at a time, and we'll get there together.

Go Firecrackers!! emoticon

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ALICIALYNNE 10/5/2012 10:54AM

    Good luck; you're going to do great!
Now, stop talking yourself down! You say "I feel like I can..." and then a sentence later you say "I just don't know if..."!! Snap out of it, know that YOU WILL DO GREAT and go from there!
Say it with me, "I know I can meet my goal in 8 weeks as long as I push!"
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    emoticon Good luck!! You'll do great!!

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