Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Yeah, yeah, I know. Iíve heard it all before, ďyou should want to lose weight and get in shape for your health.Ē This is true, and I know itís true every time I take a breath from exhaustion from doing nothing, or when my joints hurt from laying down too long. But my reality is my reality, and I cannot help it. I want to look good! Donít get me wrong, I want better health, stamina, and to maybe do a walkathon without issues. But my motivation is the way I want to look. I wanna be HOTT!! Point blank. What has helped me so far, is that I picture my outfit. I have a vision in my mind that helps me walk past the vending machine at work (just happened today). I see myself in that low cut size 16 dress that has been hanging in my closet for a very long time, and it keeps me going, it keeps me focused and it keeps me strong. I wish I could tell you that I am fighting for all of the politically correct ďrightĒ reasons, but nope, Iím not. Am I crazy? Oh well, maybe. But who cares, cause it works. So ladies, get your visual. See yourself in those skinny jeans and stilettos, in the daisy dukes this summer, that tailored business suit that fits in the waist, whatever floats your boat. Keep it in mind, and the next time you reach for that pastry, big gulp, pizza, or whatever your weakness is..STOP, and picture your outfit, and you in it. See yourself walking in the mall and all eyes are on you. See yourself walking in those hills, and they donít hurt because you donít have too much body weight to support yourself on that skinny heel. Itís okay fellas, see your outfit, you know you want too..LOL..and when you see it, embed it, keep it and treasure it, because one day, our vision will become our reality.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Well, I've gotten over a small mountain. I was battling the scale not moving, and fighting my old thoughts that plague me whenever that happens. I've come up from the dust and lost another 3lbs. YEA! This made me realize something though. When a person is in the weightloss battle, the scale becomes one of the most important iconic symbols in your life. It is amazing how that little platform seems to make or break you. The funny thing about it is, I can usually think of a logical explanation for my triumphs and failures. But I could not, for the life of me, think of anyway of getting around that feeling of anxiety that comes with each weigh in. Is this really something that is going to control me? I guess it is, and I really think I'm okay with that. I guess I shouldn't look at it as a negative thing, like punishment when I do wrong, or not enough. Nor should I look at it as a reason to celebrate by allowing myself to have something I know I shouldn't just because I had a good number. I am going to look at it as a way to just keep myself on track. A measurment of my faithfulness to myself, and if the number is not what I want it to be, then I know what I need to do, and punish myself is not an option. More like, rearrange things, recognize things, and know how to prepare for the next time. Good times!
Friday, October 08, 2010
Well, today was my weigh in day and I lost zero lbs. I didn't gain anything but I was very disappointed. I did lose 4 pounds last week, but didn't understand what happened this week. I worked out everyday, but I had two days where my salad was way too much for the portion I needed, and I think that is what messed me up. So of course you know what I did, went right back to my old way of thinking. "Forget it, this is not worth it, I give up", and I instantly wanted to shove EVERYTHING in my mouth. Guess what, I didn't do it. I am staying on course, and I realize that I will have bumps in the road, and that I can not give up and make my situation worse every time something does not go my way. I am just so ecstactic that I did not do what I always do, and I'm ready to begin my day with my workout class, and go to the store to get my meals for next week. Old habits may be hard to break, but they can be broken. All of this did not stop me from looking at my reflection and getting a little sad at what I saw, but at least I can say, "hey, you are still beautiful, and this is temporary". I have people in my life that love me for me, and that means a whole lot. Thanks for being there SparkPeople, this biog is actually helping me, because I didn't not want to log on, and post a blog saying I failed again and fell back into my unhealthy habits. Yeah, I feel good.
Monday, October 04, 2010
It's been a long time since my last blog entry. January 31st as a matter of fact. That was 13 days before my birthday, and I felt good, and was looking pretty good. Hence when my self sabatoge begins. "I'm not doing anything the week of my birthday, it's time for celebration". I really took myself up on my word because that week of my birthday that I took off has turned into 7 months, and now I am starting picking myself back up and getting back in the battle. This time around was the hardest for me. I don't know if it was depression or sheer laziness that made it so hard for me to get back going. I got back up to 317lbs and now I'm at 313lbs. My next weigh-in is the 8th of this month, so hopefully I can be at least close to 310lbs. I've got a good support team with my son and mom. He has started working out everyday and I'm so proud of him. My mom is working out everyday and prepares portion controlled meals for us. I'm finally getting my groove back for exercise, and I realized that my birthday was not a reason to put my life back on the butchers block. That was an excuse that could have been avoided, but I am not fully cured of my frame of mind and way of thinking. I told myself that it wasn't that bad and I had not put that much back on, who was I kidding. But it's ok. Another lesson learned and I'm back exercising everday. My energey is building back up and I realize that this battle is forever. I am an overweight person, even WHEN I lose my first 50lbs, I will be an overweight person that will always have to battle with not gaining my weight back and not falling victim to irrational thinking. But I'm arming myself and ready for battle, because I want to live!!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
I am at a turning point in my life now, AGAIN!! But it's a good one. I have reached the point where I am on the edge...the edge of leaving the 300lbs. I am at 300lbs now and about to reach one of my goals in life, which is to leave them behind. I only pray that the things that usually enter my life and sabatoge me does not win this time...NO, let me change that sentence...The things that usually enter my life and sabatoge me will NOT win this time. WHEW! that felt good. The thing that is amazing is that i actually enjoy exercising now. I have my rough days where I don't want to move, but I get through them. I mix it up ALOT so that I don't get bored, and I actually don't want to go without my workout. It's mindblowing because I never thought I would be excited to reach 299lbs, never thought I would be that person. But I am that person, and I embrase it now, whether than bury my head in shame, because I am who I am, I feel beautiful, I feel accomplished, and I know that I am human, and if I mess up it does not mean that I am a failure, but that I can keep going and not look back on that momment because it is my past and does not dictate my future. So look out 200's, here i come!!!
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