Thursday, September 27, 2012
I couldn't think of a title for my blog, so I figured I would put my feeling down instead! I have been so happy the past few weeks. Even though I have a lot of negative things still going on in my life, I am not letting them consume me too much. I need to keep pushing, and I need to move FORWARD.
There is a lot in my past that I still haven't figured out. I know one day everything will become more clear to me, but until then - I need to keep my head high! One day at a time.. and every moment counts!
I have so many new things I never thought I would look forward to! I have Zumba tonight and the 5K race on Sunday. I am going to a game night tomorrow after work & hopefully meeting up with a friend from the past for lunch on Saturday. I would like to go to a fall festival on Saturday too! Apples & Pumpkins & Hayrides, oh my! I get so excited about "little" things - but they are big things to me!
The fall challenge starts Oct 6th, but I already started with the fitness, and new food ranges. Instead of worrying about eating too much, I now worry about not eating enough! I have been having healthier snacks, so they aren't as fattening. I wonder if I should cut back on how much dinner I have, or if I should make more adjustments. I know it will take time, but it still feels strange for me for now!
I still have not gotten Zumba or Running shoes. I NEED BOTH! =) I wanted to get shoes before the 5K on Sunday. Oh well! Hopefully I get one or both pairs soon - before the next 5K (Oct 13th). I am going to ask the zumba instructor tonight about her shoes if I get the chance. I sent her an e-maila bit ago, and she did respond. I want to get a better look at her shoes though.
The weekend is almost here for me! I hope everyone has a great rest of the week! Keep Sparking!
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
For most of my life, I have been looking forward to certain things. I can't remember every single one, but I do remember a few big events. I wanted to be in the 6th grade to be the highest grade in the school. Done. I wanted to be in the 9th grade play volleyball, and start my high school GPA. Completed! When I was in high school, I always looked forward to dances, sleepovers, club meetings, and fun outings with my friends. At the same time, I wanted to be in college & away from my parents. Once I started college, I was two hours away from home. It wasn't what I expected, and I longed to come home every weekend! My full time jobs over the years always left me wanting the end of the work day to come so I would be free!
Besides things I was looking forward to, there were always things I was dreading. I didn't want to have surgery, take my SATs, go on interviews, and break up with my boyfriend. All of those things happened. Unexpected things happened too which causes plans to change. This happened before & it will happen again! I can't keep getting super upset about those things I can't control!
It seems like I spent a lot of time looking to the future. I don't think this is terrible, but I wish I didn't forget about the present. Whether I was happy or anxious about what was to come, it seems like I pushed the current moment away. Since I started Spark, I realize I need to keep looking at NOW. The past is important - I don't want to gain weight back. The future still intrigues and excites me! However, I keep looking at NOW. When I look at the clock sometimes, I think "damn, it is only 10am and lunch isn't until 1:30". But guess what? At least I am at a job I love! There are so many things I used to let slip by. I missed out on so many moments because I didn't focus on now. I put off exercise and eating right because I said I would start tomorrow.
Why not start now!? Why can't I be satisfied with the now? There are many goals I still want to accomplish, but I won't get there by waiting and waiting. I don't know what pushed me to change, but I am glad I did. I know I am nervous about the first run/walk 5K I am doing on Sunday, but I won't let it worry me too much now. I am thrilled about upcoming fall festivals, Halloween, and the Renn Faire next month, but I can't forget about what is going on now. I feel like I missed so much during the years I was overweight. I used to be so bored, disgruntled, and complained a lot. I don't think I have been bored since I started Spark. Even my relaxation time thrills me! I do complain now, but not as much. There is so much to live for!
Hopefully everyone has a great rest of the day. Even if you are upset about something going on tomorrow, hopefully you can sit and take a few moments to relax and think about the good things in life! Breathe!
Monday, September 24, 2012
I have been doing the Pre-challenge assignments for this 5% Fall Challenge. I love them! One of the assignments was to update your weight loss goal and find out how many calories you should be eating in a day. Now Spark tells me I should be eating between 1320 and 1670. Before I changed the numbers and dates, it told me I should have between 1580 and 1850! I really don't think I can eat 1320 calories a day without feeling starved! Maybe in time I will get used to it, but some days I would get to the high end of my range so I am a bit worried!
I have known for a few days that my calorie range is now a lot lower. All day yesterday and this morning I have been HUNGRY. Usually I never get this hungry. I went to the food store yesterday to make sure I have healthy food in the house. I really don't want to run out of healthy snacks and get stuck. Most of the time when I am hungry now and I don't see anything "healthy", I just don't eat. I don't want to be that way! I don't like being hungry! The feeling of hunger isn't too great, but also just knowing my body isn't satisfied makes me a bit upset.
I have been at work since 8:30. I had my yogurt at 9 and felt ok afterwards. Around 10, I started getting hungry. I started thinking about the food I need to cut out to get my calorie intake lower. I kept drinking water, but I still feel hungry! I normally have a snack between 11 and 12, but now I wonder if I should cut it out. I don't want to be miserable during this challenge! I have been trying to think of different snacks I could have to lower calories. I brought carrots, but I don't want to have tea and carrots. I could cut out the tea too.
I think my mind is going crazy a bit with this challenge. I know it will be good for me, but it is hard to change my routine again. I changed it months ago, and I have been really good with it since then. If I want to get close to losing 9 pounds by the end of this challenge, I will have to somehow accept this new routine!
I went to the Doctors on Friday to get my thumb checked out. I have two braces for it now, and I have to get 3 more tests done for it. Damn $ $ $. Hopefully they get to the bottom of my problem soon.
I went on the 5K walk on Saturday and then walked around the township days after. It was a gorgeous day, and I am glad I went to both! I know I am definitely not prepared for the 5K race on Sunday. I want to do training 2 more times before then. I still don't have running shoes either. I have been looking really hard for them too! BUT I am going to do it anyways. I am excited and nervous about it! Hopefully the weather is nice!
I hope everyone has a wonderful week. I can't wait for the Challenge to start although I have already been working on it!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
It goes beyond losing weight for me. I don't just want to lose pounds. I lost 77 so far. That is a lot - I feel skinnier, and I have a lot more energy! But, I still feel sorry for myself for letting myself go in the first place. I don't want to settle and then slide back to 250 pounds. I question my state of mind when that happened! After 13 months Sparking, I feel more satisfied after one hour of Zumba than seeing a .4 change on the scale. I really think losing weight is actually at the bottom of my Want list. I do want to reach my goal weight, but that isn't the main reason why I am here. I know I will reach my goal weight, and I need Spark's help. That is why I am still here.
Every day on Spark, I learn more about myself, my new lifestyle, and what I need to do to keep going. Everyone has their own way of life. Some of us cross our 7 and Z when we write and others think that is crazy. Some of us can run for 5 miles straight and others can bench press 100 pounds. Some people can eat a whole pizza and will weigh 140 pounds for the rest of their life. What one person does or doesn't do, shouldn't affect me and my goals too much! One of my friends who weighs under 130 pounds has high cholesterol and gets out of breath very easily. Skinny doesn't mean healthy!
Since I started on Spark I have been and want to continue:
-stay motivated to eat right and exercise
-have a healthier body
-have more confidence
-try to be less stressed,
-keep an open mind & don't get discouraged if I don't complete mini-goals
- complete 5K races and do better in time
-reach my goal weight & be at 95 pounds lost.
I really like this Fall 5% challenge. Even though it didn't even start yet, I love what we have done so far. It is nice to be reminded of why we are all here.
I want to lose weight because it is what I should be doing. I shouldn't be miserable and obese when I can change it! Life has had a lot of ups and downs for me. Not just in weight, but in other aspects of my life too! When I was overweight, I was so hard on myself. I would see myself in the mirror and frown. There were days I would complain, but I wouldn't do anything about it. Even if I did fun things, I mentally missed out on having fun at a lot of them because I felt terrible about myself. I wondered why anyone would want to be friends with me because I was chubby. Over time, I realized I do have the potential to be a happy, healthy, better me!
Yes, a smaller pant size is nice! Squeezing behind someone's chair without them moving in is also nice. But I am happier jumping around during Zumba when it comes to my goal. I feel more satisfied with the sun on my face when I am walking around the park. I need all of those steps to be able to lose weight! I can't be skinnier unless I keep going & don't give up on myself!
I have been much happier lately. It isn't just the weight loss that makes me happier. It is all of the time it took to get where I am now!
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