Wednesday, January 25, 2012
I am trying to make the second half of my week better! The first half really got me
My Dad isn't doing so great. He has smoked since he was 12 years old, and now he is 64. He had a heart attack two years ago and had to have a pacemaker put in. His breathing is awful, but he still smokes. He will never quit because he is a stubborn Vietnam Vet. He goes to the ER because he can't breathe - about once every two or three months. Anyways, I stopped over on Monday to pick up some of the birthday presents that were delivered to my parent's house. I stayed for dinner and had to keep myself from crying. My Dad looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. He had a lot of stubble, and kept wheezing. I felt so bad for him. I know it is his fault from all of the smoking, but I still feel really bad because he is my Dad. My Mom told me she is trying to be accepting of the fact that there is nothing she can do. This makes me feel horrible. I feel bad for her too.
So between that and other stress with some friends, the beginning of the week had me feeling pretty down. I am finally starting to get over it. The special birthday plans I have for my fiance are next week!! Every day I give him a "clue" of what we are doing.
Some of the clues so far are:
There may or may not be food.
His response: So I may starve for three days. Great!
There may or may not be balloons.
His response: Ok, so balloon animals are definitely involved.
There may or may not be people there you like.
His response: Wow I guess all of my enemies will be there, thanks Hun!
Have a great Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Happy Sunday! I can't believe I made it to One-derland!
Last night we went to a regift party. I knew I wanted to drink and have a good time. I looked up some lower calorie drink recipes & even watched my calories so I wouldn't go over too much. I know those aren't healthy decisions - but hey, I deserve a little break once in a while! The party was so much fun. When the host opened the door, she commented even before I took off my coat and sweatshirt. She said I was getting so skinny & looked great. About 30 minutes later, she asked how much weight I lost so far, and I told her almost 50 pounds. A girl I never met overheard me, and asked how I did it. I told her I use Spark! Normally I don't like to talk about the weight loss because I don't want people to think I am bragging. I am definitely not! I must admit, it did feel good to actually be asked advice. Later in the night, another friend came in and said I was starting to look so thin. I may have actually blushed. Normally I feel so out of place at any party because I feel like I am so overweight and everyone was looking at me. I am trying to tell myself it doesn't matter what I look like, but it definitely is nice to get some compliments. When we went out to lunch early in the day, I got a compliment on my glasses and eye makeup. Just that made my smile too. I tried to take a picture with my phone while I was laying down. I took my glasses off though. It reminds me of one of those Myspace or Facebook poses hahaha. I don't even think it looks like me!
I started to feel guilty for drinking, but then I realized there is always another day! I tracked it all & am actually awake at 730am!
I decided to weigh myself this morning. 3 days ago I hit 199! I like to get my weight on two different days before I officially count it - this morning I showed 198.6! I smiled and felt so good! I haven't been below 200 pounds since 2006. I still can't believe I have done so much already. I originally wanted to lose 50 lbs by October 2012 - and it is so crazy I lost it already!
I didn't get a chance to put the weight comparison pictures into the computer yet. Hopefully soon I can put them on here & actually see for myself what the difference is! I still have so much more I want to lose, but I am very proud.
I am so happy I found Spark. Thank you to everyone who has helped. Even just reading other blogs helps me out. I know we are all real people who have a somewhat similar goal. We also have some kind of common problem too! It is difficult sometimes to relate to other people sometimes when it comes to how hard it is to stay on track. Thank you again to everyone! You have all done such a great job and I hope you all stick with it!
My next goal is to hit 185 which will have me be at "overweight" on the BMI instead of obese. Hopefully my surgery wounds will be healed soon, and I can start working out more!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I am trying to keep my head high. I am trying to relax. Deep breathing isn't enough right now. Today is just super stressful all around. The health insurance I pay per check is doubling. Still no raise after 3 years. I keep telling myself to be happy I have a job. Right now, that isn't enough to calm me down.
I am glad I don't have the impulse to eat a ton right now. If anything, I want to just throw up, go home, and curl up in bed. But then I would lose 3 hours of pay so there is no point in doing that!
Hopefully everyone else is having a great Tuesday! I just need to relax after work. It just sucks I won't have anyone there to comfort me. Maybe the puppy will snuggle with me at least.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I am now down to 200.4 pounds.
Sometimes when I step on the scale, I still can't believe what I see. I was happy when I lost my first five pounds. I was so happy when I lost 10. The more I lose, the more I still can't believe how fast I have lost everything. I started spark in August 2011. I still remember the day I decided not to eat "bad" food anymore. I know some people say "ok starting next Monday" or "starting next week". That is great when they actually start and stick with it! For me, I couldn't do it like that. When I decided to eat healthier and lose weight, it had to be at that moment. If I put it off, I probably would still be at 250lbs wishing I was thinner. Every piece of food I turn away, every time I have water instead of something else... it makes me more proud of myself every day!
My weekend was pretty great, and I got to spend time with family, good friends and my fiance. Being in a great mood always makes it easier for me to step on the scale to see what has happened with my weight. I had this feeling I wasn't going to be 200 or below. At first I was sad, because I really want to take the pictures of myself with 50 pound items to show how much I lost so far. Then, I realized I didn't care if I was in One-derland yet. I have done so much for myself, I am amazed I can say I am halfway through my journey to a healthy BMI!
On Friday night, my fiance and I went over my parent's house to play games with them & his parents. My parents have not seen me without 5 layers on in a while (it is so cold!) They told me they were amazed at how much I have lost. I don't see it in the mirror as much as they do - but my Mom told me "Wow, you have a waist now, you look so great!" It is such a great feeling to know that everything I am doing is paying off. My Dad told me even my skin looks healthier.
We can all do it if we stick with it! If you are embarrassed to get pictures taken of you, I think you should get more taken! That is part of why I wanted to start all of this. I had pictures of me trying on wedding gowns, and I was so ashamed of myself. At two different stores, I couldn't even try on ONE dress because I was too big. I told myself I wanted to be in a smaller size so I can buy whatever clothes I want! Even small goals are worth applauding yourself for! GOOD luck to everyone! I know I still need it!
I will get more pictures up once I get below 200lbs! I just wanted to post some to try and remind myself how far I have come so far!!!
Feeling like a whale in this one dress I tried on July 2011 250lbs
My 26th Birthday July 2011 250lbs
Christmas, December 2011 207lbs
Jan 15th 2012 - 200.4lbs!!
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