Tuesday, September 25, 2012
For most of my life, I have been looking forward to certain things. I can't remember every single one, but I do remember a few big events. I wanted to be in the 6th grade to be the highest grade in the school. Done. I wanted to be in the 9th grade play volleyball, and start my high school GPA. Completed! When I was in high school, I always looked forward to dances, sleepovers, club meetings, and fun outings with my friends. At the same time, I wanted to be in college & away from my parents. Once I started college, I was two hours away from home. It wasn't what I expected, and I longed to come home every weekend! My full time jobs over the years always left me wanting the end of the work day to come so I would be free!
Besides things I was looking forward to, there were always things I was dreading. I didn't want to have surgery, take my SATs, go on interviews, and break up with my boyfriend. All of those things happened. Unexpected things happened too which causes plans to change. This happened before & it will happen again! I can't keep getting super upset about those things I can't control!
It seems like I spent a lot of time looking to the future. I don't think this is terrible, but I wish I didn't forget about the present. Whether I was happy or anxious about what was to come, it seems like I pushed the current moment away. Since I started Spark, I realize I need to keep looking at NOW. The past is important - I don't want to gain weight back. The future still intrigues and excites me! However, I keep looking at NOW. When I look at the clock sometimes, I think "damn, it is only 10am and lunch isn't until 1:30". But guess what? At least I am at a job I love! There are so many things I used to let slip by. I missed out on so many moments because I didn't focus on now. I put off exercise and eating right because I said I would start tomorrow.
Why not start now!? Why can't I be satisfied with the now? There are many goals I still want to accomplish, but I won't get there by waiting and waiting. I don't know what pushed me to change, but I am glad I did. I know I am nervous about the first run/walk 5K I am doing on Sunday, but I won't let it worry me too much now. I am thrilled about upcoming fall festivals, Halloween, and the Renn Faire next month, but I can't forget about what is going on now. I feel like I missed so much during the years I was overweight. I used to be so bored, disgruntled, and complained a lot. I don't think I have been bored since I started Spark. Even my relaxation time thrills me! I do complain now, but not as much. There is so much to live for!
Hopefully everyone has a great rest of the day. Even if you are upset about something going on tomorrow, hopefully you can sit and take a few moments to relax and think about the good things in life! Breathe!
Monday, September 24, 2012
I have been doing the Pre-challenge assignments for this 5% Fall Challenge. I love them! One of the assignments was to update your weight loss goal and find out how many calories you should be eating in a day. Now Spark tells me I should be eating between 1320 and 1670. Before I changed the numbers and dates, it told me I should have between 1580 and 1850! I really don't think I can eat 1320 calories a day without feeling starved! Maybe in time I will get used to it, but some days I would get to the high end of my range so I am a bit worried!
I have known for a few days that my calorie range is now a lot lower. All day yesterday and this morning I have been HUNGRY. Usually I never get this hungry. I went to the food store yesterday to make sure I have healthy food in the house. I really don't want to run out of healthy snacks and get stuck. Most of the time when I am hungry now and I don't see anything "healthy", I just don't eat. I don't want to be that way! I don't like being hungry! The feeling of hunger isn't too great, but also just knowing my body isn't satisfied makes me a bit upset.
I have been at work since 8:30. I had my yogurt at 9 and felt ok afterwards. Around 10, I started getting hungry. I started thinking about the food I need to cut out to get my calorie intake lower. I kept drinking water, but I still feel hungry! I normally have a snack between 11 and 12, but now I wonder if I should cut it out. I don't want to be miserable during this challenge! I have been trying to think of different snacks I could have to lower calories. I brought carrots, but I don't want to have tea and carrots. I could cut out the tea too.
I think my mind is going crazy a bit with this challenge. I know it will be good for me, but it is hard to change my routine again. I changed it months ago, and I have been really good with it since then. If I want to get close to losing 9 pounds by the end of this challenge, I will have to somehow accept this new routine!
I went to the Doctors on Friday to get my thumb checked out. I have two braces for it now, and I have to get 3 more tests done for it. Damn $ $ $. Hopefully they get to the bottom of my problem soon.
I went on the 5K walk on Saturday and then walked around the township days after. It was a gorgeous day, and I am glad I went to both! I know I am definitely not prepared for the 5K race on Sunday. I want to do training 2 more times before then. I still don't have running shoes either. I have been looking really hard for them too! BUT I am going to do it anyways. I am excited and nervous about it! Hopefully the weather is nice!
I hope everyone has a wonderful week. I can't wait for the Challenge to start although I have already been working on it!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
It goes beyond losing weight for me. I don't just want to lose pounds. I lost 77 so far. That is a lot - I feel skinnier, and I have a lot more energy! But, I still feel sorry for myself for letting myself go in the first place. I don't want to settle and then slide back to 250 pounds. I question my state of mind when that happened! After 13 months Sparking, I feel more satisfied after one hour of Zumba than seeing a .4 change on the scale. I really think losing weight is actually at the bottom of my Want list. I do want to reach my goal weight, but that isn't the main reason why I am here. I know I will reach my goal weight, and I need Spark's help. That is why I am still here.
Every day on Spark, I learn more about myself, my new lifestyle, and what I need to do to keep going. Everyone has their own way of life. Some of us cross our 7 and Z when we write and others think that is crazy. Some of us can run for 5 miles straight and others can bench press 100 pounds. Some people can eat a whole pizza and will weigh 140 pounds for the rest of their life. What one person does or doesn't do, shouldn't affect me and my goals too much! One of my friends who weighs under 130 pounds has high cholesterol and gets out of breath very easily. Skinny doesn't mean healthy!
Since I started on Spark I have been and want to continue:
-stay motivated to eat right and exercise
-have a healthier body
-have more confidence
-try to be less stressed,
-keep an open mind & don't get discouraged if I don't complete mini-goals
- complete 5K races and do better in time
-reach my goal weight & be at 95 pounds lost.
I really like this Fall 5% challenge. Even though it didn't even start yet, I love what we have done so far. It is nice to be reminded of why we are all here.
I want to lose weight because it is what I should be doing. I shouldn't be miserable and obese when I can change it! Life has had a lot of ups and downs for me. Not just in weight, but in other aspects of my life too! When I was overweight, I was so hard on myself. I would see myself in the mirror and frown. There were days I would complain, but I wouldn't do anything about it. Even if I did fun things, I mentally missed out on having fun at a lot of them because I felt terrible about myself. I wondered why anyone would want to be friends with me because I was chubby. Over time, I realized I do have the potential to be a happy, healthy, better me!
Yes, a smaller pant size is nice! Squeezing behind someone's chair without them moving in is also nice. But I am happier jumping around during Zumba when it comes to my goal. I feel more satisfied with the sun on my face when I am walking around the park. I need all of those steps to be able to lose weight! I can't be skinnier unless I keep going & don't give up on myself!
I have been much happier lately. It isn't just the weight loss that makes me happier. It is all of the time it took to get where I am now!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Those who know I am losing weight, ask me in person a lot how much I have lost. They usually don't ask what my GOAL is. I have had pounds lost as my focus for a while now. I keep saying "I lost 77 so far, and I want to lose 1 more pound by the end of the month". I looked at my ticker now, and I should be saying WOW, I have 18 pounds to lose until I get to 155! For my height, 155 is at the high end of the healthy range. I haven't weighed 155 since 2005.
When I first started Spark, I was outside walking everyday and thought I would every day! Unfortunately, that stopped after two weeks because other parts of my life were "more important". I still ate foods like cheese fries, mozz sticks, cheeseburgers, and chicken fingers. I had to completely change my eating habits to fit in more veggies & fruits. I tracked all of that "bad" food, and I had a hard time saying No to foods like that. I changed my eating habits, and now it is easier for me to say no to most foods. (except french fries but hopefully I will fix that soon!)
Over the 13 months of Spark, I have tried to track almost every day. I realized I don't have the motivation right now to workout everyday. Instead of seeing exercise as a chore, I decided to schedule it. That's right, I schedule my exercise in my daily planner. Exercise is something I want to do and have to do to stay healthy. So I have 5K training tonight, a Doctor's Appointment Friday at 10a, Zumba Friday at 6:30p, and the 5K walk Saturday at 9am. If I treat exercise the same way I do with dinner with friends, meetings, birthday parties, and other appointments, it really helps me out. I tell myself I can't miss it and then I won't! I know this won't work for everyone, but I am glad I realized what I need to do to keep moving forward!
This 5% Fall challenge is really helping me see my goals differently. Instead of focusing on the high number of pounds lost, I want to keep my big goal in mind. It is nice to say I lost X pounds, but the whole point of this isn't to get a high number. I want to be at a lower number to be healthier and happier. Once I reach my goal, I want to keep going. I don't want to maintain at 155. I would like to keep working hard. When I was 16, I weighed 140 pounds. I don't know if my body now will ever get that low, but I would to at least Try to get below 155. I am not trying to be a size 2 or anything, but I don't want to reach 155 and then be done.
I am so grateful for Spark & the wonderful community here. The articles and tools on the website really are great, but my favorite part is definitely the members! Reading other blogs really helps me! Thank you to everyone that has supported me in one way or another! Spark has taught me that the scale isn't my enemy. I am in control of me! Keep on sparking and goals will be reached!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I never thought I would be in a challenge like this. I am extremely excited about it. I saw some other people join the team, but I didn't think I was ready to join something like this. Then I got an invite, and I thought... hey, I guess I am ready!
I just started my scheduled exercise last month. It is really awesome to have a REAL goal. I have my 8 week 5K training which is.. probably going to take more than 8 weeks! I still didn't decide what I want to do with Yoga. I will do Zumba at least once a week. I will fit in more time for my jogging. I am starting to wake up a little earlier every day. I am hoping to be able to get some walking and jogging before work some days.
Fall 5% Challenge Commitment:
I will post my weigh-ins every week. (probably on Fridays)
I will track my exercise to help out myself and my team!
I will stay on track with my calories/fat/etc the best I can.
I will post more frequently on the forum/team!
I will NOT eat any french fries - for EIGHT WEEKS
I will exercise at least 10 minutes five days a week.
I will exercise at least 30 minutes three days a week.
I will go to bed on nights when I feel tired/ready. I won't stay up late just because.
I will do the best I can with the changing weekly challenges!
I will not get discouraged if I do not meet the 5% loss in 8 weeks.
I am feeling really pumped up about this Challenge! I am at 173 now, so 5% would be 8.65 pounds. I wonder if I will lose any more weight before the challenge starts! The official date isn't out yet! It is my first challenge, and I think it will really help me out in my journey. I have come this far, and I know I can do more to better my lifestyle!
We don't have to give anything up, but I really want to give up eating French Fries! I LOVE THEM. They are one "bad" food my stomach actually lets me eat without getting upset after. I don't eat pizza, burgers, hot dogs, pork sausage, cheese steaks & a lot of other food which I USED To love. I still say "Oh man, I love mozz sticks... well I used to love them". In my mind, they are still delicious, even though I haven't even had one bite in months! I DO Love fries, and I do eat them! I gave up chocolate for lent once & another year I gave up cheese. I think I can do this. No french fries for 8 weeks. I think it will actually help out with the weight loss! I will have more salads or fruit salad instead of fries!
I have my first 5K walk on Saturday. Even though I am just walking, it will be nice to have the atmosphere. It is for a great cause (cystic fibrosis).
There are two other 5K races I signed up for to try and jog - Sept 30th and Oct 13th. I also signed up for the Spark Virtual 5K the week of Oct 29th!
I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week. Keep Sparking!
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