Friday, January 13, 2012
I am probably going to do a weigh in tomorrow morning or Sunday to hopefully have lost the 2 pounds to be at 200! If I didn't lose it, I won't be upset though. I still can't do any crazy exercise or anything like that. My 4 incisions aren't healed yet, and I can't move around too much without getting pain. When will I be healed! I really wish my body didn't reject the sutures, because I just want to be healed up now! I have a lot of energy, and I can't really do anything with it physically! I have been wearing regular pants again, but some of them still rub on my tummy, so I have to be really careful!
I am glad it is the weekend though. Tonight my fiance and I are going to my parents house for dinner & games. His parents are coming too, so it will be a fun time with all of us! I hope they don't ruin any of his birthday surprise plans haha.
It is the 13th, but nothing too bad has happened so far haha. Hopefully it stays like a typical day for me
Monday, January 09, 2012
My current weight is 201.8. When I started in August, I was at 250lbs and I didn't think I would make it this far. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself. I have been trying to be a stronger person, but I still question my ability to stick with important things. My first goal is to lose 50 pounds before my wedding this October. I was worried I wouldn't be able to reach it. Now I am less than 2 pounds away to having 50 lbs be off of me. I am starting to get really excited because of BBORDEN86's Page. She wants to get to 199, and I am really excited for her. I am getting really excited for me too now because I am so close!
When I first started on Sparkpeople, I had the ticker show Pounds lost instead of my actual weight because I was embarrassed. I didn't think anyone on here would make fun of me, but I was upset with myself for letting my weight get so high. I keep wondering WHY and HOW I could let myself get like that. I was so focused on the other aspects of my life. Actually, I think I was more focused on making everyone else happy. I let myself go because I just didn't care. I felt fat, felt bad about myself, and just didn't do anything about it. I tried weight watchers and lost 40 pounds. I felt so happy to see 208 on the scale at that time. I felt great about myself for sticking to their points program for 6 months, but then I started slipping. I had one snack, and then ate worse and worse for no reason. I didn't want to pay $14 a week anymore for a weigh in. I hated figuring out the points for the food, and I hated the meetings at the mall. I just gave up on myself. Although I wish I didn't give up, I am kind of glad. I look back now and see how easy it is just to give in. I won't this time- at least I really hope I won't! I know how easy it is to slip... it is too easy.
I am proud of myself for doing so much since August. My goal reward for losing 50 lbs is to get my hair dyed. I decided to give myself this early because I barely ever give myself anything. I didn't give myself the 35 lb lost reward yet. I didn't give myself the 40 lb lost reward yet. AND I didn't give myself the 45 lb lost reward yet. Instead of rewarding myself, I bought other people presents and put them first. I think I will always be this way just because it is how I think. Anyways, I really wanted my hair cut to chop off the dead ends & I wanted it dyed to finally make it all one color. Although I still have two pounds to lose, I decided to go for it and get it done. I am glad I did, because I love the look! I took some pictures of myself the other night. Once I get the time to put them into my home computer, I will post some of the weight loss pictures on here.
Before: Dead ends yuck.
After: Brown & layers yay!
So what is next? I will hit 50 lbs lost and then what? I will not give up! Once I actually get under 200 lbs, my next goal is to get to 185 lbs. Then I will be considered overweight from the BMI instead of being Obese. I really hope I will be healed up soon from the stupid gallbladder removal. I am GOING to go to the gym and/or workout once I am better. From there, I want to get to 155 to be on the high end of the "healthy weight" for my height. I actually don't really know how I will feel once I lose that much weight. I don't know if I will care as much about the BMI. I know I won't give up, but I may not be as hard on myself. No matter what I do, I won't give up on MYSELF. People come and go, but I am always around.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
At work yesterday, I was on the phone with my Mom helping her troubleshoot some computer problem. About an hour after the call, I wanted to eat the last snack I brought with me. I couldn't find it anywhere on my desk. I thought maybe it fell on the floor. Well, my co-worker said he saw me eat it while I was talking to my Mom. I checked my trash can and the empty wrapper was in there! Aw man, I don't even remember eating it! I kind of do, but not really haha. I guess it is a mental thing for me that I feel more satisfied after I eat if I watch what I am doing!
On another note, it is Wednesday already! and I am definitely going to make sure I watch myself eat today so I don't get extra hungry at the end of the day! hahaha.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Yesterday I woke up feeling awful! My stomach eventually calmed down last night, but my fever went up to 101.5. Ick. I am feeling a bit better today, but I am so tired & sore. I am glad I had the day off today! Work tomorrow is definitely going to be hard! My belly button still isn't healing right, so I may have to call the surgeon again this week. Yuck.
There is so much I want to do, but I still have to wait until I am healed. Mentally I just want to jump around, exercise, and do everything I used to. But when I have to bend over or want to roll over, it still hurts & reminds me that I can't do it all yet.
On a positive note, I am starting to get motivated to do wedding planning again, so I am excited about that! I like saying I am getting married THIS year =) when we got engaged it was in 2010! That seems like a loooooong time ago!
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